Lol, I'll think you'll get over it, Xuan.
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M
Miss Murder
Guest
Hmm.
So the last part was supposed to be paired with the writing I am about to show you, but since I was having a writer's block I divided it.
Thus, I'm going to present to you a few little paragraphs whilst I attempt to write about five more pages for the next bit.
Chapter 1
Part 2
Memories: Continued
Tears were in Benjamin’s eyes as he was drawn back to the flaming present around him, and to his little sister’s complaints and shouts that were all-too called for. He wanted to stop, at least for his little sister’s sake, but he knew that they had to keep moving, and Alexandria ... she couldn’t be left alone, though Benjamin feared what they might behold when they did get to their home, which would probably only be a matter of minutes, or even seconds.
The smoke was nearly unbearable. Perhaps the tears he cried were not for his memories, but for the smoke and ash that were stinging them. The thought of that possible strength, let alone Benjamin’s undying determination, drove him onward, forever onward, towards their home. Or what’s left of it, thought Benjamin, but as soon as he thought them, he shook the thoughts from his head. He had to keep his mind about him, and his hope and determination strong. No matter what. That’s what his mother and Emilia would want him to do, as would his father and even little Alexandria. He had to be strong and continue on, if not for his own sake then for theirs.
This Benjamin would remember long after the events that we will record shortly commenced, though they faded from existence and from the minds of strangers quickly enough, they remained in Benjamin’s mind for quite a long time. Though he was not alone in that inability to move on from the past, for Alexandria remembered it as well. Too well, in fact.
Thus, he kept moving.
As we have previously recorded, the smoke and heat were near an unbearable state to both Benjamin and Alexandria. But if nothing else, this only made Benjamin grip his sister’s hand more tightly and attempt to move even faster. In his fury to get to their home, Benjamin had nearly lost his senses. But his sister’s hand served as a beacon and a symbol of what little hope, like dying embers which he was trying frantically to keep alive, remained, though it was diminishing far more quickly than the reader can surely comprehend, unless they themselves have been in such a situation as the eldest brother of the Burkes family was currently in. If the reader has been in such a frantic, nearly mindless, and terrible situation, then they can certainly consider and deem themselves lucky.
But since his sister’s hand still remained in his grasp, so did his senses remain in his mind, his hope and his memories that drove him further onward remain in his constant thoughts. It would have been the same had the hand he now held ever so tightly belonged to his father, mother or other sister, ( for the Burkes had no other living relatives in their family ). He would not let go of his sister’s hand, no matter what horrors - or there lack of, for Benjamin’s mild optimism still remained, though it certainly had been dulled - awaited them, and so Benjamin vowed that, exactly that, amongst the clutter of his over stressed and overworked mind.
Yet he was wrong.
As Benjamin and Alexandria approached what they expected to be their home, as it had become a monotonous sight, considering they were so very used to the sight of their home upon seeing it nearly every day that they had lived there, which was in fact their whole lives. How naive was the supposition that every day that they lived, their home would still be as perfect and ideal as ever.
How likewise unexpected it was to their weary and stinging eyes to see what Benjamin ( and without a doubt the reader, at this point, ) had feared, yet definitely expected; what appeared at first glance to be a mere skeleton of their home, burning with such a strong fire that then seemed as if it would burn itself into the folds of eternity.
To Be Continued
More comments and critique, GOGOGO!
So the last part was supposed to be paired with the writing I am about to show you, but since I was having a writer's block I divided it.
Thus, I'm going to present to you a few little paragraphs whilst I attempt to write about five more pages for the next bit.
Chapter 1
Part 2
Memories: Continued
Tears were in Benjamin’s eyes as he was drawn back to the flaming present around him, and to his little sister’s complaints and shouts that were all-too called for. He wanted to stop, at least for his little sister’s sake, but he knew that they had to keep moving, and Alexandria ... she couldn’t be left alone, though Benjamin feared what they might behold when they did get to their home, which would probably only be a matter of minutes, or even seconds.
