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Is the romantic love real? And if it is, what's so special about it?



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NovaDragon

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I'm starting to think it's not real or special. I mean about more than half of romantic couples either break up with each other or divorce each other, while most platonic best friends remain friends until death.

So I'm starting to think that having a platonic best friend is a lot better than having a romantic partner or spouse is.
 
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NovaDragon

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Just go visit some of these websites, and you will know what I mean.


This website listed why having a platonic best friend is better than having a romantic partner or spouse is:
https://www.elitedaily.com/p/your-b...than-a-boyfriend-girlfriend-heres-why-9047913

These websites listed why having a platonic guy best friend is better than having a boyfriend is for girls:
https://www.elitedaily.com/life/culture/14-reasons-guy-best-friend-better-boyfriend/974585https://www.theodysseyonline.com/10-reasons-why-having-guy-best-friend-better-than-boyfriend
http://blog.relationshipsurgery.com...est-friend-is-better-than-having-a-boyfriend/
https://onedio.co/content/14-brutal...-best-friend-is-better-than-a-boyfriend-11710

These websites listed why having a platonic girl best friend is better than having a girlfriend is for guys:
https://www.relrules.com/reasons-best-friend-girlfriend-is-the-best-gf/
https://www.elitedaily.com/life/best-friend-is-better-than-gf/1104624
http://diceview.com/7-reasons-why-having-a-girl-best-friend-is-better-than-a-girlfriend/
https://www.theodysseyonline.com/girl-friend-better-than-girlfriend



So platonic best friends are a lot better than romantic partners and spouses are.

Romantic partners and spouses are just temporary. If you break up or divorce them, it's hard to go back to them.

With your platonic best friend, you're going to make things work, because they are your best friend, they are your go to partner. It's always easier to make amends with them than it is with a romantic partner or spouse.
 
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NovaDragon

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Also, here are 13 reasons why your best friend is more important than your romantic partner or spouse is:

1. Your best friend has seen you at your worst and they still love you. They have no need to see you looking pretty or together all the time. You could show up in curlers with the biggest pimple ever and they’d still accept you.
2. Your best friend has probably been around longer than your partner. They are reliable, loyal and entrenched in your life.
3. You don’t necessarily have more fun with your best friend but it’s a different kind of fun. It feels more relaxed and honest.
4. You don’t have to impress your best friend. You can be yourself.
5. Your best friend will drop everything and come rescue you and you’d do the same for them.
6. Your best friend will understand you and not judge you. You talk to them and feel totally understood for once in this big, bad world.
7. Your best friend has probably known you when you were a grungy, gross middle schooler or when you puked all over yourself freshman year. They’ve known you through every phase of your life.
8. You’ve always been sure about your best friend, but you sometimes doubt if your partner is really “the one.”
9. You never fight with your best friend the way you fight with your partner.
10. Your best friend is there for you after every break up and through every awful ex. They will put you back together when you’re hurt.
11. You know if things get tough you and your best friend can run off to Mexico and go on the run.
12. There’s nothing sexual going on so you can cuddle up and watch TV together for hours and there’s no pressure to do anything but that.
13. Your best friend has probably done more for you in life, in terms of favors and life experience, than your partner has. You should show them more appreciation.
 
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I'm not sure whether you mean it or are actually trolling ... but you can't really compare the two. First of all, yeah, a lot of couples divorce. People put emphasis on "xx% of couples divorce these days, where is the love gone", followed by whatever thing they think "killed" love like Online Dating, Feminism, whatever. First of all, it's totally okay that people divorce. Does it suck? Yeah. Can you still be happy that you had a great number of years? Yeah. Is it good people actually can get divorced (for the most parts) without becoming homeless, frowned upon or killed? Yes. Can you fall out of a friendship the way you get a divorce? For sure.

That list you have doesn't make much sense because it's completely based on the assumption that you know your best friend longer than your partner and that your partner wouldn't do much for you...? This is no proof that a friend is better, at best it proves you have a weird choices in partners.

Having a partner is a completely different thing from having a friend. A partner is someone who doesn't only support your decisions, but lives them with you. If I tell my best friend that I have to move, she will help me move. If I tell my partner we'll have to move, we'll be in this together, we'll have to choose a place together, move together, carry the decision together. It's a completely different feeling and you can't really say one is better over the other. It's your choice to believe in love or don't, but I'd advise not to look up random internet reason lists to assure yourself that you, despite obviously thinking a lot about it, don't need a romantic partner.
(Also, I don't believe in "The One" because it feels unrealistic that every person only has one single person for them in the whole world, so I don't know why people always obsess about that.)
 

