Help/Support ► I'm sad and depressed...

[Rix]

I feel that i wan't to share this with someone.. And I don't know who I can talk to so I'm posting this here..

I'm an outsider. I don't have many friends, and I don't see the few friends i have often.. I also find it hard to make new friends, I'm really shy and don't know what I should talk to people about to get to know them better.

I have had this social problems as long as I can remember. My selfconfidence was destroyed many years ago at elementary school. Like many other kids, I was bullied by the others through elementary school and junior high. I don't know really why they started to bully me, but they used to call me ugly.. Besides I was a little different from the other kids.. While the others started to put on make- up from the 10-11 age, I still liked to play as a kid and didn't care about make- up or fashion at all.
As I said, I was still bullied at junior high, and in the middle of junior high I started to wear better clothes and started to wear make- up, and then they started to bully me again, but in another way... They started to talk to me, but that was just to make me say something stupid so they could spread rumours about me. I didn't have any real friends on junior high either. Someone was nice to me, but we didn't use to hang out together or anything. I had one friend that I thought was a real friend, but when she got the chance to be one of the "popular" girls she ditched me and started to bully me too...


I think the bullying is the main reason why I have social problems.. There is some other things to that I have experienced through my childhood, but I don't want to talk about it here.

Things got better on high school, but that was because no one from my previous classes went to that school. I found a couple of friends there and my class was great. I'm just really sad that I was to shy to get better friends with the whole class. All of them was really good friends and I know that they still are, but I was jsut friend with two.. And I'm so sad today that I was to shy to be good friends with the others too.

I have the same kind of problems at my job too. Everyone is good friends at my job, except from me.. O'm a person that just.. works there with them.. I really want to get to know everyone better, but now I'm sure that everyone think of me as the quiet girl that doesn't wan't to talk to them... I'm trying to talk to them, but all I can say is stupid things that no one hears...
And lately I feel like I'm bullied at work to.. That the others try to keep me outside because they don't like me.. My boss use to put "post- it" notes with the workers name on on the tasks we shall do on the job, and earlier this week I found one of this post-it notes with my name on, but someone had crossed out my name, and had written the word "loser" on the note instead.. And no I'm afraid that the person that wrote that really meant me...

And I'm feeling so sad and depressed about myself.. I feel so hopeless.. I just wanna be liked and have friends.. I don't wan't to be an outsider anymore..


Thank you if you took your time to read all of this! I really needed to share this with someone...

 

[Blue]

Rixam,the first thing you should know is that you're not alone with this.

There are many people who are shy,want to make new friends but somehow cannot.For example,I consider myself a very shy person as well;though I have not been bullied like you have been,but I still have trouble with making friends.

That's why I'm admiring people like you,who have been through this much.I do know the feeling of wanting to be liked and all...it is really hard.

Hope this comforts you a little,though I know I'm not very good at cheering up people.

I do really hope you'll get through this =)

 

[black_myth]

hmm i dont know how to say to help you, im shy as well, dont get along with most peole cuz they are all in the big group and im not. i have only 2 real freinds. and i feel real lonly at times. and i dont know who to talk to, about how sad i really am . but i know my freinds are thier for me. and if yoor freind leaves u and picks on you sometimes i dont consider them as a freind.

no one is alike each other. their will allways be problems, but the smallist simmalarity can make something worth keeping.

 

[Rix]

Yes, I know that I'm not alone with those feelings and experiences.

It's good that you are trying to cheer me up, it's better than nothing and it works a little

I'l try to get trough this. Things have been better since I quitted junior high and my selfconfidence have grown better, but I still have a long way to go, and I hope that I'm able to get any futher.. Sometimes, I have breakdowns and I jsut want to give up, but I don't.

 

[black_myth]

thats good to hear. dont give up.

 

[KHscholar]

I know what you mean. I'm shy too ( by the way, isn't it odd that all the shy people are, all of a sudden, speaking now? Just goes to proove that there are people out there that care about you.) I don't have many friends either, and they live at least 6 hours away from me now. I haven't been able to keep any friends because I've kept moving ( about 7 times now ). Anyways, when I start to feel depressed, I look back to the friends that I do still have and remember the good times we had, and I look toward the next time we meet. Don't try to see the bad things happening around you, but look toward the good things to come. I know that's really tough, from experience, but you can't let these thing bog you down. ( and about looking for more friends, I say that making a fool out of yourself while searching for friends is much better than not having any friends at all. If they want to be your friend, then they would try to understand you, and help you anyways ).

