Fate {Chapter 3}



REGISTER TO REMOVE ADS
Status
Not open for further replies.

Muke

whatever
Joined
Nov 30, 2014
Messages
6,060
Location
Vienna
  • Savage Nymph
  • Key of Destiny
  • Graceful Assassin
  • Come So Far
  • The Gambler of Fate
  • Melodious Nocturne
Spoiler Spoiler Show



Spoiler Spoiler Show
 
Last edited:

Muke

whatever
Joined
Nov 30, 2014
Messages
6,060
Location
Vienna
  • Savage Nymph
  • Key of Destiny
  • Graceful Assassin
  • Come So Far
  • The Gambler of Fate
  • Melodious Nocturne
Re: Fate {Chapter 1}

Chapter 1 ~ Facing the future



Troy was dressing himself up for a party. As soon as he was ready, he sneaked out of the house and was about to drive away, when suddenly Emily stood in front of the car with paper bags and one Garment bag.
"I thought you were practicing with your violin?!", Troy yelled at her as Emily approached the window.
"Everyone at school has been talking about Troy's secret party for a month. You didn't seriously expect me not to find out, did you? I'm coming, too."
Troy sighed, telling her that the party is only for grown ups.
"You're only 2 years older than me.", Emily complained, and sat down.


Two hours later, the party finally began on the family's luxurious yacht.
Everybody was enjoying their carefree lives.


Some hours later - when the kids already came back - Kate confronted Eric about her credit card being blocked.
"I… talked to our lawyer today. He said that we lost all the hotels, the cars, the boats,..."
"That means we--"
"Yes, Kate. We are bankrupt. We can't pay any of the debts."
"ERIC, WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?! WHERE WILL WE LIVE!?"
"We will have to move back to our old home."
Kate looked at him in shock.
"Stop talking nonsense! That house is small. Nobody has lived there for years!"
"That's not my problem.", Eric said.
"Nothing is a problem for you! What about the kids? Where will they go to school, have you thought about that?!"


Eric went to his room and locked the door. He called Giselle.
"Sweety, how is everything going? Have you told them yet?", she asked.
"They will have to get used to it."
"I moved to the house right next to yours. I am not okay with living here, you know that."
"Giselle, we don't have any other choice. I'm not going to interrupt the bailiff, he can impound whatever he wants tomorrow.", Eric sighed.
"I love you.", Giselle said and hang up.


Meanwhile, Kate told the kids about the happenings.
"B-but… what about the concert, mom?", Emily cried.
"This is all his fault, and we know it! He always wanted more money, it was never enough for him! There, now we have nothing thanks to dad!", Troy started yelling.


The next morning, the bailiff arrived. With Eric's agreement, he took next to everything - the TVs, the iMacs, the vases, everything.
Kate and the children tried to stop the workers, which, of course, didn't work.
Emily saw them carry her new violin out and tried to take it back, yelling around and pushing the workers.


Hours later, they arrived at their dilapidated home in the old village they lived in. Kate's ex-boyfriend's little brother drove them there.
As they stood in front of the house, they faced their new fate.
"How will we live here?", Emily sighed, looking at the destroyed windows.

She turned to the boy, asking him for his name.
"My name's Flutter.", he answered.
"Flutter? Is that a name?", Emily giggled.
"It's not really my name, but everyone calls me that. They say I have a friendly nature."
"Well, thanks for helping. Do you live here?"
"I do. I put your violin on top of the car, don't forget to take it, okay?"
"Are you working as chauffeur?"
"No, I have other jobs. I am an hotelier. We have a bar, too. I'm also a fisher."
"How many jobs do you have?"
"As many as I can find."
"And what about school?"
"There's a high school here."
"High school? I kinda thought you were a grown up."
"I had to take a break from school for 2 years or something."
"Oh...", Emily looked to the ground.


After a minute of silence, she asked if he had a hammer.
Flutter gave her the hammer, so Emily rushed into her new room and hang up her framed Joshua Bell poster.


