Hello KHI, I just finished my college essay with a prompt similar to "What experiences have changed you and will make you a better student on campus?" I would really appreciate any feedback whatsoever, whether it is a grammatical error on my part or that you hated it and why or what I can change to make it better. Thanks a lot!
[FONT="] At 9 PM on September 22nd, 2010, an 18 year old male committed suicide by jumping off of the George Washington Bridge. His name was Tyler Clementi and he was a freshman at Rutgers University. It all started 2 days prior when his roommate secretly recorded Tyler and another male alone in Tyler’s dorm. The video was posted on the internet and soon went viral and Tyler was so embarrassed that he took his own life.[/FONT]
[FONT="] Unfortunately, events such as this are not uncommon among today’s youth. The only solution is to open the minds and hearts of the young people who have not been able to this for themselves. A way to accomplish this is to have a voice. Having an opinion and expressing it is one of the greatest abilities a person can have. Regardless of my personal views towards this and other controversial topics, I certainly do not want people hurting themselves because of the ignorance of others. I can be this voice that the world is so desperately in need of.[/FONT]
[FONT="] This past summer, I attended American Legion Jersey Boys State. At Boys State, we were taught many things including government systems, leadership, politics, and debate. All of these will help me in life but at the moment, what we were taught about debate is the most important. We learned how to express our thoughts ethically and respectfully. Using this skill will not only help me as a person, but it will make my future college campus a more accepting and understanding place.[/FONT]
[FONT="] In the 1960s and 1970s, there were a plethora of college protests against political activity, more specifically, the Vietnam War. The Kent State Massacre was one of the most well-known college protest in which the Ohio National Guard was called in and ended up shooting and killing 4 students while wounding 9 others. Obviously, this type of violent protest is not going to do anything except create more violence. It is now the year 2010 and we are in the middle of another controversial war. While I am sure there have been protests against this War on Terror, there has not been a “Kent State” or anything with publicity on that scale. Is it possible that students are indifferent to what is going on in the world around them? I would hope not. Students need to speak their mind and express their opinions instead of just sitting back and letting this all happen.[/FONT]
[FONT="] Diversity and acceptance is now being taught to kids as young as 10 years old. This is most definitely a step in the right direction. But it is not enough. Hate crimes are still happening all over whether we acknowledge them or not. It is necessary to make everyone aware of the problems and try to make them empathize from another point of view in order to avoid more instances such as Tyler Clementi’s. The world is looking for someone to speak out and I can be that someone.[/FONT]
[FONT="] At 9 PM on September 22nd, 2010, an 18 year old male committed suicide by jumping off of the George Washington Bridge. His name was Tyler Clementi and he was a freshman at Rutgers University. It all started 2 days prior when his roommate secretly recorded Tyler and another male alone in Tyler’s dorm. The video was posted on the internet and soon went viral and Tyler was so embarrassed that he took his own life.[/FONT]
[FONT="] Unfortunately, events such as this are not uncommon among today’s youth. The only solution is to open the minds and hearts of the young people who have not been able to this for themselves. A way to accomplish this is to have a voice. Having an opinion and expressing it is one of the greatest abilities a person can have. Regardless of my personal views towards this and other controversial topics, I certainly do not want people hurting themselves because of the ignorance of others. I can be this voice that the world is so desperately in need of.[/FONT]
[FONT="] This past summer, I attended American Legion Jersey Boys State. At Boys State, we were taught many things including government systems, leadership, politics, and debate. All of these will help me in life but at the moment, what we were taught about debate is the most important. We learned how to express our thoughts ethically and respectfully. Using this skill will not only help me as a person, but it will make my future college campus a more accepting and understanding place.[/FONT]
[FONT="] In the 1960s and 1970s, there were a plethora of college protests against political activity, more specifically, the Vietnam War. The Kent State Massacre was one of the most well-known college protest in which the Ohio National Guard was called in and ended up shooting and killing 4 students while wounding 9 others. Obviously, this type of violent protest is not going to do anything except create more violence. It is now the year 2010 and we are in the middle of another controversial war. While I am sure there have been protests against this War on Terror, there has not been a “Kent State” or anything with publicity on that scale. Is it possible that students are indifferent to what is going on in the world around them? I would hope not. Students need to speak their mind and express their opinions instead of just sitting back and letting this all happen.[/FONT]
[FONT="] Diversity and acceptance is now being taught to kids as young as 10 years old. This is most definitely a step in the right direction. But it is not enough. Hate crimes are still happening all over whether we acknowledge them or not. It is necessary to make everyone aware of the problems and try to make them empathize from another point of view in order to avoid more instances such as Tyler Clementi’s. The world is looking for someone to speak out and I can be that someone.[/FONT]