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Title: twilight lullaby
Genre: Angst
Rating: K+
Warning(s): KH 358/2 Days Spoilers, naturally. And lots of pathos.
Plot Summary:
Upon the sunset-stained ledge he sits, oblivious to her presence and the words she wishes she could speak. RokuShion friendship.
Disclaimer: KH isn’t mine.
A/N: Many thanks to Peppermint Tea for providing the prompt. Writing this utilizes a style I am woefully inexperienced with, hence my advance apologies if I end up butchering the narration.
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twilight lullaby
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twilight lullaby
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Roxas.
You’re here, just as I knew you would be.
When Axel took me back to the Organization yesterday, I heard that you’d left. Probably for the same reason that I initially had – to find out about your true identity. I was worried for a moment that I wouldn’t be able to find you, but I soon realized I didn’t need to be. You’ll always come up here, to the top of the clock tower, because it’s our place – yours, Axel’s and mine. It’s the place where we’d meet to be with each other, the place where our most precious memories were made.
Even though the exact spot had never been marked out, you’re sitting where you always sit. In the middle, with Axel’s spot on your right, and mine on your left. But I’ve never seen you like this before, with your head lowered onto your knees and your arms wrapped around yourself. It makes you look so small. So lost.
Something inside me, in the place where my heart would be if I had one, pulls and twists and hurts. I don’t like seeing you like this. I don’t like seeing you curled up into a cramped little ball as though you’re trying to hide yourself from the horrible things around you. You’d never done anything wrong; you don’t deserve to be suffering.
Least of all because of me.
But there is something I am about to do. Something I must do, and it will only make your suffering so much greater.
Do you know that I came to you today –
I’ve tried to find another way. Please believe me, Roxas, I’ve tried. I’ve searched every file I could access in the Organization’s archives, including the hidden research from Castle Oblivion. But my efforts came up with nothing. There just isn’t a solution that would allow both of us to live, or even for the survivor between us to escape intact.
– to force you to destroy me?
It’s awful, I know. How could I be asking – let alone forcing – you to do such a thing? What sort of person would coerce her friend into destroying her?
For that, all I can say is that I’m truly sorry. Had you known of the other alternative – for me to destroy you instead – you would have given yourself up. I know you care for me so much that you’d be willing to go that far.
But it has to be this way. Because, if you had gone through with it – let your life be taken in place of mine – you would have done it for nothing.
You see, I really am what Saïx and the Superior insist on calling me: a puppet. And while I do appreciate you standing up for me and saying that I’m not one, it’s nothing less than the truth. In the beginning, I thought they were just trying to belittle me, to put me in my place as the lowest ranking member. But as the days passed and I discovered more and more about myself, I came to realize that they were only stating a fact.
As they say, I am a puppet – an empty vessel whose purpose is to copy you. To that end, there are devices implanted inside me that duplicate your powers, slowly transforming me into a second you.
The reason why you’re getting weaker and weaker is because I’ve been sapping your strength. The weaker you get, the stronger I become. Simply by being, I would eventually suck you dry, until one day you would no longer have the energy to even wake up.
And… that’s not all.
I’m not even me anymore. When I looked in the mirror a few days ago, it wasn’t me who I saw. It was a boy – a boy who looks just like you, but with brown hair instead of gold. His name is Sora, and he’s your Other – the one who connects us.
Something happened, and he’s been put to sleep. And while he’s sleeping, his memories have been slowly seeping into you, causing you to relive them in the form of dreams. The thing is, I’ve been having those dreams, too. Dreams – memories – of gentle waves and white sand, and a big, open sky.
But those memories don’t belong to me. They belong to you.
Don’t you see, Roxas? My very existence means your ruin. Ever since I came into being, I’ve been taking what was rightfully yours. Your powers, your memories, and now, your image. Everything that makes me was stolen from either you or Sora. Without you, I wouldn’t even be here.
You might be a Nobody, but you’re still the real thing. Me? I’m nothing but an abomination, a parasite –
A puppet.
That’s why I’m the one who has to go. That’s why you have to destroy me.
But Roxas –
I don’t want to go.
I want to stay here forever, with you and Axel, gazing out into the sunset. I want to talk about the stupid, pointless things we’d do in our day, and laugh so hard until my stomach hurts. I want to nudge you in the ribs when you make a silly joke, and see that outraged look on your face when Axel messes up your hair. I want to –
I can’t have what I want.
Life doesn’t work out that way. Not for Nobodies. Not for puppets who were never meant to be.
For it will be as though I had never been. You see, there’s another price I must pay for existing. I was created from Sora’s memories. That means when I’m gone, when those memories I’m based upon split and shatter, your memories – everyone’s memories – of me will fade away, too.
You and Axel wouldn’t even remember me. My best friends wouldn’t even remember me. All those times the three of us spent together on the clock tower – they would only have you and Axel in them. I simply... wouldn’t be there.
I suppose Saïx would be satisfied. I was only ever a puppet, after all. And puppets don’t deserve to be remembered.
Even so, there’s a part of me, deep inside, that’s foolish enough to hope. To hope that one day, by some miracle, your memories of me will return. Then maybe, just maybe, I wouldn’t be alone anymore.
For now, all I can do is remember for the three of us. I just pray it’d be enough.
…Roxas.
Can you promise me one last thing, even if you forget everything else? I know it’s silly to ask since you can’t hear me – and you’ll forget even if you could – but promise me? Promise me that you’ll remember today’s sunset.
It’s… beautiful, isn’t it?
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Fin.
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Fin.
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Any (constructive) feedback would be appreciated.
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