Tell me what you guys think.

[haseo47]

I wrote this a month or two ago...when I was madly in love with this guy. For once I felt true love and I was f***** over. I wrote this about him and...everytime I read this...it's hard for me. So, please tell me what you guys think, I'd appreciate it. Thanks.

Where does this path lead, I’m scared to find out.
The dark woods envelope me.

I hope to find you, at the end of this journey.

A light shines in the distance, it’s still so far away.
With each step I take, my heart beats faster.
I’m closer to you, I can feel it.

We take our time, I have the urge to run,
But I hold it back.

This feeling, it overwhelms me.

This journey is not yet over, I’ve got a ways to go.
I’ll stick it out ‘til the end.

These thoughts swell up inside,
These thoughts of you.

My head it spins, I’m flustered.
You reassure me,
I trust you.

I don’t look back, what’s in the past,
Should be forgotten.

I keep moving forward, towards you.

In the whistling of the wind, I hear a tune,
Your voice fills me up.

I see your silhouette in the “falling” sun,
And I no longer fear this paths end.

 

[Xiao]

It's a good effort but it's really quite literal. One of the beautiful things about poetry is that you say what you're saying here without through unforgettable images that express what you want. I'm currently have an emphasis in poetry now in college now and if you want I could work with you a little bit, but before you do anything else, begin with creating imagery. Tell your story through that.

 

[haseo47]

Thanks, I appreciate your input. Yeah, I could use a few pointers, but I really do appreciate you taking a look at this.