[/QUOTE]Okay I just thought I'd put this here and see what you guys think. I don't know if it's good or not, so I'll let you guys voice your opinion. Maybe you could give me advice. Now, that's not the name of the story, it's the chapter name. I've also started writing chapter two, but I thought it wouldn't make sense to put it here if it's incomplete. I don't really know how to use the marginal things, so forgive me if the structure of the text looks weird or too wide. Any advice is appreciated, thank you.
The hour was late in Rhenova, and Korishoba was lying in his apartment room in the Larken building, completely awake. He had tried everything he could today to ensure a good night’s sleep, even taking a second shift at work to wear himself out, but his efforts proved useless. This night marked the third in which he had found himself in a state of restlessness, and he was starting to get concerned. The day after tomorrow he would be entering in the fourth annual Brawl-Fest; a lack of sleep was certain to affect his performance. He had been following this event for two years, and now that he was finally old enough to compete, he didn’t want his first attempt to be ruined by exhaustion.
Korishoba had learned about the sport called “brawling” on TV as a young child, before it had become popular in Rhenova. While the swordplay mildly amused him, he never really understood how the game worked, and had not thought much of it. But when he was twelve, an announcement in the city paper revealed that a new Brawling Gym was going to be constructed in his district. Once it was completed, he started to visit the center on his free time, learning the basic skills and occasionally dueling with his friends. The gym manager once said that he had some potential, but Korishoba had never considered taking the sport seriously until two years ago, when the Brawlers’ League of Rhenova had lowered the contestant age requirement for Brawl-Fest to 17, in order to allow an exceptionally skilled boy named Ralik to participate. Korishoba watched his matches closely, intrigued by how such a young brawler could be so talented. After seven games Ralik had been defeated by an older competitor, but upon entering the tournament the next year he finally made victory. Such a story was inspiring to Korishoba, and he decided that he ought to take a shot at it as well. The fact that there was a 1200 credit prize only boosted his motivation further.
It was now past midnight. Finally he decided that he just wasn’t going to fall asleep, and with nothing else to do he might as well grab a bite to eat. Taking the elevator down and stepping out into the warm summer breeze, Korishoba set off for the restaurant. Feeling around in his pocket, he guessed he had enough money for a burger or two. Out of the corner of his vision he saw a shadow move across the street, and stared into the darkness cautiously. It was well known that this district had the highest crime rate in the city, and this was partially why Korishoba had learned the basic skills of brawling. He was pretty sure they wouldn’t help him much in a group attack, but nevertheless felt he needed to have some sort of self-defense. In any case, he had gone on previous nighttime wanderings without trouble, so he wasn’t too worried.
A few minutes later, Korishoba arrived at the restaurant. Normally at this hour, the owner would have already left, sticking Korishoba’s friend with the night shift. However, this was not the case tonight; the owner was sitting at the counter with a cheerful countenance, although he looked rather tired.
“Hey there, welcome to--Korishoba! How’s it goin’? I gave your buddy the day off,” the owner said in a jovial voice; apparently, working the night shift did not bother him. “The guy’s been looking pooped lately, so I told him to go home and get some sleep! So what can I get you?”
Korishoba took a brief glance at the menu on the wall. “Um, I’ll take the number four combo. And…” He counted his money. “Wait, actually just the burger--”
“Not enough? Don’t worry about that, just gimme what you have.” The owner deposited Korishoba’s money into the register and spun around to prepare the meal. Korishoba sat down at the counter.
“Hey thanks! You know, you seem pretty tired yourself,” he added.
“Yeah, I been workin’ all day.” said the owner. “Just been one of those really busy days, y’know? Lots of customers, I been dishing out orders nonstop since eight! I’m on a roll here!” Korishoba smiled.
“Alright, what’s going on?” he asked the owner. “You look like you’ve just won the lottery.”
The restaurant owner tossed a patty onto the grill, and as it began to sizzle he disappeared into the kitchen.
“As a matter of fact, you might say I did,” he said from the other room. “Just this morning…” There was a sound of shuffling boxes, and the owner reappeared with a potato in his hand. “Just this morning, I got a visit from a representative of Merit! Y’know, that new business place? Seven A.M., I’m barely getting the place ready for breakfast, and in walks this pal sporting a suit and tie. He had a briefcase in his hand, and right then I knew something good was coming. You don’t get no suit-wearing, brief-case carrying people around this place for nothing!”
