Is the romantic love real? And if it is, what's so special about it?

[kohrin]

it seems to me that you might've had some bad experiences with romance or have had your friendship devalued due to a friend's romance. this is partially conjecture and partially because i see myself in you and the list you gave off, because i believed in this ideology too, once. look, man, romance and friendship... they're all relationships, they're connections you've made with people. you love them, they love you, and you matter to each other. whether platonic or romantic, this is a bond that is important.

there's plenty of relationships that break off because it didn't work out, romance wasn't fit for the relationship, they had an argument, etc. there's plenty of friendships that break off because it didn't work out, they drifted apart, they had an argument, etc. these kinds of things can't be measured, i think, and the list and evidence you gave is based on the ideology that romance doesn't last long and friendship is forever based on certain criteria. idk. doesn't seem fitting.

you can feel free to think how you want of course, this is purely just word vomit on my part. but imo relationships and friendships are both incredibly important to human nature. if you want a life with no romance, more power to you. but the importance of them both is undeniable.

 

[NovaDragon]

Maybe I’m confused but it sort of seems like you just don’t see any value in the whole romance part. You definitely don’t have to! You can just have close friends in your life and that is fine.

I don't see any value in the romantic part. But I don't understand why a lot of people do.

 

[NovaDragon]

it seems to me that you might've had some bad experiences with romance or have had your friendship devalued due to a friend's romance. this is partially conjecture and partially because i see myself in you and the list you gave off, because i believed in this ideology too, once. look, man, romance and friendship... they're all relationships, they're connections you've made with people. you love them, they love you, and you matter to each other. whether platonic or romantic, this is a bond that is important.

there's plenty of relationships that break off because it didn't work out, romance wasn't fit for the relationship, they had an argument, etc. there's plenty of friendships that break off because it didn't work out, they drifted apart, they had an argument, etc. these kinds of things can't be measured, i think, and the list and evidence you gave is based on the ideology that romance doesn't last long and friendship is forever based on certain criteria. idk. doesn't seem fitting.

you can feel free to think how you want of course, this is purely just word vomit on my part. but imo relationships and friendships are both incredibly important to human nature. if you want a life with no romance, more power to you. but the importance of them both is undeniable.

I have had bad experiences with romance before and I have seen people have much worse experiences with romance than I ever had. So romantic love and romantic relationships don't actually seem like a good thing at all. There's a lot more worse stuff that happens in romantic relationships than it does in platonic relationships.

Also, to me, the love between a romantic couple can never be near as good as the love between two platonic best friends is. Having someone who's like a sibling to you is a lot better than having a romantic partner or spouse is. And you will most likely have a much stronger bond with a person who's like a brother or sister to you than you would with a romantic partner or spouse.

Also, there's reasons why fathers/brothers hate the idea of their daughters/sisters having a boyfriend.


Here's what I stated before in this thread:

"But it seems that fathers usually hate it whenever their daughter gets a boyfriend (even if the boyfriend is a good guy), and it seems that they often hate the idea of their daughter dating, and many fathers seem against the idea of their daughters dating. There are even shirts made for daughters that say "I'M NOT ALLOWED TO EVER DATE" and shirts made for fathers that say "DADS AGAINST DAUGHTERS DATING".

Brothers also tend to act the same way that fathers do whenever their sister gets a boyfriend (even if the boyfriend is a good guy). It seems brothers (like fathers) hate the idea of their sisters dating.

So it seems that most fathers don't ever want their daughters to find love and be in a romantic relationship with someone, and it also seems that most brothers don't ever want their sisters to find love and be in a romantic relationship with someone.

So those could also be other reasons why the concept of romantic relationships isn't a good thing because of how protective fathers and brothers tend to be whenever their daughter or sister dates someone."

 

[NovaDragon]

I have had bad experiences with romance before and I have seen people have much worse experiences with romance than I ever had. So romantic love and romantic relationships don't actually seem like a good thing at all. There's a lot more worse stuff that happens in romantic relationships than it does in platonic relationships.

Also, to me, the love between a romantic couple can never be near as good as the love between two platonic best friends is. Having someone who's like a sibling to you is a lot better than having a romantic partner or spouse is. And you will most likely have a much stronger bond with a person who's like a brother or sister to you than you would with a romantic partner or spouse.

Also, there's reasons why fathers/brothers hate the idea of their daughters/sisters having a boyfriend.


Here's what I stated before in this thread:

"But it seems that fathers usually hate it whenever their daughter gets a boyfriend (even if the boyfriend is a good guy), and it seems that they often hate the idea of their daughter dating, and many fathers seem against the idea of their daughters dating. There are even shirts made for daughters that say "I'M NOT ALLOWED TO EVER DATE" and shirts made for fathers that say "DADS AGAINST DAUGHTERS DATING".

