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Is the romantic love real? And if it is, what's so special about it?



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Just Dari

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I like what reflection was talking about when it comes to the idea of attraction, potentially stopping at the "honey moon phase" when really, you should treat things like hitting the right and wrong notes and attempting to evolve and better yourself, and your partner as well. This idea that love shouldn't involve pain just seems strange to me. As with friendships, as with families, no one is going to be in agreement or perfect all the time, giving another person room for error and the same legroom for accountability is a sign of a healthy bond.

I'll share some words from a friend, from a couple years back since I fee like it's yet another layer to add.

Not a big fan of the word "FRIENDZONE" for several reasons.
-It implies that the person being barred from a meaningful relationship is absolved of responsibility to get over their rejection.
-It is a sexist concept that places the blame *typically on the woman* for being the soul reason for a man's happiness.
-The phrase doesn't consider that whoever is "within the frienzone" has just as much accountability over themselves to make a decision to pursue someone else, or improve upon themselves to potentially or unpotentially overturn said previous rejection.

So if your using the "Friendzone" at the very least try to be a little bit more considerate about what you are implicating of a person, and acknowledge that you're responsible for your feelings, thoughts, and dealing with them if you feel you've been wronged. Casting blame is the single-easiest thing to do, even easier than breathing, because you can think/feel/and internalize it before you can actualize/speak it into awareness of others outside of yourself.
 

NovaDragon

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Woof, this is a heavy thread isn’t it? I think Veevee responded about domestic abuse really well.

When you describe a best friends relationship as two people that commit to working things out and being there for each other, you are describing any successful relationship! Romantic love is not different, it just involves attraction.

If we’re talking about how attraction can be temporary, I might share your worries actually. A friend told me once that in long term relationships sometimes you fall in and out of love, and feel it stronger some days more than others. I like this idea, I think in the past I’ve been quick to cut things off after the honeymoon phase wears off but I haven’t done that in my current relationship and it’s paid off.

A romantic partner and a best friend are much the same thing but it’s best to have a balance of both if you can. But if you just want to take a break to be independent because you’re losing faith in love as a concept, just do that. Maybe you will figure something out. It would be a bad time to start a romantic relationship in any case.



wowow this is simply not true, talk to any girl that has finished middle school
But isn't having someone who's like a sibling to you a lot better than having a romantic partner is? Also, wouldn't it make sense for someone to be much more closer to a person who's like a brother or sister to them than it would be with a partner or spouse?
 

Reflection

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Maybe I’m confused but it sort of seems like you just don’t see any value in the whole romance part. You definitely don’t have to! You can just have close friends in your life and that is fine.
 

kohrin

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it seems to me that you might've had some bad experiences with romance or have had your friendship devalued due to a friend's romance. this is partially conjecture and partially because i see myself in you and the list you gave off, because i believed in this ideology too, once. look, man, romance and friendship... they're all relationships, they're connections you've made with people. you love them, they love you, and you matter to each other. whether platonic or romantic, this is a bond that is important.

there's plenty of relationships that break off because it didn't work out, romance wasn't fit for the relationship, they had an argument, etc. there's plenty of friendships that break off because it didn't work out, they drifted apart, they had an argument, etc. these kinds of things can't be measured, i think, and the list and evidence you gave is based on the ideology that romance doesn't last long and friendship is forever based on certain criteria. idk. doesn't seem fitting.

you can feel free to think how you want of course, this is purely just word vomit on my part. but imo relationships and friendships are both incredibly important to human nature. if you want a life with no romance, more power to you. but the importance of them both is undeniable.
 

NovaDragon

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Maybe I’m confused but it sort of seems like you just don’t see any value in the whole romance part. You definitely don’t have to! You can just have close friends in your life and that is fine.
I don't see any value in the romantic part. But I don't understand why a lot of people do.
 

NovaDragon

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it seems to me that you might've had some bad experiences with romance or have had your friendship devalued due to a friend's romance. this is partially conjecture and partially because i see myself in you and the list you gave off, because i believed in this ideology too, once. look, man, romance and friendship... they're all relationships, they're connections you've made with people. you love them, they love you, and you matter to each other. whether platonic or romantic, this is a bond that is important.

there's plenty of relationships that break off because it didn't work out, romance wasn't fit for the relationship, they had an argument, etc. there's plenty of friendships that break off because it didn't work out, they drifted apart, they had an argument, etc. these kinds of things can't be measured, i think, and the list and evidence you gave is based on the ideology that romance doesn't last long and friendship is forever based on certain criteria. idk. doesn't seem fitting.

you can feel free to think how you want of course, this is purely just word vomit on my part. but imo relationships and friendships are both incredibly important to human nature. if you want a life with no romance, more power to you. but the importance of them both is undeniable.
I have had bad experiences with romance before and I have seen people have much worse experiences with romance than I ever had. So romantic love and romantic relationships don't actually seem like a good thing at all. There's a lot more worse stuff that happens in romantic relationships than it does in platonic relationships.

Also, to me, the love between a romantic couple can never be near as good as the love between two platonic best friends is. Having someone who's like a sibling to you is a lot better than having a romantic partner or spouse is. And you will most likely have a much stronger bond with a person who's like a brother or sister to you than you would with a romantic partner or spouse.

Also, there's reasons why fathers/brothers hate the idea of their daughters/sisters having a boyfriend.


Here's what I stated before in this thread:

"But it seems that fathers usually hate it whenever their daughter gets a boyfriend (even if the boyfriend is a good guy), and it seems that they often hate the idea of their daughter dating, and many fathers seem against the idea of their daughters dating. There are even shirts made for daughters that say "I'M NOT ALLOWED TO EVER DATE" and shirts made for fathers that say "DADS AGAINST DAUGHTERS DATING".

Brothers also tend to act the same way that fathers do whenever their sister gets a boyfriend (even if the boyfriend is a good guy). It seems brothers (like fathers) hate the idea of their sisters dating.

So it seems that most fathers don't ever want their daughters to find love and be in a romantic relationship with someone, and it also seems that most brothers don't ever want their sisters to find love and be in a romantic relationship with someone.

So those could also be other reasons why the concept of romantic relationships isn't a good thing because of how protective fathers and brothers tend to be whenever their daughter or sister dates someone."
 
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