Bow to the feet kid, you full of defeat in ya thesis
I’m pulling the beast from the sheaths and cultivating
Your sheep while you eat this, bullets heat seeking
Watch my bars break, now I got two you get beat with
Every time I say "cultivating" I expect the "t" or "v" sound to get brought up again, but it doesn't. I would swap that out for something else. It doesn't flow very well with it stuck in there.
Slaughter your fleet in a brief glimpse of my godly mystique
Oddly you think you could size my beliefs up with how commoners sink
I’ve preached more Psalms then bombs Sodom could bring
An Impeached more doms then Ali’s arm could swing
I think that, since this is just writing, you're allowed to write "think" and "And" instead of what you put down. The way it's pronounced should be for the speaker to decide or infer given the context and way the text works.
The last two lines work very well, though.
I’m a ruthless commander, peruse missions that only the gruesome could handle
I’m glued to this mantle, a phantom of fame you couldn’t dismantle
My heart a guillotine, and whoever close get chopped to smithereens
What mother could adopt this Philistine, couldn’t cop or mock my similes
This just sounds really cool ok. gj.
My notion corrosive, flows soak in a vat so potent you feel its explosive
Below this, doodilyz deep throat this, motives ferocious when I focus
Reload the significance, magnificent grows while plots thickening
Hip-hop is missing me, DDT to drop any enemy sent to me
Again, if this is meant to be the "lyrics" or whatever, you should put down the proper grammar. So, "it's" and such should be put down correctly. Unless of course this is really supposed to be poetry in which case I would give it more leeway. I also have no idea what "doodilyz" is but I managed to pronounce it so I won't nitpick much there. I feel like "thickening" sounds a little off but it isn't the worst.
This insolence dealt with, and belt this infant to help kids
Realize Dark Prince methods will melt him
Infections how he felt it, spread the word till it sells hits
He unnerved when the belt wisp, welts is what he dealt with
Pretty okay with this one. The last line sounds cool.
I’ll smash him to cope with madness I float with
You could imagine why I’d trash on the hopeless
While I shatter this broke kid that couldn’t fathom emotions
My collateral notion makes him cry till my paddle is broke-in(broken)
You're making me wonder if this particular prose is meant to be read or spoken. Like, is this the "script" or the way it's supposed to sound? Personally, I would pronounce "broken" in the way you specified, and I think anyone who was reading it and got to that point would assume to say it that way as well. No need to be so paranoid.
With my speech there ain’t no replicates
It’s heat with these messages, so you’ll eat what my breath will spit
Rest get feast on like remnants, most get leveled in
So touch me, you’ll get severed hands, there’s no one I ain’t better then
*than
My breath is hatred, I’ve left you naked with your flesh abrasive
I’ll flip it native, I’m triple sages with a wicked name that lifts u vacant
Zero tolerance policy for ignorance, thrash on the trash you call the innocent
My presents an incense, properly pummel these mockeries to stomp in sense
uh *you
And I think you mean "presence's" not "presents"
I think it's kind of cheap to end this by rhyming "incense" to "in sense." You mashed some good words together earlier, like in the third line of this, for instance. In fact, since you're saying that you're gonna "stomp in sense" you would even put stress on the "in" making that phrase sound an uncomfortable amount like the single word "incense." Look into your wording there.
excellent thread, even though you killed my rap battle i'll give you 5stars lol
Spoiler
