Help/Support ► Don't know what to say.

[stephaknee]

It's very rare for me to ask advice on a forum, but my offline friends are proving useless. Anyways, my boyfriend just found out his uncle died; he's not taking it too well. He's been crying and all that junk, and I'm just kind of sitting there like "Oh, I feel so bad. That's so terrible. I'm sorry," reapeating myself over and over. I honestly do feel terrible for him, because they were really close and it was extremely unexpected (his uncle died in a car crash). I have no idea what I could say or do to make him feel better. I feel completely useless right now, anyone have any suggestions on what I could do?

 

[Theory Master]

I may have and idea of what are you going through...
I foiund out that i had a stepsister that died because of heart failure.
and i never knew about her till 2 years ago in December baout her.
my dad was devastated but i told him that i was sorry for his lost even though i never met the chick and he never told me about her.
so i lost that fake feeling and i told him the truth.
he got all jumpy for a while but he understood that neither me nor her had a connection
if he still suffering , the best thing to do is supporting but don't force yourself on saying that you are sorry when you are not.
when he feels better and makes a deal about it, don't use the excused that you never had a connection because then he'll fell offended and leave.
just say that you feel for him and that was it. No biggie.
and he stills feel like he has no support coming from you then, tell him how you feel.
like one once said, "if you love someone, then let it go, if it comes back to you, then it loves you back, if it does not, then it was never meant to be"
...or something like that...
don't blur out ur feelings when he needs you the most.
that's all i gotta say.

---Edwin aka Theory Master

 

[stephaknee]

I understand what you're saying, but I do care, and I'm extremely sorry. I just want to know what I can do to help him feel better. I don't like seeing him like this.

 

[Keitaro Urashima]

hm, well, say whaever comes to mind when you see him. if can think of anything, try and see if could relate to his problem. You ever lost a familiy member? Hell, bring that up if you can, then say something like" i know how you feel" or something like that, and then let the feeling do the rest.

......honestly i dont really know if thats good advice, but meh, just trying to help

 

[Theory Master]

good point...!!!
I kinda forgot to mention that part but i thought that u minght not have lost n e body...
n e wyz, good luck!

---Edwin

 

[Little_Red]

just tell him that you're really sorry for his lost, and comfort him a lot. (he cries?! *laugh* *snort*) and just let him know that death is just part of the journey, and that he's probably in a much better place.

i kind of understand what happened to him, but only by a degree. my favorite math teacher Mr. Brooks died within the first quarter of the school year. he was a very beloved teacher, and it was always fun to be in his class. and a student at my school, Lindsey Pickens, died and that was definetly felt by the entire school.

 

[LuvKyou]

I think you should just like...hug him and be there for him. =] Hugs help..and tell him you care about him.

 

[Ysu]

Relate to him. Share his moment of loss by recalling one of your own. I know it must sound horrible. but people tend to feel better when everyone else feels just as crappy as they do.

 

[Athletics Legend]

JUst support him, thats all u can do, kiss him or sumthing..i dont know

 

[Eikre]

Again, give him a giant bear hug, as big as you can muster, and somehow make him feel better. You are his girlfriend, and therefore, should know what makes him happy and cheerful.

On the flipside, treat him to a couple of drinks or something along those lines. I'm not saying you should try and replace his uncle, but what I think you could try to do is to give him as much love as his uncle did.

 

[Tyler Durden]

Yeah, I have no idea on how to help out on this one.

YOU don't have to do anything, you should pobably just be there for him for the next few days while he gets over it.

But why was he so close to his uncle? Did he live with him, or what?

Because it's kind of hard to be that connected to someone you don't see everyday.

 

[Spic Steve]

This one is hard. I don't really know what you would say. But i'll Give It a Shot.

*Ahem*

*Cough*

*Bad Coughing Hack*




*Ahem*

Okay, maybe i don't know how to start it, but just try to say comforting things, like "God puts people in your life for a reason, and he also takes them out for a reason. This could all be in his will, and maybe this could help you. I don't know how, but maybe this situation will help better yourself." and "Don't worry. You will see him again in a better place then this place we call Earth" or something.

I had it in my mind but i lost it. Sorry. :/

 

[stephaknee]

But why was he so close to his uncle? Did he live with him, or what?

He lived with him for 13 years or so, yep. And thanks everyone for the advice<3. He's better now. And heh.. I managed to find something that distracts him ^__~.

 

[Spic Steve]

Sounds kinky.

And you're welcome

 

[Tobuoi]

Well, he IS a guy, which I am not, so I don't know how useful my advice will be, but...

First of all, if he needs your support, he'll probably come to you, so you probably shouldn't feel as if you're not there for him enough. Needless to say, this doesn't mean that you can't try and help him out anyways, but don't linger on the subject if he doesn't bring it up...try and talk about other things that might cheer him up. Be sensitive about it, though...don't act as if you don't care.

Just be sure to really be there for him when he needs you, and even if you feel uncomfortable with him being upset around you, shove it out of your mind completely and don't let it show...

Odds are, you're doing just what you need to be doing, even if it doesn't feel that way...

 

[Lord of Chaos]

And heh.. I managed to find something that distracts him ^__~.

... If it's what I think it is... that's not always the best thing to do in times of distress... Bad BU, bad.

At any rate, getting to close to someone in a time like this can end up alarming them or making them feel pressured. Best bet would be to keep a close distance and just reassure him and do what you can for him. Oh wait... I just realized what my quote was from... so this problem is solved. Oh well.