Eric went towards Flutter and told him to drive home and tell his brother that he will visit him tomorrow with a threatening look on his face.
Flutter stepped into his car right away and drove home.
As soon as Emily heard the noise of the car, she realized that her old violin was still on top of it! She ran out of the house as fast as she could and continuously yelled after Flutter, trying to reach the car.
As Flutter realized that Emily was behind him, he braked very strongly, causing the violin to fall out of its case and hit the ground.
"Shit!!", he yelled and stepped out of the car.
"Is my violin broken?!", she yelled as she finally caught up.
Emily picked her violin up. The neck was completely separated from the upper bout, the fingerboard was broken apart -- the only thing that held them together was a single string.
" FUCK YOU!! WHY DIDN'T YOU STOP?!", she cried, throwing the violin to the ground.
"Why did you--"
"IT'S ALREADY BROKEN BECAUSE OF YOU!! THIS VIOLIN WAS THE ONLY ONE I HAD LEFT!", she yelled at him with tears gliding down her cheeks.
 
Last edited:

KingdomKey

The Traveler
Joined
Sep 25, 2010
Messages
6,260
  • Retired Staff
  • Graceful Assassin
  • The Gambler of Fate
  • Beauty Within
  • Cloaked Schemer
  • Whirlwind Lancer
Re: Fate {Chapter 1}

I'm hundred percent invested in this story. I kind of feel bad for Flutter having his life threatened, sort of, and accidentally ruining Emily's violin. On the other hand, I wonder how things will go with them moving into an old home. How long the relationship with Eric and Giselle will be kept secret before the cats out of the bag. I look forward to the next chapter, Muke. C:
 

Muke

whatever
Joined
Nov 30, 2014
Messages
6,060
Location
Vienna
  • Savage Nymph
  • Key of Destiny
  • Graceful Assassin
  • Come So Far
  • The Gambler of Fate
  • Melodious Nocturne
Re: Fate {Chapter 1}

Thanks, I'm glad you like it. :)
Next chapter coming up tomorrow. :D
 

Muke

whatever
Joined
Nov 30, 2014
Messages
6,060
Location
Vienna
  • Savage Nymph
  • Key of Destiny
  • Graceful Assassin
  • Come So Far
  • The Gambler of Fate
  • Melodious Nocturne
Re: Fate {Chapter 2}


Chapter 2 ~ Revalation




Troy was about to enter the bathroom - he stopped as he saw that the toilet was completely overflown.
"Now what?", he sighed and went out.
He walked until he saw a tree. He unzipped his pants and felt something fall onto his head -- a girl climbed up the tree!
"YOU THREW THAT ORANGE DOWN, DIDN'T YOU?!", he yelled at her.
"THE TREE DID BECAUSE YOU WERE ABOUT TO PEE!", she yelled back.
As they both suddenly heard a voice calling for 'Alice', the girl jumped down.
"Are you Alice?!", Troy asked.
"Don't just stand there, run!", Alice yelled, running out of the woods.


At the same time, Flutter arrived in their hotel and spoke to his brother.
He told him about Eric and that they moved here.
As a response, Frank furiously ordered Flutter to get up to his room.


Many hours later, Troy decided to take a walk in the neighborhood.
As he passed Giselle's house - which was standing right next to theirs - he saw his father and Giselle kissing.
Troy stepped back in shock.
As Eric walked out, he saw his son.
"What is it?", he asked.
Troy wanted to confront his dad, but suddenly Kate looked out of the window, asking what they are doing outside.


Troy went to the park and sat down.
He decided to call Amy and tell her that he is upset.
"I know what'll make you happy. Wanna breakfast together tomorrow? Ony the two of us?", Amy asked.


