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CK the Fat

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I have been a good friend of someone for nearly two years now. We used to trust one another and she would tell me how she felt and I would do the same for her. We would share our lives and our pasts and what we thought about things. We were very close, but then...

Around this springtime she ended an old relationship and after a few weeks we started dating. We used to be affectionate, like when we would go to one of our houses and down to the basement to watch Disney videos, or at my graduation party when most of the other kids had left. She kissed me before I had really thought about kissing her...

Due to her parent's rules, she wasn't allowed to see me more than once a week. Then she wasn't allowed to see any friends more than once a week, and it was hard to find time to be with her, let alone try and be in a relationship. Still, we went on a few dates and had some good times alone...

But ever since our first get-together as a couple back in early summer she has grown distant and won't talk about how she's feeling. When I kissed her, even on the cheek, she would not return the gesture... When she went on trips she would call other friends, but not me. Everytime I asked her how she was doing it was a mechanical "fine, and you?" When I asked her why that was all she would say, she just told me that "our connection broke" because summer came. She also talked about how, vaguely, how she had found something that made her want to keep people far away, but she wouldn't say what...

I told her how I felt twice this summer, one in late June and the other last night. In June we almost broke up, and last night we agreed that we would. She told me that our bond is stronger as friends than as boyfriend/girlfriend and wanted to keep that. Which means that our relationship is or will soon be over. I anticipated this because I'll be going off to college while she finishes her senior year at high school, but it's still hard...

But that's not the worst part. Before we came to that decision, she said that she was never going to let me into her heart again. She said she would trust me and love me, but that she would never let me get close again...

I don't know what is going to happen. Our romantic relationship is at an end, but it seems like our friend relationship will never be the same again. She doesn't want to trust me because I'll be too far away. I feel alienated from her, like I'm being kept far away at the end of a pole...

I don't want to be just another failure on her life, someone who comes and goes like so many friends she had before me... I don't want to be kept so far away for no other reason than distance. Our relationship I can understand, but even as friends...

Considering that I poured my heart and soul into her when we were strong friends, that I would spend hours to talk with her when she was feeling down, that I would help her and one of her friends stay together when she thought there was no hope of it left, that I was prepared to give her so much of me...

I can't help but feel like I'm being discarded now. She used to talk about how she would miss me when I left, now I can't even tell if she's sad or glad or relieved, whether I still mean anything to her...

What am I supposed to do?
 
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Deeman

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I have been a good friend of someone for nearly two years now. We used to trust one another and she would tell me how she felt and I would do the same for her. We would share our lives and our pasts and what we thought about things. We were very close, but then...

Around this springtime she ended an old relationship and after a few weeks we started dating. We used to be affectionate, like when
. . . Like when? I'd love to help out, but see nothing to help out on.
 

Deeman

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Maybe she's just shy or embarrassed that she can't see anyone more than once a week?

Or the cold reality could be that she doesn't like you as a boyfriend anymore, just merely a friend.

My suggestion is that the next time you see her, ask her how she feels about you.
 

CK the Fat

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Sorry, I hadn't finished the post yet... it's done now.
 

Sean

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Not to sound harsh or anything, but I'd think it's best that you just get over it. I have plenty of ex's that are my friends. Girls will come and go that's all there is to it.
 

CK the Fat

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That's not it. I knew this would probably happen, and I know I can get through the breakup. There are more factors as to why she doesn't want to stay my girlfriend, because of time issues and stuff.

It's just don't want her to keep me so distant, as a friend. Not a romantic friend, just as a normal friend. I don't want to lose her as that. Honestly, we were closer as just friends, but I'm afraid I won't even get that aymore.
 

Shadowysights

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This is pretty common when best friends fall in love; it usaully never works out. All you can do is try to be the best friend you can be, and hopefully she'll let you in again. Thats all I can say.
 

Puck

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Ah, yes. This sounds typical. My friend, I could've told you a mile away that this would happen. It always happens with women. I don't know what area you're in but I'm going to break the sad truth to you. No matter what you do now, she is going to dislike you and drop you like a bad habit. No friendship. No relationship. Nothing. You are going to be discarded. Sad, I know. But like me, you'll learn that it is what it is.


"In spite of everything you've done for them eventually they will hate you." ~ Green Goblin, Spiderman 1.
 
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You have to try and not let it get you down. Now, im a girl, and i wouldn't just drop a guy like that. If you two were really strong friends, even in relationship, you'd know her enough to know that she just wouldn't do that to you. Im a girl [using myself as example, but this happens to be true] and i am close to a guy but we're really great friends. And he asks me out. Im feeling, happy, confused, and the like. But, i would stop it right there. Because, if we're really great friends, and we went out, it would end wouldn't it? And then destroy the friendship we had.

Im not saying there isn't a way that you two can't get back together, but in this situation, perhaps it's best to maybe move on. There's always another girl out there who can treat you better.
 

+JodieTakira+

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I'm not trying to be cold in sayin' this. I feel for you and all. Yet, ironically, I find I've been on her side of a situation very similar to this. Although unlike her, I gave reasons. If this girl is determined for you to not be a part of her life anymore, what can you do? It's not wrong necessarily to want to be around someone and all. But you know. If she wants nothing to do with you, if you care about her enough, you should respect that.

Sometimes distancing yourself from the other is better off for both anyway. If you're around someone too much, it can really throw things off and get you both easily angered at one another and all that jazz. Give her some time and come back to her when you feel it would be more appropriate. I mean I know you don't mean to, but if you bug her enough, she might take you as a stalker more than a friend and that would make things worse.
 

Puck

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^OMG. It's in Pennsylvania too. Maybe I should try Alaska.

