Help/Support ► Love issues...

[Constellations]

let's start from the beginning (as if I'm not crying enough as it is now...)

my ex-boyfriend and I began going out last summer, and in February of this year he told me (over the phone) that he wanted more time to himself, so we broke up. I never got over him. I thought I began to, but whenever I see him the feelings come back and I want to be with him again, regardless that he broke my heart.

one night, I believe back in May, he kissed me unexpectedly, apologizing like crazy right after.

a few nights ago, he blurted out to me that he regretted what he did and he want's to be back with me again. when I heard that, I became extremely happy, but I knew something would block us from getting back together:

my parents.

tonight, he wanted to see me so we could talk more, and when I asked my parents (after much debating with myself to even ask my mom) my mom literally calls up my dad and they both say no. they also say that I cannot date him. at all. ever.

I'm heartbroken, and he is as well. I know that he hurt me in the past, and he realizes that he was wrong and I want to forgive him for it. my parents won't. they want me dating other people, not just him. I'm not saying I want to be with this guy forever; I know that's not likely going to happen. But I still have feelings for him. my mom says she's not doing it to hurt anyone, she just doesn't want me to be hurt again. I understand where she's coming from, but I'm willing to forgive him for hurting me and start over again. but like I said, parents won't let me.

any advice?

 

[Gabo]

I'd suggest talking some more to him to see his intentions a bit better.
And whether the reasons he originally broke up with you over were ever resolved.

And then if its worth it:

Work around your parents disapproval.
I know it sucks to have to keep it a secret from your parents, but if you care about him that much and find it worth it, then that may be the whole way you two can really be together.

Or you could talk it out with your parents.
But unless your mother is Lorelai Gilmore, there's a good chance they'd still say no.

 

[Iridium]

Don't bypass your parents if you don't have to, it takes time with reasoning. However if that doesn't work than you'll have to be sneaky about it, which I don't recommend since it has foreseen consequences. At the very least your last solution would be to forget about him and just stay friends. Also before making any other moves, make sure you know the reason why he broke it off in the first place, you don't want this scenario to play out a third time.

I do know how that feels however, I'm in a slightly different situation. If you ever want to talk about it, or anything else shoot me a PM. I'd be delighted to talk to you.

 

[Constellations]

my parents are uber strict and always find things out that I try and keep secret. going behind their back means I won't have a social life for a few years...

I will talk to him more about it in a few days, since we work together. I'm just upset that my parents are handling who I date, when I'm the one in the relationship. I know they're looking out for me and all, but I really want to see this person again, and I don't think it's fair that if I want to give him another chance, they won't.

 

[Sexual White Chocolate]

Do you feel like you're able to make the decision for yourself? If so, talk to your parents about it. If you're willing to take the risk, and understand that getting hurt, yet again, is very possible, if not probable, possibility, then talk to your parents. Tell them that you understand what could happen. And that you're grown up enough to deal with it if it happens. It's what you want to do, and that you hope they can respect you enough as a young adult to do this. If it happens again, you won't cry to them about it. It's something that's very important to you and means a lot to you.

A lot of it has to do with the guy himself. Parents can be very odd. In most cases, however, they at least hope to have your best interests in mind. Long-run, though. Not just short-term. Maybe they don't know the guy well enough or they just don't like him. Not to say if they're right or wrong, but that could be another factor.

But seriously, if it's as important to you as you make it sound, ask your mom or dad or both to sit down with you and tell them you understand the possibilities, risks, and you'd really with they could respect you enough to let you make your own decision about who you want to date.

 

[Gabo]

my parents are uber strict and always find things out that I try and keep secret. going behind their back means I won't have a social life for a few years...

Fortunately for you, you're seventeen.

And as pathetic as this sounds, try harder to not let them find out.
If you can't sway them anyways.

But if they could punish you...
Well, if you're afraid of being punished over him, then he prolly isn't worth the risk, is he?
If hes not worth the risk to you, then don't bother.

 

[Constellations]

I probably will sit down with them tonight, whether I ask to or not. they'll want to talk to me I know it. I'll try asking the same things you all suggested to me, being that I know where they're coming from and all.

