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Fanfiction ► //*The Alcatraz Experiment: The Miss-Creation*\\



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Arxos

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Special Thanks to Princess Sakura and

Chapter 1: The Waking

His eyes slowly faded away from an empty jet-black into slight visibility. Feeling sharp, piercing pains slowly seeping into the sides of his skull, he felt the dry blood crack as he squinted to see through the blinding light shining into whatever was strapped onto his face. Slowly, his hands rose, sliding up to his chin, feeling a cold steel plate, that rose up to his hairline, leaving slots for him to breathe and see. His vision slowly started to fade out into darkness, into a blur. Hearing a voice as he fell into a deep slumber.

“The experiment is almost a success." Sounded a mysterious, distant voice. He couldn't tell who it was as his mind floated into nothingness.

Abruptly; he woke up, seeing the light once more. As he sat up, he noticed that there was nobody in the room, and he began to move his arms wildly with the little strength he had to help get off of the platform he lay on, only to notice some sort of restraint. He looked down to see a Straight Jacket. He began to look across the room to find a device to cut loose of his binding restraints, and, after finding a knife, he leaned off of the table and regained his balance while walking towards the table that held the gleaming knife. Hearing a noise passed the doors, he hastily released himself by leaning backwards over the cold metal table, moving back and forth to cut the tightly-strapped cloth. Finally cutting through it, he found it rather easy to tear through with only his bare fingers, not completely revealing his hands but enough to hold or use something.

He turned around to the table he previously occupied to see what that "experiment" sort of event was about, and, finding a pamphlet hanging on the front of the table, he quickly read it. Forgetting about the noise in the hallway, he found he was an experiment to test the creation of life without natural birth, and at a certain age, he also found he had no name. He was just specified blankly as Experiment 24D.

Suddenly, the doors slowly began to open behind him, and he grabbed the knife and hid behind the disinfectant bin in the back of the room.

"Too bad we have to kill off the experiment due to suspicions." The two scientists walked into the room, "Were is the experiment?!" One of the scientists yelled, panicking. "We'll be in trouble if we lose it". The boy stood from behind his hiding spot. "I am not an 'it'! I am ....", he began to say, stopping because he didn’t actually know what or who he was. One of the scientists began to pull out a small device.

“You are nothing but an experiment!” The stranger coldly retorted, turning over to him.

He walked towards the boy, trying to use the device on him, but as soon as the device began to spark and clatter furiously, he pulled out the knife and stabbed the scientist. “You! you killed him, you have murdered him!” he said as the dead scientist fell to the ground. The other scientist began to come after him, picking up the device. “He would have killed me, too,” the boy spoke with a slight sob in his voice as he threw the scientist against the wall and ran out into the open hallway, sprinting towards the door that read, "Fire Exit".
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I am looking for a BETA for my story
allso post your thoughts on the
 
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TheClamWhisperer

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First, remember the 'enter' button, because it is quite hard to read with no spacing in the post.

There are quite a few grammar and spelling mistakes, thus I suggest you use Spell Check. You should add more descriptive adjectives, and depict your characters thoughts in the situation since it greatly affects the situation. A character shouldn't just abruptly perform actions without thinking.

The post could be longer too, but the idea for the story is unique and interesting. =D
If you put more work into it, and perhaps get a beta from In the Spotlight, this story could work.

-SA
 

Arxos

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Apr 28, 2006
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32
I did spell check, but I think I clicked ignore instead of correct
but when I post on in the spot light no one replies

thanks for the constructive critisizem

(I know I spelled it wrong, im in hurry)
also, if you may, could you point me in the direction of a beta since no one ever replies to my comments?

I also made this chapter short from past experientses (if I spelled that right) couse they complaine if the 1st chap is as long as all the others

but dont worry, the other chapters will be longer
 
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