Fanfiction ► Kingdom Hearts:A New Beggining For The 2 Of Us

[kitax]

Kingdom Hearts:A New Beginning For The Two Of Us...

This story is in van's or Savanna's point of view.I'll let you know between chapters on who's talking throughout the story.


Introduction:
A young 14 year old boy named van,lived in the alleyways of Twilight Town.You could say he lived there when Roxas mysteriously came back and got seperated from Sora.Van lived on his on,since his parents died shortly after he turned 5 years old.That never really stopped Van from making friends at the age of 14.To give a better discription of him...
He had short blonde layered hair,blueish-green eyes,and a very young apperance than his actual age.He wore a red shirt with black pocket pants and black tennis shoes with red laces.Van always was in a happy mood and loved helping out at the local shops to earn money for living alone in his families house.Also,he usually bought clothes with some extra money when he overworked or when the owners of the shops were in a cheerful mood.But,this will change in time..around a couple of days from now.


(i'm in a cheerful mood..so i'll give you chapter one today,on the next post.)

 

[kitax]

Chapter 1:Van's beggining of a new adventure

Van was just now coming back from helping Mrs.Karleen at the Jewlery shop.Suddenly out of nowhere,heartless and very few of the nobodies appeared throughout the town.A couple of them appeared behind Van.He started running back ,but was soon trapped in a dead end in the alleyway."What should I do?"What are these creatures anyways?"Van asked himself.Out of nowhere,just in time,a unique object appeared in his hand.It was shapped like a key,yet it was also a sword.It had black and white checkers,and Roxas's throwing star as his keyblade's chain.

"I guess i should use this,"Van said as he started attacking the weird creatures who kept appearing."There's too many!"Van yelled as he started running away from the creatures.To his surprise...they didn't follow.ON his way back home,he saw a red-haired girl and a brunette haired boy fighting off a snake creature.

They were trying to defend themselves with the same exact weapon he had just used.To his surprise,they were quite different."Maybe I should help them.."Van asked himself as he went over to them."Hey,do ya'll need any help?"Van asked them as he got closer."Please hurry,we can't hold them off for long.."the red head said.Van nodded and started to attack the snake.After a while,they defeated the moster and sat down to rest."So,what's ya'lls name?"Van asked them,"I'm Van."The brunnettte spoke for the girl and himself,"I'm Sora and this is Kaori."

After they started talking and learning about each other,Van asked,"So why are you here in the first place,Sora,when you live in a diffderent world.""I came here because King Mickey sent me a letter about a new enmey and what's been happening around town,"Sora explained."I see...why don't we all go together and defeat the enemy,"Van suggested.
While Van and Sora talked,Kaori saw a skeleton figure in a black cloak.


OCClease don't be harsh on me with capitilization and stuff.i'm new at writting stories and such.I hope yall liked the intro and first chapter.i'll post more when i have more time.

 

[Darkness of White]

it was good
but i kinda think you ment kairi not kaori

 

[kitax]

it was good
but i kinda think you ment kairi not kaori

well,i got this idea from the roleplay which was made by Ravi.Kaori is Ravi's character and she is an important part in the roleplay than in this story.This story shows the point of view from Van(red chapter) and Savanna(blue chapters).but,their names will change and exciting and sad events will occur in this story.

i'm glad you liked it.i hope that others will like it too.i hope tomorrow i have time to post chapter 2 up.i've got 5 chapters written in my art binder...but i have to redo chapter 5.

 

[Danica Syer]

Hey, I like this story. ^_^ Can't wait to see more Van's adventure!

 

[kitax]

Chapter 2 : Savanna's Life

Savanna was a shy young 10 year old year the day before her life style was changed.To discribe her,she wore colorful tank tops and different colored pants.Today she wore a hot pink tank top and purple pants.She had long blonde hair in a pony tail with pink hair clips holding up her long bangs.She lived in Radient Garden and enjoyed helping Donald's Uncle out with selling sea-salt icecream.On her way to help,she saw a moogle having trouble with carrying mail.So,Savanna kindly helped out and was finished with the
job within an hour.As she thanked the moogle she went on her way to the Ice-cream parlor.

On her way,three snake creatures and some heartless attacked her.She ran into the alleyway,but she was cornered.She started crying and yelled,"Someone please help me! "A scared 15 year old boy appeared by her left side and a black short haired 13 year old appeared on her right side."Go now,we can handle them!"Leon told her while he and
Yuffie thought off the strange creatures."Yes sir,"Svanna said as she ran off, but was soon corned again by three figures in black cloaks."Why don't you come with us?"one of them said reaching a hand out to her."Yeah,you seem alone and without friends.."the second figure said.While they were gesturing for her to come with them,the third figure grabbed her and put his hand over the girls mouth.