 

[Sexual White Chocolate]

If they want to talk to you, and he means a lot to you, don't feel threatened by talking to them, or them coming to you. You've got no reason to. Don't go all "Well, I'm dating him anyways. That's that." Not saying you're the kind to. Actually, you would have already if you were, but teenagers can get ahead of themselves. A common and yet seemingly disregarded fact about parents is that so long as they at least "think" or "feel" like they have control, they're usually pretty damn happy.

If they can find out when you're being secretive or lying, it would be best to not try and persuade them. I mean, do what we've mentioned, but if you said like you're a kid begging for a toy, they won't respect you as much.

 

[Constellations]

if we talk, I will see if they hear me out. it's going to be very hard though because once they say "no" they won't go back on their word. ugghh this sucks...

 

[Colours]

let's start from the beginning (as if I'm not crying enough as it is now...)

my ex-boyfriend and I began going out last summer, and in February of this year he told me (over the phone) that he wanted more time to himself, so we broke up. I never got over him. I thought I began to, but whenever I see him the feelings come back and I want to be with him again, regardless that he broke my heart.

one night, I believe back in May, he kissed me unexpectedly, apologizing like crazy right after.

a few nights ago, he blurted out to me that he regretted what he did and he want's to be back with me again. when I heard that, I became extremely happy, but I knew something would block us from getting back together:

my parents.

tonight, he wanted to see me so we could talk more, and when I asked my parents (after much debating with myself to even ask my mom) my mom literally calls up my dad and they both say no. they also say that I cannot date him. at all. ever.

I'm heartbroken, and he is as well. I know that he hurt me in the past, and he realizes that he was wrong and I want to forgive him for it. my parents won't. they want me dating other people, not just him. I'm not saying I want to be with this guy forever; I know that's not likely going to happen. But I still have feelings for him. my mom says she's not doing it to hurt anyone, she just doesn't want me to be hurt again. I understand where she's coming from, but I'm willing to forgive him for hurting me and start over again. but like I said, parents won't let me.

any advice?

Awwww my BFF. Make him jealous that's the best way for him to come back.

 

[Iridium]

Look, you have to make them understand that you control your love life and you make the decision not them.
You're well old enough to handle these sorts of things on your own, but if you do tell them this don't go over board.

Seriously, you have the right to date anyone you damn well please.

 

[Constellations]

...he want's to come back to me. I don't need to make him jealous, nor do I want to in any way.

what's preventing us from getting back together are my parents. that's the issue.

 

[Bukkake Sensei]

let's start from the beginning (as if I'm not crying enough as it is now...)

my ex-boyfriend and I began going out last summer, and in February of this year he told me (over the phone) that he wanted more time to himself, so we broke up. I never got over him. I thought I began to, but whenever I see him the feelings come back and I want to be with him again, regardless that he broke my heart.

one night, I believe back in May, he kissed me unexpectedly, apologizing like crazy right after.

a few nights ago, he blurted out to me that he regretted what he did and he want's to be back with me again. when I heard that, I became extremely happy, but I knew something would block us from getting back together:

my parents.

tonight, he wanted to see me so we could talk more, and when I asked my parents (after much debating with myself to even ask my mom) my mom literally calls up my dad and they both say no. they also say that I cannot date him. at all. ever.

I'm heartbroken, and he is as well. I know that he hurt me in the past, and he realizes that he was wrong and I want to forgive him for it. my parents won't. they want me dating other people, not just him. I'm not saying I want to be with this guy forever; I know that's not likely going to happen. But I still have feelings for him. my mom says she's not doing it to hurt anyone, she just doesn't want me to be hurt again. I understand where she's coming from, but I'm willing to forgive him for hurting me and start over again. but like I said, parents won't let me.

any advice?

Your mother ought to realize that no parents should play that active of a role in their child's romantic relationships. Discouraging you from dating him is one thing, but as much as she's going to try to convince you otherwise, she doesn't hold the authority over you to dictate who you date. Claiming that you can't date him "ever" is ****ing ridiculous as well if you're really going to be a legal adult within the next year.