The smoke was nearly unbearable. Perhaps the tears he cried were not for his memories, but for the smoke and ash that were stinging them. The thought of that possible strength, let alone Benjamin’s undying determination, drove him onward, forever onward, towards their home. Or what’s left of it, thought Benjamin, but as soon as he thought them, he shook the thoughts from his head. He had to keep his mind about him, and his hope and determination strong. No matter what. That’s what his mother and Emilia would want him to do, as would his father and even little Alexandria. He had to be strong and continue on, if not for his own sake then for theirs.
This Benjamin would remember long after the events that we will record shortly commenced, though they faded from existence and from the minds of strangers quickly enough, they remained in Benjamin’s mind for quite a long time. Though he was not alone in that inability to move on from the past, for Alexandria remembered it as well. Too well, in fact.
Thus, he kept moving.
As we have previously recorded, the smoke and heat were near an unbearable state to both Benjamin and Alexandria. But if nothing else, this only made Benjamin grip his sister’s hand more tightly and attempt to move even faster. In his fury to get to their home, Benjamin had nearly lost his senses. But his sister’s hand served as a beacon and a symbol of what little hope, like dying embers which he was trying frantically to keep alive, remained, though it was diminishing far more quickly than the reader can surely comprehend, unless they themselves have been in such a situation as the eldest brother of the Burkes family was currently in. If the reader has been in such a frantic, nearly mindless, and terrible situation, then they can certainly consider and deem themselves lucky.
But since his sister’s hand still remained in his grasp, so did his senses remain in his mind, his hope and his memories that drove him further onward remain in his constant thoughts. It would have been the same had the hand he now held ever so tightly belonged to his father, mother or other sister, ( for the Burkes had no other living relatives in their family ). He would not let go of his sister’s hand, no matter what horrors - or there lack of, for Benjamin’s mild optimism still remained, though it certainly had been dulled - awaited them, and so Benjamin vowed that, exactly that, amongst the clutter of his over stressed and overworked mind.
Yet he was wrong.
As Benjamin and Alexandria approached what they expected to be their home, as it had become a monotonous sight, considering they were so very used to the sight of their home upon seeing it nearly every day that they had lived there, which was in fact their whole lives. How naive was the supposition that every day that they lived, their home would still be as perfect and ideal as ever.
How likewise unexpected it was to their weary and stinging eyes to see what Benjamin ( and without a doubt the reader, at this point, ) had feared, yet definitely expected; what appeared at first glance to be a mere skeleton of their home, burning with such a strong fire that then seemed as if it would burn itself into the folds of eternity.
To Be Continued
More comments and critique, GOGOGO!
Lycy your choice of words is so intriguing. Keep it coming; it's awesome! ^^
M
Miss Murder
Guest
Thanks. I ( subconciously ) normally write like whatever author whose work I've been reading lately, and lately I've been reading the edited form of the original text Sweeney Todd - originally called the String of Pearls.
So lately I tend to be descriptive and kind of drag on, but in a semi-interesting way imo.
More comments plox? Before the story gets too far along. I may just post the first few chapters but not the whole book I have in mind, so that there is little risk for people who will steal my work.
=D
So lately I tend to be descriptive and kind of drag on, but in a semi-interesting way imo.
More comments plox? Before the story gets too far along. I may just post the first few chapters but not the whole book I have in mind, so that there is little risk for people who will steal my work.
=D
Good idea... Give them a taste but don't give it all. It's smart. So if they do steal what you have so far.. they go somewhere else with it. Nice cunning.
Hmm... good work. Hmm... (Thinking on something unclear to everyone but myself)
WHAT?! D:<
That's it, Xuan, I want a PM with details. Now, please.
That's it, Xuan, I want a PM with details. Now, please.
Lycy!!
Its awesome. ^_^
So sorry it took me so long to read this. XD
Its awesome. ^_^
So sorry it took me so long to read this. XD
M
Miss Murder
Guest
lulz, that's fine. ^.^
Yeah.
So my writer's block is continuing. That and I keep getting distracted by Photoshop and Guitar Hero.
;.;
I'll get to writing again sometime soon, though ... hopefully. =D
Yeah.
