Help/Support ► Erasure

[chaywa]

In short i've established that however much I like this specific girl, i understand that it will never work out in a relationship, partly because we're flatmates and we're going to live together for the next two years or so, and partly because I don't wish to upset the strong balance of friendship we have...

With me being quite a shy person, I find it difficult to a) meet and make new friends with people (seriously at uni there's barely anyone outside my flatmates that I speak to, other than some people in a society but they're mainly in second and third year so cohesion can be quite difficult at times) and b) am not too fond of large social events, so I've kinda've dug myself in a hole here which I find difficult to get out.

Coupled with the feelings, and ultimately the self acceptance that these feelings can never materialise in a physical essence towards this girl, essentially i'm after a notion of erasure, to try and lose the feelings towards her and get on with life.

Except I can't, so i'm stuck in a place that I don't want to be in, but can't find a logical way out of, especially considering that the thought of losing a great friend due to my own actions would be something that would truly devastate me inside, and irrespective of the probability of such occurring, i don't think i could ever risk it...

Anyone have any ideas of how to progress??

 

[Some Dude1]

try to see if she like you the way you like her. is she does like you... go ahead and just take the risk and ask her out.
if she doesnt ...idk... watch more porn or something along those lines

 

[Cissy]

Finding someone else you like would be the ideal situation, but that in itself is circumstantial and can't be controlled. Still, it wouldn't hurt for you to seek out other women.

I suppose the best you can do in this situation is convert your feelings for this girl into friendly, platonic compassion. Since it seems that you can't just "erase" these feelings on the bat, you may as well cope with them accordingly. Even though you don't want to be in a physical relationship with her, you can still be a great guy to her, and treat her well. Perhaps, if you're given the chance to create a strong tie with her that's purely friendship, you'll overcome those feelings and fully appreciate her as a good friend, and a good friend alone.

I can't say it's full-proof (well, of course I can't) but it is an option you could try.

 

[Faris]

this may sound hell messed up, but meditation works wonders to remove yourself from your mind.

 

[chaywa]

this may sound hell messed up, but meditation works wonders to remove yourself from your mind.

Substance Dualism <_<

The concept of focussed relaxation however is something i'll try.

 

[Hokage]

You have to stop being shy. Sorry if that sounds blunt (in b4 it's easier said than done)

Even though I need to practice what I preach more, getting over your shyness is your most important priority. Stay away from being timid. It breeds depression, hopelessness and and just plain shitty feelings. One of the best ways to get over a girl and forget about her is to get another girl to talk to. Making friends is not hard at all, it requires minimal effort. I guarantee you go up to 10 random people (hell even all girls) and introduce yourself, you might get strange looks but the majority of that group will talk to you and hold a conversation if your a decent guy. Being shy in your youth is one of the worst ways to live IMO because you just miss out on so much that you would otherwise regret because you were too scared or too nervous or too shy, ya know?

Also, why would you not be able to be with this girl besides the flatmate and friendship thing? You've already given up on something you haven't even tried.. Your mind is telling you you can't do it, because your scared of the outcome...and it's okay to be scared, everyone is, just don't let it run your life. Fear is just a roadblock to weed out those who have no heart in the actions they take, life is all about jumping over that roadblock, for better or worse.

Kinda went off topic and it's funny how part of this message was basically me talking to myself but yeah, hope I helped somewhat.

 

[Faris]

Substance Dualism <_<

The concept of focussed relaxation however is something i'll try.

yeah well if you think it will help, definitely give it a go.

 

[Lycanthrope]

Also, goigng back to your flatmate,if you guys already have a strong and balanced friendship, a relationship (even if it fails, which hopefully it wouldn't) wouldn't be able to upsaet said balance of your friendship.

And about being shy, if you mean trying to pick up girls, and you feel nervous, have a friend go with you. But a key thing is trying to get all eyes on you when going up to a group of girls. Bring a friend solely for wingman purposes.