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I'm not sure whether you mean it or are actually trolling ... but you can't really compare the two. First of all, yeah, a lot of couples divorce. People put emphasis on "xx% of couples divorce these days, where is the love gone", followed by whatever thing they think "killed" love like Online Dating, Feminism, whatever. First of all, it's totally okay that people divorce. Does it suck? Yeah. Can you still be happy that you had a great number of years? Yeah. Is it good people actually can get divorced (for the most parts) without becoming homeless, frowned upon or killed? Yes. Can you fall out of a friendship the way you get a divorce? For sure.

That list you have doesn't make much sense because it's completely based on the assumption that you know your best friend longer than your partner and that your partner wouldn't do much for you...? This is no proof that a friend is better, at best it proves you have a weird choices in partners.

Having a partner is a completely different thing from having a friend. A partner is someone who doesn't only support your decisions, but lives them with you. If I tell my best friend that I have to move, she will help me move. If I tell my partner we'll have to move, we'll be in this together, we'll have to choose a place together, move together, carry the decision together. It's a completely different feeling and you can't really say one is better over the other. It's your choice to believe in love or don't, but I'd advise not to look up random internet reason lists to assure yourself that you, despite obviously thinking a lot about it, don't need a romantic partner.
(Also, I don't believe in "The One" because it feels unrealistic that every person only has one single person for them in the whole world, so I don't know why people always obsess about that.)
I am not trolling. I am being serious. And also, there are a lot of toxic romantic relationships, while there isn't that many toxic platonic relationships. Like an example is that abuse happens a lot in romantic relationships, while abuse is rare in platonic relationships. So there is a lot of abusive romantic relationships, while there is isn't that many abusive platonic relationships.

Why do you think abusive romantic relationships have a term for them called "domestic violence", while abusive platonic relationships don't have a term for them? It's because abuse in platonic relationships are very rare, while abuse in romantic relationships happens a lot.

And also, a lot of people cheat on their romantic partners with someone else, while most people won't do stuff like that with their platonic best friends.

So those are other reasons why romantic love isn't real or special, while platonic love is.
 
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Veevee pretty much summed it up pretty well, but I guess I will take my own crack at this. To me, neither one is better than the other, because they are two different things. Platonic love can definitely be as strong as romantic love. However, most will agree that this kind of platonic love is hard to find. It is true that, unfortunately, we live in a society where romantic love is considered more important, pushing platonic love to the side. You can say that we probably don't value platonic relations as much as we should. As for the rest of your posts, I wouldn't take online lists of that nature too seriously, as they are often written without a real basis to them. Yes, it's also true that romantic relationships can be temporary, but so can friendships. There is no guarantee in life for anyone of these two things. You can be happily married for 30 years, and then suddenly find that your marriage isn't working anymore, while your best friend may stick around for the rest of your life. Or, alternatively, you may be married till the day you die, while the people you consider best friends may drift away for one reason or another. There is no right answer, because life will be different for everyone.

Judging from your response, I am almost getting the vibe that your opinion may stem from a negative experience involving romance. I may well be incorrect, and if I am, I respectfully apologize, but if it is true, you may want to rethink your view. Not all romantic relationships have to be temporary, and not all of them involve cheating or abuse.
 

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I am not trolling. I am being serious. And also, there are a lot of toxic romantic relationships, while there isn't that many toxic platonic relationships. Like an example is that abuse happens a lot in romantic relationships, while abuse is rare in platonic relationships. So there is a lot of abusive romantic relationships, while there is isn't that many abusive platonic relationships.

Why do you think abusive romantic relationships have a term for them called "domestic violence", while abusive platonic relationships don't have a term for them? It's because abuse in platonic relationships are very rare, while abuse in romantic relationships happens a lot.

And also, a lot of people cheat on their romantic partners with someone else, while most people won't do stuff like that with their platonic bestfriends.

So those are other reasons why romantic love isn't real or special, while platonic love is.
Glad you are not trolling, sorry to have suspected that, but you just did three posts in a row to hammer down your opinion on a controversal topic spiced with a ton of external links, that's usually what trolls in this forum like to do.

