Fanfiction ► FOREVER MECHA

[TERRAISAWESOME]

Hey guys i made myself a kh spinoff but with looney tunes so enjoy!!!!!!!!!!!

FOREVER MECHA CODE ZERO 999

"Awaken!!!!!"said the strange machine.His eyes opened and he had finally seen it.Zero saw light.(Mechrena Castle)'QUEEN LOLA TWEETY HE'S GONE BUGS IS GONE!!!!!!!"Said Wil-e."Huh the king gone how???????"wondered Tweety.Soon a flash passed Wil-e it was Roady(road runner)."Where could he have gone??????"wondered Lola.(Back to castle code)"Well he has awakened so we must give him his own life send him now!!!!!!!!!!"said Soul."Shall i realese the girl????"asked Heart."Yes you shall but send her to the machine the machine of destiny."



To be continued

 

[darkshadow666]

lol it makes me laugh XD.
i love loony tunes
well it cheered me up i dont know about the rest of you...

 

[snowdog]

Mmm.

Well, it's a start! Your spelling is very good, as is your grammar. There are a few slip-ups in punctuation, but that's it.

Just remember to start a new paragraph when a new person begins to speak.

As for the story... you need to set the scene. Remember, the reader doesn't know how characters look, or what the setting is like. You have to describe that to them so that they get a mental image of it.

Also, don't use lots of exclamation marks. One is enough. =D

Keep practising!

<3

 

[TERRAISAWESOME]

Who should i add next slyvester or taz???????

 

[Haku]

It doesn't really matter which one, just choose one that goes perfectly with what you're talking about next.

 

[TERRAISAWESOME]

FOREVER MECHA CODE ZERO 999 X2

"Taz my freind did you hear of the King???"asked Lola. "No"replied Taz."Well i ask of you to help Slyvester,Daffy,and Tweety"said Lola."So we shall do what???????"asked Taz."Go to visit Daren in Sunrise Valley my freind"answered Lola.Castle code a magnificent kingdom originally ruled by queen Monica but taken by her nephew Soul and his cyborg army.Soul's father was murdered by his brother Heart after soul ordered Heart to do snly Monica's son Z could help but he lost because of himself being only 12 at the time.But Z was saved by a warrior named Bugs.Bugs soon returned home injured but alive saying "Z you are own your own but one day i pray for those 2 to be defeated by you and her........light..

 

[TERRAISAWESOME]

I will add slyvester next.

 

[TERRAISAWESOME]

Im still thinking of what should be next...........

 

[Jopari]

A couple things. First, start a new paragraph every time the speaker changes. That and lay off on the question marks and exclamation marks.

Secondly, spend some time describing things, writing is a visual art and needs a lot of description to make it hold up. Without description it just flops around like a blind fish out of water, which is what your story is doing right now. Something else I'm gonna put in this is spell out numbers. Instead of 2 put two.

Last thing is make the chapters longer. It shows very little initiative if you're chapters can't even make up a full length post in an RP. Spend some time working on the plot before you even start writing, or else the story will meander until it falls off a cliff.

I hope to see you improve.