Listen to Jodie, CK. Women will throw you away like garbage. It's a cruel world. That's why you have to become like me: Numb on the inside when it comes to these things. Whenever you get into a friendship or relationship with a women, always expect the worst and a quick sudden stab in the back. It tends to happen a lot.
 

Z3120

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I remember I had a similar situation back when I was still attending middle school. It turned out to be something irreparable. Long story short, we never did talk to each other again because of some selfish things I've tried to do.

As for my suggestion to you, I recommend you simply give her some space. Since you're already fully aware your relationship wouldn't ever be the same again with her like it was once before because of what you've done by dating each other, you should cherish the remaining bond you currently have and do what you will of it. Like I told my friend recently about his crumbling relationship, I said, "Only you can fully understand her and fix what you think is tarnished or broken because I don't know her as much as you do."

If your affinity towards each other was as close as you say, I think you shouldn't come to accept where you stand in her life right now. Because your bond was so close, it doesn't mean you have to wholeheartedly agree how close you'll have to be from now on in her life, even if she seems to disregard you at times. Things like this take time to repair and a great deal of patience and fortitude on your behalf to sustain and rebuild back what was once lost, but not entirely whole again. Your relationship may never be what it once was before, but it will at least remain close to that special time in your memory you hold dear and valued, won't it? If you truly appreciate being her reliable friend again that much, simply give her time to think things over adequately and let her decide unmistakably where she wants to go with your friendship.

CK the Fat said:
Around this springtime she ended an old relationship and after a few weeks we started dating.

All the more reason for you to let her sort this out herself rather than engaging in a fruitless conversation. She made this decision on her own accord, and she might feel worse by trying to quickly patch it up. All you should do is find those opportune moments where she needs your aid and come to her strongly as you would have usually done, but not too close as before to make her fright away.

Rushing things will always lead to a mistake.
 

+JodieTakira+

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^OMG. It's in Pennsylvania too. Maybe I should try Alaska.

Listen to Jodie, CK. Women will throw you away like garbage. It's a cruel world. That's why you have to become like me: Numb on the inside when it comes to these things. Whenever you get into a friendship or relationship with a women, always expect the worst and a quick sudden stab in the back. It tends to happen a lot.

Please don't misquote me.

There is often times much more to it than some men might think. It's not about backstabbing. Yet a lot of it is hinging on a girl's morals and personality. Perhaps some from peer pressure or even perhaps pressures from their parents. There's so much more variables. For you, Puck, to go off and just say that women are just backstabbers who throw you away like garbage is being very close-minded. That is also hypocrisy, if what you say proves true to the last girl you met since here you could be interpreted as backstabbing her.
 

Puck

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*EDIT* I apologize for such silly comments.
 
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Tatsu

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I don't agree with Puck( strange he has the same birth date as I do).

To the topic creator, I think you should give her some space and see what happens. Hopefully, things will turn out good. If your friendship is truly strong it should survive no matter what.
 

Puck

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Yeah, that is weird( the birth date thing). Hehehe.

But anyway, yeah I guess you should listen to Tatsu. I guess.
 

CK the Fat

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Hi,

first I'd like to apologize for not checking back sooner. I lost internet for quite a while due to house additions being done.

Anyway, thank you all very much for your support.

I realize now that I'm just another passing element in her life. We were very close once, but since then we've drifted apart. We still talk, but I am but a shell of what I once was to her. Technically we're still together, but I can feel her trying to shove me under the rug as quick as possible, to make room for someone else. She says I never dissapointed her, but come on, no one's perfect... she's too kind, or maybe too scared, to simply say the truth... The worst part is it doesn't even seem to bother her, that she has no will to bring our bond as friends back. I, and another one of her friends, have begun to wonder other things too.

I also know now that I have been replaced by someone else, not just as a close friend, but romantically as well. Just like I was a replacement for another one of her friends... she has moved on and left me behind to try and figure out where the shattered pieces of my heart are supposed to fit back, knowingly or not. I really don't think she understands what it means for me.

Last night we had a discussion, more like an arguement, on ideology... she offers to try and help me, but how do I break upon her how I truly feel without her simply getting angry and telling me to forget about the past? She says she wants to make the world a better place, but I seem to be the exception, like i'm already completely fine and thus ignorable...

In a few weeks I'll be off to college. I'm nervous about that as it is, but hey, there could be benefits, like forgetting about the pain here at home and meeting more people than her.
 
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Puck

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^That's too bad. Kind of sad. I was hoping you could get things patched with her.
 

CAB_IV

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Yeah, that girl sounds alittle crazy anyway. its to bad for the new guy, lol. just sit back and laugh at the stupidity my friend, you will feel much better.

any girl who says the kinds of things you said she said in that last post is just full of nonsense. shrug it off, don't let her unstability make you feel bad.
 

CK the Fat

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I think I know now what I must do, and it's not really the thing I want, but I have lost hope of my old ideas of hapiness now anyway. Now I merely want closure.

I know she's not doing any of this on purpose, and she's a kind person, really. I probably said some things in this post that weren't really representative of the complete situation, in anger, despair, and in sadness... I should be thankful for all that she has given to me, because I cannot take her for granted.

I know there are some things I can never win or earn, no matter how hard I try. I know that doing the best I can still isn't good enough, that a year of kindness, trust, and sacrafice can be returned with alienation, that life is not fair and that love can fade any time, anywhere, anyhow. Maybe it's my fault, maybe it's not.

But sometimes things can be done, and I need to keep trying. I need to live on, move on... after all, the experience of survival is the gravity of love.

And I hope she finds what is best for her in life too, with or without me.

Thanks for your help.
 
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