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Help/Support ► How to help a friend...



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Ok, any advice you would kindly give is not for me, but rather my friend. Let's dive into the problem...


She's 14 and she's been seeing this guy for a month and a half [Now that she's back together with him again, yes they broke up before]. On Mondays, she lies to her parents saying she is having maths tutoring at school, when really she's at her boyfriends house giving him h****'s, and doing all of that stuff. She has recently admitted to me that she has comitted 'fornication' which is having sex when you are not married, and is a serious sin in her religion. Im not going to describe it because it just...well just. I [and many of my friends] have given her advice, and in honesty, i think Luvkyou and i gave her the most advice. To which she continues to do anyway.

Her mom has taken her phone again [Because she read a text that came from her Bf] and is well aware that she may be going out with him. Should she read the next text, my friend may even be kicked out of her home. Or as she says, she will run away.

I don't know what sort of advice i can offer her anymore. She is always saying to me 'What should i do??'' i tell her and she does it again which irritates me and my friends. We try to help her but whenever she's with him, she does it again. I know what you feel when your in love and that, but by now i had hopes she could control herself.

What should be done???
 

Joy

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How strong is your relationship with her?

Ask her why she keeps doing it.

Ask her why she doesn't listen to you.

If you can give me the answers to those questions. I might be able to help you. Also, do not take "I don't know" as an answer.
 

Deeman

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Maybe you should tell your friend's parents about what she's doing. Of course, that might ruin your relationship, but she'll later realize what you did and that it saved her life. Her parents will most likely stop her from what she's doing. If it's getting out of control, which I think it is, then you should probably tell someone about it.

Just a suggestion ;)
 
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Tyler Durden

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it isn't really any of your business; it's her life. if she wats to F*** some dude, it's her decision, not yours.
 

Dawning Twilight

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14 isn't there a legal consent age for that kind of stuff. anyways i kinda agree with DHR, however i would suggest talking to her parents about this. yes i know that sounds perhaps almost immature and a bad decision but in the end it's not technically all up to her to be doing what she is at her age i believe.
 
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Tyler Durden

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^^ but if she's mature enough to make this decision, she has to live with the consequences.

Or maybe she just likes having sex? I know she's only 14, but so am I and I'm a horny bastard; I would definitely sleep with my girlfriend, if she was willing. But, she thinks we should wait till June (my birthday).

Hormones are making people more ready for sex, earlier.

And it isn't any of her parents business- they should trust their daughter.
 
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Tyler Durden

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no.

it is the girl's decision to give this guy handjobs, she can deal with the white stains herself.

Kind of messed up way of saying that she should deal with what she did herself.

Now, if said horny female isn't requiring the use of a condom, then she should get the crap beat out of her, become pregnant, and forced to watch "BABIES AND YOU" or 'HOW TO PUT ON A CONDOM 101"


there is no cookie cutter answer to this, there are too many things we don't know (like the girl, for example)
 

Tobuoi

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I've had various friends who display this sort of behaviour, and unfortunately, there really isn't much that you can do about it. They just assume that you're too stupid to know what you're talking about and they never change. At least, they haven't changed yet.

Anyways, unless your friend really values your opinion and advice, there may be no way to help her. She'll either get slapped in the face by the consequences of what she's doing or she'll just grow up, but this might not happen for a while, sad to say...

The best thing that you can do right now is focus on yourself, because worrying about her probably isn't going to get anyone anywhere. :/
 

violent_anger

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you want her to stop, and the problem is that she continues to do what she's doing and wont listen to your advice. your options are to get her to not do it anymore of her own will, or make it so that she has no opportunity. to take away oportunity, you could get her grounded, make the guy not interested, or have them break up. to make her willing to stop...i dont know, leave teen pregnancy pamphlets lying around your house and have her come over? and visual has more effect then words, so...convince her to start babysitting for kids that you know will drive her crazy, i guess

and no parent trusts a teenager when it comes to sex.
 

Cid Highwind

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its her choice, but explain to her how you feel. if she doesn't want to hear that, at least explain safe sex because that way she won't get pregnant or perhaps get an STD.

it is the girl's decision to give this guy handjobs, she can deal with the white stains herself.

Kind of messed up way of saying that she should deal with what she did herself.

Now, if said horny female isn't requiring the use of a condom, then she should get the crap beat out of her, become pregnant, and forced to watch "BABIES AND YOU" or 'HOW TO PUT ON A CONDOM 101"

you may be a 14 year old....but damn that's funny. it's good to see this sense of humor around here.
 
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Thanks guys ^-^;. But unfortunetly something that happened today isn't helping her at all. As i said before, she has been lying to her parents that she is going to tutoring on Mondays, when really she's with him. Now the teacher found out, and so has the mom. They had an interview about that today. Whats worse is, the teacher said ''And now you've included me into your circle of lies''. =\

Im close to her, like in the 'Best friends' circle. She is in so much crap now, she says she might run away from her family aswell. I wanna help her, but i really don't know what to say anymore, i have truly run out of advice and things to say.

