RANDOM IDEA TIME IS AWESOME YES IT IS 
Okies! Here's a critique post and here's how it works: You post up a chapter [a section of it is preferred, as you're only allowed to put up something with less than 400 words; if this is too much, lemme know!], a short story no longer than 400 words, or any other writing work. Poems aren't really good things to post, but if someone says they don't mind reading a poem, then feel free to post it!
However, before you can post up that writing, you have to critique the post above you. I ask that you PLEASE put some effort into this, as constructive criticism is great, and if you guys don't put any effort into it, then I'll close down the thread. This is to help everyone improve. You don't have to post, but you have to put some effort into posting.
After you post up your critique and your writing, the next post does the same thing: critique and their writing. That's pretty much it. You can also request what exactly you want criticism on: dialogue, flow, characterization, etc. Just remember that not all of those requests can be filled, since some people aren't great with the things you requested.
This is probably going to be a test run for now. If it works, great! I'll keep up the thread. If it does, expect a close.
To start it off, I guess I'll post something... And, as for a request, I need help with keeping my chapters shorter. ^^;
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Though they were dormant, you could see their anxiety. The heavy breathing, the beads of sweat, and their expression; they looked lost and terrified, despite being asleep.
But, a quick jolt can lead to so many things.
"AH!" a high-pitched scream hung over the dark, dusty alley, before quickly dissipating cautiously. A bare hand covered their mouth as a pair of deep blue eyes swept back and forth across the horizon. They were still terrified.
Still alert and stiff, they lowered their hand from their mouth and gave a sigh of relief, even though that sigh wouldn't calm their wildly beating heart.
"...I hate it," a child-like voice escaped from the lips of a young girl as she hugged her knees with her arms, giving a sniffle.
If you had walked past the alley and saw the small girl, you would've seen that 10-year-old girl there.
But if you thought such a thing, you would've received a curled up fist to your cheek, or your arm. She was thirteen years old, not ten! That was an easy mistake: she didn't really look like she had gotten any taller in the past three years of being on this gigantic world. No one noticed, anyways.
Long, brown bangs covered over the young girl's face, especially the bunch pointing slightly outwards but still managing to keep her left eye out of sight. Only one deep blue eye shimmered through the darkness, making the girl seem rather eerie if you were just walking past.
Her clothes were simple, however: a black t-shirt with a turtleneck, a black wristband, a pair of khaki cargo shorts, and a pair of black skater shoes. The only strange thing was the pair of goggles around her neck and the two twin yo-yos safely tucked away in her pockets.
The sound of the nearby ocean crept into the girl's ears, and almost seemed like an alarm clock. Before she was rather drowsy and out of it. But now? The tomboy was wide awake and up to her feet. Especially when a strange growling sound echoed throughout the corner of the alley. She merely gave a groan.
With haste, she exited the alley and made a march down the sidewalk. The smell only made the growl grow louder.
Okies! Here's a critique post and here's how it works: You post up a chapter [a section of it is preferred, as you're only allowed to put up something with less than 400 words; if this is too much, lemme know!], a short story no longer than 400 words, or any other writing work. Poems aren't really good things to post, but if someone says they don't mind reading a poem, then feel free to post it!
However, before you can post up that writing, you have to critique the post above you. I ask that you PLEASE put some effort into this, as constructive criticism is great, and if you guys don't put any effort into it, then I'll close down the thread. This is to help everyone improve. You don't have to post, but you have to put some effort into posting.
After you post up your critique and your writing, the next post does the same thing: critique and their writing. That's pretty much it. You can also request what exactly you want criticism on: dialogue, flow, characterization, etc. Just remember that not all of those requests can be filled, since some people aren't great with the things you requested.
This is probably going to be a test run for now. If it works, great! I'll keep up the thread. If it does, expect a close.
To start it off, I guess I'll post something... And, as for a request, I need help with keeping my chapters shorter. ^^;
------------------
Though they were dormant, you could see their anxiety. The heavy breathing, the beads of sweat, and their expression; they looked lost and terrified, despite being asleep.
But, a quick jolt can lead to so many things.
"AH!" a high-pitched scream hung over the dark, dusty alley, before quickly dissipating cautiously. A bare hand covered their mouth as a pair of deep blue eyes swept back and forth across the horizon. They were still terrified.
Still alert and stiff, they lowered their hand from their mouth and gave a sigh of relief, even though that sigh wouldn't calm their wildly beating heart.
"...I hate it," a child-like voice escaped from the lips of a young girl as she hugged her knees with her arms, giving a sniffle.
If you had walked past the alley and saw the small girl, you would've seen that 10-year-old girl there.
But if you thought such a thing, you would've received a curled up fist to your cheek, or your arm. She was thirteen years old, not ten! That was an easy mistake: she didn't really look like she had gotten any taller in the past three years of being on this gigantic world. No one noticed, anyways.
Long, brown bangs covered over the young girl's face, especially the bunch pointing slightly outwards but still managing to keep her left eye out of sight. Only one deep blue eye shimmered through the darkness, making the girl seem rather eerie if you were just walking past.
Her clothes were simple, however: a black t-shirt with a turtleneck, a black wristband, a pair of khaki cargo shorts, and a pair of black skater shoes. The only strange thing was the pair of goggles around her neck and the two twin yo-yos safely tucked away in her pockets.
The sound of the nearby ocean crept into the girl's ears, and almost seemed like an alarm clock. Before she was rather drowsy and out of it. But now? The tomboy was wide awake and up to her feet. Especially when a strange growling sound echoed throughout the corner of the alley. She merely gave a groan.
With haste, she exited the alley and made a march down the sidewalk. The smell only made the growl grow louder.