* * * *


The next morning, Emily went to Flutter's Hotel with a hammer in her hand, while Troy was having breakfast with Amy.
"Can I help you?", Frank asked her.
"Is Flutter here by any chance?"
"Are you a friend?"
"Yes, I'm Emily. I have to give him back his hammer."
Frank recognized her. Kate's daughter…
"F-Flutter is upstairs. Go ahead!", he smiled at her.
Emily thanked him and went up.


In Flutter's room, she looked around and saw a violin case.
She looked inside and saw her violin - completely repaired!
Flutter came out of the bathroom and looked at Emily.
"But…", Emily looked at him, tearing up.
"When did you let it repair?", she asked.
"Yesterday. It got finished an hour ago."
"I came here to give you your hammer back and apologize for yesterday. I was stupid and everything just--"
"It's okay."
Emily smiled and hugged Flutter.


Meanwhile, at Amy's place, her father was talking with Troy alone.
He locked the door and looked at Troy.
"I told you time and time again, I don't want you to date my daughter."
"Why? Because you and my father are working together?"
"Nobody is 'working' with your father, Troy. He's not telling you the truth."
"Wha--"
"See, I don't know you very well, but I think you should listen to me.
Amy had an uncle, Sebastian. Have you ever seen him?"
"No, but I heard of him. He died, didn't he?"
"He committed suicide."
"What does this have anything to do with my father?"
"Sebastian was the nicest man in this world. Kind, loving, he wouldn't harm anyone. The same man committed suicide because of your father's schemes."
 
Last edited:

KingdomKey

The Traveler
Joined
Sep 25, 2010
Messages
6,260
  • Retired Staff
  • Graceful Assassin
  • The Gambler of Fate
  • Beauty Within
  • Cloaked Schemer
  • Whirlwind Lancer
Re: Fate {Chapter 2}

Unless I'm mistaken, Troy is dating Amy. So who is 'Toby'? xD Anyways, it's interesting to hear Eric has done a whole more besides making his family go bankrupt and having an affair. He also got someone to commit suicide because of his awful schemes. The plot continues to thicken. I'm glad Flutter was able to fix the violin for Emily because, he seems to like and care about her. And I don't entirely understand why Frank would get upset with Flutter for accidentally breaking something to begin with. :3 Otherwise, I enjoyed chapter two a whole lot. <3 Can't wait for more.

And happy to read it, Muke. Therefore, your welcome. C:
 

Muke

whatever
Joined
Nov 30, 2014
Messages
6,060
Location
Vienna
  • Savage Nymph
  • Key of Destiny
  • Graceful Assassin
  • Come So Far
  • The Gambler of Fate
  • Melodious Nocturne
Re: Fate {Chapter 2}

Unless I'm mistaken, Troy is dating Amy. So who is 'Toby'? xD Anyways, it's interesting to hear Eric has done a whole more besides making his family go bankrupt and having an affair. He also got someone to commit suicide because of his awful schemes. The plot continues to thicken. I'm glad Flutter was able to fix the violin for Emily because, he seems to like and care about her. And I don't entirely understand why Frank would get upset with Flutter for accidentally breaking something to begin with. :3 Otherwise, I enjoyed chapter two a whole lot. <3 Can't wait for more.

And happy to read it, Muke. Therefore, your welcome. C:
Oooops, that was a mistake. Gotta edit the mess. xDD
He sure does! :D
Frank didn't exactly get angry at him because of the violin, but because he told him that Eric and Kate moved back. :)

Thanks again! Makes me happy that you enjoyed Chapter 2. :D
 

Grizzly

Stopza
Joined
Aug 25, 2014
Messages
1,530
Location
United States
  • Beauty Within
  • Steadfast Heart
  • Curiouser and Curiouser
  • Taciturn Stalwart
  • Kingdom Hearts HD 1.5+2.5 ReMIX
  • Ever Gentle and Kind
Re: Fate {Chapter 2}

Nice job dude. The dialogue is pretty well written and I understand your characters well enough to become invested in them. That's a good thing, because it's clearly a character driven story. If I may offer up a tip, I'd suggest you work on filling in the details on everything outside of your characters and their dialogue. The more about your world and the character's actions that you color in, the more your readers will invest in your piece. It's really enjoyable so far, keep it up.
 