So my writer's block is continuing. That and I keep getting distracted by Photoshop and Guitar Hero.
;.;
I'll get to writing again sometime soon, though ... hopefully. =D
A writer takes time with their things.. as long as it's good.. or someone might be mad... lol.
You're starting to sound like my mother...
I don't want to sound demanding or anything but...
When do you think the next update will come along?
When do you think the next update will come along?
M
Miss Murder
Guest
Well, I wasn't going to post anymore, but ...
Chapter 1
Part 3
Nicholas Burkes
Benjamin could only stare at the fire for a moment, through eyes squinted with pain. He had figured that once they came upon the scene of the fire, he would immediately take action, though that was not the case at all. Alas, Benjamin could only think first about what the once-familiar area around him had become, what it had been reduced to with the arrival of a not-so-rare natural ( or there lack - of natural nature ) disaster. Normally, the Burkes’ home was painted a pure white with a light grey and red lining, surrounding by cobblestone streets and sidewalks, on which pedestrians and the like would normally be walking and conversing on. Now, only the ghosts of the footsteps, the former noise of the city, remained.
The formerly annoying sound of clattering horses’ hooves would have been an extremely welcome sound to the sibling’s ears now; just something reminding them of the normality of life, instead of this darkness that now began to encircle them, and what would continue to infest them until death did them part with the shadows in their not-so-youthful minds. The darkness, containing in the folds of itself insanity, death, the eternal plagues of mankind and, surely, mankind’s own downfall, though mankind itself birthed such infestations in the beginning; surely mankind’s own cruelty now caused the panic, loneliness, and despair that now clouded Benjamin’s and Alexandria’s minds now, and more than likely forevermore.
Perhaps it was those feelings that caused Benjamin to pause for a moment, whether out of pure fear or shock, or of a lack of not knowing what exactly to do. There was truth enough in the statement that a single thought did, in fact, stand out amongst the clutter of thoughts that now infested young Benjamin’s mind.
He had to save them. His family ... mother, one sister, and even possibly his father could be stuck in their home now ...
Benjamin could not bring himself to even think about what could, would, be happening to them if they were in fact trapped in their own home, their former shelter and sanctuary. But despite his wildest thoughts, and how he desperately wanted to take action, Benjamin froze where he stood, in the clearing a ways away from their home and the surrounding cobblestone streets, the burning skeletons of trees.
He did nothing.
In fact, it was Alexandria who first reacted to the scene, though she could do little to nothing to help the situation now. What could someone Benjamin’s age, let alone a little girl far younger, do in a situation that like, but watch as their home burned? The fire lacked any mercy, eating away at anything - or anyone - that dared to cross its path of inevitable destruction.
But Alexandria did what she could, what many small children would do in her situation.
She screamed.
A heart felt scream of horror and disbelief, of what she could not, would not, believe to be true. This could not possibly her home that was now burning ... could it? Not the home she had spent her entire life so far living comfortably in, with her siblings and parents? But nothing bad could happen to them, she had always thought that, as most children and human beings do.
Then new thoughts ran into her mind. What if her family was in there? What was happening? What could she do?
She was near panic, if not already in it. In an act of desperation, Alexandria began to run the number of yards between she and her brother and their home, doomed to a death sentence of fire.
It was this, and this alone, that thawed Benjamin from his frozen place.
“Alexandria!” he shouted, running forward and immediately catching her, embracing her in his arms, and holding her as tightly as he could muster. He found new strength in this, and gripped her tighter. He could not possibly let his little sister go, not now, not ever ... not while there was this danger here.
It was then that Alexandria began to sob into her brother’s arms, screaming to him to let her go, so that she could go and ... do what? Not even she knew. She could do nothing, even then, except sob and sob and sob to deaf hers. Alexandria’s sobs only made Benjamin hold tighter, as strands of hair fell in his eyes and face, and as tears fell from his own eyes. Were they simply from the smoke and ash that now stung them, or for the same reason as his sister’s tears now fell in streams, and her screams turned to more sobs.