Next, your parents need to stop denying the simple and plain fact that nothing hurt you in the first place aside from your own insecurities. I can fully understand why they would refuse to let you see him again if he had raped you, been abusive, cheated on you, etc. etc. But this guy says that he wants some time to himself, a perfectly reasonable thing to ask for, and you say that he broke your heart by doing so? That's a crock of shit. It seems like you lack the maturity to be in an emotional relationship to begin with and that's what your parents should be protecting you from instead of this one boy in particular.

He doesn't owe you an apology and therefore neither you nor your family have anything to forgive. Asking for time to be alone isn't a bad thing. It's not a crime, not wrong in any way, shape or form, and you need to get the **** over it. Stop playing the victim, sweetheart.

 

[Constellations]

Look, you have to make them understand that you control your love life and you make the decision not them.
You're well old enough to handle these sorts of things on your own, but if you do tell them this don't go over board.

Seriously, you have the right to date anyone you damn well please.

tried that and failed ...

 

[Colours]

...he want's to come back to me. I don't need to make him jealous, nor do I want to in any way.

what's preventing us from getting back together are my parents. that's the issue.

Try to make them understand that he's better for you than any other boy. Try to reason with them......

 

[Iridium]

There is no other boy EG, I don't know where you got that from >_>

 

[Gabo]

Awwww my BFF. Make him jealous that's the best way for him to come back.

Did you even read the topic post?

Your mother ought to realize that no parents should play that active of a role in their child's romantic relationships. Discouraging you from dating him is one thing, but as much as she's going to try to convince you otherwise, she doesn't hold the authority over you to dictate who you date. Claiming that you can't date him "ever" is ****ing ridiculous as well if you're really going to be a legal adult within the next year.

Quoted for truth.
Parents should be involved in their children's lives, but to an extent.

Try to make them understand that he's better for you than any other boy. Try to reason with them......

That'd make her seem pathetic.
And stupid, saying as hes hurt her before

 

[Iridium]

tried that and failed ...

I'm sorry hun T.T
Now I feel useless.

*hides face in shame*

 

[Constellations]

But this guy says that he wants some time to himself, a perfectly reasonable thing to ask for, and you say that he broke your heart by doing so? That's a crock of shit. It seems like you lack the maturity to be in an emotional relationship to begin with and that's what your parents should be protecting you from instead of this one boy in particular.

what broke me the most was that it came out of nowhere. I mean now I understand that time needed by himself wasn't the bad thing, it was that it was out of nowhere where I thought we were fine.

He doesn't owe you an apology and therefore neither you nor your family have anything to forgive. Asking for time to be alone isn't a bad thing. It's not a crime, not wrong in any way, shape or form, and you need to get the **** over it. Stop playing the victim, sweetheart.

hang on, I never said he owed me anything. he came up to me and blurted to me his feelings. I'm not "playing" victim here either, I'm telling you whats happening and how I'm feeling.

 

[Bukkake Sensei]

what broke me the most was that it came out of nowhere. I mean now I understand that time needed by himself wasn't the bad thing, it was that it was out of nowhere where I thought we were fine.

Well then there's your answer. Explain to your parents that he doesn't have control over your emotions and that it's silly to hold him responsible for your reaction. If they acknowledge that he didn't "break your heart" as you so eloquently put it in the way that only a confused seventeen-year-old girl could, then they have no logical reason to keep you from him.

Put the blame on yourself, because that is where it rightfully belongs. And hope that your parents can put the blame on you too, even though they're obviously not going to want to admit that their darling little princess was in the wrong.

hang on, I never said he owed me anything. he came up to me and blurted to me his feelings. I'm not "playing" victim here either, I'm telling you whats happening and how I'm feeling.

Does the word playing in quotation marks denote that you think you actually are a victim? Anyway, the two following quotes say otherwise:

(as if I'm not crying enough as it is now...)

he broke my heart.

You are looking for attention just as much as you're looking for a solution. Shut up.