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Fanfiction ► Betrayal



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kingdomkey96

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Prolouge: this story is set 20 after the events of kh 2. It focuses on a boy named kanza who slowly unravels the mysteries of why his world is the way it is. What he learns will change him forever....

Setting: this chapter is set in the stadium where keyblade wielders are tested to see if they deserve the title of 'master'.

Chapter 1:Introducing Kanza!

"Uhh!"screamed Kanza as he was knocked down by a beast.
"Comeon Kanza get up show them what you can do,"muttered a silver-haired figure watching from the stands.
"Rather wishful thinking there......Riku......if he can't beat a simple heartless do you think he deserves to be one of us.He isn't fast or strong."said a strange man holding a giant key into his ear.

The red and purple beast best described as a bull rammed as powerful as he could into the black haired child whom it was facing.However,the boy jumped into the air avoiding the attack and with a weapon similar to the strange man's he pointed and uttered the word 'firaga'.A red-hot flame the size of three soccer balls appeared at the weapon's tip and blasted the beast into a wall.

"Indeed he isn't Heri but his magic is unlike anything you've seen isn't it,do you agree your majesty"retorted Riku.
A small mouse just on the side of Riku almost unnoticeable replied,"Yes I do,"with awe etched on his face.

The beast violently got up shaking the stands around him.
"Not again,"sighed Kanza his black eyes showing fatigue.
The beast opened his mouth revealing a huge bolt of light which he blasted against the boy flying him up in the air.

"No!"shouted Riku, fearing the worse.
Heri lips curled into a sort of smirk.

The boy weakly got up and opened his eyes which flashed gold for a second. He slowly raised his weapon and pointing to the beast once again uttered the word 'firaga'. This time, however, it was twice as huge and struck the beast's head. It slowly fell creating a massive shock. It's body disintegrated leaving a massive heart.
The boy looked at Riku and asked, "How did I do master?".

EDIT:this is my first time and i know it's short but it's just a prologue really.so what are your comments and advice?
 
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Luap

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Sorry, but that was dull.
Also, it's not a prologue if it's Chapter 1.
Use paragraphs and add details.
A lot of grammar mistakes need to be fixed.
 

kingdomkey96

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Sorry, but that was dull.
Also, it's not a prologue if it's Chapter 1.
Use paragraphs and add details.
A lot of grammar mistakes need to be fixed.
ok i didn't say it WAS a prolougue i said it was LIKE a prolougue but thanks besides this was just so i could get a feel of this whole thing to see if i want to put my heart in it and create more fan-fics. i've decided that i will continue trying but not sure if to continue THIS story.
 

Ragnorak

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I think you should put a little more detail into it but other than that i think it pretty good. It would be cool to see a whole chapter.
 

King Sora X

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Well guess it's not horrible, but still pretty bad. You have to really consider details when you write fanfiction. There are lots of grammar mistakes, very poor effort into this :/. so might wanna work on that.
 

kingdomkey96

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Well guess it's not horrible, but still pretty bad. You have to really consider details when you write fanfiction. There are lots of grammar mistakes, very poor effort into this :/. so might wanna work on that.
yeah to be honest it was plain and simply put poor effort. but the next time i write a fanfic be it tomorrow or next year i'll work harder on it.
 
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