Fanfiction ► Rise of the Dragons

[Dark Star]

Chapter 1 The beginning of a myth​

There was a teen named Zarock, he had green eyes, brown hair and semi light skin. He was 17 and wore a light blue shirt with a white jacket and jeans. He lived in a city known as Jorock, on the country side with his father. He wore a necklace that was gold with sapphire and ruby in the middle. It had been passed down to him from his ancestors, all he knew about the necklace was that it gave you wisdom in the time of need.
He had an older brother named Jericho, who was 19. Jericho had blue eyes with black curly hair, he wore a silver patched up shirt with jeans. Jericho and Zarock got along well together and they help their dad plant the crops. They had no mother because she died when they were 2 and 4. They didn't know how their mother died, neither did their father. it all happened when their mom left to go get some food and never came back. They tried to too for her, but for all these years not one clue.
One day Zarock was walking around the town, he entered a tavern when suddenly he heard this elderly man talking to all these people around him. When he came near the Man the man was saying. Once there were dragons that roamed the earth billions of years ago, they were huge and had a big wingspan. The dragons came in a variety. there were the Omnitron who were strong, the Retity who were quick and had good agility, and the Zerecki who were wise and can fly up so high that you couldn't see them with the naked eye. Where did you get this information from? said a villager. I got it from my ancestors who past it down to me. How do you know if this stuff is all true? said Zarock. Well I just believe of what my family says. Zarock left the tavern, and was puzzled of what the man said. This must be a myth, dragons, he must have just made that story up. When Zarock got home it was dark, so he went to bed. he had a dream about Dragons destroying the town and threatening the people. When he woke from the dream he said good thing that was a dream. he laid back down and fell asleep.

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I'll need some comments before I start chapter 2. At least 5. Tell me if you like it or not, tell me if I need to add something extra, or just anything.

 

[Dragonstar1715]

This based on ay particular series, or is it an original piece?

 

[Dark Star]

Chapter 2 The egg​

One day Zarock and Jericho were hunting amongst the Capella Mountains. When suddenly they found a pack of deer. They chased the deer to a steep hill, they stopped chasing the deer when the noticed an egg. They examined the egg. It looked nothing like a normal egg, for it was green and huge. Jericho said What in the world is this. All I know is that it's an egg.
So they carried the egg to the house. They didn't want their father to know so they kept it in their room. What do you thinks going to hatch from it said Jericho. I don't know maybe it's a dragon egg. A dragon egg said Jericho, you must be out of your mind. Well this old man told us a story about dragons living the earth billions of years ago, I don't believe him though said Zarock. Than why did you say it was a dragon egg. I was just joking around.
For 2 weeks they kept the egg safe, and out of their fathers eye's. That morning when they woke up the egg started to hatch. Zarock was awestruck to see the egg crack. Jericho just watched with amazement as the egg hatched. When it hatched it was a green baby dragon. Jericho almost past out when he saw the dragon. Zarock was pleased yet felt guilt for he had to raise the dragon with any one knowing, well besides his brother. So what are you going to name the dragon said Jericho. Hmm how about Ralex said Zarock. that sounds like a good name. So they watched the dragon play around the room.

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Well I see that only one person responded, oh and the answer to the question is I got inspired when I finished Eldest(the sequel to Eragon) to write my own fanfic or story about Dragons. I want more people to respond, did you like it, hate it, just tell me something.

 

[Dark Star]

I'll have chapter 3 up later today, or tomorrow. And please comment on my fanfic.

 

[Tyler Durden]

Too short, really. The font is unappealing to the eye, and your literary technique suggests that you are writing for children.

 

[Dark Star]

Oh well I tried my best. Maybe It's not meant for me to write fanfics.

 

[Tyler Durden]

bah, don't give up THAT easily.

 

[Dark Star]

Your right. I could get better at this. But I may need some guidance. Any body willing to help me.

 

[Dragonstar1715]

Dawn... you're cruel, ever heard of a thing called CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM? Anyway, it's good but make sure to use speech marks ( " ) when someone is talking and also maybe try to be descriptive of your surroundings and characters when introducing them the first time.

Try reading mine and other people's fanfics and see if that gives you ideas, yes I may lack in grammar in some parts of mine, but it should still be a good read. My fanfics are a KH and also a KH/Pokemon Crossover. If you need backgorund info on Draco and the rest of the cast's history in these, check out Frozen Fate's story "Hearts of Twilight", "Absolution's Reign" follows one year on from it.

 

[Dark Star]

Thanks, reading other people's fanic's will give me a better understanding of how to write mine.

 

[Haku]

I think that it has potential but don't give up though.