Brothers also tend to act the same way that fathers do whenever their sister gets a boyfriend (even if the boyfriend is a good guy). It seems brothers (like fathers) hate the idea of their sisters dating.

So it seems that most fathers don't ever want their daughters to find love and be in a romantic relationship with someone, and it also seems that most brothers don't ever want their sisters to find love and be in a romantic relationship with someone.

So those could also be other reasons why the concept of romantic relationships isn't a good thing because of how protective fathers and brothers tend to be whenever their daughter or sister dates someone."

Also, you're going to have a much deeper spoken understanding and connection with your best friend than you are with a romantic partner or spouse.

 

[PrettyGuard]

Have you experienced falling into a romantic love relationship? Because if not, you might be missing a part of your life then. Don't be afraid to get hurt once in having a relationship because it will only make you stronger and smarter in love.

 

[NovaDragon]

Have you experienced falling into a romantic love relationship? Because if not, you might be missing a part of your life then. Don't be afraid to get hurt once in having a relationship because it will only make you stronger and smarter in love.

I have dated before, but I still was not able to see what's so special about the romantic love and romantic relationships. Have you read my other posts on here about why having a platonic best friend is better than having a romantic partner or spouse, and have you read my others posts about why romantic relationships is not actually a good thing?

 

[Oracle Spockanort]

Just sounds like you are aromantic

 

[NovaDragon]

Just sounds like you are aromantic

I could be. But the stuff that I'm saying is true.

 

[Launchpad]

"But it seems that fathers usually hate it whenever their daughter gets a boyfriend (even if the boyfriend is a good guy), and it seems that they often hate the idea of their daughter dating, and many fathers seem against the idea of their daughters dating. There are even shirts made for daughters that say "I'M NOT ALLOWED TO EVER DATE" and shirts made for fathers that say "DADS AGAINST DAUGHTERS DATING".

Brothers also tend to act the same way that fathers do whenever their sister gets a boyfriend (even if the boyfriend is a good guy). It seems brothers (like fathers) hate the idea of their sisters dating.

So it seems that most fathers don't ever want their daughters to find love and be in a romantic relationship with someone, and it also seems that most brothers don't ever want their sisters to find love and be in a romantic relationship with someone.

So those could also be other reasons why the concept of romantic relationships isn't a good thing because of how protective fathers and brothers tend to be whenever their daughter or sister dates someone."

this is nonsense on a higher level than I'm used to seeing. So romantic relationships are bad because men are sensitive and can't bare witness to their female family members being in love... but they are fine pursuing their own relationships. In that case, why don't they just... mature?

 

[NovaDragon]

Also, a lot of romantic couples basically disappear from each other and don't become good friends with each other after they break up or divorce. As I said, A platonic best friend is way more likely to stay in someone's life than a romantic partner is. A platonic best friend is way more likely to protect you and have your back than a romantic partner is.

Most people have only known their spouse since sometime during their adulthood, and sometimes since their teenage years, but rarely since their childhood years. Most platonic best friends have known each other since their childhood years. So most platonic relationships have a big advantage over romantic ones in the sense that platonic best friends usually grow up together while most married couples don't usually grow up together. You are more likely to be closer to someone that you knew since childhood than you are to someone that you knew since sometime during your adult or teenager years. Most people have best friends since their childhood (at least most of the times). It takes a great amount of time to build such a strong bond.

 

[NovaDragon]

this is nonsense on a higher level than I'm used to seeing. So romantic relationships are bad because men are sensitive and can't bare witness to their female family members being in love... but they are fine pursuing their own relationships. In that case, why don't they just... mature?

You think it's immature of them to think that way?

 

[NovaDragon]

I just don't see how romantic relationships and marriage can be a good thing. Just remember that domestic violence does happen in a lot of romantic relationships and marriages, and a lot of people who are in a romantic relationship or married do cheat on their partner or spouse with someone else. Bad stuff like that happens in a lot of romantic relationships and marriages.

 

[NovaDragon]

Also, platonic relationships and romantic relationships may be two ENTIRELY different things, but that doesn't mean they are equal when it comes to the amount of love giving in them. The love in platonic relationships seems to be way stronger than the love in romantic relationships are since platonic relationships are not fragile like romantic relationships are. Also, platonic relationships also seem to be a lot more intimate and comfortable than romantic relationships are.

 

[NovaDragon]

Also, platonic relationships and romantic relationships may be two ENTIRELY different things, but that doesn't mean they are equal when it comes to the amount of love giving in them. The love in platonic relationships seems to be way stronger than the love in romantic relationships are since platonic relationships are not fragile like romantic relationships are. Also, platonic relationships also seem to be a lot more intimate and comfortable than romantic relationships are.