Oh, there is a lot of toxic platonic relationships / toxic friendships, they just don't get as much attention as toxic relationships and are usually harder to spot. I've honestly gone through as much toxic friendships - maybe even more - than through toxic relationships, it's just that the impact feels smaller because people don't necessarily identify it as toxic friendships. Relationships get a lot more focus in the media in general because people tend to put much more stress on a relationship than on a friendship. If people put even half the expectations they want from a partner into a platonic friendships, I'm pretty sure even the best of friends might run. It all depends on what you expect from a partner and what you expect from a friend.

I don't deny that there is domestic violence, but domestic violence also happens a lot in families, so from that logic we should go friends > partner > family or something. Honestly, I don't even get why it's necessary to invent a ranking that does add so little and destroy so much - a romantic partner and my best friend actually take completely different "importance" spots in my life, my partner has always been also my friend and my friend like a lifelong partner to me and I really couldn't and wouldn't want to rank them in any way.
Abuse in romantic relationships is more often than in friendships, yes. Because it's generally considered easier to leave a friendship than a romantic relationship because the latter often comes with responsibilities like kids or shared living space. Domestic violence sure is awful but I don't think it would be fair to reduce romantic relationships on that because those can have a really amazing feel to them. With a partner you basically have a person that is "yours" - I don't mean this in a possessive, objectifying way, but the level of common involvement (shared decisions, corporal and emotional intimacy, living together) can be really great. I don't say it can't be that great with a best friend, but that's exactly my point: When I was still in a relationship, I loved both my partner and my best friend equally and they gave me two similar, but still different kind of love and live experiences. In my personal experience relationships become a lot like friendships if they go on, aside from the occasional intercourse, most couples I know are basically friends who are kissing. Not saying the kissing part is super important or something, but that's usually why people start relationships, because they want a personal friend who they want to kiss. I've seen and read several people say they want a "best friend" for a partner, so the border is really where both parties involved want to set it.

Point 3: Friends can't exactly "cheat" on you with other people, but .. they can (kind of) betray you. I had this happen just shortly ago when a friend of mine just decided to ditch me and my peers to find new peers to hang out with - which is basically like cheating, secretly ditching a person because you'd rather be with a different person. Friends can also lie, be illoyal or talk behind your back to steal someone's love for you, so I don't see that as much different than cheating.
 

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True love exists for those who choose it, but you need communication, commitment, and faith in your marriage to sustain it.
 

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Romantic love is a sacrament. This is a tremendous energy, breaking through from the unknown and unpredictable depths of the unconscious, that is, from that part of our personality that we do not see, understand, and cannot explain with simple common sense. Like a love potion, it captivates us against our will, turns us upside down, radically changes our whole life, our attachments. We forget about our plans, renounce our beliefs and turn off the path that we have been following so far.
It is this uncontrollability of romantic love that gives us the cherished key to unraveling its true nature. Emotionally overwhelming man, enthusiastic love - this is an event that occurs with him at the deep levels of the unconscious. A person does not plan it, does not manage it, and does not even understand it: it just happens, and that’s all.
 

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Glad you are not trolling, sorry to have suspected that, but you just did three posts in a row to hammer down your opinion on a controversal topic spiced with a ton of external links, that's usually what trolls in this forum like to do.

Oh, there is a lot of toxic platonic relationships / toxic friendships, they just don't get as much attention as toxic relationships and are usually harder to spot. I've honestly gone through as much toxic friendships - maybe even more - than through toxic relationships, it's just that the impact feels smaller because people don't necessarily identify it as toxic friendships. Relationships get a lot more focus in the media in general because people tend to put much more stress on a relationship than on a friendship. If people put even half the expectations they want from a partner into a platonic friendships, I'm pretty sure even the best of friends might run. It all depends on what you expect from a partner and what you expect from a friend.

I don't deny that there is domestic violence, but domestic violence also happens a lot in families, so from that logic we should go friends > partner > family or something. Honestly, I don't even get why it's necessary to invent a ranking that does add so little and destroy so much - a romantic partner and my best friend actually take completely different "importance" spots in my life, my partner has always been also my friend and my friend like a lifelong partner to me and I really couldn't and wouldn't want to rank them in any way.
Abuse in romantic relationships is more often than in friendships, yes. Because it's generally considered easier to leave a friendship than a romantic relationship because the latter often comes with responsibilities like kids or shared living space. Domestic violence sure is awful but I don't think it would be fair to reduce romantic relationships on that because those can have a really amazing feel to them. With a partner you basically have a person that is "yours" - I don't mean this in a possessive, objectifying way, but the level of common involvement (shared decisions, corporal and emotional intimacy, living together) can be really great. I don't say it can't be that great with a best friend, but that's exactly my point: When I was still in a relationship, I loved both my partner and my best friend equally and they gave me two similar, but still different kind of love and live experiences. In my personal experience relationships become a lot like friendships if they go on, aside from the occasional intercourse, most couples I know are basically friends who are kissing. Not saying the kissing part is super important or something, but that's usually why people start relationships, because they want a personal friend who they want to kiss. I've seen and read several people say they want a "best friend" for a partner, so the border is really where both parties involved want to set it.

