Fanfiction ► Kingdom Hearts 2 the untold story

[Son of Sepheroth]

Chapter 1
(Sora and Riku runs)

Did you guy's defeat them said kairi?Run they both said (as running)
(kairi runs with them)what happen?What dose it look like said,riku were running,no not that i mean back there.Well......it did'ent go good "with a twisted face upon sora".So what happen said, kairi,let's go under this tunnel said, Riku
(so they went under the tunnel)So tell me now what happen !Ok ok sora and riku both ,said.And wait a sec who were you guy' fighting anyways said kairi?Shut up said,riku and i will tell you.Ok remember in that note the king sended us after we defeated Xemnas?Yes said kairi,well remember he said that their will be a keblade war and not just any war thosands of keybalde master would be there.Well it was more then thousands it was millons said riku.But me and sora had surived the whole thing unitill there was three.And then me and sora had to face them but they were to strong.Yea said sora we gave them a right and then a left another right and then another left but it didn't work so....we got our behinds beat like a belt was on it because we did something wrong.Be mature said riku this isn't time to mess around with jokes.Sorry said sora,so what are we going to do said kairi.You mean me and sora while you stay here said ,riku.I want to go and help you guy's she said with confudence.No said ,riku we don't need you a round to worrie about.But,but nothing said riku it's final.(Riku and sora)leves the tunnel."they need my help more then any thing"(so kairi leves the tunnel)

 

[Son of Sepheroth]

so......what you guy's think double post sorry wont happen again i promise

 

[sorarocks12]

It's seems it could become pretty good.

 

[AngelofAdvent]

Make the chapters longer.

 

[scubasteve]

1.) Grammar Errors out the ace
2.) Confusing..mainly because the grammar errors

This could be good, if you actually took time to think these stories out. And seeing as this is one of your first fanfics..it's sad to say that this one's your best one.

 

[dark invader]

Okay, here are some tips so your fic can be better.

1) Put quotation marks around the part where the character is speaking.
2) Use more punctuation. That would make this story a little more understandable.
3) Make the story a little longer. I'm not talking about a book or anything, just a little longer.
4) Proof read and correct your story after you have finished making it so that you can be sure that you have gotten all the gramatical errors.

I had to stop reading it about half way through because I really couldn't understand what was going on. Don't take this personally or anything, I just want to let you know what you can do to make it better.