He could not look away from his home, no matter how much he wanted to. Now, he wanted nothing more than to run and run and run, with Alexandria or even without her, as long as he got far away from this scene of despair and immediate destruction. Far, far away, running from the infesting darkness forever.
“No!” A deep, familiar voice rose above the sounds of the fire, or at least seemed to, to the children’s ears.
Nicholas Burkes dropped whatever he was carrying, little did it matter presently, and ran past his two children as quick as he was able to. He didn’t even seem to notice them standing there, sobbing, so much was his attention drawn, of course, to his home where one of his daughters and his own wife were supposed to be at this time of day.
His eyes were mad and wild with ... with what? Fury? Fear? It could have been anything. Only if the reader were in such a dreadful situation would you comprehend the panic setting in on Nicholas’s being, let alone his children’s.
Benjamin looked on as his father seemed to run straight into the fire of their sanctuary. “Father!” he screamed hoarsely, but like their sobs, his screams fell on deaf ears. He wanted to follow his father, hold on to Alexandria, and run far away all at the same time. He could merely stand there as his father ran into what seemed to be his death ...
But this was not so.
Nicholas protected his face as he ran through the former doorway of this building, lowering them only slightly to look around at the burning scene around him. He ran through the opening hallway, looking around frantically, his ears searing and listening at the same time, each in turn. He had to find them ... this was his one and only drive, the only thought that dug its way into his mind. His hair clung to his forehead and the back of his neck with perspiration at the nearly, if not entirely, unbearable heat that presented itself to Nicholas as he frantically, desperately even, searched for his family that could only be trapped in this burning building.
He did this for as long as physically possible, running through now unfamiliar hallways, doorways, and rooms, meekly attempting to find his way. Oh, how he wished that he could have run upstairs! But alas, the stairway leading to the upper level of the Burkes’ home was near collapsing on its own, and undoubtedly could not take the weight of a full grown man such as Nicholas Burkes.
At that point, despite his desperation, he had to get out of the building. But no! Maybe in the next room, he would find them, injured but alive. Yet, with every room lined with burning furniture and decor that he himself barely recognized in its current state, but without a doubt could have recognized if given the slightest chance, he could not find his family. No matter how hard he ran, how hard he looked, how long he looked, he could not, would not, find them, dead or alive.
Not as long as the stairs remained collapsed. But perhaps that was for the better, for Nicholas Burkes would have been driven mad if he had seen what - who - lied there, in their sanctuary.
But he, in his frantic madness in this everlasting darkness that seemed to be infesting itself in everyone’s minds, could not give up his meek hope, fueled only by the same frantic madness that could have very well ended his life.
If it wasn’t for the sudden knowledge that two of his children still remained outside. What if the fire were to spread to them? What if they were trapped, just as his wife and child might be? ... but what if there was more of a chance to save Benny and Alexa than the two in the burning building? What if it was the other way around? What if ... what if ...
Common sense and momentary realization finally overcame Nicholas’s senses, and he managed - barely - to escape the building through the way he came, though by now it was far hotter, to say the least and most obvious fact the reader can imagine, and the flames and smoke nearly overcame him, in his desperation to once more get outside. It could be said that this form of his desperation outweighed the desperation he had mere moments ago to rescue two of those he held dear. But later, Nicholas would reflect. What if he had stayed? Would Nicholas have merely perished with them?
Or would Emilia and Lucinda have lived?
End of Chapter 1
__
Yes yes, I know it's short, but that's where Chapter 1 ends.
So, CnC.
Chapter 1
Part 3
Nicholas Burkes
Benjamin could only stare at the fire for a moment, through eyes squinted with pain. He had figured that once they came upon the scene of the fire, he would immediately take action, though that was not the case at all. Alas, Benjamin could only think first about what the once-familiar area around him had become, what it had been reduced to with the arrival of a not-so-rare natural ( or there lack - of natural nature ) disaster. Normally, the Burkes’ home was painted a pure white with a light grey and red lining, surrounding by cobblestone streets and sidewalks, on which pedestrians and the like would normally be walking and conversing on. Now, only the ghosts of the footsteps, the former noise of the city, remained.
