Well... I can't give away too much, but here's a comedy I wrote as I listened to combinations of Rent and Wicked. Ahh... Broadway Musicals do that to you, I guess. Anyway, enjoy.
I glanced around. It was apparent that I wasn't the only one suffering. Kyuuri sat, silently fuming on the small, uncomfortable chair. Amme was repeatedly slamming her fists against her forehead, and Myra was faring no better, torn between two arguing bishies. It seemed all the muffin soldiers were upset. And as we sat in silent terror-
"I have a question!"
...Silent Terror-
"Over here! Over here!"
SILENT. TERROR... we were suddenly interrupted by an annoying voice. At least the day couldn't get any worse.
"I've got a question for the midget in the front row." Apparently, it could. The voice jabbed a finger at... Kyuuri. Immediately, the whole room fell silent, as if everyone anticipated the rage building within the pygmy pickle.
Before the bouncers could get there, my trained ears had alerted me of the "M" word. I was already, along with several other muffin soldiers, restraining Kyuuri from gouging the eyes out of the young man in the eighth row while the crowd shouted their chorus of:
"Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!"
That's right. The Yasai family - The Muffin Soldiers - were on the Jerry Springer show. You want to know how it all started? You want to know why Ger was huggling a pengy, why Silver was fighting off swarms of fans, and why I'm nursing a bloody nose, and a shiner, while Amme sang random musical singles at the top of her lungs? Well I'll tell you.
It all started whilst I sat at my laptop one day, scanning the list of online users on KHI. Surprisingly, Kyuuri and I were the only of the muffin soldiers to be online. And frankly, it stuffed.
Well, pretty soon, Kyuuri got tired of waiting around and took a nap somewheres. I, however, decided to stay on. Something told me that night that I should be online. Maybe it was fate, maybe it was Karma. But it sure as heck wasn't good.
I was browsing through my regular junk e-mail, Absolute Poker, Hotmail, when a strange message caught my eye. My subscription to Foot Fungus Monthly had expir- I mean, my cousin had E-mailed me with strange news.
"Hey, Kat. I happened to come across some tickets to a taping of some T.V. show, and I'm gonna be out of town on the day it's taped. I'm sending them in the mail."
Well, being the couch potato I am, I wasn't lookin' forward to going. But, my mo -that's slang for mother, yo. - My mo said that my cousin probably worked hard to get the tickets, and they were free, so...
So it just so happened that I was allowed to bring many a friend. As many as I wanted, actually. I didn't think any of it at the time, though it was a little suspicious.
I buzzed upon my mighty conch shell, assembling the Muffin Soldiers.
"We're going where?" Amme was the first to ask.
"The taping of some T.V. show." I answered, waving the pass at her. "I'm not sure what."
"How did I get here?" Gerard whined.
"Shaddup, Ger." Kyuuri chimed in, shoving him to the side. "It's free. We're going."
What da Pickle says goes, so we all made plans to mysteriously end up in the same place at the same time without asking any questions. Go with it.
Well, the next day, we all met at outside a strange looking building.
"We're all sure about this, right?" Myra asked a final time. Everyone turned around.
"What's wrong, man?" Silver asked, surprised. "It'll be fine! You've got two guys to protect-"
Silver glanced towards Gerard, who was asking a disturbed girl where she had purchased her jeans.
"-You've got a man to protect you." He finished. Everyone doubted that a group of super warriors - Yes. We are. - would need protection.
"...I guess so." Myra finally agreed. "Besides! Taping means actors! And actors are haw-" She glanced at Kyuuri.
"Uh... Let's go in." Amme distracted everyone with the sudden diversion.
Stepping inside the room, every muffin soldier's jaws dropped in complete confusion and revulsion.
"You. Did. Not." Kyuuri managed to say through clenched teeth.
"I... I didn't know!" I honestly proclaimed. How was I supposed to know it was the Jerry Springer Show?!
"We've got no time." Amme pointed out. She ushered everyone into seats in the back row. "Let's just get this over with-"
"To the stage, ladies and gentleman." Springer himself gestured to the stage.
