- Joined
- Dec 25, 2010
- Messages
- 6
So, this is a novel I've been working on for the past 9 months or so. Comments and critiques are loved and welcomed.
Prologue: Drawing the Line
The Ivory City used to be beautiful. The graceful, white buildings were a wonder to behold in the light of sunrise. The crystal tower in the center of the city glowed infinitely with the light of Vitality. But now, shadow overtook the city and black and blue fires raged among the buildings.
The White King—Haruka—stood on the balcony of the White Castle. He watched the city burn, helpless to stop it. Even if he had superior Imagination compared to the Black King—Steel—he couldn’t stop his Hounds or Shadows.
“They’re gone, Steel,” Haruka lied lowly. His mane of dark brown hair fell over his golden eyes as he turned his head. They glowed like tiny suns. “My kids escaped when you started to attack. They’re long gone.”
The Black King scoffed. He pushed off the jamb to the balcony, walking over in smooth, lazy steps. He was dressed in black leather pants and boots, a rough, black shirt, and a shin-length, black trench coat. He stood next to Haruka. “It’s you I came for this time. Not your kids.”
“You weren’t going to take another child from me, and I made sure of that. You brought Shadow, Shayde, and Shi along this time? You honor me with the whole brigade. That is, the ones that haven’t abandoned you yet. How is Valor these days? Seen him lately?” His eyes slid over to Steel. “Because I have.”
Steel punched him hard across the face, sending him stepping to the side. Haruka brought his hand up, touching his face. “Immature as ever, Steel.” He dodged the next blow, hand glowing with a film of golden light. It leaped from his hand, formed a ball, and threw Steel against the railing, stunning him.
Shi, Shayde, and Shadow rushed for the White King. Haruka flipped onto the railing and balanced there like it was flat ground. He jumped over Shi’s water whip and roundhouse kicked him in the face. He skidded back, colliding with Shayde and sent them both to the floor. A wall of shadow knocked Haruka off balance. He grabbed onto the edge of the railing and swung back onto the balcony, kicking Shadow off his feet.
“Child for a child, Haruka?” Steel asked, stalking over to where Haruka stood over Shadow.
“Your most loved one, too.” His hand crackled with an orb of yellow electricity. Bolts of the same electricity danced through the air like lightning passing between storm clouds. The bolts curled around Shadow’s neck and tightened, leaving behind scorched rings of blackened skin. Shadow’s body seized and went rigid as the electricity flowed through him.
“Leave my court, and I’ll let him go,” Haruka snarled.
Shi and Shayde flanked Haruka, ready to attack. Steel blocked his exit to the door.
“Father!” Haruka’s son—Cross—shouted as the hidden knife left Steel’s hand. It struck the base of Haruka’s throat with a sickening squish and crack. Haruka staggered back and fell to his knees.
Cross jumped into the center of them, sheets of burning light flooding from his body. He stood in front of his father, gray-gold eyes flashing dangerously.
“Cross,” Haruka said quietly, falling against Cross’s shoulder and wrapping his arms around his son. “Get your sister and run. Now.”
“I’m not leaving you!”
“You have to. Go. Now!” he commanded with his usual authority. He pushed Cross away and pulled the knife out of his body.
Cross hesitated and deflected a wave of shadow with a wall of light before sprinting through the castle to Alexa’s room. He picked up the one-year-old girl and disappeared into the forest on the castle grounds.
“We need to get you out of here.” He knelt down behind a tree and pressed his forehead against hers, staring into her blue-gold eyes. He closed his eyes and focused on the man’s face he knew.
With a dull white flash, Alexa disappeared.
Cross scrambled to his feet and ran down the undergrowth-encrusted hill, skidded into a ditch and disappeared into the shadows of the ruined court.
Prologue: Drawing the Line
The Ivory City used to be beautiful. The graceful, white buildings were a wonder to behold in the light of sunrise. The crystal tower in the center of the city glowed infinitely with the light of Vitality. But now, shadow overtook the city and black and blue fires raged among the buildings.
The White King—Haruka—stood on the balcony of the White Castle. He watched the city burn, helpless to stop it. Even if he had superior Imagination compared to the Black King—Steel—he couldn’t stop his Hounds or Shadows.
“They’re gone, Steel,” Haruka lied lowly. His mane of dark brown hair fell over his golden eyes as he turned his head. They glowed like tiny suns. “My kids escaped when you started to attack. They’re long gone.”
The Black King scoffed. He pushed off the jamb to the balcony, walking over in smooth, lazy steps. He was dressed in black leather pants and boots, a rough, black shirt, and a shin-length, black trench coat. He stood next to Haruka. “It’s you I came for this time. Not your kids.”
“You weren’t going to take another child from me, and I made sure of that. You brought Shadow, Shayde, and Shi along this time? You honor me with the whole brigade. That is, the ones that haven’t abandoned you yet. How is Valor these days? Seen him lately?” His eyes slid over to Steel. “Because I have.”
Steel punched him hard across the face, sending him stepping to the side. Haruka brought his hand up, touching his face. “Immature as ever, Steel.” He dodged the next blow, hand glowing with a film of golden light. It leaped from his hand, formed a ball, and threw Steel against the railing, stunning him.
Shi, Shayde, and Shadow rushed for the White King. Haruka flipped onto the railing and balanced there like it was flat ground. He jumped over Shi’s water whip and roundhouse kicked him in the face. He skidded back, colliding with Shayde and sent them both to the floor. A wall of shadow knocked Haruka off balance. He grabbed onto the edge of the railing and swung back onto the balcony, kicking Shadow off his feet.
“Child for a child, Haruka?” Steel asked, stalking over to where Haruka stood over Shadow.
“Your most loved one, too.” His hand crackled with an orb of yellow electricity. Bolts of the same electricity danced through the air like lightning passing between storm clouds. The bolts curled around Shadow’s neck and tightened, leaving behind scorched rings of blackened skin. Shadow’s body seized and went rigid as the electricity flowed through him.
“Leave my court, and I’ll let him go,” Haruka snarled.
Shi and Shayde flanked Haruka, ready to attack. Steel blocked his exit to the door.
“Father!” Haruka’s son—Cross—shouted as the hidden knife left Steel’s hand. It struck the base of Haruka’s throat with a sickening squish and crack. Haruka staggered back and fell to his knees.
Cross jumped into the center of them, sheets of burning light flooding from his body. He stood in front of his father, gray-gold eyes flashing dangerously.
“Cross,” Haruka said quietly, falling against Cross’s shoulder and wrapping his arms around his son. “Get your sister and run. Now.”
“I’m not leaving you!”
“You have to. Go. Now!” he commanded with his usual authority. He pushed Cross away and pulled the knife out of his body.
Cross hesitated and deflected a wave of shadow with a wall of light before sprinting through the castle to Alexa’s room. He picked up the one-year-old girl and disappeared into the forest on the castle grounds.
“We need to get you out of here.” He knelt down behind a tree and pressed his forehead against hers, staring into her blue-gold eyes. He closed his eyes and focused on the man’s face he knew.
With a dull white flash, Alexa disappeared.
Cross scrambled to his feet and ran down the undergrowth-encrusted hill, skidded into a ditch and disappeared into the shadows of the ruined court.