The Merit Corporation was a business company that was slowly rising to the top of the corporate world. A few years ago, they had begun construction of a new headquarters in Rhenova’s capital district. It had been completed this past spring; their building was simply massive, towering over several of the other skyscrapers in the city. Whenever he walked past it, Korishoba would wonder about what an excellent view the employees in the top floors would get to work with.
The owner began to slice up the potato as he continued.
“So the guy introduces himself, name was something like Sercil, or Cecil, very professional manner, and says Merit’s hosting a kind of community event in their new place, to celebrate its opening I guess. Dinner and a show, that kind of thing. Anyways, they’re throwing a huge banquet, and guess what? They want to me to do the main course!”
“They do?” Korishoba said, genuinely surprised. “But you’re not really…” He struggled to find the appropriate word, but the owner cut him off with a hearty laugh.
“Oh man, that’s exactly what I said! I’ve never done that fine dining before, this is nothing compared to what you see down in the capital! But since it’s a community thing they wanna appeal to the typical Rhenovan, who comes to me! He offered a load of cash too. So now I’m due in three days at the Merit building, to cook burgers for the whole city! I swear, after this week business is gonna skyrocket!” He placed Korishoba’s meal onto the counter, and slid it in front of him. “Here you go kiddo!”
“Thanks. I remember hearing they were gonna have a special opening. Good for you then!” Korishoba bit deep into his burger. “You know, I also have something big this week.” He swallowed the bite and took a swig from his drink. “I’m seventeen now, so on Thursday I’m gonna enter in the Brawl-Fest tournament.” The restaurant owner rubbed his brow wearily.
“That slice ‘em-dice ‘em sport? Oh boy, I really don’t think you should be doin’ that stuff, pal. I-it just doesn’t look safe at all! How’re you even old enough to compete?”
“Cause they put the age requirement down to seventeen a few years ago.”
“They lowered it? Why the hell for? Seventeen…jeez, you’re still just a minor!” Korishoba started to speak, but the owner threw up his hand.
“Okay, I know you got early independence, but still, these brawlers are real tough! A little seventeen year old going against them, they could just slice your arms off!” Korishoba rolled his eyes; the guy had no idea what he was talking about. Anyone who watched brawling knew that the swords weren’t designed to actually cut, and each player was given armor to minimize injuries.
“Jerol, I’m really not that bad,” he said. “I already know all the novice stuff, and for several months now I’ve been practicing the more advanced training.” He grinned broadly. “At the very least, I’ll get last place!” With a final bite he finished the burger, gulped it down with his drink, and stood up.
“Hey, you don’t believe me, come and watch me compete. It starts at seven o’clock at the Fight Corner. In two days.” Jerol nodded, but his expression remained worrisome.
“Alright. Take care then, Kori.” He grabbed Korishoba’s plate, and turned to wash it as the boy left.
Korishoba walked out of the restaurant, full of thoughts. Jerol’s reaction to the news was to be expected, but what he failed to realized was that Korishoba was not going to be the only 17 year old entering the Brawl-Fest. If this year’s competition ended up being like last year’s, then the majority of the contenders would be close to Korishoba’s age, and that meant he had a higher chance of winning. Then, once the competition was over, Korishoba could unwind the next day with the Merit grand opening; Jerol had agreed to see his matches, so it was the least he could do to show up at his banquet. In any case, he would never pass up on---
He stopped in his tracks, and became completely still; the shadowy figure across the street did the same thing. After a few seconds, Korishoba resumed walking, but with a quickened pace. Once he reached the corner of the block, he immediately turned left. The other person followed suit, crossing the street onto Korishoba’s block. Without hesitation, Korishoba broke into a full sprint and shot down the street, turning into an alley and squatting behind a dumpster. There he waited nervously for the person to pass by, peaking out from his hiding spot every ten seconds. He had lived in this district all his life, and he knew the dangers; it had become instinctive to run and hide. Crouched against brick wall, he was standing in near blackness, but his white shoes might still be noticeable; he prayed that he would not be spotted. A minute later, his stalker appeared from behind the corner…and turned into the alley.
Korishoba felt his heart surge, but he knew he had to stay completely still. The person following him apparently did not know he was hiding here, and continued to walk down the alley. But once he was halfway the person stopped, standing in the middle of the alley for a long time. Korishoba decided not to run just yet, in case the stalker was listening for him. Suddenly, a second figure entered from the opposite end of the alley, and approached the first man. The two began to have a conversation with low voices; Korishoba strained to hear what they were saying. At one point he thought the first man said “look elsewhere,” and then watched the second person raise his right hand to the sky. The alley was briefly lit by a red flash before a small spark shot from the second person’s hand and rose up into the night. The figures then resumed their conversation. Feeling that he should leave quickly in case the they somehow spotted him, Korishoba slowly crept back to the sidewalk and ran home as fast as he could. Once he was safe, he crashed onto the bed and slept until noon.