"I'm a man too-" Ger tried to point out, interrupted by Amme.
"What are you talking about? We're just in the audience, right?"
"No, no, no!" Jerry answered. He snapped his fingers, the wanna-be-bouncers "assisting" us onto the stage and into our chairs. "I'm sure she explained..."
"Explained what?" Kyuuri's accent on the second word was enough to silence the crowd.
"Why, you're the show!" Jerry exclaimed, looking at us as if we had just broken out into a rendition of "Seasons of Love".
A collective "Oh shiznap." Was heard.
"This seat is uncomfortable." Kyuuri shifted in her chair, obviously hating every minute of this. She was a ticking time-bomb. Obviously she would go off: It was just a matter of time.
"Let's start off with... Gerard, is it?" Jerry checked those fake pieces of paper that are probably just grocery lists and errands to run.
"...I prefer Cinco de Mayo for filmed occasions, but yes, I am Gerard." Ger spoke up, raising his hand.
"It seems you have a compulsive problem with cheating on your girlfriend, Rikku." Jerry said, crossing his arms to seem serious.
"That's... that's not true." Gerard squeaked, "I love my girlfriends. I mean friend! Singular!"
"Ah... so you admit to having more than one girlfriend. People in the audience, raise your hand if this man has ever approached you in hopes of a date."
About every female, and one male, hand appeared in the air. Gerard was reduced to a pile of mush.
"And it seems we've got another compulsive dater here," Jerry continued. "Myra, would you please explain to us what this is?" He held up a piece of paper.
With... about thirty names listed.
"That's... mah Bishie list..." Myra finally admitted, bowing her head in shame.
"I thought so." Jerry shook his head in disgust.
"Wait!" I exclaimed. "They're not like that! It's not like that at all!"
Jerry interrupted me. "Oh, I think it is." He turned once again to the audiance. "Myra..." He turned back to her, waving a hand at the crowd.
"Do you find any of these men... "Hawt"?" He asked, waiting for her reply.
Silent at first, Myra finally chimed in her answer. "Yes." She said softly, pointing a finger at a young blonde in the front row. "Him."
"Stand up, sir." Jerry instructed. The blonde rose, a little confused. He looked around, as if searching for an answer from his fellow audiance members.
"What is your nam-" Jerry started.
"I'm Ketso!" The young man beamed as he proclaimed it.
"Yes, Ketso. How do you feel about being called 'Hawt' on the Jerry Springer show?"
"Jerry Springer?!" Ketso exclaimed, confused. "I... I thought this was the set of Oprah!" He began to sob.
"How can you like him?!" Another blonde shot right up out of his chair. "He's a moron!"
"Who're you callin' a moron?!" Ketso clenched his fists, angrily.
"You, genius!" The fellow blonde replied.
"You're sending me all these mixed messages!" Ketso began to sob again. The other blonde groaned.
"Myra..." He was finally recognized. Kaze stepped onto the stage. "Myra... come back to me!"
"No!" Ketso answered. "I'm her man, now!" He jumped to his feet and onto the stage, slapping Kaze.
"Did you just slap me?" Kaze asked in disbelief.
"I... I..." Ketso looked toward Myra. "Yes I did!" He proclaimed triumphantly. "What're you gonna do about it?"
Kaze drew back his fist, and thrust it at Ketso. At least, he would have, if a tiny Pickle hadn't caught it in midair.
"You do not want to mess with my original character." She growled, twisting her wrist and sending the boy straight down on his back.
"Why can't we all just get-" I started, but Kyuuri's fist met my nose and eye faster than I could speak.
"PICKLE!" I shouted, glaring and not knowing whether to rub my nose or eye.
"I... I'm sorry! I didn't mean to!" Pickle said, she promptly shoved a bouncer of the stage. Soon, violence broke out throughout the room. Chairs went flying, followed by people, and small animals.
"The music will save us!" Amme began singing Seasons of Love at the top of her voice.
