Help/Support ► A Little Help Please

[Mirby]

Now, I don't even know what kind of help I'll get, if any, with this. I mainly just need to vent and get some things out, because my current state of mind is not that good.

Seriously, my current thought is "What does one do when one no longer finds any joy in life?"

And that's a very dark thought for an optimist such as myself. What brought on this sudden deep depression, you ask? Oh, just a lot of things.

-My scoliosis is slowly getting worse, making it hard to walk more than 5 blocks or so.
-I didn't get my check from the Youth Advisory Board so my phone's off
-The check wasn't made available to me though I earned it
-I never have any money (I make no more than $150/month)
-I can't find a job because my back issues severely restrict what type of work I can do
-When I do find something I can do, I never have the qualifications
-I constantly have to bag all my stuff up (not an easy task when your back is screwed up) for fumigation, even though all the gases from that can't be healthy
-I'm struggling with the fact that I just can't seem to find any joy in anything
-My emotions are in constant flux, leaving me bewildered and confused a lot of the time
-My social awkwardness makes it hard to meet new people
-All my friends that I'm okay with are busy doing other things (I'm happy for them, but when I need someone the most, no one is there)
-My insomnia is acting up worse than it ever has before
-This is pretty much the last place I have to go with this, having annoyed everyone on other sites I frequent with my woes
-I honestly have no clue what is going on with me, and it scares me

I'm not expecting much, honestly, but a little feedback would be nice. I guess...

 

[Taylor]

Life is tough. It kicks and gnaws at you until you absolutely hate it. That's just the nature of life. All I can offer you is the advice that if you keep working on it, it'll get better. If you keep giving it your all, it has to get better. Optimistic? Sure. Realistic? Who knows - I like to think so. Just do what you can and keep hanging on for now. And try to look at the brightest sides of things, even when they're very bleak or hard to pinpoint.

Best of luck. Truly.

 

[Dogenzaka]

-My scoliosis is slowly getting worse,

KHI memories up in here.

Do you have any sort of after-high-school education? Held any jobs before? Do you have any family you can spend time with?

 

[Wehrmacht]

Since your scoliosis seems to be the source of a lot of these problems, I would say do everything you can to make the problem affect your life less. But I don't know anything about scoliosis, and I suppose it's fair to assume you've probably done all you can already, so I guess that piece of advice is moot.

Other than that I'm not sure I can say much else. Life reaches a low point for everyone. You just have to get through it. They can last anything from a few months to several years and can get worse and worse, but for most people, they usually end at some point. Try not to get too depressed about it and live your life the best you can.

 

[Mirby]

KHI memories up in here.

Do you have any sort of after-high-school education? Held any jobs before? Do you have any family you can spend time with?

-Tiny bit of college, trying to get back in
-Nope! Been trying consistently for the past 4-5 years, doing everything everyone tells me to, and still nothing
-Can't transition where my family is (remember, I'm transgender), so that option's out

@Celtis: thanks for the advice

@Wehrmacht: Scoliosis is when the spine is curved. The curvature of my spine, while not extreme, is bad enough to cause consistent pain.

As for my depression... I've gone through bouts of it before just fine, but as of late the bouts are lengthening and intensifying.

 

[Reagan Rayden]

Wow, that sounds really rough. I've been having a rough few months (maybe years. I've lost track of time) myself. Nothing quite as bad as what you're going through, but I'm also in the dumps when it comes to having a life basically. I really don't have any advice seeing as how I'm not doing so great myself.

But just know this, change is inevitable. It will happen. It might not happen by itself, but it will happen. In these cases faith and determination is all a person has. That's pretty much how I am right now. Just keep trying.

 

[Taochan]

-Nope! Been trying consistently for the past 4-5 years, doing everything everyone tells me to, and still nothing
-Can't transition where my family is (remember, I'm transgender), so that option's out

What do you mean? They aren't comfortable with your decision?

What about the jobs is the issue? Do you think your resume doesn't have enough to it? Are you having a hard time getting interviews?

 

[Mirby]

In all those years of job searching, I've only got two callbacks. One failed, and the other was a scam that had me working from 8am to after midnight as a door-to-door salesperson. In the month I had that "job," I only made 100 bucks or so.

As for not being able to transition, it's not my family but the community. Backwoods town with bigots.

 

[Taochan]

In all those years of job searching, I've only got two callbacks. One failed, and the other was a scam that had me working from 8am to after midnight as a door-to-door salesperson. In the month I had that "job," I only made 100 bucks or so.

Holy crap, Mirbs. That's awful. Well, I can only give my personal experience as advice, but sometimes it's okay to "stretch the truth" on a resume as long as it's not blatant lying. I said I worked somewhere longer than I had, and that helped me land my first retail job, which in turn helped me land my current job.

Can I assume you're looking for anything? Because retail is a bit of a bitch to get into unless you've snatched a seasonal position. So food is always a good starting point, and places like McDonalds are usually hiring all year. It gives you some income and helps to beef up the resume with cash experience (which is necessary for virtually any job now).

As for not being able to transition, it's not my family but the community. Backwoods town with bigots.

Wow, that's a load of crap. :/ That's probably the worst part of living in a town, it seems as though you can never get a fresh start.

 

[Mirby]

Right now I'm not looking for anything because of my back pain; makes it hard to do much of anything. And an employee who can't do anything is no employee at all.

As for the town, why do you think I moved from there to SF?

 

[Taochan]

Well, what I said still stands. xD Just for when you're on your feet and won't be in a lot of pain~
p.s. wear snazzy clothes when you hand out resumes.

It really sucks about the scoliosis, because that's something that needs surgery to get better right? Is there possibly any kind of pain meds you could get your hands on? Oxycontin is pretty great for pain. I'm not sure how difficult it is for you guys to get medicine down there though.

I totally understand the relocation. -nods-

 

[Mirby]

I smoke weed when I can, since that alleviates several all the problems I outlined in the OP.

Unfortunately, I'm out right now.

Also, I can't really afford to wear snazzy clothes, lacking money to buy them.

 

[Taochan]

Snazzy doesn't have to be expensive. :3 Do you have any second hand stores near you? Those often have some really nice black dress shirts and black dress pants which are great for handing out resumes/going to interviews.

Oh weed, you should totally get it for free since you live in Cali and it's for medical purposes. xD

 

[Mirby]

See, that's the problem. All the dispensaries are being shut down and very few of them give out free weed anymore.

Also, I have zero money for clothes. I've got food stamps, but those are for food.

 

[Mirby]

And now I'm dealing with another issue that's got me stuck in my head again. Figured I'd just bump this rather than make a whole new thread.

Part of this is guilt over what happened last weekend, and people thinking it's okay to joke about it (not yet).

Anyways, I was going to hang out with friends earlier, but it seemed as if I was merely tagging along. I tried opening up to one for emotional support (he's usually good for this) but instead I was ignored. Denied the chance to explain because he wasn't paying attention.

Anyways, the guilt snowballed into a bunch of other negative emotions and I have no clue what's going on, aside from this being the deepest depression I've ever been in. And one that I don't see any way out of.

It's always annoying to need human interaction to resolve some issues and not getting it, but this time I did get that interaction. And none of it was helpful because there wasn't much of it.

I don't even know what I'm trying to say other than... I need help of some sort. I don't even know what.

I just feel so... alone...

 

[Nutari]

Well the most I could offer is... suggest you pray, unless of course you aren't a beliver. You sound like you're strong willed, but I think you should also find a friend who you can lean on a little, one who is more than happy to help you out no matter what