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Fanfiction ► My story



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Reneeski

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it's slightly ameturish, and i really havent gotten much done in it but w/e here


Verifay padded close to her mother, Marah, as they and her brother Raja looked for a new den. This was the third time in two mooncycles! The twopaws continued to cut through the forest, always getting close to her family's den. "Raja, pay attention. We must find a new den before star up." Marah scolded her son. Raja looked up from the bug he was playing with. "Huh?" he asked, not paying attention at all. "Seriously Raja, would you LIKE to sleep out in the open?" threatened their mother with a sigh. Verifay shook her head at her brother. Even though they were from the same litter, Raja and she were forests apart when it came to thoughts.


Verifay stopped, she heard a noise. "Mama, I hear something." She said timidly. Marah stopped too, lifting her head up to get any scents, and then put her tail around Raja to stop him from moving. "Lions..." breathed Marah.” This way and hurry." Marah whispered to her cubs, pulling them the opposite direction of the lion scent. "But Mama, aren't the twopaws in this direction?" Raja question, trying to keep up with his mother. Marah stopped, looking very confused. "Mama, let's try this way." Verifay ventured, pointing her tail forward. They went along the path that Verifay pointed out. "Wait stop! The lions are cl-" Marah started to warn her cubs, then ran nose to nose with a lion. A male cub spoke first, “Who are you? I’m Gilden and this is my sister Belingua.”


"My name is Marah, and these are my cubs, Verifay and Raja" Marah spoke coolly, but there was tension in her voice. She nodded to her cubs in turn. "I'm going to eat you." Raja threatened, and got slapped in the back of the head by his mother's tail. "Ow! What was that for?" Raja asked, not understanding his punishment. "Want to know what happened to the last tiger cub who said that to a lion?" Marah ventured her son, and he nodded. "He got eaten instead.” Raja took a step back from the lions "Do you know any places for good dens? The twopaws took ours...again." It was Verifay’s turn to get hit in the head. "We don't tell other animals our weaknesses." Marah hissed into her daughter's ear. Raja gave up trying to look big and brave and started playing with an ant hill. Marah let out a laugh at the lion cubs as they squabbled. "Well it seems you lions haven't lost your personality." Verifay watched her brother as he accidently squashed the ant hill, then started poking at the ants themselves. "Ow! OW OW!!! That hurts!" Raja yelped and he shook his paw, trying to shake off a stinging ant.



"You poke ant hills?" Belingua laughed. "Ants sting you know. You shouldn't do that." Raja glared at her and she laughed again. The lion cubs then started arguing about something, which ended quickly after a threat to tell a pride leader. Belingua glared at Gilden then turned back at Verifay when she told of her troubles. "Well, Nut and Sun are already mad that you didn't give us the territory you promised. I don't think they'll let you have a den here." "Yeah, so go away!" yelled Gilden, and Belingua tackled him. "Shut UP Gilden or I'll claw your ears off!" Marah chuckled, “You lions haven’t lost your personality I see.” She stopped laughing, “I have no control of what Shadow and the other Lead males do. I am lucky enough to have some land to live on, if I try to defy them, my cubs and I would be in trouble.” A new lion scent came upon them, the lion she-cub growled, "Great. GILDEN! Why in Ilana's name did you get her?" She whipped around to face her brother, who had returned with an adult lion. Verifay tried to hide in her mother's pelt from the adult lion. Raja got up and puffed up his chest again. "It's been a while, Linorea." Marah spoke to the new lion.

Linorea looked at the Marah then down at Gilden. "You may go," she glanced at Belingua. "Both of you." Gilden opened his mouth to protest but Belingua hit him on the back of the head and they ran off. Linorea turned to Marah again. "What has happened, Marah? I believe we had a deal you didn't keep." Marah's eyes narrowed, "I have no control over what Shadow does. And even though I wish I had the power, I couldn't give you the land anyway. The twopaws are cutting deeper into the forest." Linorea narrowed her eyes disbelievingly. Maybe I should tell Nut about these...inconveniences." Raja got bored again and pawed at a roly-poly. "It’s true." piped up Verifay. "We she-cats don't have any control here." "It's a good thing too." Raja said, trying to open up the roly-poly. Marah slapped him in the back of the head. “And you expect me to believe this? I'll report to Nut and HE can decide what to do." with that, Linorea turned and ran off, almost running into Belingua and Gilden where they were hidden behind a small hill. She growled at them and swatted them both then continued on towards the camp with them following. Marah growled and led her cubs away from the border.