Point 3: Friends can't exactly "cheat" on you with other people, but .. they can (kind of) betray you. I had this happen just shortly ago when a friend of mine just decided to ditch me and my peers to find new peers to hang out with - which is basically like cheating, secretly ditching a person because you'd rather be with a different person. Friends can also lie, be illoyal or talk behind your back to steal someone's love for you, so I don't see that as much different than cheating.
But it seems that fathers usually hate it whenever their daughter gets a boyfriend (even if the boyfriend is a good guy), and it seems that they often hate the idea of their daughter dating, and many fathers seem against the idea of their daughters dating. There are even shirts made for daughters that say "I'M NOT ALLOWED TO EVER DATE" and shirts made for fathers that say "DADS AGAINST DAUGHTERS DATING".

Brothers also tend to act the same way that fathers do whenever their sister gets a boyfriend (even if the boyfriend is a good guy). It seems brothers (like fathers) hate the idea of their sisters dating.

So it seems that most fathers don't ever want their daughters to find love and be in a romantic relationship with someone, and it also seems that most brothers don't ever want their sisters to find love and be in a romantic relationship with someone.

So those could also be other reasons why the concept of romantic relationships isn't a good thing because of how protective fathers and brothers tend to be whenever their daughter or sister dates someone.
 
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Latifia

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I think Yes, romantic love is real. But you must be able to distinguish between love and passion. Passion can also be romantic, but it quickly goes away.
 

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But it seems that fathers usually hate it whenever their daughter gets a boyfriend (even if the boyfriend is a good guy), and it seems that they often hate the idea of their daughter dating, and many fathers seem against the idea of their daughters dating. There are even shirts made for daughters that say "I'M NOT ALLOWED TO EVER DATE" and shirts made for fathers that say "DADS AGAINST DAUGHTERS DATING".

Brothers also tend to act the same way that fathers do whenever their sister gets a boyfriend (even if the boyfriend is a good guy). It seems brothers (like fathers) hate the idea of their sisters dating.

So it seems that most fathers don't ever want their daughters to find love and be in a romantic relationship with someone, and it also seems that most brothers don't ever want their sisters to find love and be in a romantic relationship with someone.

So those could also be other reasons why the concept of romantic relationships isn't a good thing because of how protective fathers and brothers tend to be whenever their daughter or sister dates someone.
Well, I think this often has to do with the bullshit idea that virginity, as far as women are concerned, is valuable and still has to be protected and uphold. Historically speaking, this has a loooong tradition that still not only has a huge impact on the present, but still IS present: Women are often shamed if they have multiple partners out of free will, many women are "proud" of their virginhood and there's still this underlying feeling of the men in the family wanting to protect the woman's virginity because they feel like they have actual agency about what a woman does with her body, which is stupid and bullshit, but even women are still taught to think and feel that way, thus they are proud of their fathers for "protecting" them and feel like they should "spare" themselves for the "right one". I don't want to bash anyone here, it's fine and great to be proud of something you feel appropriate to be proud of, I just criticize that the whole underlying concept is weird, to say the least.

So, in general I'd differentiate whether fathers / brothers are overprotective because they feel their daughter / sister need to be protected of the "bad men out there" (which she can totally do on her own) or because they are worried about the person itself, because they are shady, have a bad rap or something like that. This doesn't devalue romantic relationships because often this kind of obsessive overprotection doesn't reflect that the potential love interest is bad, but that the aggressive protection squad is blinded by their idea of righteousness and don't believe in the daughter's / sister's intelligence to know who is good for her and who isn't and her ability to make decisions for herself - which she always should, no matter whether the guy turns out to be good or bad, the person who wants to date him has to choose, no one else. If someone has good reasons to dislike someone because they've shown shitty behaviour and they express their unhappiness about the person by telling the woman who dates said guy, that's totally fine and healthy. If someone forbids a woman to choose a guy for herself because they feel uncomfortable about their sister / daughter being with someone on the stupid basis of "she's with a guy", that's THEIR problem and they should get over it because it's HER life and HER choices.
 

