Ah, diddly.



May 10, 2004
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So let's talk about Jane. I've known Jane for about five years and I work with her now so it only makes sense we'd become really close. Seriously the sweetest person you'd ever meet.

You probably see where this is heading already. (I haven't always felt this way; this only happened recently.)

Jane's been dating John for just as long I've known her and they've been very rocky lately. John been a good friend of mine, but [ifthisgetsabusedagainisweartogod]lately something's changed it ain't hard to define[/ifthisgetsabusedagainisweartogod] god damn it can he be horrible to her.

Just so you have an idea of how much I have at stake here: I'm also in a band with John. Like we all know, a band is like a family. Maybe my feelings were born out of the fear that things would turn sour between them and she'd have to cut me out of her life because of my band, or I'm confusing the fact that I care about her a lot with something else.

A pretty delicate situation, yeah… I mean, I like to think that I'd never betray or take advantage of a friend. John basically taught me everything I know musically, whereas if I said something to Jane, I'd be completely taking advantage of her when it's a friend she needs most.

My other friend and band mate has a hobby of being one of the few people who can read me like a book and called me out on this the other night, and since I'm the worst liar ever I defaulted to the truth. We ended up talking about it for a bit and he tells me pretty much what I was already thinking; I'd be sabotaging a lot of the few relationships I have if I said something.

He also told me to start working on distancing myself from her a little bit… which I totally haven't been doing. Last night I made a comment in passing at work about how I wish she wasn't closing so she can grab free pancakes with me. Soon after, she got someone to close for her and I couldn't exactly refuse. (We also got stoned. Best free pancake day ever.)

Okay, but really though, just… diddly, man. I've been marinating in self-loathing for about a week now. What am I doing? What did I dig myself into?


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May 12, 2007
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You done fucked up, Tyrone.

That's a terrible situation to be in, but it sounds like you already know the answer here. If you try to be Jane's Tarzan (i'm sorry for that) then I'm sure you'll not only lose John but also the respect of a lot of your bros. Unfortunately, feelings can suck a dick and sometimes you say stuff that maybe you shouldn't have. I think your band bro is right though: you have to find ways to distance yourself from her. The more time you spend with her, the more likely you are to make a decision that you know you're going to regret later.

Sorry, bud. :(

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Nov 27, 2012
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I know were you're at bro, but here's one advice that'll help, don't give too much or you'll end up getting hurt. sorry man. :)


Mar 12, 2012
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I'm not exactly the best at giving advice but I'll give you my thoughts.
It's extremely hard to be in such situation and this might sound harsh, but stay out of it. He's your friend, she's your friend, they've been together for how long and even though it might not go too well at the moment this isn't a chance for you to step in. It sucks because feelings are just a bitch sometimes but that's life. It sounds like you already have a great friendship with the two and I feel you shouldn't mess that up, of course, you can be a support for her when things get rough, but how bad things may seem between them it's not worth trying to get involved because it can eventually ruin the great friendship you have. I think your friend is right, try to distance yourself from her because I know from experience the more you are with that specific person the more you'll like them. You got yourself into this, now it's time to get out. Self-loathing will only make it worse, step out of it and tell yourself you're better than that. I wish you the best of luck!