Help/Support ► What to do KHI? :(

[Marly]

I really don't like making these threads, but I could really use some unbiased opinions on the matter. So here's the situation:

I'm 19 going on 20, I go to a community college, I live with my mum and my sister. My mum just lost her job (she did something bad and it wasn't the first time she was fired for this reason). Anyway my life feels pretty stressful, I mean my sister and I are basically the ones paying the bills and buying the food. It's really not fun. All this stress--or maybe I'm just making an excuse--has really affected my collegiate life. I've made horrible grades the first two semesters, I have two strikes of academic probation. And I'm not doing so great this semester either. Not fun.

When my mum lost her job I started thinking about going to live with my father and stepmother in Florida. I think this would lift quite a load of stress off me--I wouldn't have to worry about bills, and I know my father would definitely ensure that I go to class and do my course work.

Seems like an easy decision right? Well I'm not really sure, it sounds great and I would really like to, however, my father and I have a very strained relationship a lot of the time. When my parents divorced I resented him for cheating on my mum, and I hardly ever talk to him. My main concern is being miserable while living with him, and I feel like if I went to Florida, then it would be pretty difficult to just turn around and come back. Oh and there's even more strain between myself and my stepmother, we don't outwardly dislike each other, but you know it's there.

Another thing is my mum. She's not really mentally sound. She takes antidepressants and pills for bipolar. She's had it rough, she's been to rehab, she's hit a lot of lows. And I know she would be heartbroken if I left, especially leaving her to live with my dad, and I really don't want anything bad to happen.

I know I should start thinking about what's best for me, and be a bit selfish, especially at this cornerstone in my life. But for the longest time I've always been supportive of my mum. My sister, she was always daddy's little girl.

Okay whatever, what to do KHI?

 

[Love Machine]

I've had the same experiences, set aside my age. Two years ago, my parents divorced because my dad cheated on her multiple times before, and my mom couldn't take much more of it. Afterwards, I resented my mother for leaving dad, but I soon realized that it was for the best. My mom now lives with my soon to be stepdad, and he and I have a decent relationship, yet he can be an ass a lot.

At the beginning of August, my mom had a car accident and she had to be in the hospital for several weeks. It was almost fatal, and me and my stepdad stayed with her the entire time. She was also unconscious for 11 days. After she was released from the hospital, my stepdad seemed as if he were getting tired of taking care of my temporarily disabled mother, and he still does.

Life at my dads is pretty hard, which is where I'm currently staying. School, life, income is all tough right now, and I've considered going to live with my mother; I'm still considering it. But I've come to the revelation that I just need to do what is best for me and what I think is right. Consider all of the possibilities and do what you think is right.

 

[Deleted member 36435]

Is it possible for you to live on your own? Find a cheap apartment or something so you are just supporting yourself?

 

[Chuman]

A man has to do what he must. In other words, go with you're father. It does seem very selfish, I know, but you are under a lot of stress. You could leave for a while and come back, I don't exactly know. I have years of growing up to do, myself, but that doesn't mean I'm unintelligent. I know I'm npt being very helpful, but I hope you make something of this message. Best regards,

Asa.

 

[Solar]

What you must consider, though, is how this will affect you in your later years. Bad family relationships and goodbyes without "I love you"s or "Sorry"s are a pain in the heart. At the end of the day, what matters more, your maximum happiness or the happiness of those around you? I think it is worthwhile to assess the link between the two but with an education and a better career, you are in a better position to help your family. I don't suppose there's any chance your father will help you cover these expenses while living with your mother so you can focus on your education? You'll get by, at the end of the day, though, you always have and you have a lot of potential; I can see you're a hard-working guy. Chin up, brace yourself, smile, and take a deep breathe before you trudge on through. This is not a pleasant situation to be in but try to find something worth being cheery about in all of this.

 

[Zero]

It sounds like its difficult for you but if you leave your sister with your mom think of how much more stress she will have. Try to get a relative or a friend to move in with you all that could help out. Your mom isnt, or it doesnt seem like, doing it on purpose and she and your sister need your help but if it seems to impossible that you will have to dropout or will be kicked out of school at a certain point then leave. Sorry im not much help.

 

[Oracle Spockanort]

I don't really know what to say. There are so many things that could happen in this situation. If you go to Florida, there is no guarantee you'd feel less stress and do better in school. You'd be worried about your mom and would probably have the added stress of an awkward home situation with your father and step-mom.

I'm also not saying you should stay with your mom because being in that stressful environment is stretching you thin. The third option may be saving money to eventually move out of your house with some roommates. You could still go to school, support your mom a bit, and most importantly you wouldn't be in a stressful environment. You'd probably be able to concentrate on your studies more.

If you feel Florida is the better option than finding your own place or staying with your mom, then you should go. Sometimes you have to be selfish even if you feel it will be hard to turn back once you've made your decision.

You need to do what is best for you, though. Not for your mom.

 

[Taylor]

I know it's going to be hard to do, and it may seem incredibly selfish, but you have to do what's best for you, even if it means leaving your mom. Let's be honest: you aren't going to stay with your mom for your entire life. At some point, you're going to move out, get a place of your own, etc. That doesn't mean you don't love her or care about her. You're just doing what's right for you. Sure, there's no guarantee that Florida will be any better, but there's a better chance for you there than there is with your mom. At the end of the day, she's your mother: she should want what is best for you, even if it's not what she necessarily wants. But it's time to start living your live, Mark, and here's where the decision needs to be made. For you.

 

[Marly]

Thanks everyone for the kind words and advice ;3;

Is it possible for you to live on your own? Find a cheap apartment or something so you are just supporting yourself?

I wouldn't say it's outside the realm of possibility. However, with my current job it's out of the question. I also feel like it wouldn't help stress-wise either; I mean most of my stress stems from my dire financial situation. I think I would have a hard time finding a job that would pay that well.

It sounds like its difficult for you but if you leave your sister with your mom think of how much more stress she will have. Try to get a relative or a friend to move in with you all that could help out. Your mom isnt, or it doesnt seem like, doing it on purpose and she and your sister need your help but if it seems to impossible that you will have to dropout or will be kicked out of school at a certain point then leave. Sorry im not much help.

My sister can hold her own. She's two years older than me and graduates next December. She was living with her boyfriend for two years just before she moved back in with my mum and I like two months ago when they broke up. And I know she's already looking for another place to stay because, like me, she's getting a bit exhausted with the things my mother does. It's just a shame that she's much better at doing what's best for her than I am.

 

[Jozi]

Does your mother have any family, or friends that she can get aide from? The best choice would be whatever effects you in the most positive way. Yet, leaving a bipolar person on antidepressant isn't the best idea. So maybe, you can get her to move to a friends or family's house. Then if you think you can focus on finishing your education, either with your sister or with your father.

 

[ROXAS_32]

Does your mother have any family, or friends that she can get aide from? The best choice would be whatever effects you in the most positive way. Yet, leaving a bipolar person on antidepressant isn't the best idea. So maybe, you can get her to move to a friends or family's house. Then if you think you can focus on finishing your education, either with your sister or with your father.

^^This^^
your best bet would be to look for some middle ground... Just up and leaving might pertain to be just as stressful.