Help/Support ► Replacement Of The Lost

[Jopari]

I like a dramatic title, it attracts attention.

Anywho onto the basic, I didn't think I'd ever have to post here part. So, I didn't ever think I'd have to post here, but I've decided to ask a question of the general masses despite what I should do and keep it all inside until I come up with my own answer.

Basically, I love this girl who I've been friends with for a while now. I'm generally sure that nothing will ever happen between us and we'll just be friends for however long we will be. I've accepted this for the most part despite my own annoyance at the situation that stems from my own stupidity. That's not the problem though.

The problem is that I'm actually looking for someone to fall for to get the first one out of my mind. I'm actually trying to fall in love to get away from love, however crazy that sounds. The issue is that I'm not even sure if that's ethical, should I force myself to love someone who I don't just to try to get a different girl out of my head?

Thanks in advance for any help.

 

[Pengy_CEO]

So, why is it that you're going to stay just friends? Does she not like you? If that's the case, move on. Get over it. Plenty of people have feelings for people that aren't returned. Maybe this girl has a boyfriend. Heck, for all you know she's taken a vow of chastity. My advice is... move on. Or at least try to, and don't bug this girl about it. I had a guy that bugged me about it, and now I don't even really speak to him. Find some nice girl who likes you. Then try to forget about this other girl. May be harsh, but it's for the best. Good luck.

 

[Jopari]

Well, yeah, that's what I'm trying to do. But my question was whether it's right to fake feelings for someone else just to use them to get said girl out of my head.

 

[Pengy_CEO]

Don't fake them, look for another girl for whom the feelings are real.

Faking them will just get you in trouble. You don't want to screw around with a girl's feelings like that.

 

[Pengy_CEO]

Are you sure you even love this girl?

 

[Jopari]

Yes, I love her. By all the possible meanings of love I can find, I do. I care about her in ways that I find hard to apply to other people. I find that I want her to be happy, despite what that means for me. I would give anything to her if she asked, and ask for nothing in return. And while all these things may sound foolish and idealistic and totally impossible, I feel them for her.

So, yes; I love her.

 

[Pengy_CEO]

Foolish and idealistic, maybe, but totally probable. The thing is, though, that she may not return these feelings in any way at all. Trust me, when someone's dogging you and you know they like you, but really don't like them at all, you grow to hate that person.

My advice is that you carefully avoid saying anything to this girl that would indicate that you love her. Think before you speak. Then, while observing that practice, try to find someone else that you like. Don't try to force yourself to like someone just to get the other girl out of your head.

The guy that liked me tried that. Then he just got more and more miserable until he finally cracked and told me he still liked me, and he was just using that girl as cover. That just hurts everyone. Now that guy has found another girl that he likes just as much as me, for real this time, and he's happy again.

I hope this is being helpful to you. If you still have problems with this, I'll talk to you, because oddly enough, this seems to mirror what happened to me. Maybe I can pass on what I've learned from that horrible mess.

Sorry about that earlier double post, by the way.

 

[Jopari]

Thanks for the advice, Pengy. I'm very bad at keeping things to myself, because I have a small group of friends that I talk to honestly and totally truthful. So, I end up talking to her more often than not and we've had arguments and I've noticed a strain in our relation since I told her.

Even if she doesn't return my feelings I'd rather be friends with her than nothing at all. I can always try to find someone, but I guess the way I feel about her seems to make it hard to care about another person at the same level. I wouldn't mind talking to you more, so feel free to send me a IM on MSN. My screen name is sanctus.rem@hotmail.com.

 

[Pengy_CEO]

My guess is that the strain in your relation since you told her is that either a) she doesn't return the feelings, b) she likes someone else, or c)all of the above.

You can always be friends with her, just remember what I said earlier and try not to say anything that might make her feel awkward. It will probably be hard sometimes, especially with a small group of friends.

I guess I'll talk to you on MSN now, then.

 

[TheLastKnight]

heh, sounds like ya need a gf? I guess i'd say, look at other women you like, and see about them all...mess with'em for a while, then ask

 

[╬ProperArtist╬]

Simply put that's a bad idea, because no matter who you find, there gonna remind you of that first. Hell you might do the ultimate an call this "replacement" girl by the "first's" name. I say you need to get all of what you're feeling out in the open with this first..so there's no emotion left unturned. Thinking about her and trying to get her out of your mind is only gonna make you want her more and is eventually going to make you see every girl you try to put in her spot fail in comparison to the real thing.

 

[TheLastKnight]

you may want to choose your friend

 

[Danica Syer]

Well, I'm not sure what to say to this but I'd suggest that and or try to do something that occupies your mind...for awhile...unless you want to fall in love, then keep searching, cuz love is all around! XD And there are plenty of fish in the sea as I've been told!

 

[Jopari]

Your post reminded me of something I wrote once. It was a response to the 'other fish' thing you said. Basically it was something along the lines of, "There may be other fish in the sea, but I'm allergic."

 

[Thelonepickle]

Technically, isn't this thread title inaccurate?

If you never had her, you can't lose her or replace her.

Just concentrate on other things. She can't be all that great.

 

[Jopari]

Semantics. Like I said, flashy attracts attention.

Thanks for the advice everyone.