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The New Age of Dragons



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Andillexe

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This is a story that my sister, Nat, wrote. She asked me to put it up on my account for her since she doesn't want one, but she wants help to make her writing better. I personally think that it's okay so far, but feedback and critiquing is still good. So don't hesitate to say anything. :3


Prologue


In the beginning there was a pure, white fire called the auma. This fire filled the empty void of the universe. It stretched until holes began to form in its inner most structure. Darkness began to seep into its space, and the auma knew its time would soon end.

It began to take shape; it grew long, graceful wings; it grew four muscular legs with sharp claws; it grew a slim tail with spikes running down; it grew a small snout; it had silver triangular eyes, sharp and attentive. It could bring fire through its mouth, filled with razor sharp teeth. The figure it assumed was a beautiful winged creature with shining scales. It was thirty feet tall. This creature was called dragon, her name being Godith.

She replicated herself, to reclaim the space that she alone had made. She turned to the fire inside of her, where all the intelligence is kept, and in it she found the knowledge she needed; the knowledge she herself didn’t know she had. She opened her mouth, and spoke the first word. A word coming from the Dragon Language. And the word flew to the entire universe. Everything began to take shape.

And this is how the world began.

The planet took shape. The ground was blanketed in soil and flowers and grass. Trees sprouted from it and stood majestically. Animals and creatures of every kind roamed the earth. And the sky; the sky was filled with the most magical thing of all. A creature called Dragon.

When the dragons were created along with everything else by Godith, they thrived on Earth. For millions of years they owned the world, and they knew it was theirs. They were intelligent creatures.

They could speak to each other. They could speak to the trees, the animals, the sky. They could even speak to Gaia itself. But the one thing they couldn’t speak to was human beings; the race of Men.

You see, Men couldn’t match the beasts’ knowledge and wisdom. Since the dragons couldn’t speak to them, they couldn’t give their peace. So the humans saw them as creatures to be afraid of, evil that needed to be dealt with.

One by one the dragons fell, murdered by the humans’ weapons and ferocity. Where the dragons once flew was deserted, and only a handful of dragons survived.

The dragons were overcome by rage at the humans and shunned the planet. They went back to the world they were made, leaving the humans to rule.

Eventually the Men forgot about the creatures and claimed the world as their own. Their intelligence grew, while all of the other living beings’ knowledge started to fade.

When the dragons left, so had the trees. But they weren’t completely gone. No, they left a small part of themselves to watch over the world, protecting it, until the dragons ruled again, and peace enveloped the world. And eventually, that time would come.

It’s because of a dragon named Falkor that the dragons returned. He had mated with a human woman, and the woman gave birth to a human hybrid, and they called her Mysidia. She was human in every way but one.

Her eyes shown silver, a color so alien to the world that whenever people saw her, they ran. They were frightened. And they had every right to be. I am this woman. And I am here to tell my story; the truth behind all of the legends.

* * *

My name is Mysidia, and I have always been far from normal. When I was born in the 10,011th year of the Dragon Age, the Mountain Dwellers, my people, saw a baby with flaming red hair and silver eyes. They compared themselves, black-haired people with brown eyes, and they believed me to be devil's spawn; an omen of death, that terrible things would come to their village one day and destroy it. But they only believed these things because they didn't know who my father was. My mother had never told anyone who the father of her child was. She had kept it hidden; the villagers pried and persuaded and even went so far as to spy on her, watching her guests, but she still wouldn't say. And so the villagers agreed among themselves to go after me. My mother protected me, however, and she escaped, with me, to the forest, where no one dared to go, for the forest was filled with magical creatures, big and small, evil and kind.

We had dwelled here together for about fourteen years, surviving on the forest creatures. We ate their young, we used their pelt for clothing, and we would sleep in the nests they left behind. It was hard, but at least we were alive. Up until two days ago, that is, when my mother decided to check up on her old hometown. She was sure that everyone forgot about us and that there wouldn't be a problem at all. I was reluctant and told her that I wasn't willing to take the risk. So she went on her own, saying she would only look at how the town fared and then she would come back. But I never saw my mother again.

That was because when she went back, the townsfolk recognized her immediately. They threw her in a cell for about five hours straight, no contact with anyone, no food, no water, no one but herself. While she was isolated, they held a conference about what to do with her. They finally voted anonymously, and cruelly, to take her to be hung.

I am now thriving on my own, finding my own homes, my own food, and finding all the rest of the necessities without any help from Mother anymore. But I will survive, no matter what I might take. I will do whatever is in my power to make sure I stay alive, for my mother. For me.
 
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Nyangoro

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It's not a bad start, and I like how it's written. Granted, it's difficult for me to jump right into fantasy stories (because they usually end up very cliche) so it will have to show its true colors in the up and coming chapters. I do like the concept though, and think a little more detail could have been used to cover more specifics.

All in all, your sister did a very nice job with the prologue.
 

Siren

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So far I find that it is pretty cliche, and that I'm not really interested in the story at all. Don't go with 'In the beginning', ever.
 

Attack! Attack!

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I have to agree with Riel, the writing is also very poorly done. Try a little harder with whatever you put up next though, work on originality, etc..
 

Andillexe

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Okay, I'll tell her that. Though it is her first time writing ever, so she doesn't have a very original writing style yet. I guess she'll just have to write more to establish one.
 

Siren

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If it is her first, (which I wouldn't be surprised by) it isn't particularly horrendous. I know that many of my original stories were shit when I first started, but now I like to think that I've developed my own particular style. It's something that, if she is meant to become an author, will happen naturally.
 

Andillexe

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Yeah, it's her first story she's ever attempted to write. God, my very first story (that I never let anyone see) was so insanely crappy. But finding my own style was really quite fun. ^_^
 
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