Silver, meanwhile, had accidentally allowed Hoomhaha to be seen, and promptly the Hamster singing sensation's fans swarmed around him, Silver desperately trying to fight them off.
Gerard was in his happy place, clutching a pengy with all his might and singing the sound track to Annie.
"Enough!" Jerry shouted, and everyone stopped.
So that's how it happened. And now we're sitting here, answering the questions of these ignorant people.
"Next-" I pulled Pickle back into her chair. "Question!"
"How come ya'll hang out if ya'll hate 'chother so bad?" Nods throughout the audience.
"We don't hate eachother." Amme said, shocked.
I wiped my bleeding nose on Jerry's fake notecards. "Yeah. We're best friends!"
"She hit you in the face!" Another voice sounded. "Twice!"
"It habbens." I said, rubbing my sore nose. And... eye.
"Just because you're mean to someone doesn't mean you're not friends." Myra chimed in, keeping Kaze and Ketso from breaking into blows.
"Alright... forget this!" Jerry shouted, kicking a camera.
"I knew we shouldn't have hired them. We need Hilbillies and trailer trash! That's the only way this show will work! You people are too... too..."
"-Smart?"
"-Cool?"
"-Hawt..?"
"-Dancing!"
"No! Too boring!" He shouted, tearing his hair out. The family stopped.
"Boring?" Kyuuri stepped forward. "The muffin soldiers may be-"
"Clumsy?"
"Dorky?"
"Lazy?"
"Dancing!"
"Yes... no, Ger. We may be all of those things..." Pickle continued.
"but the Muffin Soldiers are not boring." Amme finished.
"Kat... who was the cousin who invited you to this thing?" She asked.
"Umm... WM... oh. and Grinder and Princess saku...." I trailed off, realizing what had happened.
"This was a set up!" Kyuuri slammed her fist against... me.
"I can't believe it!" Amme shouted.
"This is not cool." Silver said, sticking Hoomhaha back in his backpack.
"Muffin Soldiers... begin Operation: Revenge." Pickle, Amme, and I all said in unison.
There we go. Tis what happens when Kat is extremely bored. Get over it.
I glanced around. It was apparent that I wasn't the only one suffering. Kyuuri sat, silently fuming on the small, uncomfortable chair. Amme was repeatedly slamming her fists against her forehead, and Myra was faring no better, torn between two arguing bishies. It seemed all the muffin soldiers were upset. And as we sat in silent terror-
"I have a question!"
...Silent Terror-
"Over here! Over here!"
SILENT. TERROR... we were suddenly interrupted by an annoying voice. At least the day couldn't get any worse.
"I've got a question for the midget in the front row." Apparently, it could. The voice jabbed a finger at... Kyuuri. Immediately, the whole room fell silent, as if everyone anticipated the rage building within the pygmy pickle.
Before the bouncers could get there, my trained ears had alerted me of the "M" word. I was already, along with several other muffin soldiers, restraining Kyuuri from gouging the eyes out of the young man in the eighth row while the crowd shouted their chorus of:
"Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!"
That's right. The Yasai family - The Muffin Soldiers - were on the Jerry Springer show. You want to know how it all started? You want to know why Ger was huggling a pengy, why Silver was fighting off swarms of fans, and why I'm nursing a bloody nose, and a shiner, while Amme sang random musical singles at the top of her lungs? Well I'll tell you.
It all started whilst I sat at my laptop one day, scanning the list of online users on KHI. Surprisingly, Kyuuri and I were the only of the muffin soldiers to be online. And frankly, it stuffed.
Well, pretty soon, Kyuuri got tired of waiting around and took a nap somewheres. I, however, decided to stay on. Something told me that night that I should be online. Maybe it was fate, maybe it was Karma. But it sure as heck wasn't good.
I was browsing through my regular junk e-mail, Absolute Poker, Hotmail, when a strange message caught my eye. My subscription to Foot Fungus Monthly had expir- I mean, my cousin had E-mailed me with strange news.
