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Human Interface

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New member
Oct 11, 2008
Realm of Nightmares
[So you know, this is completely random, and I just moved into my new house}

Chapter One

A teen girl stood on the porch of her house, awaiting the arrival of someone. She stood still, not moving an inch. Soon, a car pulled into her drive. A teen girl got out.

" Miss Yoshida, come in." the girl said in a low, monotone voice.

" Miss Tanaka, you sounded urgent when you asked me to come by, what's wrong?" the girl called Yoshida said.

" Nothing is wrong. I merely wanted to talk to you." Tanaka said.

" Oh, well." Yoshida said, walking into the home.

" There is a reason I asked you to come here, it is very important." Tanaka said, placing a teapot on the table. " Regarding your daily behavior." Tanaka said.

" Oh, is it that bad?" Yoshida asked, looking at the table.

" No, nothing like that," Tanaka said. " What I wanted to say, was that your behavior is confusing the Entity. You deny the rules."

" 'rules?' I never heard of them." Yoshida said, looking at Tanaka with a confused expression.

" My kind are what you call, Esper. We are controlled by a main leader, called the Entity. The Entity controls and watches the Data Stream. If you abide by the Human Interface rules, your data stays uncorrupted." Tanaka said, looking at Yoshida with a serious expression.

" Your an Esper?" Yoshida asked.

" Yes. My kind do not exist in great numbers in this world. You see, Earth is one of many worlds that the Entity protects. I was sent to this world to watch and observe the Data life forms, that naturally follow the Human Interface rules. You see, there are two interfaces, the Human Interface, and the Daily Interface.

" The rules are exactly the same, but the Daily Interface has one exception, the Espers can change it and bend it, but in the far future, it will affect the environment. Killing off many Data life forms. An Esper, such as I, can commence a Data Link, or a link between to Data Streams. That is how human life adapts.

" Since the beginning of Time and Space, at least one Esper has been on each world. The Esper population is naturally low, due to the inability to reproduce. I am to explain to you the rules of Human Interface." Tanaka said, not blinking.

" What are the rules?" Yoshida asked.

" The rules are: Rationality, Realization, Real Life, Fear, and Pain." Tanaka said, continuing to look like a statue.

" What do they mean?" Yoshida said.


I am unable to continue, I'm tired. I hope you enjoyed this! :)


Break the Spell
May 18, 2007
Somewhere 2D
It has potential, but this feels like more of a prologue than a full-blown chapter.

Anyway, the actually isn't that bad from a grammatical standpoint. In particular, your dialog formatting was excellent (something that some people seem to have issues with here). There were a few flaws.

1) You said "the girl called Yoshida," even though you already introduced the name. It's too wordy. Simple dialog tags are always best.

2) Instead of "the" inability, you should say "our" inability, since the speaker is part of the Esper group.

3) "'Rules'" should be capitalized.

4) You tend to overuse commas in dialog in order to cause a pause. That usually causes trouble.

The only other thing is a biggie: Description. You don't have much, and the reader needs to know what things look like.

As I said, the plot has potential, but it's still to early to judge it.

I hope I've helped!


How about it?
Jul 4, 2008
All I can say is that, it is quite good, but it needs some work! Keep going though!
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