Help/Support ► Whoa! friend issues

[CK the Fat]

Right, so earlier today I upset my friend. She had sent me an email saying that she felt horrible about a previous week's happenings that left us both sad and ashamed. When I tried to explain something to her, she became angry and ignored me until just recently this evening (a common so-called "punishment" of hers).

Recently she sent me an email accusing me of lying to her, and giving me an opportunity to make it up. She thought that I had lied to her. I had not, and explained why she might have had a misunderstanding.

However, she also mentioned that, whether or not her accusation had merit, her "mind was set" that I should be punished for my supposed wrongdoing.

What was her demand? Ironically, it was that I loan her money to buy a ring for one of her friends.

I refused to cave in her to meritless demands, and now she will punish me for two weeks by not making any contact with me.

So... what am I to do? Run up and confess to something I didn't do? Go and give her the money and try to make everything better? I feel in my heart that neither of those is right.

But then, what? How do you argue with someone who a) lacks fundamental logic, and b) refuses to speak to you under any circumstance? How do you try to explain something to someone who despises lectures and most forms of advice?

Whew. What a strange evening.

 

[Shadukai X]

IMO, if she values your friendship the way she does, and acts that way, especially in the matter of money, than it is a friendship not worth having at all. She's putting money as a means to maintain a friendship. That is extremely stupid, and only shows she probably wasn't that good of a friend to begin with.

Just saying.

 

[evil_kenshin]

agreed, how childish is she? im assuming she's also 17 or around the age of 17, and this sounds like something a 10 year old does, i mean punishments like this and your even thinking of paying out for some ring for someone else you most likely don't even know, she sounds like a leach, someone like that isn't a friend

 

[Iwrestledabearonce]

Wow. Your friend is childish.

"LOL GIEV ME MUNE ND I WIL SPEEK 2 U."

What total crap. DON'T give her money. You have to explain to her, as the other two have stated, that "Money shouldn't have to keep this friendship. If you're a true friend, you'll value our friendship more than money.". Also, tell her that you didn't lie to her.

If she doesn't believe you, that's fine. She was wrong from the start, so it won't be all that bad to loose her as a friend. She doesn't seem like a true one to me, though.

 

[CK the Fat]

It's not just handing over the cash, she asked for a $50 loan. As in she plans to pay it back.

I would have lent her the money if she'd simply asked for it as a favor, not as a demand.

 

[Joy]

With interest?

Seriously though, I think she's just using the "my mind is set" bull crap so that she has a way to get money. Actually, I'm pretty sure that this is the case. She's using you, tell her right out she's not getting the money, you didn't lie to her, and if she doesn't believe you, whatever, you're done. If she cares, she'll go "oh noez!" and apologize, otherwise, she'll do nothing about it.

 

[Tyler Durden]

you know what I say?

F*CK HER

 

[Deeman]

you know what I say?

F*CK HER

Dude, watch the language. And that's a little harsh.

If she's going to be like that, I wouldn't call her a friend. Chances are if you start to ignore her demands and her nonsense, sooner or later she'll come crawling back to you asking to be friends again. Let it play out, but definately DO NOT give in to her demands. Tell her that true friends forgive each other... and don't make each other pay for things >.<

 

[Devious]

People say these in a bad way, though their ideas are good.

Do not give her the money under these circumstances. Tell her the truth, be it through a friend, through an email, through phone call, or in person. Tell her the truth about what really happened and let her know something around this quote.

"As a friend, I will loan you the money. But as a threat, you won't get a dime."

You can sugarcoat it all you want, but that's the jist of what you should say.

 

[Soraroxrikusux05]

I gotta be brutally honest, you're friend's stupid. Anyone who thinks they can "punish" you, be mad at you for something you didn't do wrong, and says you can make it up to her by giving her money (although there is nothing to make up) and calls you her FRIEND? SHE'S STUPID! I'd end the friendship right there. That'll teach her to try and boss you around. She'd be enraged to find out YOU ended it and she's left empty-handed, HAH!

 

[Devious]

Try putting yourself in CK's position, which is impossible, but still try. No one like's losing a friend, you don't have the same background with this girl as he does and therefore do not know as much about the issue or how good of friends they were.

I don't think you would like losing a good friend, so I'm guessing you should try and integrate that into your advice.

No offense to those who might take it wrong.

 

[CK the Fat]

I should probably elaborate.

I'm not so sure the focus of this all is the money. Like I said, she asked for a loan, and I don't have any reason to believe she wouldn't pay it back.

She was angrier at me earlier the same day, but not in the "I refuse to speak to you under any circumstances" manner that she is now, but rather a pissed, one-word-answer kind of way. I suspect that the lie was just an excuse to bring her anger into motion, when I had done nothing wrong between my supposed lie and when she demanded a compromise.

What kills me the most is that she would rather "punish" me with silence than even try to explain the real reason why she's doing all this. Even the lie she accused me of was a minor thing, certainly not worth two weeks worth of retribution.

Try putting yourself in CK's position, which is impossible, but still try. No one like's losing a friend, you don't have the same background with this girl as he does and therefore do not know as much about the issue or how good of friends they were.

Right. I hate putting everything into a snapshot like this, as there is always more to the story. We have been relatively close friends for over a year now, and she suffers from quite a number of emotional problems. The very first message she sent me stated that she felt horrible about an even some two weeks earlier, and asked if I still respected her.

 

[Devious]

I would have to say you must try and get your answers and your questions to her through a friend at least. If she won't talk to you under any circumstance, then she is failing in her responsibility with even the threat that she made.

Try to get to her, her friends will listen (hopefully) and your friends will listen. You can always talk to them and they can try to worm in your words with her. I know it is underhanded to do such a thing, but word spreads fast. Especially at our age my friend. Use the power of teenage gossip in order to get your words to her ears.

 

[CK the Fat]

It seems that the item she wanted the money for meant a lot to her.

So why couldn't she just have gone and simply asked for it? Geez...

 

[Devious]

Did she decide against it?

 

[CK the Fat]

Supposedly she went and got someone else to do it.

She wrote this to me earlier:

"congradulations. You are being punished for the worst thing one can do. I hate liars Ethan. You should know this. Well, the punishment begins now and will not end until after Spring Break. Once again, congradulations. You really earned it"

My supposed crime was as follows: I said i was going down to play piano. She had a friend IM me a few minutes later or so, and when I answered she was angry that I wasn't actually at my piano. Which I had been, and returned from doing.

 

[Dead Ascension]

Well you should try and clear it out with her friend.However if your friend STILL doesnt believe you.You can either

1)Give her some time and she'll probably think about it
or
2)Stop being friends with her......It's all about quality not quantity dude

If she values you and your friendship she'll apologize......Sorry if this doesnt work out...

 

[evil_kenshin]

so you earned it because you didn't throw money at her for something you didn't do? thats a bit harsh, you'd think by now she'd be over it

 

[CK the Fat]

She apologized this evening. This never really was about money, perhaps I gave the wrong indication. And of course, I'm quite sure I left out, unintentionally, details that would justly villainize me as well.

I only hope that what she speaks truly comes from her heart.

 

[Joy]

Yeah, she makes very large assumptions.