The formerly annoying sound of clattering horses’ hooves would have been an extremely welcome sound to the sibling’s ears now; just something reminding them of the normality of life, instead of this darkness that now began to encircle them, and what would continue to infest them until death did them part with the shadows in their not-so-youthful minds. The darkness, containing in the folds of itself insanity, death, the eternal plagues of mankind and, surely, mankind’s own downfall, though mankind itself birthed such infestations in the beginning; surely mankind’s own cruelty now caused the panic, loneliness, and despair that now clouded Benjamin’s and Alexandria’s minds now, and more than likely forevermore.
Perhaps it was those feelings that caused Benjamin to pause for a moment, whether out of pure fear or shock, or of a lack of not knowing what exactly to do. There was truth enough in the statement that a single thought did, in fact, stand out amongst the clutter of thoughts that now infested young Benjamin’s mind.
He had to save them. His family ... mother, one sister, and even possibly his father could be stuck in their home now ...
Benjamin could not bring himself to even think about what could, would, be happening to them if they were in fact trapped in their own home, their former shelter and sanctuary. But despite his wildest thoughts, and how he desperately wanted to take action, Benjamin froze where he stood, in the clearing a ways away from their home and the surrounding cobblestone streets, the burning skeletons of trees.
He did nothing.
In fact, it was Alexandria who first reacted to the scene, though she could do little to nothing to help the situation now. What could someone Benjamin’s age, let alone a little girl far younger, do in a situation that like, but watch as their home burned? The fire lacked any mercy, eating away at anything - or anyone - that dared to cross its path of inevitable destruction.
But Alexandria did what she could, what many small children would do in her situation.
She screamed.
A heart felt scream of horror and disbelief, of what she could not, would not, believe to be true. This could not possibly her home that was now burning ... could it? Not the home she had spent her entire life so far living comfortably in, with her siblings and parents? But nothing bad could happen to them, she had always thought that, as most children and human beings do.
Then new thoughts ran into her mind. What if her family was in there? What was happening? What could she do?
She was near panic, if not already in it. In an act of desperation, Alexandria began to run the number of yards between she and her brother and their home, doomed to a death sentence of fire.
It was this, and this alone, that thawed Benjamin from his frozen place.
“Alexandria!” he shouted, running forward and immediately catching her, embracing her in his arms, and holding her as tightly as he could muster. He found new strength in this, and gripped her tighter. He could not possibly let his little sister go, not now, not ever ... not while there was this danger here.
It was then that Alexandria began to sob into her brother’s arms, screaming to him to let her go, so that she could go and ... do what? Not even she knew. She could do nothing, even then, except sob and sob and sob to deaf hers. Alexandria’s sobs only made Benjamin hold tighter, as strands of hair fell in his eyes and face, and as tears fell from his own eyes. Were they simply from the smoke and ash that now stung them, or for the same reason as his sister’s tears now fell in streams, and her screams turned to more sobs.
He could not look away from his home, no matter how much he wanted to. Now, he wanted nothing more than to run and run and run, with Alexandria or even without her, as long as he got far away from this scene of despair and immediate destruction. Far, far away, running from the infesting darkness forever.
“No!” A deep, familiar voice rose above the sounds of the fire, or at least seemed to, to the children’s ears.
Nicholas Burkes dropped whatever he was carrying, little did it matter presently, and ran past his two children as quick as he was able to. He didn’t even seem to notice them standing there, sobbing, so much was his attention drawn, of course, to his home where one of his daughters and his own wife were supposed to be at this time of day.
His eyes were mad and wild with ... with what? Fury? Fear? It could have been anything. Only if the reader were in such a dreadful situation would you comprehend the panic setting in on Nicholas’s being, let alone his children’s.
Benjamin looked on as his father seemed to run straight into the fire of their sanctuary. “Father!” he screamed hoarsely, but like their sobs, his screams fell on deaf ears. He wanted to follow his father, hold on to Alexandria, and run far away all at the same time. He could merely stand there as his father ran into what seemed to be his death ...
But this was not so.