"Hey, Kat. I happened to come across some tickets to a taping of some T.V. show, and I'm gonna be out of town on the day it's taped. I'm sending them in the mail."
Well, being the couch potato I am, I wasn't lookin' forward to going. But, my mo -that's slang for mother, yo. - My mo said that my cousin probably worked hard to get the tickets, and they were free, so...
So it just so happened that I was allowed to bring many a friend. As many as I wanted, actually. I didn't think any of it at the time, though it was a little suspicious.
I buzzed upon my mighty conch shell, assembling the Muffin Soldiers.
"We're going where?" Amme was the first to ask.
"The taping of some T.V. show." I answered, waving the pass at her. "I'm not sure what."
"How did I get here?" Gerard whined.
"Shaddup, Ger." Kyuuri chimed in, shoving him to the side. "It's free. We're going."
What da Pickle says goes, so we all made plans to mysteriously end up in the same place at the same time without asking any questions. Go with it.
Well, the next day, we all met at outside a strange looking building.
"We're all sure about this, right?" Myra asked a final time. Everyone turned around.
"What's wrong, man?" Silver asked, surprised. "It'll be fine! You've got two guys to protect-"
Silver glanced towards Gerard, who was asking a disturbed girl where she had purchased her jeans.
"-You've got a man to protect you." He finished. Everyone doubted that a group of super warriors - Yes. We are. - would need protection.
"...I guess so." Myra finally agreed. "Besides! Taping means actors! And actors are haw-" She glanced at Kyuuri.
"Uh... Let's go in." Amme distracted everyone with the sudden diversion.
Stepping inside the room, every muffin soldier's jaws dropped in complete confusion and revulsion.
"You. Did. Not." Kyuuri managed to say through clenched teeth.
"I... I didn't know!" I honestly proclaimed. How was I supposed to know it was the Jerry Springer Show?!
"We've got no time." Amme pointed out. She ushered everyone into seats in the back row. "Let's just get this over with-"
"To the stage, ladies and gentleman." Springer himself gestured to the stage.
"I'm a man too-" Ger tried to point out, interrupted by Amme.
"What are you talking about? We're just in the audience, right?"
"No, no, no!" Jerry answered. He snapped his fingers, the wanna-be-bouncers "assisting" us onto the stage and into our chairs. "I'm sure she explained..."
"Explained what?" Kyuuri's accent on the second word was enough to silence the crowd.
"Why, you're the show!" Jerry exclaimed, looking at us as if we had just broken out into a rendition of "Seasons of Love".
A collective "Oh shiznap." Was heard.
"This seat is uncomfortable." Kyuuri shifted in her chair, obviously hating every minute of this. She was a ticking time-bomb. Obviously she would go off: It was just a matter of time.
"Let's start off with... Gerard, is it?" Jerry checked those fake pieces of paper that are probably just grocery lists and errands to run.
"...I prefer Cinco de Mayo for filmed occasions, but yes, I am Gerard." Ger spoke up, raising his hand.
"It seems you have a compulsive problem with cheating on your girlfriend, Rikku." Jerry said, crossing his arms to seem serious.
"That's... that's not true." Gerard squeaked, "I love my girlfriends. I mean friend! Singular!"
"Ah... so you admit to having more than one girlfriend. People in the audience, raise your hand if this man has ever approached you in hopes of a date."
About every female, and one male, hand appeared in the air. Gerard was reduced to a pile of mush.
"And it seems we've got another compulsive dater here," Jerry continued. "Myra, would you please explain to us what this is?" He held up a piece of paper.
With... about thirty names listed.
"That's... mah Bishie list..." Myra finally admitted, bowing her head in shame.
"I thought so." Jerry shook his head in disgust.
"Wait!" I exclaimed. "They're not like that! It's not like that at all!"
Jerry interrupted me. "Oh, I think it is." He turned once again to the audiance. "Myra..." He turned back to her, waving a hand at the crowd.
"Do you find any of these men... "Hawt"?" He asked, waiting for her reply.
