Fanfiction ► New Fan fic. any Ideas !

[Kronus]

Heres is the first Chapter kinda short but any ideas I got my own but any more.

Kingdom Hearts : The Journey


Chapter 1 : A Mystic Beginning

Out of a dark Alley in Transverse Town a Young man dressed in bright clothes comes walking out.
With two Keyblades a Fighting Chance and High Ridge two strong Keyblades. As he's walking Dusk (Nobodies) appear infront of him about Twenty a split second later Neo-shadows (Heartless) appear as well right behind him. The Neo-shadow leap for him The Boy jumped down and the Neo-Shadow went right over him colliding right with the Dusk when that happened the boy jumped to his feet. The Neo-shadows and Dusks were fighting the Boy then jumped into the air landing right in the middle of the fight. He then slung each Keyblade in different Directions slicing a bunch of Neo-shadow and Dusk. He then Leaped back out of the circle and said "Why are they fighting over me?" when he landed. He then felt a cold pain in his heart and then passed out and fel into a dark portal.

 

[212]

Keep writing. This could be good. What is the boy's name???

 

[Kronus]

I really have not thought about. No I have it's kinda a spoiler. for a new character soon to come.
I got more but not finnished.

 

[212]

Cool. His name should be Xaro Lionheart....

 

[Kixur]

Keep writing. This could be good. What is the boy's name???

I agree this is real intersting starting with a fight scene is something i never would hav thought of if you need some ideas you should read what i have startedKingdom hearts Faith & Destiny I belive its a good start and will only get better

 

[Kronus]

Thank you so much Well I got to go i'll post more later.

 

[Kronus]

I'm back if their's anything bad about it please post !

Chapter 2 : Nobodies, Exiles
10 Years Later in Twilight Town .......

Two men Exiled from the Organization they Exited out the Trains ticket center in Twilight Town. They Continue to walk until they reach a Hotel. The Manager says "your names?" One man then replies "Your rooms cost 50 dollars anight I'll pay 100 if you don't take our names?" "Welcome to Twilight Town!" He said so happily. They reached their room opened the door and laid down and fell asleep.
They woke the next morning and left. One of their names are Kronus he Reseambles Roxas and Zexion. Not only that but he weilds two keyblades
One is A Warriors Fate and the other is Plasma.
The other mans name is Zenon he reseambles Axel but with shorter and blue hair. His weapons are Two Crow Bar Shaped Swords.
As they continue to walk Zenon asked "were are we going Kronus?".
"To the Old Mansion." Kronus said calmly "To find my heart."
"Ok" Zenon replied. As they were walking they stopped in the local shops to find their friend that will take them to the Mansion. After searching they found him his Name is Kixur. "Ha Kixur long time no see!" Kronus said to Kixur. "Same to you Kronus we got to get moving we're being chased !" blurted out Kixur. So they walked out the door watching their backs for the approaching enemy. "Do you remeber why we were Exiled Kronus?"asked Kixur. "Yes, because we believed they were evil even though we had the same wish. To have a Heart I know have found my Heart so I know can become whole. All we need to do is find your guys Hearts now." said Kronus.
I was then silent all the way to the Mansion until they came out of the Forest. And discovered the was mansion destroyed.
As they all staired blanky at the remains a man emerged from the ruins. He was yeling "Darkness consumed me." He then disappeared In a black mist.
They then started to approach the location where the man was at to investigate.

 

[Cloudy_Card]

this is horribly written. your grammar is atrocious, learn how to puntuate for god's sake. there are are no defined paragraphs, and tons of run-on sentences. the tense also switches between present and past tense, which is not something that should happen.

 

[Kronus]

I tried to fix it and if any one wants to draw fan art for me your more then welcome to. Kronus would look like a Roxas and Zexion mix. You can go crazy with the other characters. And Keyblades !

 

[Kronus]

Holy Breath, Fatal Sakura, and Dark Messanger are keyblades going to appear in my Fan Fic.
Provided by Angel's Prayer
Hear are the links:

Fatal Sakura
http://i46.photobucket.com/albums/f117/Justiniani/Fan Keyblades/DeadlyBlossom.jpg

Ohana
http://i46.photobucket.com/albums/f117/Justiniani/Fan Keyblades/Ohana.jpg

Prince Charming
http://i46.photobucket.com/albums/f117/Justiniani/Fan Keyblades/princechraming.jpg

 

[darkisaac]

this is horribly written. your grammar is atrocious, learn how to puntuate for god's sake. there are are no defined paragraphs, and tons of run-on sentences. the tense also switches between present and past tense, which is not something that should happen.

You know my grandmother always taught me if you don't have anything nice to say its better not to say anything at all.

(i try to uphold this, and mostly i do, except when people are jackasses)


but this kid has done nothing wrong man.

true, he could use a few grammar lessons, but the way you put its pretty cold man.


as for kronus, next time you write, try to use microsoft word so when you finish you can use spellcheck. There's a lot of fragments in your work, your spelling isn't top notch and spell check would help you tremendously.

Also, if you don't have word, then maybe you can learn from other works, go get a good book that has swordfights in it, and that will help you when writing your fight scenes, for example i have read a ton of star wars books, which are filled with lightsaber battles, which is why im really good at describing fights (read my Axel fan fic by clicking here)
also reading other novels, or even other fan fics can broaden you vocabulary, and help you remember how to spell more accurately.

(i don't have word or spell check, so if im suspicious bout a word i gotta search for it at dictionary.com)

these are some tips to make u a better writer.
I personally am not to picky and i can understand your story just fine, but you might wanna spell check now & then

so people like cloudy card don't
PMS all over you.

other than that, you're doing a fine job nice story keep at it ^^

 

[Golden_x_Heart]

this is horribly written. your grammar is atrocious, learn how to puntuate for god's sake. there are are no defined paragraphs, and tons of run-on sentences. the tense also switches between present and past tense, which is not something that should happen.

Sorry, but I've gotta agree. You really need to work on being more literate, and using proper formats.
So, try again at a later time, that's my suggestion. Work a little more at it, and you'll improve!
<3

 

[darkisaac]

you see even people who think the same as cloudy card don't actually say it in such a cruel way.

 

[Cloudy_Card]

sorry, i didn't mean to be harsh, but sometimes thats the only way to get the point across. I'm a pretty talented writer, and seeing bad grammar and such just annoys me.

 

[darkisaac]

I can't blame you, I'm a good writer too and sometimes I'm disappointed that kids that are like 16 can't spell the word "astonishing" (which is a really cool word to use btw)

Truth be told, if you didn't tell him his faults, I would have (Though i admit not as harshly)
And even if I didn't then eventually someone would have.