From The Daily Prophet, quoted by Minister of Magic Cornileus Fudge-
"A Harry Potter fanfic that has no plot and is completely and utterly random that is only made to give people a cheap laugh or two. A complete and utter waste of time."
Quote by Xenofilius Lovegood, or whoever the hell that weirdo's name is spelled-
"A fanfic definately worth reading, after all, my dear friend Every is also a hunter of the rare Crumple Horned Snorkack and sometimes complains about having nargles nesting in her hair. You could learn a lot from her!"
Quote by Daniel Radcliffe-
"Who are you and how did you get past security?"
And now, on to the randomness! Featuring 10% more Yaxley!
Chapter One: Name Descrepancies
"Next time, I WILL defeat that dratted boy!"
He Who Must Not Be Named, in other words Voldemort, slammed his fists down on the table in front of him. Defeated yet again by his nemesis Harry Potter, he was currently holed up in his hideout somewhere in Albania, plotting a new plan to defeat "that dratted boy"
"Who?", Yaxley asked. Yaxley was actually a new Death Eater, so he didn't know much about what went on around the joint and was and will be the one to ask all the obvious questions. Merlin knew it was a miracle he wasn't dead yet from all the crucio spells that had been used upon him. Speaking of which-
"Crucio!"
Yaxley writhed on the floor in pain as Voldemort stared down at him venomously.
"Harry Potter, the Boy Who Lived!"
"Yeah honestly, why do you even bother coming to these meetings if you don't even know what's going on?", asked Lucius, who was actually somewhat happy that Yaxley was always getting into trouble, since it distracted Voldemort from him.
Voldemort lifted the curse before turning back to his faithful Death Eaters.
"Now, on to discuss the new-"
"I have a question."
Voldemort turned to look at Yaxley, who had his hand up like a grade-schooler.
"Yes?", Voldemort asked, seconds away from crucio'ing Yaxley.
"Why is he called the Boy Who Lived?", Yaxley asked.
"Crucio!"
Yaxley screamed and writhed on the floor again. After about ten minutes, Voldemort lifted the curse.
"No really, if he's the Boy Who Lived, then doesn't that mean that he's dead?", Yaxley asked.
Voldemort was about to curse him again before stopping in mid-curse. "Wait...explain."
"Well, think about it. He's the Boy Who LIVED, which means he can't be living now. You can't be lived, because it implies that you have died. He has to be dead in order to be called that title. So is he a ghost or something?"
"Crucio!"
Yaxley was once again writhing on the floor as Lucius stepped forward. "Why did you crucio him again?"
"I felt like it. And his explanation makes no logical sense at all. Even Potter wouldn't be stupid enough to think that he's actually a ghost."
-Meanwhile at Hogwarts-
"Harry, calm down!"
"But Hermione, think about it," Harry shouted, waving his arms wildly. "If I'm called the Boy Who Lived, then that means that I have to be dead in order for me to have lived!"
"You're not making any sense Harry!'
"Which means that I'm actually dead or some sort of ghost! This explains everything! Why I am able to get myself out of any situation no matter what! It's because I'm already dead!"
It's believed that Harry can channel some of Voldemorts thoughts and such, so it would be safe to assume that Voldemorts thoughts about Yaxley's explanation somehow managed to leak through one day. Or maybe it was Ron that was channeling Yaxley because he had suggested the same thing.
"If I'm dead, then I can do anything!"
"Harry, now your just being crazy!", Hermione shouted exhaustedly. They had been arguing about this for several hours now.
"In fact, I can go through walls!", Harry spouted as he took a diving leap at the stone wall, only to be smacked down into a throbbing heap on the ground. He moaned loudly as Hermione rounded on Ron.
"Why did you have to say that to him Ron?"
"What, a guy can't ask a question?"
"A Harry Potter fanfic that has no plot and is completely and utterly random that is only made to give people a cheap laugh or two. A complete and utter waste of time."
Quote by Xenofilius Lovegood, or whoever the hell that weirdo's name is spelled-
"A fanfic definately worth reading, after all, my dear friend Every is also a hunter of the rare Crumple Horned Snorkack and sometimes complains about having nargles nesting in her hair. You could learn a lot from her!"
Quote by Daniel Radcliffe-
"Who are you and how did you get past security?"
And now, on to the randomness! Featuring 10% more Yaxley!
Chapter One: Name Descrepancies
"Next time, I WILL defeat that dratted boy!"
He Who Must Not Be Named, in other words Voldemort, slammed his fists down on the table in front of him. Defeated yet again by his nemesis Harry Potter, he was currently holed up in his hideout somewhere in Albania, plotting a new plan to defeat "that dratted boy"
"Who?", Yaxley asked. Yaxley was actually a new Death Eater, so he didn't know much about what went on around the joint and was and will be the one to ask all the obvious questions. Merlin knew it was a miracle he wasn't dead yet from all the crucio spells that had been used upon him. Speaking of which-
"Crucio!"
Yaxley writhed on the floor in pain as Voldemort stared down at him venomously.
"Harry Potter, the Boy Who Lived!"
"Yeah honestly, why do you even bother coming to these meetings if you don't even know what's going on?", asked Lucius, who was actually somewhat happy that Yaxley was always getting into trouble, since it distracted Voldemort from him.
Voldemort lifted the curse before turning back to his faithful Death Eaters.
"Now, on to discuss the new-"
"I have a question."
Voldemort turned to look at Yaxley, who had his hand up like a grade-schooler.
"Yes?", Voldemort asked, seconds away from crucio'ing Yaxley.
"Why is he called the Boy Who Lived?", Yaxley asked.
"Crucio!"
Yaxley screamed and writhed on the floor again. After about ten minutes, Voldemort lifted the curse.
"No really, if he's the Boy Who Lived, then doesn't that mean that he's dead?", Yaxley asked.
Voldemort was about to curse him again before stopping in mid-curse. "Wait...explain."
"Well, think about it. He's the Boy Who LIVED, which means he can't be living now. You can't be lived, because it implies that you have died. He has to be dead in order to be called that title. So is he a ghost or something?"
"Crucio!"
Yaxley was once again writhing on the floor as Lucius stepped forward. "Why did you crucio him again?"
"I felt like it. And his explanation makes no logical sense at all. Even Potter wouldn't be stupid enough to think that he's actually a ghost."
-Meanwhile at Hogwarts-
"Harry, calm down!"
"But Hermione, think about it," Harry shouted, waving his arms wildly. "If I'm called the Boy Who Lived, then that means that I have to be dead in order for me to have lived!"
"You're not making any sense Harry!'
"Which means that I'm actually dead or some sort of ghost! This explains everything! Why I am able to get myself out of any situation no matter what! It's because I'm already dead!"
It's believed that Harry can channel some of Voldemorts thoughts and such, so it would be safe to assume that Voldemorts thoughts about Yaxley's explanation somehow managed to leak through one day. Or maybe it was Ron that was channeling Yaxley because he had suggested the same thing.
"If I'm dead, then I can do anything!"
"Harry, now your just being crazy!", Hermione shouted exhaustedly. They had been arguing about this for several hours now.
"In fact, I can go through walls!", Harry spouted as he took a diving leap at the stone wall, only to be smacked down into a throbbing heap on the ground. He moaned loudly as Hermione rounded on Ron.
"Why did you have to say that to him Ron?"
"What, a guy can't ask a question?"