After they got her,one of them casted a sleeping spell on the girl."Take her back to the mansion..."the third figure ordered.They vanished into a portal and took her into a room hidden in the dark mansion.Unknown to her,that would be the last time she would remember of her childhood days.

 

[Jopari]

The story is nice, but it's a bit hard to read. If you worked on the grammar and writing techniques it would be easier to read. One of the main issues is the story has no emotion, you're just stating facts as you write and I can't see any real emotion in the characters.

I'd suggest at least skimming through TLP's "The Articles Of Literacy" and reading GOH's "Giving Your Story Emotional Weight". These are both great guides and would help to make the story much easier to read and add some dimension to your characters.

The only other thing I'd suggest is to add to the length of the chapters. The short chapters give nothing to focus on and don't allow for character building, which leads to flat and unchanging characters.

Other than that it's a good attempt at fan fiction and has potential. I'll put links to the guides here for you as well.

The Articles Of Literacy
Giving Your Story Emotional Weight

 

[roxas78]

your a bitter you tottaly bit of my name i have that set as my name for my series im makeing for kh i had it all over this site you tottaly bit off my name:cursing:

 

[kitax]

OCC:i didn't know...and i'm still learning in school.i'm just in the 9th grade still learning in english 1.
i'm really sorry to everyone if i stold any chracters or titles.i didn't know and these were my chracters i made up at school and throughout Ravi's roleplay.:sad:


but to others who love my story i'm happy and know now what to do to make more exciting.
i will make them longer to.but that's the way i did my chapters in front and back of 1 sheet of notebook paper in my binder.

 

[kitax]

Chapter 3:The Dark Mansion
All I could see were the dark shapes of the trees and the shape of an old dark mansion.It was pitch dark outside and it was very chilly.I began shivering and guessed it was around midnight in this world.The cloaked figure that kidnapped me rushed me through the door,into a secret door behind one of the staircases,down another staircase,and into an abandoned room.The room looked empty except for a huge bookcase.The figure then grabbed a blue covered book with a yellow crystal star on it and pressed the crystal down.It triggereda lock behind the bookcase and within a minute,the bookcase vanished.A beautiful rainbow stainglass door appeared and opened.I looked at the figure with a childish questioning look,but he only pulled me and pushed me into the room."My master will meet you shortly,"the figure said before he disappeared into a black and purple portal.

I looked around the room and admired the blood red walls,the brown furniture,and the purple curtains on the balcony window."It's so pretty in here.."I said just before i heard someone come in."Welcome to my mansion,Savanna,"he said,"you may call me master if you please.""Thank you master,but why am i here and why'd that person kidnap me?"I asked him politely."You are an unique girl with the powers to see the past and future through any mirrored object,"the so called "master" told me."Okay,but I don't even know how to?"I asked him.He then gestured me to sit with him at the circular brown table in the middle of the room.The table had a purple cloth on it with a shiny blue orb.I sat down on one of the chairs and looked at the orb."Touch the orb and concentrate on an image or dream you once had,"he told me as I touched the orb and concentrated.

I saw an image with a small blonde haired boy crying at a funeral."Who is this and why is he crying?"I asked feeling sorry for this boy."His name is Van and he is crying because both his parents died 3 days ago from a strange disease.."he explained."If you stay,you will know why you see him in this orb,"he said."I will,"i childlishly agreed.After I said that he started humming something and i soon feel asleep.After 10 minutes,I woke up with pink streaks in my hair and no memory."Welcome to the F.O.D,Xafanna,"the master said as a cloaked figure from before appeared."Do what ever she asks you and be sure nothing happens to her,"he whispered into the figures ear.For the next couple of years,the cloaked figure no longer visited her and she stayed in the room.Her master ordered her to find out what the blonde boy,Van,was doing each day.....

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
After 5 years had past,I became known as Xafanna the time witch.Today was the day that Van would come with seven of his friends.Hopefully,I pray that none of the others will be hurt in order to get Van on our side.We have already started the experiment on Kaori.It turned out fine,but we still have no idea what was instored for Van.I've had dreams of the future with Van's new identity as the keybearer of darkness.
Anyways,I sat at the table looking through the orb and saw that he was now coming into our diminsion.I had to go tell my master immediantly that he had arrived.So,I got up from my chair and began putting on my blue boot and my blue hooded cape.As I was getting ready to leave the room,someone appeared behing me and said,"where ya going,Xafy?"I replied and said,"I'm informing our master that Van has arrived,Tamx..."Tamx looked at me with his yellow and greenish eyes.He was wearing his usual black claok with the snake sybol zipper,his green boots,and he had his green hair perfectly brushed."Then may I assist you?"Tamx asked me."You may,"I said as he grabbed my hand and rushed me to our master's room.

