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Fanfiction ► Shattered Remnant



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Zceith

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Hiya everybody! It's your favorite newbie Zceith!!! This is my first fanfic ever, so I doubt that anyone will like it, but if you do then good! I'll probably post a new chapter every few days depending on the length of the chapter, so you might want to be prepared for long waits. Here we Goooo!!!!

Prologue​

An eerie chill settled over the desolate desert, causing all of the animals in the area to fall silent immediately. In the desert a brief frost such as this was not uncommon, but it soon gave way to the stifling heat typical of Agrabah. But there was something... unnatural about this particular frost. If one was too walk a few hundred meters in any given direction, they would soon find that the frost was confined to a small area near the old ruins. The sheer abnormality of this area, coupled with the intense frigidity, ensured that everyone in Agrabah would stay well away from this area. Everyone except for Kisa, that is.

Kisa crept among the ruins, making sure to stay carefully concealed in the shadows; his training as a spy taught him as much. Regardless of his past, he now simply wished to pay off his family's debt by "acquiring" the fabled treasure of the ruins. Of course the treasure might be just that, a fable, but any chance was worth taking to ensure his family's survival. As he neared the very center of the ruins, he redoubled his speed. He could sense the close proximity of his prize, he could feel the sensible portion of his brain being overpowered by his frenzied desires. After all, surely there would be some left over treasure once the debts were paid.


With this in mind, Kisa approached his final destination gleefully. He stopped just before the tomb he was raiding to observe the final leg of his journey. The small, circular area in front of him was completely surrounded by ruined watch towers, laying strewn over the area. Kisa finally spotted what he was looking for-- a small stone tablet, half-hidden by the sands, and upon it portrayed a howling wolf. Kisa rubbed his hands eagerly as he stepped into the clearing, anxious to receive his well earned prize.
" Turn around. Slowly."
Kisa froze, petrified with fear. What was going on? He should have sensed someone approaching. Swallowing his fear, he turned obediently around and was startled to find the voice's owner to be a young man, possibly even a teenager. However it was difficult to tell, due to the large black coat that encompassed his entire body.
" P-p-please spare me gentle sir! I just need a small amount of treasure to pay off my family's debt. Will you not spare me, if only for their sake?"
A quiet chuckle escaped the confines of the cloak.
" Funny... that's what they said." As he spoke, a gust of wind rushed into the circle, blowing over a small sand dune, scattering its sands. Kisa felt bile rush up his throat. Formerly encased by the dune were three fresh corpses their, vacant gazes turned upward to the sky as if pleading for mercy in their final moments. Kisa forced the bile back down his throat and turned back to the cloaked man, only to find that he had disappeared. Kisa looked around frantically for any sign of his whereabouts, panic overriding reason and taking command of his mind. As his vision flicked back and forth from one of the dunes to a ruined tower, he felt a slight tremor run through his body.
He glanced down at his stomach and let out a quiet moan. The edge of a sword was sticking from his stomach, his droplets of blood clinging to the blade like crimson tears welling up in a death god's
eye.
" From behind I came, and from behind you shall die." whispered the cloaked man as he slowly withdrew the blade from Kisa's body. Kisa felt his knees buckle, and whirled himself around as he plummeted to the ground in an effort to see the sky one last time. As his body fell, Kisa glanced up at his murderer and saw a silvery strand of hair waving slightly in the wind, covering deep, but still intensely sad eyes.
" Keuse... Tetra... I'm s-sorry... please f-" his words were cut short, and going by the glazed over eyes, it looked as if they would be his last. As the silver-haired man turned away from the grisly sight, a gust of wind arrived causing unforgiving sands to swallow his body whole.



The cloaked man began to walk away from the tomb, devoid of any emotion. Before he got far, a new voice rang out from the shadows.
" It's been quite a while. I was beginning to think you weren't coming."
The silver-haired man halted and turned to face another man garbed in a cloak identical to his. Disturbingly enough, this newcomer had seemingly appeared from nowhere.
" I see you still do your daily dosage of unnecessary cruelty." The newcomer said, gesturing at the dune hiding Kisa's body.
" And I see that you still haven't lost your complete naivety. What of it? He could've been one of them."
The newcomer gave a short bark of humorless laughter.
" If he had been one of them, he would've sensed you approaching. Is your mind so shadowed by two years ago that you can no longer see the difference between an innocent civilian and one of them? Answer." The final words were spoken like one would command a lesser being. The silver-haired one shivered. He hated it when the cloaked man got this way.
"If I were you, I would be more worried about your neck than my mind."
The cloaked man let loose another bark of laughter.
" If you were me then you would've killed half of this world half a year ago."
This time it was the silver-haired man's turn to laugh.
" I suppose so. But, we both know that you didn't come here to reminisce about old times. What do you want?"
The cloaked man gazed intently at the man opposite him, his gaze so intense that the silver-haired man was forced to look away.
" I know what you are doing. You're trying to recruit a new force to take them on aren't you?"
The silver-haired seemed at a loss for words. Finally he managed to say " How did you know?"
" Renge told me." The cloaked man answered.
" Renge?! Where is she?!"
" No idea. But, you need to stop recruiting people. You're just sending them to their deaths. It's one thing if you are willing to die, but don't drag others along for the ride. Do you really want to cause more deaths? Was two years ago not enough sadness?" The silver-haired man raised his head defiantly.
" I won't let there be any more deaths this time. I have it all planned out."
" No matter how strong you become, you cannot protect that many other people."
" Of course. That's why there will only be five of us. I'm training three of them right now."
The cloaked man sighed wearily. " No matter what you do, if you fight there will be more deaths. I will not stop you, but I will not help you either." The silver-haired man turned and began to walk away.
" Oh, and Riku." Riku turned, a questioning look in his eye. " Don't die." Riku nodded and strode off into the darkness of the night. The cloaked man sighed. This wouldn't end well. Riku couldn't face the truth, so the truth would come face to face with him.



Well, that's it for now!(short, I know) CC is appreciated in lethal doses.
 
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Tyler Durden

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I KNEW it was Riku!!!


But this is very good Zceith. Perhaps, just perhaps, as good as snowy's so far.
 
T

Tyler Durden

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and you're just as modest as her, too.

I think this is better than mine, at least.

In which you haven't commented on the newest chapter, BTW!
 

Deeman

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Wow, Zceith! I'm impressed. This is extremely well written! Great work for your first fiction ^.^

May I suggest something? You might want to separate your paragraphs with a double space, to make things easier on the eyes. I love your descriptive writing, it's excellent. However, there comes a point where descriptions are not necessary. Try not to be overly descriptive; you know, using too many adjectives/adverbs in a sentence.

Tremendous work, though, my friend.

Do continue!
 

Zceith

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I was wondering if anyone would spot my fatal downfall... you can only make a pig so fat before it busts open. But, I'll do the double spacing, thanks!

And when I said lethal doses, I meant it. Don't worrry. I have twenty-three lives left.
 
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Tyler Durden

Guest
Deeman pretty much covered it.

But I would say this- by incoroporating KH characters, you have slightly limited yourself. You have to make sure that they act like they should, stick with the main themes of KH, etc.


So far you seem to have done that well, but don't forget to tell us WHY Riku is acting like this.
 

Zceith

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That's only if you're worried about the fanboy death squad. Also, if you insert things that happen after KH2 you can somewhat change the way they react towards certain situations. And the main character isn't from Kingdom Hearts anyway. He's a specially brewed Zceith recipe.

And finally, you'll learn about Riku's past soon enough.
 
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Tyler Durden

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Wait, the main character's not Riku?


You are now going to be ritually sacrificed at my altar of Riku.
 
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