Silent at first, Myra finally chimed in her answer. "Yes." She said softly, pointing a finger at a young blonde in the front row. "Him."
"Stand up, sir." Jerry instructed. The blonde rose, a little confused. He looked around, as if searching for an answer from his fellow audiance members.
"What is your nam-" Jerry started.
"I'm Ketso!" The young man beamed as he proclaimed it.
"Yes, Ketso. How do you feel about being called 'Hawt' on the Jerry Springer show?"
"Jerry Springer?!" Ketso exclaimed, confused. "I... I thought this was the set of Oprah!" He began to sob.
"How can you like him?!" Another blonde shot right up out of his chair. "He's a moron!"
"Who're you callin' a moron?!" Ketso clenched his fists, angrily.
"You, genius!" The fellow blonde replied.
"You're sending me all these mixed messages!" Ketso began to sob again. The other blonde groaned.
"Myra..." He was finally recognized. Kaze stepped onto the stage. "Myra... come back to me!"
"No!" Ketso answered. "I'm her man, now!" He jumped to his feet and onto the stage, slapping Kaze.
"Did you just slap me?" Kaze asked in disbelief.
"I... I..." Ketso looked toward Myra. "Yes I did!" He proclaimed triumphantly. "What're you gonna do about it?"
Kaze drew back his fist, and thrust it at Ketso. At least, he would have, if a tiny Pickle hadn't caught it in midair.
"You do not want to mess with my original character." She growled, twisting her wrist and sending the boy straight down on his back.
"Why can't we all just get-" I started, but Kyuuri's fist met my nose and eye faster than I could speak.
"PICKLE!" I shouted, glaring and not knowing whether to rub my nose or eye.
"I... I'm sorry! I didn't mean to!" Pickle said, she promptly shoved a bouncer of the stage. Soon, violence broke out throughout the room. Chairs went flying, followed by people, and small animals.
"The music will save us!" Amme began singing Seasons of Love at the top of her voice.
Silver, meanwhile, had accidentally allowed Hoomhaha to be seen, and promptly the Hamster singing sensation's fans swarmed around him, Silver desperately trying to fight them off.
Gerard was in his happy place, clutching a pengy with all his might and singing the sound track to Annie.
"Enough!" Jerry shouted, and everyone stopped.
So that's how it happened. And now we're sitting here, answering the questions of these ignorant people.
"Next-" I pulled Pickle back into her chair. "Question!"
"How come ya'll hang out if ya'll hate 'chother so bad?" Nods throughout the audience.
"We don't hate eachother." Amme said, shocked.
I wiped my bleeding nose on Jerry's fake notecards. "Yeah. We're best friends!"
"She hit you in the face!" Another voice sounded. "Twice!"
"It habbens." I said, rubbing my sore nose. And... eye.
"Just because you're mean to someone doesn't mean you're not friends." Myra chimed in, keeping Kaze and Ketso from breaking into blows.
"Alright... forget this!" Jerry shouted, kicking a camera.
"I knew we shouldn't have hired them. We need Hilbillies and trailer trash! That's the only way this show will work! You people are too... too..."
"-Smart?"
"-Cool?"
"-Hawt..?"
"-Dancing!"
"No! Too boring!" He shouted, tearing his hair out. The family stopped.
"Boring?" Kyuuri stepped forward. "The muffin soldiers may be-"
"Clumsy?"
"Dorky?"
"Lazy?"
"Dancing!"
"Yes... no, Ger. We may be all of those things..." Pickle continued.
"but the Muffin Soldiers are not boring." Amme finished.
"Kat... who was the cousin who invited you to this thing?" She asked.
"Umm... WM... oh. and Grinder and Princess saku...." I trailed off, realizing what had happened.
"This was a set up!" Kyuuri slammed her fist against... me.
"I can't believe it!" Amme shouted.
"This is not cool." Silver said, sticking Hoomhaha back in his backpack.
"Muffin Soldiers... begin Operation: Revenge." Pickle, Amme, and I all said in unison.
There we go. Tis what happens when Kat is extremely bored. Get over it.