LATE NIGHT
The hour was late in Rhenova, and Korishoba was lying in his apartment room in the Larken building, completely awake. He had tried everything he could today to ensure a good night’s sleep, even taking a second shift at work to wear himself out, but his efforts proved useless. This night marked the third in which he had found himself in a state of restlessness, and he was starting to get concerned. The day after tomorrow he would be entering in the fourth annual Brawl-Fest; a lack of sleep was certain to affect his performance. He had been following this event for two years, and now that he was finally old enough to compete, he didn’t want his first attempt to be ruined by exhaustion.
Korishoba had learned about the sport called “brawling” on TV as a young child, before it had become popular in Rhenova. While the swordplay mildly amused him, he never really understood how the game worked, and had not thought much of it. But when he was twelve, an announcement in the city paper revealed that a new Brawling Gym was going to be constructed in his district. Once it was completed, he started to visit the center on his free time, learning the basic skills and occasionally dueling with his friends. The gym manager once said that he had some potential, but Korishoba had never considered taking the sport seriously until two years ago, when the Brawlers’ League of Rhenova had lowered the contestant age requirement for Brawl-Fest to 17, in order to allow an exceptionally skilled boy named Ralik to participate. Korishoba watched his matches closely, intrigued by how such a young brawler could be so talented. After seven games Ralik had been defeated by an older competitor, but upon entering the tournament the next year he finally made victory. Such a story was inspiring to Korishoba, and he decided that he ought to take a shot at it as well. The fact that there was a 1200 credit prize only boosted his motivation further.
It was now past midnight. Finally he decided that he just wasn’t going to fall asleep, and with nothing else to do he might as well grab a bite to eat. Taking the elevator down and stepping out into the warm summer breeze, Korishoba set off for the restaurant. Feeling around in his pocket, he guessed he had enough money for a burger or two. Out of the corner of his vision he saw a shadow move across the street, and stared into the darkness cautiously. It was well known that this district had the highest crime rate in the city, and this was partially why Korishoba had learned the basic skills of brawling. He was pretty sure they wouldn’t help him much in a group attack, but nevertheless felt he needed to have some sort of self-defense. In any case, he had gone on previous nighttime wanderings without trouble, so he wasn’t too worried.
A few minutes later, Korishoba arrived at the restaurant. Normally at this hour, the owner would have already left, sticking Korishoba’s friend with the night shift. However, this was not the case tonight; the owner was sitting at the counter with a cheerful countenance, although he looked rather tired.
“Hey there, welcome to--Korishoba! How’s it goin’? I gave your buddy the day off,” the owner said in a jovial voice; apparently, working the night shift did not bother him. “The guy’s been looking pooped lately, so I told him to go home and get some sleep! So what can I get you?”
Korishoba took a brief glance at the menu on the wall. “Um, I’ll take the number four combo. And…” He counted his money. “Wait, actually just the burger--”
“Not enough? Don’t worry about that, just gimme what you have.” The owner deposited Korishoba’s money into the register and spun around to prepare the meal. Korishoba sat down at the counter.
“Hey thanks! You know, you seem pretty tired yourself,” he added.
“Yeah, I been workin’ all day.” said the owner. “Just been one of those really busy days, y’know? Lots of customers, I been dishing out orders nonstop since eight! I’m on a roll here!” Korishoba smiled.
“Alright, what’s going on?” he asked the owner. “You look like you’ve just won the lottery.”
The restaurant owner tossed a patty onto the grill, and as it began to sizzle he disappeared into the kitchen.
“As a matter of fact, you might say I did,” he said from the other room. “Just this morning…” There was a sound of shuffling boxes, and the owner reappeared with a potato in his hand. “Just this morning, I got a visit from a representative of Merit! Y’know, that new business place? Seven A.M., I’m barely getting the place ready for breakfast, and in walks this pal sporting a suit and tie. He had a briefcase in his hand, and right then I knew something good was coming. You don’t get no suit-wearing, brief-case carrying people around this place for nothing!”
The Merit Corporation was a business company that was slowly rising to the top of the corporate world. A few years ago, they had begun construction of a new headquarters in Rhenova’s capital district. It had been completed this past spring; their building was simply massive, towering over several of the other skyscrapers in the city. Whenever he walked past it, Korishoba would wonder about what an excellent view the employees in the top floors would get to work with.
