Help/Support ► Conflicting Conflicts With Two Girls HELP

[Vossler]

So I have been going out with this girl for almost a year now. I had fun, and had trouble, I guess like any long term relationship would be. But lately things have gotten stale somewhat and we both have relized it. We both want different things, and we both know it. I gave up so much for this girl, and it paid out somewhat at times, but at other times was a burden too. I want to go to parties now and then, and she wants to work and do school work. She doesn't accept my friends either which is always been a problem.

Recently I started talking to a girl that I use to go to elementary school with, and at first we just started Facebook im'ing to just catch up and see what's up. Then we started texting, and we haven't stoped for awhile.

So I guess what it is coming down too, is it stupid to ditch almost a year relationship for another girl, even though the relationship is getting stale? Also I mean I don't know if I the new girl will work. Also is it wrong that I am talking to this girl as sort of a "back up" in case my other relationship goes.

This is very troubling and I need help. I know it is the internet, but I am sure someone has maybe, hopefully gone through the same stuff.

 

[Klom89]

No....For a boy your age (Don't mind my old person talk, it's the way I am, LOL) it's very natural. You crave a more social atmosphere while she (Your current) wants an isolated relationship. Talking with another isn't a problem. But you need to decide what you NEED before you rush off for something you think you WANT. What Im saying is this: Try to patch things up with the girl your'e with before you go seeking. Besides, maybe if something's lacking you all can settle that instead over lamenting what isn't there. If she wants to do work, do some work with her. Then maybe she'll be a little more open to a party or two. A relationship is give and take. You can't just focus on your needs. She needs to feel just as appreciated as you want to be. But, if things look really grim, thn talk things over with her. She if she even WANTS a relationship. (Stuf such as a lack of interst or isolation could be warning signs taht sh's hesitant) If not, then opt to remain friends and se how things go with IM Girl.

Either way, a relationship's give and take. You've done a lot of giving, but she doesn't seem to be taking. Try giving in another, more subtile, way.

And if the time comes when your'e forced to choose one or the other: choose neither. It wouldn't be fair to either of them, and it'll leave you emotionally scarred if you do.

 

[Vossler]

I have given her everything I could give to her over the past year basically. Also she is selfish in somethings too, like when we fight, she always blames me and says it's her fault. I know it is give and take, but it seems like I am the only one giving.

 

[Klom89]

Yeah, I understand that feeling. Maybe she just isn't interested anymore. Hope this doesn't sound out of line, but perhaps your' giving....too much? It could be making you come off in the wrong way, which could explain her sudden loss of interest. But, in all fairness, It seems as though your'e feelings are kind of conflicted right now, so, the way I see it, the best thing for you guys to do right now is cool off for a while, and then find out what exactly's going on. It's either that or argue about it and say things you'll regret later. A friend of mine at school asked me about something similar with his GF. The last thing you wanna do in an argument like this is add fuel to the fire.

 

[_EX]

I think you are completely right.
I love my girlfriend and I know that I want to be with her for a long time but, in saying that, I have many back up girlfriends.
When I say that, I mean friends that I could become involved with. I do not have feelings for them and I would never think about cheating.

But, if things turn bad and I am left alone, they would be the people I would first go to when I am ready to start again.

Also, in regards to your "stale" relationship, you dont know what you have until it is gone. Trust me, it isnt as bad as you think it is. It is just that things will calm down in a relationship eventually. It is the hardest thing to get through in my opinion because you begin to think you have lost your feelings for the other person. You havnt, things have just become normal now. There hasnt been any progression for a while.
The way I know this is that I am going through the same thing. But, by some stroke of luck, I had told my girlfriend that she should ignore me if say I want to break up because I know I will regret it and want her back soon after. A few days ago, thinking our relationship is becoming something it wasnt before, I said we should break up. In the morning, I missed her so much. I woke up knowing I made a mistake and that the confidence I had to leave the night before was a lie. We are still together and I am happy to live in this 'boring' relationship. I feel I am lucky to be here. I know that this isnt a low point in our relationship.

 

[Taochan]

Give it another chance before you end it. Obviously your doubts aren't unwarranted, so you should attempt to have a discussion about what's bothering you with her.
Definitely let her know what's going on though, so you have a chance to salvage the relationship.
Being disinterested might just be a sign that you need to spice things up by going out and doing different things. You might have just fallen into a routine.
If she's not willing to work on it, then you should probably get out.

 

[stephaknee]

A new person always makes your current relationship seem stale. I know from experience on both sides. Saying that, though, if you feel like you really want to experience things you owe it to both yourself and your girlfriend to try things out and not settle.