Also, the concept of romantic love and romantic relationships seems to mostly be a man-made thing.

 

[Rainclouds]

Love exists in many forms, but you could easily say it's all the same.

The only real difference is that romantic love more often than not involves sex, and all other forms of love do not.
So, perhaps romantic love is the highest/most powerful love that you can feel.

 

[NovaDragon]

Love exists in many forms, but you could easily say it's all the same.

The only real difference is that romantic love more often than not involves sex, and all other forms of love do not.
So, perhaps romantic love is the highest/most powerful love that you can feel.

Platonic relationships and romantic relationships are two entirely different things, but that doesn't mean they are equal when it comes to the amount of love given in them. The love in platonic relationships seems to be way stronger than the love in romantic relationships are since platonic relationships are not fragile like romantic relationships are. Also, platonic relationships also seem to be a lot more intimate and comfortable than romantic relationships are. Platonic love is one of the most purest forms of love there is, while romantic love is one of the least purest forms of love there is.

Most people seem to be a lot more comfortable around their platonic best friends than they are around their romantic partners or spouses. A platonic best friend is more likely to be protective of you and have your back and look out for you than a romantic partner or spouse is. A platonic best friend is more likely to be protective of you and have your back and look out for you than a romantic partner or spouse is.

Romantic partners or spouses come and go but that feeling of trust, loyalty, care, love, appreciation, understanding, admiration, motivation, help, and listening is something that a romantic partner or spouse won't be able to give to you all the time. A platonic best friend however will.

 

[NovaDragon]

Well, I think this often has to do with the bullshit idea that virginity, as far as women are concerned, is valuable and still has to be protected and uphold. Historically speaking, this has a loooong tradition that still not only has a huge impact on the present, but still IS present: Women are often shamed if they have multiple partners out of free will, many women are "proud" of their virginhood and there's still this underlying feeling of the men in the family wanting to protect the woman's virginity because they feel like they have actual agency about what a woman does with her body, which is stupid and bullshit, but even women are still taught to think and feel that way, thus they are proud of their fathers for "protecting" them and feel like they should "spare" themselves for the "right one". I don't want to bash anyone here, it's fine and great to be proud of something you feel appropriate to be proud of, I just criticize that the whole underlying concept is weird, to say the least.

So, in general I'd differentiate whether fathers / brothers are overprotective because they feel their daughter / sister need to be protected of the "bad men out there" (which she can totally do on her own) or because they are worried about the person itself, because they are shady, have a bad rap or something like that. This doesn't devalue romantic relationships because often this kind of obsessive overprotection doesn't reflect that the potential love interest is bad, but that the aggressive protection squad is blinded by their idea of righteousness and don't believe in the daughter's / sister's intelligence to know who is good for her and who isn't and her ability to make decisions for herself - which she always should, no matter whether the guy turns out to be good or bad, the person who wants to date him has to choose, no one else. If someone has good reasons to dislike someone because they've shown shitty behaviour and they express their unhappiness about the person by telling the woman who dates said guy, that's totally fine and healthy. If someone forbids a woman to choose a guy for herself because they feel uncomfortable about their sister / daughter being with someone on the stupid basis of "she's with a guy", that's THEIR problem and they should get over it because it's HER life and HER choices.

This article shows why most fathers are overprotective and it shows why romance is a bad thing: https://www.upworthy.com/3-reasons-...ng-dads-who-are-protective-of-their-daughters

 

[NovaDragon]

This article shows why most fathers are overprotective and it shows why romance is a bad thing: https://www.upworthy.com/3-reasons-...ng-dads-who-are-protective-of-their-daughters

Here's a YouTube video about overprotective fathers: The Overprotective Dad | Dad Talk - YouTube

 

[NovaDragon]

It’s more of a desire for the father to see the daughter young and happy. Most fathers will find their children “adorable” and “innocent” and don’t ever want them to stop being adorable and innocent. What I find is that, parents often want to protect their cold from potential dangers to their innocence, such as the internet, or “dating”. Especially with woman, the father might see this as a potential threat for their daughter, as who knows who the person they are dating could turn out to be. It’s more of a general father kind of thing, and sometimes motherly thing, to want to protect your child from danger. So, that’s why the whole “father not allowing daughter to have boyfriend” thing comes from, I believe.


Dating and marriage are dangerous and are a reason why romance and falling in love is a bad thing.

 

[Belluga]

yeah I think so too, but a partner can fill your life when you are sad or happy but having both is probably better^^