The owner began to slice up the potato as he continued.
“So the guy introduces himself, name was something like Sercil, or Cecil, very professional manner, and says Merit’s hosting a kind of community event in their new place, to celebrate its opening I guess. Dinner and a show, that kind of thing. Anyways, they’re throwing a huge banquet, and guess what? They want to me to do the main course!”
“They do?” Korishoba said, genuinely surprised. “But you’re not really…” He struggled to find the appropriate word, but the owner cut him off with a hearty laugh.
“Oh man, that’s exactly what I said! I’ve never done that fine dining before, this is nothing compared to what you see down in the capital! But since it’s a community thing they wanna appeal to the typical Rhenovan, who comes to me! He offered a load of cash too. So now I’m due in three days at the Merit building, to cook burgers for the whole city! I swear, after this week business is gonna skyrocket!” He placed Korishoba’s meal onto the counter, and slid it in front of him. “Here you go kiddo!”
“Thanks. I remember hearing they were gonna have a special opening. Good for you then!” Korishoba bit deep into his burger. “You know, I also have something big this week.” He swallowed the bite and took a swig from his drink. “I’m seventeen now, so on Thursday I’m gonna enter in the Brawl-Fest tournament.” The restaurant owner rubbed his brow wearily.
“That slice ‘em-dice ‘em sport? Oh boy, I really don’t think you should be doin’ that stuff, pal. I-it just doesn’t look safe at all! How’re you even old enough to compete?”
“Cause they put the age requirement down to seventeen a few years ago.”
“They lowered it? Why the hell for? Seventeen…jeez, you’re still just a minor!” Korishoba started to speak, but the owner threw up his hand.
“Okay, I know you got early independence, but still, these brawlers are real tough! A little seventeen year old going against them, they could just slice your arms off!” Korishoba rolled his eyes; the guy had no idea what he was talking about. Anyone who watched brawling knew that the swords weren’t designed to actually cut, and each player was given armor to minimize injuries.
“Jerol, I’m really not that bad,” he said. “I already know all the novice stuff, and for several months now I’ve been practicing the more advanced training.” He grinned broadly. “At the very least, I’ll get last place!” With a final bite he finished the burger, gulped it down with his drink, and stood up.
“Hey, you don’t believe me, come and watch me compete. It starts at seven o’clock at the Fight Corner. In two days.” Jerol nodded, but his expression remained worrisome.
“Alright. Take care then, Kori.” He grabbed Korishoba’s plate, and turned to wash it as the boy left.
Korishoba walked out of the restaurant, full of thoughts. Jerol’s reaction to the news was to be expected, but what he failed to realized was that Korishoba was not going to be the only 17 year old entering the Brawl-Fest. If this year’s competition ended up being like last year’s, then the majority of the contenders would be close to Korishoba’s age, and that meant he had a higher chance of winning. Then, once the competition was over, Korishoba could unwind the next day with the Merit grand opening; Jerol had agreed to see his matches, so it was the least he could do to show up at his banquet. In any case, he would never pass up on---
He stopped in his tracks, and became completely still; the shadowy figure across the street did the same thing. After a few seconds, Korishoba resumed walking, but with a quickened pace. Once he reached the corner of the block, he immediately turned left. The other person followed suit, crossing the street onto Korishoba’s block. Without hesitation, Korishoba broke into a full sprint and shot down the street, turning into an alley and squatting behind a dumpster. There he waited nervously for the person to pass by, peaking out from his hiding spot every ten seconds. He had lived in this district all his life, and he knew the dangers; it had become instinctive to run and hide. Crouched against brick wall, he was standing in near blackness, but his white shoes might still be noticeable; he prayed that he would not be spotted. A minute later, his stalker appeared from behind the corner…and turned into the alley.
Korishoba felt his heart surge, but he knew he had to stay completely still. The person following him apparently did not know he was hiding here, and continued to walk down the alley. But once he was halfway the person stopped, standing in the middle of the alley for a long time. Korishoba decided not to run just yet, in case the stalker was listening for him. Suddenly, a second figure entered from the opposite end of the alley, and approached the first man. The two began to have a conversation with low voices; Korishoba strained to hear what they were saying. At one point he thought the first man said “look elsewhere,” and then watched the second person raise his right hand to the sky. The alley was briefly lit by a red flash before a small spark shot from the second person’s hand and rose up into the night. The figures then resumed their conversation. Feeling that he should leave quickly in case the they somehow spotted him, Korishoba slowly crept back to the sidewalk and ran home as fast as he could. Once he was safe, he crashed onto the bed and slept until noon.
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