 

[TheLastKnight]

double space between dialogue, other than that, it was good, just make it easier to read...

also, let your readers drool over the upcoming events

 

[kitax]

Chapter 4:news of Van's arrival
While we were heading to our master's room,we decided to get a peak at Van from the shadows of the mansion staircases.He had just entered the mansion and was waiting by the staircase for his friends.He was just like I had seen through the orb.He was young,shy,and cute.He had shimmering saphire eyes with beautiful blonde layered hair that reached down to an inch below his shoulders.As we watched,something amazing happened out of nowhere.A keyblade like no other had magically appeared in Van's right hand.

It was shaped like a cat with a sleeping kitten for the handle and the tail for the upper top of the keyblade.When he touched it,he started to glow like a star and flexible yellowish blonde cat ears and tail appeared on his body.I didn't really see anything like this in my orb so it was an unusual sight to see ,but it was more graceful that anything I had seen in a long while.


While I was staring at him,Tamx had quietly put his warm majestic arms around me still watching the boy."I can see why master thinks he's so special..."Tamx began saying."I know..let's go ahead and tell master the news,"I said embarrassingly to Tamx."Sure,"Tamx said as he pulled me up to his shoulders like a piggyback ride."Thanks,"I whispered as he opened a portal to our master's room.When we excited the portal on the other side,we saw our master busily working on some research.Tamx pulled me off his shoulder and walked up to our master.

"Xafanna has brought news of the boys arrival,"Tamx said in his serious voice."Very good,"He said as he put down his pencil and walked over to me."What do you bring this time Xafanna?"he asked me as I sat down on the couch in his room."Van has arrived with a new power than what I have seen...he's beginning to use the light spirits as his token,"Xafanna told her master."carry on.."he said very pleased with the news.I carried on with what I saw through the orb last night til just a minute ago.

 

[kitax]

OCC:i'm not gonna do van's point of view because i've done it in my roleplay and i would like to concentrate on xafanna's story.

BIC:

Chapter 5:First Love
"Interesting..you say that this was a surprise for you,"my master kept saying."Yes,but i think we should get him now before the light consumes him of his darkness,"I said still worried about what may happen to him if the experiment fails."Tamx,you keep watch of this boy til he finds the computer room,"our master instructed to Tamx,"while he searches,put a hypnotic spell on him so that we may see how much time we can control over him...if that fails,we go on with the experiment.""Yes sir,"Tamx swiftly said as he vanished without a word...not even a see you later."Xafanna...you may get some rest...since you haven't have any sleep for 2 days in a row.."my master said as he continued back to his work."Yes sir and thank you,"I said with a yawn and vanished without a sound to my humble room.I appeared next to my table and decided to see what Tamx was up to and how much he had done....so i looked through my majestic all-seeing orb.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Tamx was just nowfollowing the boy,Van,and his blonde spiky haired friend.They were just now turning to the right and heading straight for the computer room."Why don't you look in that room Van?"his friend asked him."Sure.."Van said scaredly as he headed for the computer room as his friend was looking in the library.Van looked like a young 7 year old child that was frightened of the dark,but had the courage of light within him to keep him in the right path.While the boy was going down the hallway to the computer room..I saw Tamx do something strange.He started humming the spell softly like a singing bird and his hands glowed like green glow sticks.His face was marked with green glowing symbols as he continued with the spell.As he did finished,I saw that Van was just now at the door and cautiously opening it.He continued through the room admiring all the technology in that room.
As he kept walking,he noticed a girl lying on a metal table in the middle of the room.She looked a lot like Kaori but with brown hair and an uncheerful frown.Van walked closer until he stopped,held his head like when your having a huge headache,and fell backwards on his back unconscious for a while...
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I suddenly started to see blurred visions in my eyes and fell asleep soundlessly on my table without noticing.After a long while or about 2 hours,Tamx had returned and reappeared in my room.He had an awwing expression on his face while admiring my beauty."She's so cute when she's sleeping like a kid,"he said silently as he quietly picked me up gently,craddled me in his arms,and walked over to my colorful bed.My bed wasn't big but was enough for one person in it.It had an orange comforter with a paopu fruit on it,pink,red,and green pillows.The pink one had a purple heart,the red one had stars shaped into a V,and the green one had a T on it.My sheets were pink and cozy.Tamx laid me down in my pink sheets and pulled my orange paopu fruit comforter over me and tucked me to sleep.