And to define the girl:
She's like a sugary sweet kind of girl. Like a 'good' girl. But behind the scenes, when she's with her other friends, she jigs, goes to the shops etc. Like a Dark/White version of her.
Oh, and her name's Ruth.
 

╬ProperArtist╬

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All i can tell you,( because the girls i know do the same thing, then they cry to me about doing it and i'm like then WTF did you do it?)but to be honest just, sit her down and tell her what you think on the matter, how you feel, what it's doing to her, just let her as a friend know what you feel..without being so overbearing. Thats all you can do, just talk to her-tell her your views on the matter, and just leave her with that.

You can't go to her parents, because like VA said most teens don't wanna hear what their parents have to say on that matter and they just end up believing that they just "hate them so much, and they're ruining their lives" so that wouldn't work-and since the mom has now found out about it, it's really between them now..and i know the teacher was involved in the lie, but that doesn't mean the teacher needs to get that deep into it..because that's too personal for a freaking teacher to be involved in student wise, i mean damn she lied, give her detention leave it at that instead of the teacher now willingly getting involved.. And down where i live people start having sex younger and younger, eh if she wants to do it it's her choice....but if something happens, she gets an STD or gets pregnant it's on her because you've done all you could do by talking to her....

and if need be, if you really feel that uncomfortable with what she's doing, it just might be time to cut the relationship off, eh because there comes a time when you're gonna have to cut certain friends loose and if that's what you feel you have to do then do it...

thats all i got

~the Fallen Angel~
 

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and if need be, if you really feel that uncomfortable with what she's doing, it just might be time to cut the relationship off, eh because there comes a time when you're gonna have to cut certain friends loose and if that's what you feel you have to do then do it...
ahem, she wants to help her, this thread did not mention 'this girl is a b!tch, but i dont know how to break it to her'


but anyways, my advice at this point is for you to get her grounded, but tell her parents to give her a speech, preferably one that's a small guilt trip too
 

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eh i know she wants to help her, but all i'm sayin is if her friend doesn't get the point and doesn't want to change..or does but keeps doing it again and again..and it's making her feel uncomfortable for some reason..then well it's time to cut her loose.
 

pk para

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Yah, the way this is going, I don't think she's going to listen to any grown-up authority (rather, she'd just get angry at them, even if she knows that they're right), and she probably knows the consequences already. Really, if she keeps on doing things like that after you've all told her what you think, chances are that she isn't going to stop because of some tid-bit of info you give her.

Really, besides parents taking total control of her life until she learns control (bad), the only thing I can think of doing that would help is to teach her how to say no.

Maybe the boy is pressuring her into doing it.

I dunno.


On the other side, who are we to tell her she can't do those things? It's her life (which, imo, she has set up to fail horribly atm). It's her battle to fight, and right now she's doing nothing. The only thing you can really do is tell her to birth control, ect.

Don't ignore her or make her really angry at you though. People usually (and naturally) want attention. If she loses your friendship, even momentarily, she might spend more time with the boy.

Last thing: you could always ask the boy to step up and stop.


Hoped I've helped somewhat =].
 

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Well, if this whole thing is against her religion, then I must say she is not a very good follower. I mean, if you won't do what is right for the divine then you won't do it for anyone. However, my one advice is to get her some ammonia packets. Seriously. Whenever she has a "impure" thought, she cracks one open, sniffs it, and then it teaches her not to have the thoughts. Worst comes to worst, she could be sort of 'house arrested.'

- The above, helpful or not (sorry!), was brought to you by Dr. Crashkid77, your friendly neighborhood Davy Jones fanatic... with a PhD.
 

Ryu

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dark hero Riku said:
Hormones are making people more ready for sex, earlier.

lmao, that's the most retarded thing I've ever heard. Great job professor Ignorant.

Hormones can act up as early as the age of 10, but that doesn't mean kids are ready for sex. With sex comes consequences, and no 14-year old is ready for those consequences. Her life would be screwed right now if she got pregnant or contracted an STD. If she were 6 years older, living in her own home, providing for herself, then she could handle the responsibility of having a baby. Even if she's using condoms, the principle is that if you're not ready to handle possible consequences, you shouldn't be having sex at all.

dark hero Riku said:
And it isn't any of her parents business- they should trust their daughter.

Just like she should trust them, which she isn't doing.

My advice is; if she doesn't listen to you, give the boy a beating and tell him to stop and respect her religion or the fact that neither of them are of legal age. If that doesn't work, go to her parents. If nothing works, just wait it out and try not to be bothered by it. She'd just have to learn things the hard way.
 

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On the other side, who are we to tell her she can't do those things? It's her life (which, imo, she has set up to fail horribly atm). It's her battle to fight, and right now she's doing nothing. The only thing you can really do is tell her to birth control, ect.
who are we to help someone who is drowning in the ocean? it's their life (which, imo, they have set up to fail very quickly). It's their battle to fight, and right now, they're doing nothing. The only thing you can do is give them a panphlet about water safety. cough cough

my advice stands, if you cant get rid of her motivation([erhaps desire would be more fitting of a word) then rob her of her opportunity, have them break up, get her grounded, whatever might work.
 
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