Nicholas protected his face as he ran through the former doorway of this building, lowering them only slightly to look around at the burning scene around him. He ran through the opening hallway, looking around frantically, his ears searing and listening at the same time, each in turn. He had to find them ... this was his one and only drive, the only thought that dug its way into his mind. His hair clung to his forehead and the back of his neck with perspiration at the nearly, if not entirely, unbearable heat that presented itself to Nicholas as he frantically, desperately even, searched for his family that could only be trapped in this burning building.
He did this for as long as physically possible, running through now unfamiliar hallways, doorways, and rooms, meekly attempting to find his way. Oh, how he wished that he could have run upstairs! But alas, the stairway leading to the upper level of the Burkes’ home was near collapsing on its own, and undoubtedly could not take the weight of a full grown man such as Nicholas Burkes.
At that point, despite his desperation, he had to get out of the building. But no! Maybe in the next room, he would find them, injured but alive. Yet, with every room lined with burning furniture and decor that he himself barely recognized in its current state, but without a doubt could have recognized if given the slightest chance, he could not find his family. No matter how hard he ran, how hard he looked, how long he looked, he could not, would not, find them, dead or alive.
Not as long as the stairs remained collapsed. But perhaps that was for the better, for Nicholas Burkes would have been driven mad if he had seen what - who - lied there, in their sanctuary.
But he, in his frantic madness in this everlasting darkness that seemed to be infesting itself in everyone’s minds, could not give up his meek hope, fueled only by the same frantic madness that could have very well ended his life.
If it wasn’t for the sudden knowledge that two of his children still remained outside. What if the fire were to spread to them? What if they were trapped, just as his wife and child might be? ... but what if there was more of a chance to save Benny and Alexa than the two in the burning building? What if it was the other way around? What if ... what if ...
Common sense and momentary realization finally overcame Nicholas’s senses, and he managed - barely - to escape the building through the way he came, though by now it was far hotter, to say the least and most obvious fact the reader can imagine, and the flames and smoke nearly overcame him, in his desperation to once more get outside. It could be said that this form of his desperation outweighed the desperation he had mere moments ago to rescue two of those he held dear. But later, Nicholas would reflect. What if he had stayed? Would Nicholas have merely perished with them?
Or would Emilia and Lucinda have lived?
End of Chapter 1
__
Yes yes, I know it's short, but that's where Chapter 1 ends.
So, CnC.
Short but sweet. I could learn something from you. For example, the emotions, it's always my favourite subject (Which is why I'm subjecting my Sora in my second story in emotion turmoil, support! As usual, I am advertising 
)
)once again, good job there. it's a sad reminder that we live in a world that can be kind one minute and heartlessly cruel the next. the kind that makes you think as you wipe the tears away. in short, the kind i like.
with all due respect,
Merlin326
with all due respect,
Merlin326
Hey, don't remind me about this world! It's enough I hatta face an army of monsters in my own home, now even in the net??
you have piqued my tremendous natural curiosity with that statement, Xuan.
anyway, yes, reality can be harsh for many. but that is why i like videogames, movies, and anything that tells a story. it takes one's mind off of reality.
with all due respect,
Merlin326
M
Miss Murder
Guest
Thanks for the comments.
Be aware that I may only be posting the first two chapters of this story, though.
Now that I think about it, though, I might just end it with Chapter 1. For now, at least. This is because I don't want to reveal too much of the plot online, until I actually finish the book.
So I may or may not post any more.
Be aware that I may only be posting the first two chapters of this story, though.
Now that I think about it, though, I might just end it with Chapter 1. For now, at least. This is because I don't want to reveal too much of the plot online, until I actually finish the book.
So I may or may not post any more.
now you have invited my curious nature. do you plan to publish this work?
with all due respect,
Merlin326
with all due respect,
Merlin326
M
Miss Murder
Guest
If it is at all possible, or if the opportunity ever comes, yes, I do.
Though the chances are quite unlikely, if I get a speck of good luck, or if I prove to have execptional writing skills, then yes.
Though the chances are quite unlikely, if I get a speck of good luck, or if I prove to have execptional writing skills, then yes.
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