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Depends.

Theres a lot of variables to consider.

1. Trauma. (Can impair a relationship, we call this baggage.)
2. Environment & Upbringing (can be controlled and uncontrolled)
3. Behavior and Decision-making skills
4. Mutual expression of interest/disinterest (Communication)
5. Respect & Trust.
6. Transmuting the Past into the Present.
7. Gatekeeping Parents/Siblings


1. Trauma is a big one.
Typically speaking Trauma can range anywhere from abusive parents. Overcontrolling and strict parenting. Instances of sexual assault, abuse, rape, substance-abuse, addictions, etc. All things that leave a deep emotional or psychological impact on that person you may end up meeting somewhere in the future. Trauma also doesn't have some linear answer such as going to see a shrink, or resting your worries in a faith/higher power, or even something like just overcoming it through sheer will power, its like an innate part of the individual and can have some pretty harmful effects in the kinship and relationship landscape. This is largely a reason why a romantic partner would eventually part because they can become encumbered and exhausted in how their partner handles their trauma and projects it into their relationship.

2. Environment & Upbringing stem from basically the home you were raised, and likely the community and school you attended. Many of us im sure grew up off "Disney Channel Originals" and we have this weird perception of what an ideal relationship looks like. In short. Romanticism dude. Pitched to us originally in Europe towards the end of the 18th Century and it's set the stage for "Romantic Love" and our perception of what that looks like in our environment.

Some of us had parents. Some of us had one parent. Some of us had adoptive parents. Some of us had A adoptive parent. These are all important stimulus to observe when we're kids and seeing what a relationship, our first exposure to one would look like, sets our expectations for our own relationships going forward. If your parents were constantly fighting and threatening, you have an even higher chance of ending up in an abusive relationship just based on how you grew up. You'll either be the abuser or the abused, typically whoever you sided with in your parents environment is the stance you'll likely have. Having like a single parent, and being exposed to multiple different partners sets your exceptions in your relationships as a mirror to the single parent in that, you may not like things about this person or that person and you'll move on rather quickly to another potential partner.

3.Behavior & Decision-making Skills. Considering after a while we're all adults, our own abilities to make our own decisions and think for ourselves obviously take over. You can just as easily argue none of these scenarios are applicable to you, and make your own determination of committing to a romantic partner or openly making a choice to not seek one. Balls in your court sway. Shoot.

4. Talk to' em. I'm sure you've all encountered people think you're "mind readers" or say some busted statement like, "Well you've known me X-years, you should know by now." as if to say that excuses you from communicating when things need to be repeated or if one genuinely forgets. Communicating emotions vs thoughts, are two completely different things. A woman hyperventilating over getting ready for an event typically isn't asking for you to "give her advice" on how to calm down, she's likely looking for you to listen or perform an action that is soothing, so she can communicate and articulate her thoughts, because her heightened emotional state is interfering with being able to do that properly. This happens a lot and why in a lot of context stuff disintegrates because no one can catch this communication barrier, sort of like being told "Read the room" you know?

5. Do I really need to explain this one? Don't be an asshole, at least...don't be an asshole thats not funny. No seriously. People are more trusting in relationships once they've gotten a feel for your personality and character and can trust you. Respect for each other is also equally as important, and if you aren't providing positive constructive criticism you'll end up damaging trust and come off as "disrespectful" so things to keep in mind.

6. This one ties into trauma. I'm sure you've encountered someone who shuts down in the middle of an argument and probably retires to their room or doesn't say anything. This is classic behavior from likely arguing with previous partners, a behavior a parent has likely done in front of a child (you/your partner or whoever is the one leaving the room). You take your past with you everywhere and the more aware you become of behaviors you transmute in the present day, the better equipped you are in a relationship to HOPEFULLY make it more sustainable.

7. You guys pretty much covered this, Im in agreement. I'll add this much, compared men, in this society women are far more vulnerable to be sexually assaulted and raped than men are. A large part of the gatekeeping culture of fathers/brothers over their daughters/sisters is for this reason. It's an oppressive element that while it means well, can impair the young girls from really getting to experience a relationship without that oppressive force. I'm all for giving the gentleman nerves to keep him on his toes, but to be barred from contact or communication is a bit excessive and extreme and I'm not not for it.