Verifay had to run to keep up with her mother’s pace. “Mama, SLOW DOWN!” Raja pleaded. Marah slowed a bit, but the cubs still had to jog to stay close to her. “Mama, what’s going on with us and the lion?” Verifay asked. Their mother came to a halt, sending the cubs skidding, trying to slow down. “It was only a bit before you two were born. Maybe eight or so mooncycles ago,” Marah began, “Shadow and the lions had been fighting for many seasons. The lions said they needed more territory but Shadow told them we were losing land to the twopaws. Of course like you saw with Linorea the lions didn’t believe us. They threatened war, and Shadow knew he couldn’t handle war, not with all the young tigers, who still needed battle training. He agreed to give the land.” Marah paused for breath and remembrance. “Soon after you were born, the twopaws brought bigger and louder cutters and shrunk the forest even more. Shadow now could not give the lions the land that was needed, as tigers were forced into sharing safe dens and now needing more hunting land. The lions again did not believe this and have been threatening us ever since.” Raja’s amber eyes grew wide with wonder, while his sister brown ones grew dark with horror. “Will they attack us Mama?” Verifay worried. “I don’t know Verifay…I just don’t know.”


Verifay and her family finally found a some-what sheltered place to sleep for the night. That morning, Verifay woke up to a rude jabbing in her side. “Get up, you lazy bum.” Raja spoke close to his sister’s ear, reminding her of a mosquito. Verifay looked up at her brother blinking her sleep away. Raja motioned to the gazelle that laid a few paw-steps away, and then bounded over to it to eat his fill. Verifay yawned and muttered, “What a dream…” And what a dream it had been.

The young she-cub stood on a cliff edge, trying to define what prowled below her in the dying sun. After a moment Verifay realized it was the border of the lions and her kind. She watched in horror as the lions and tigers lined up, hearing their growls and threats. Verifay let out a gasp when she heard Shadow yowl, “Attack!” The screeches of battle overwhelmed her. She ducked her head down and placed her paws over her ears. Suddenly the noise of war stopped, and the cub felt a pelt brush hers. Daring to look up, Verifay found herself stunned. The cat she looked up at was not a tiger, nor was it a lion. After a second she realized it was both. The cat was a tom, his muzzle white with age. He had wise, light amber eyes. Verifay didn’t look straight into them, afraid his many memories would leap out at her. The lion-tiger’s build was slim, but the cub knew he had been much larger once. With the strange cat’s pelt a golden color, his stripes made him look like a leopard who forgot he should have spots. “Hello little one, my name is Olathe. As you have most likely already guessed, I am a half-breed.” Olathe rasped. Verifay stuttered, still in shock at what was happening around her, “W-why are y-you here, and w-what d-does th-this have to do w-with m-me?

“There is a battle to come little one. And you will play an important role in it. I am here to warn you, and to teach you.” The Elder said with a cough. “I don’t understand. She-cats like me have no say at all.” Verifay looked up at Olathe from her paws. “Patience little one, all will be clear.” Olathe spoke and he faded away, leaving a confused and sleepy cub. And as Verifay woke up, she thought to herself, It was a dream, but which parts were the dream?

As Verifay and her family continued their search for a new dens, the cub got stronger, in both mind and body. Her dreams with Olathe were teaching her so much. “Stop day dreaming before I start thinking your Raja.” Marah scolded her daughter. “Hey! Well yeah” Raja tried to argue. “That would be unfortunate.” Verifay said wisely, ignoring the shocked looks from her brother and mother. “Are you sick or something?”


like i said, not very good
 
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Joy

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Aug 8, 2004
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2,126
wall of text is not good ><

Try seperating everythin. You need to have space between your dialogue, and paragraphs that are indented better, and more able to read.
 

Reneeski

New member
Joined
Jul 3, 2008
Messages
755
Location
In a very yellow place
i had it indetned i guess when it was posted it didnt come in. thats what sucks about my computer, it will totally drop things, ill edit it. how's that?
 
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Joy

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Aug 8, 2004
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Just do the same to the dialogue, and it'll be good to go for a pleasant readng experience ^^
 
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