Muke

whatever
Joined
Nov 30, 2014
Messages
6,060
Location
Vienna
  • Savage Nymph
  • Key of Destiny
  • Graceful Assassin
  • Come So Far
  • The Gambler of Fate
  • Melodious Nocturne
Re: Fate {Chapter 2}

Nice job dude. The dialogue is pretty well written and I understand your characters well enough to become invested in them. That's a good thing, because it's clearly a character driven story. If I may offer up a tip, I'd suggest you work on filling in the details on everything outside of your characters and their dialogue. The more about your world and the character's actions that you color in, the more your readers will invest in your piece. It's really enjoyable so far, keep it up.
Thanks Grizzly!
Okay, I'll work on that, thanks for the tip! :)
 

Muke

whatever
Joined
Nov 30, 2014
Messages
6,060
Location
Vienna
  • Savage Nymph
  • Key of Destiny
  • Graceful Assassin
  • Come So Far
  • The Gambler of Fate
  • Melodious Nocturne
Chapter 3 ~ Old Issues


Troy couldn't believe what he heard. Blinded by rage, he ran out of Amy's home. Suddenly, he saw Giselle standing there!
Giselle saw Troy and asked what he was doing there.
Troy didn't answer the question, he went towards her.
"Where are you driving to?", he stepped into the car.
Gisella sighed and stepped in as well.
"I am waiting for somebody. Why did you enter?"
Troy saw Eric leave the house.
"What a coincidence.", he sighed.
"Wait, you didn't see him?"
"Nope."
Eric entered the car as well, asking why Troy was sitting in the car.
"What were you doing there, together with Giselle?"
"Work.", Eric leaned back.
"Work, huh. What work is that, I wonder. Actually, no! Tell my what you were doing with this woman yesterday!", Troy yelled.
Giselle looked at him disgusted.
"I wanted to confront you right away, but mom was there."

"Actually, let me ask this question: Are you cheating on my mother with her!?"
"Stop talking bullshit!", Eric yelled back.
"Giselle is our ticket outta here, you dumbass!", Eric lied.
"I am trying to sell your mother's hotel. And Giselle is helping me, that's what we are doing!"
"You're trying that at night? By kissing, am I right?!", Troy snickered.


- - - -


On her way back from the market, Kate met her mother's friend, Layla -together with her husband Marc. Both were elderly, though still very caring. Layla looked after Kate as if she was her own daughter when her mother died.
They greeted each other and talked about their past.
"How is Frank doing?", Marc asked.
Kate looked at the ground in shame, sighing.
"Actually, we divorced years ago."
"Did you forget again?? She is married to Eric, Marc!", Layla laughed.
"You made a huge mistake, my dear. Frank is such a kind man.", Marc said while cleaning his glasses.


- - -


At the hotel, Flutter asked Frank about Eric again.
"You completely freaked out when I mentioned them moving back here. Why?"
"Old issues.", Frank began telling him bit by bit.
"The hotel belonged to his wife, Kate."
"Wait, wait, wait. Is that Kate… this Kate?! Emily's mother?!"
Frank nodded with teary eyes.
"When we married, she decided to split the hotel. Half of it would be mine, half of it would be hers."
Frank wiped his tears away and shook his head.
"Now go… and work or something.", he walked away.
 

