Fanfiction ► Blue Flame- a original story by acein12

[Shadowysights]

Well I should start this story before I forget it….This is my original story, Blue Fire. Its going to be typed along side Lost Heart, my Kingdom Hearts Fiction. I hope you enjoy both. Lost Hearts characters are cameos of Blue fire just so you know…and this on a movie scale is PG13 or T for Teen by esrb. Enjoy!


Prologue:

In ancient times, the essence of one soul would control the tide of the world, but over time was proven a myth, a fairy tale, a fluke to scare little children and adults into thinking every thing they did could effect there friends and family and there children. This about the lives of those people who were touched because of the one person, who essence remained…


Chapter 1:


I laid there in awe of my own madness. I looked up at the bantered, broken, olive, ceiling. I don’t know how long I’ve been here, or even what my voice was like or my face, because every day, I’d look up at this ceiling, waiting on the piece of food they would drop down through a open vent, to the asylum “members”. I lost contact with the outside world, and with myself.

I didn’t even take the time to look around, there was nothing there, it was a room the locked around a room, which means, the bed space was the entire room. I couldn’t move, I just lie in the bed and be happy I was alive. I wish I could see more and be able to take my place back in society, but that will never happen.

I heard a rumbling noise from the vent…My favorite part of the day. Though it was little food, it was good food, but something is different, very different. Instead of one apple, I got ten apples! Joy rushed through my body as they dropped down on the bed, almost hitting me. I picked them up in a hurry and began to scoff them down. They didn’t bother the finish putting my confining jacket, or whatever they are called; to prevent my arms form moving, so felt as free as a bird. Something was wrong, I usually only get one apple the keep me alive, I could travel on this much food, apples provided me with serious energy, and kept me healthy. I heard the much unnecessary curing of a man who was seriously upset.

“Oh, how would like it if their so called, peace breaker member got out, see what a pain in the ass I can be…Think they can fire me!?” The man yelled boldly as a last stand of being fired because of tax cuts to the asylum. I heard various things broken in the back round; it was the destruction of the super computer that kept the doors locked down, tight. By the sounds of it, he was beating it down with a metal bat, and he probably knew well he could go to jail.

I looked over as the olive door creaked open, and from then on, I’ll be free.
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Comment, and tell me what you think.

 

[Haku]

I would have to say that I really liked the introduction of the story but some parts in the story were hard to follow and understand and there were a few grammar errors as well. But I look forward into reading the next chapter!

 

[Shadowysights]

I would have to say that I really liked the introduction of the story but some parts in the story were hard to follow and understand and there were a few grammar errors as well. But I look forward into reading the next chapter!

Thanks Haku, but could you point out the errors? Microsoft word says that its perfect, but thats word.

 

[Haku]

The main grammar errors that I found were the word "herd" should be "heard", and the word form should be from. Also you used the wrong "witch" and its supposed to be "which", and instead of using "the keep me alive" it should have been "they keep me alive". A few other errors that I found were that the word "prevent" is one word not "pre vent", and "I'd wish I" should be "I'd wish I could see" not "I wish I'd I could see. Other than these few things there wasn't anything major that I found.

 

[Shadowysights]

The main grammar errors that I found were the word "herd" should be "heard", and the word form should be from. Also you used the wrong "witch" and its supposed to be "which", and instead of using "the keep me alive" it should have been "they keep me alive". A few other errors that I found were that the word "prevent" is one word not "pre vent", and "I'd wish I" should be "I'd wish I could see" not "I wish I'd I could see. Other than these few things there wasn't anything major that I found.

Thanks again Haku....word for some reason doesn't point those errors out.

 

[shadow_heartless]

more awsome but i knowticed some errors but i can see what you r trying to say

 

[Shadowysights]

Also, just a little side note, this storys not really going to be updated untill after June 6th when I'm on summer vacation, so see you here, sometime after then...

 

[Story Keeper]

Good, if anything there is a few spelling errors, but other then that it's good.

 

[Eternal Snow]

Good I like it;

but like everyone before me has said - you have some grammer mistakes in there. Dont trust word. If you have a grammmer mistake like mixing up "witch" with "which" its not gonna catch that. Its a computer program, not mind reader. So you have to proofread.

 

[Shirozora]

Spell check is a finicky thing. On the one hand, it'll point out necessary errors. On the other hand, it'll totally ignore errors because it won't read them as errors - 'herd' and 'heard' are both words, but it won't distinguish between the two as the better choice for the sentence that needs it. Don't trust spell chekc with your life, because it won't catch everything. As with the previous example, it won't change 'herd' to 'heard' because all it knows is that 'herd' is spelled correctly.

After you type, spell check, then recheck with your own eyes. Even better, take some time off, ignore it for a day, then read it over. Most of us don't have that luxury, but if you're willing, try that sometime. (I should stop being so hypocritical)

It's interesting, but I doubt one can survive on a diet of apples. That said, if you eat an apple on an empty stomach, its acids will give you a major stomachache. And this is from experience, >.<

And also, that poll's a bit annoying. You shouldn't care about whether or not the story's awesome or a disgrace; it's your work and all you need to worry about is whether the grammar, spelling, structure, and information's correct and consistent.

~Shirozora

 

[Shadowysights]

Spell check is a finicky thing. On the one hand, it'll point out necessary errors. On the other hand, it'll totally ignore errors because it won't read them as errors - 'herd' and 'heard' are both words, but it won't distinguish between the two as the better choice for the sentence that needs it. Don't trust spell chekc with your life, because it won't catch everything. As with the previous example, it won't change 'herd' to 'heard' because all it knows is that 'herd' is spelled correctly.

After you type, spell check, then recheck with your own eyes. Even better, take some time off, ignore it for a day, then read it over. Most of us don't have that luxury, but if you're willing, try that sometime. (I should stop being so hypocritical)

It's interesting, but I doubt one can survive on a diet of apples. That said, if you eat an apple on an empty stomach, its acids will give you a major stomachache. And this is from experience, >.<

And also, that poll's a bit annoying. You shouldn't care about whether or not the story's awesome or a disgrace; it's your work and all you need to worry about is whether the grammar, spelling, structure, and information's correct and consistent.

~Shirozora

Thanks, and with the whole apple thing....proves that this is really fiction.

 

[Davy Jones]

Good intro to the story. Just one suggestion: use a different paragraph for dialogue. This helps make the story easier to read. Good job so far!

 

[Informal Gluttony]

I would say that the story was pretty good, with a few grammar mistakes. Also, i am already out of school!!!! K, Had to get that out of my system...