P.S. : I hope to become a counsellor one day, so tell me if this helps!

 

[Joy]

You want friends. You want to be accepted. There's nothihng stopping you, truth be told. You should just try to chime in. But don't feel like you have to chime in. If you think "oh I have tos ay soemthing now" you're not going to think of anything to say. Just chime in at different times, or when nothing isr eally going on, mention something you like. You might think it's stupid, but people are distant from you, and bully you because you're new to them. They don't know anyone who's distant, and they're scared, so they bully you. It's a way to make themselves feel better.

 

[Enchanted Rose]

Yeah, what Time said is right. You have to change YOUR way of thinking before everyone else can change their perception of you. Don't alienate yourself by constantly thinking that you're an outsider, or that because you are different it means you are inferior. You are not inferior.

You mentioned you had some friends. Perhaps you should strengthen these friendships that you already have in order to build up your confidence and self-esteem again, they also might be able to help you with the problem of feeling sad and depressed.

 

[Lycanthrope]

You can't expect people to try to get to know you better if you don't try to be more outgoing. Try talking to them about stuff they like but you at least know about. Or, try telling jokes. I went to a new school this year with knowing only 3 or 4 kids prior to Freshman Orientation. It didn't take long to be accepted. For me, it was my hatred of snitches, hilarious jokes, and my athletic die hard attitude. Took only about a week or so to actually know most of the freshman.

Just try to become as outgoing as you can possibly be. I understand that it is extremely hard for people, but it's a thing that comes in handy if oyu are at least somewhat outgoing.

 

[gforce75]

I can give you advice based on my experience. Like you, I was subject to having little friends, but the reason was because I moved around too much. As a result, I kept losing friends. Overtime, I played nothing but video games (like ff - the irony) and lost touch. As I grew, I had a hard time adapting. Living mostly in europe, I was considered too well mannered in the states. In a way, it worked to my advantage, but I wanted to be like the average teen.

After joining the military, it made me appecriate my self worth. Being liked by friends is not everything in life. When you work to survive, get the things u need to get, focus on school... you start forgetting the small things like that. You have to focus on yourself and make urself fell good. Accomplishing all the small things will make you feel better personally. When you feel better personally, you will be able to go out, joke and have increased self confidence.

The best way I learned how much i cheerish myself was spending one year in iraq. So hot and a place forgotten by many, I walked around how god could make such a cruel place. Coming back to the states.... it was rough but I picked myself up and realized that I have a place in this world an that's all that matters. Friends come and go and all the people who i wanted to like me now have very little. Got someone pregnant, debt, bad job, lack of focus and even one guy i thought the most popular in my thrid highschool, he committed sucide.

Be happy with who you are and that's all you can ever do and focus on. If you wish, trade places with someone who wishes to just have clothes or just a bowl of food and trust me, they will love the loliness just to eat. What i mean is that your focusing on stuff that's not truly needed.

Good luck

 

[Mynny]

It's all about mind over matter. Don't mind all the mean a**holes in the world, cuz they don't matter. Definitely don't give up. Everyone here has good points.

And u r liked, by me. ^.^ You seem like sum1 I'd be good friends with IRL.

If u get nervous wen u wanna say sumthin, give urself a boost with words that get u psyched, like a power phrase or sumthin. I know it sounds stupid, REALLY stupid, but that's wat I do. Everytime I get nervous about saying sumthin 2 sum1 new, I do my power phrase(to myself, or in my head): "If they don't like me, SCREW EM!" Of course, you may want a more positive one but...you get the point.

 

[Rix]

It's all about mind over matter. Don't mind all the mean a**holes in the world, cuz they don't matter. Definitely don't give up. Everyone here has good points.

And u r liked, by me. ^.^ You seem like sum1 I'd be good friends with IRL.

If u get nervous wen u wanna say sumthin, give urself a boost with words that get u psyched, like a power phrase or sumthin. I know it sounds stupid, REALLY stupid, but that's wat I do. Everytime I get nervous about saying sumthin 2 sum1 new, I do my power phrase(to myself, or in my head): "If they don't like me, SCREW EM!" Of course, you may want a more positive one but...you get the point.

That could possibly work.. I will thank everyone for good tips and support I really priciate it

 

[Raiton Kensei]

Rixam you could be friends with me and talk to me if you want to.

 

[Rix]

Rixam you could be friends with me and talk to me if you want to.

I'd love to But I gotta go now we'll speak later sometime =D