KingdomKey

The Traveler
Joined
Sep 25, 2010
Messages
6,260
  • Retired Staff
  • Graceful Assassin
  • The Gambler of Fate
  • Beauty Within
  • Cloaked Schemer
  • Whirlwind Lancer
This is quite heartbreaking because it seems like Kate still has feelings for Frank. Eric is either using or in love with Giselle, but it's hard to tell. I'm not sure who to feel more bad for because, Troy is equally caught up in all this like Flutter is. However, I wonder if Flutter will have a chance with Emily? Although, we don't know who's Flutter's mom yet. So it might not be possible. Ah, so much drama all around. It's awesome. <3
 

Muke

whatever
Joined
Nov 30, 2014
Messages
6,060
Location
Vienna
  • Savage Nymph
  • Key of Destiny
  • Graceful Assassin
  • Come So Far
  • The Gambler of Fate
  • Melodious Nocturne
This is quite heartbreaking because it seems like Kate still has feelings for Frank. Eric is either using or in love with Giselle, but it's hard to tell. I'm not sure who to feel more bad for because, Troy is equally caught up in all this like Flutter is. However, I wonder if Flutter will have a chance with Emily? Although, we don't know who's Flutter's mom yet. So it might not be possible. Ah, so much drama all around. It's awesome. <3
Thank youuuu. :D
Hehe, that secret will stay one for a while. :p
 

Howler

I want you to be happier
Joined
Apr 6, 2016
Messages
1,518
Location
in the sky
  • No Name
  • Master Defender
  • The Foreteller
  • Kingdom Hearts HD 2.8 Final Chapter Prologue
  • Put That Thing Back Where It Came From
  • Savage Nymph
Darn it, my power went out for sec and I lost everything I typed lol. This story has a good plot and well-developed characters so far. I like how the events can impact the reader to have sympathy for the characters as the story moves along. Chap 1: Poor Flutter, not only does he accidently destroy Emily's violin by accident, then he's threatened by Eric! Chap 2: Why did Alice run into the woods? Anyways, I would be shocked too when Troy saw his father and Giselle kiss each other. Aww, that was really nice of Flutter to help get Emily's violin repaired. Eric made Sebastian commit suicide because of Eric's schemes? Woah boy, this is a whole lot of drama! Chap 3: Short but good either way! Oooo, Eric just keeps lieing through his teeth! Like what Cinder said, Eric could be using or just in love with Giselle. This is well-written Muke and I enjoy the story so far. Keep up the good work! :)
 

Muke

whatever
Joined
Nov 30, 2014
Messages
6,060
Location
Vienna
  • Savage Nymph
  • Key of Destiny
  • Graceful Assassin
  • Come So Far
  • The Gambler of Fate
  • Melodious Nocturne
Darn it, my power went out for sec and I lost everything I typed lol. This story has a good plot and well-developed characters so far. I like how the events can impact the reader to have sympathy for the characters as the story moves along. Chap 1: Poor Flutter, not only does he accidently destroy Emily's violin by accident, then he's threatened by Eric! Chap 2: Why did Alice run into the woods? Anyways, I would be shocked too when Troy saw his father and Giselle kiss each other. Aww, that was really nice of Flutter to help get Emily's violin repaired. Eric made Sebastian commit suicide because of Eric's schemes? Woah boy, this is a whole lot of drama! Chap 3: Short but good either way! Oooo, Eric just keeps lieing through his teeth! Like what Cinder said, Eric could be using or just in love with Giselle. This is well-written Muke and I enjoy the story so far. Keep up the good work! :)
Thanks for the review, I'm glad you like it! :)
Heh, I'll try. I'm going to write the next chapters soon, Chapter 4 will be up tomorrow and 5 on Friday. :)

I'll upload a completely new story in a few minutes, maybe you will like that one, too? haha
 

Howler

I want you to be happier
Joined
Apr 6, 2016
Messages
1,518
Location
in the sky
  • No Name
  • Master Defender
  • The Foreteller
  • Kingdom Hearts HD 2.8 Final Chapter Prologue
  • Put That Thing Back Where It Came From
  • Savage Nymph
Sure thing! Oooo, another story?! :D Okie dokie! I'll find time to read the next chapters when I can! (My niece is going to be born today or tomorrow!) :p
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Top