Closing - If you want to argue some abstract or extremely broad ideology or philosophy or something motivated and powered by religion, the lord, a higher power, etc etc, have at it. If thats what keeps you bound to a romantic partner, by all means, do what you gotta do darling I am ENVIOUS even. Romantic love is definitely a thing, you'll probably see it more in media than you will in actuality to some extent. Can't really say what special about it except for a pretty bad case of "tunnel vision" you get on another person which can detract from your personal progression if you aren't keeping yourself in check every so often. It really only works if your relationship with yourself is up to par you know? All opinions though, thats all I had to say.
 
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NovaDragon

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I heard that most people can live a life without romance and can still be happy. But most of the time, if someone doesn't have any platonic friends in their life, it can effect them really bad mentally; much worse than living a life without a romantic partner. So wouldn't that be proof that the romantic type of love isn't that special?
 

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You also have to consider one other important thing Nova, remember, we have a wide scope of different sexualities that people identify as now. This also likely has a lot to do with romantic love becoming something of a thing of the past. Gray-sexualities don't really tend take an issue with missing out on romantic relationships or romantic love for that matter and seem content to be platonic friends.

We're in more of a "Date-Generation" right now if you compare divorce rates across different countries.

Once you get back individual barriers in relationships, take into consideration a stark contrast in religious beliefs if any, and lastly your partner's sexuality, it makes for an overall divisive take in some instances concerning romance back in our grandparents hay day. Stuff like these older ways of looking at love, are just outdated and not suited to the younger generations, most people would be content with one night stands, actually exchanging money for intercourse, or not engaging romantically at all and keeping it platonic. This dynamic is literally so diverse now, you just don't really see the run of the mill story of being married to someone for 30+ years anymore.
 

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I'm starting to think it's not real or special. I mean about more than half of romantic couples either break up with each other or divorce each other, while most platonic best friends remain friends until death.

So I'm starting to think that having a platonic best friend is a lot better than having a romantic partner or spouse is.
It's very cool when you have a kindred spirit, but who it'll be it is already secondary
 

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Woof, this is a heavy thread isn’t it? I think Veevee responded about domestic abuse really well.

When you describe a best friends relationship as two people that commit to working things out and being there for each other, you are describing any successful relationship! Romantic love is not different, it just involves attraction.

If we’re talking about how attraction can be temporary, I might share your worries actually. A friend told me once that in long term relationships sometimes you fall in and out of love, and feel it stronger some days more than others. I like this idea, I think in the past I’ve been quick to cut things off after the honeymoon phase wears off but I haven’t done that in my current relationship and it’s paid off.

A romantic partner and a best friend are much the same thing but it’s best to have a balance of both if you can. But if you just want to take a break to be independent because you’re losing faith in love as a concept, just do that. Maybe you will figure something out. It would be a bad time to start a romantic relationship in any case.

while most platonic best friends remain friends until death.
wowow this is simply not true, talk to any girl that has finished middle school
 
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Just Dari

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I like what reflection was talking about when it comes to the idea of attraction, potentially stopping at the "honey moon phase" when really, you should treat things like hitting the right and wrong notes and attempting to evolve and better yourself, and your partner as well. This idea that love shouldn't involve pain just seems strange to me. As with friendships, as with families, no one is going to be in agreement or perfect all the time, giving another person room for error and the same legroom for accountability is a sign of a healthy bond.

I'll share some words from a friend, from a couple years back since I fee like it's yet another layer to add.

Not a big fan of the word "FRIENDZONE" for several reasons.
-It implies that the person being barred from a meaningful relationship is absolved of responsibility to get over their rejection.
-It is a sexist concept that places the blame *typically on the woman* for being the soul reason for a man's happiness.
-The phrase doesn't consider that whoever is "within the frienzone" has just as much accountability over themselves to make a decision to pursue someone else, or improve upon themselves to potentially or unpotentially overturn said previous rejection.

So if your using the "Friendzone" at the very least try to be a little bit more considerate about what you are implicating of a person, and acknowledge that you're responsible for your feelings, thoughts, and dealing with them if you feel you've been wronged. Casting blame is the single-easiest thing to do, even easier than breathing, because you can think/feel/and internalize it before you can actualize/speak it into awareness of others outside of yourself.
 
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