After the Keyblade War, Sora and Riku vanish from the World, leaving Kairi behind once again.
In the weeks that follow, guilt over being the cause of their disappearance overwhelms Kairi. In her hurt, she hides herself away, refusing to get involved.
But when something unexpected befalls the 100 Acre Wood, Kairi is the only one who can set things right.
A Post-KH3 Kairi centric fic written for @Dandelion 's birthday a couple years ago.
if there ever comes a day.
FOCUS: KAIRI & POOH BEAR, KAIRI CHARACTER STUDY
WRITTEN FOR DANDELION
FOCUS: KAIRI & POOH BEAR, KAIRI CHARACTER STUDY
WRITTEN FOR DANDELION
Sora, if I go looking for you, will I find you?
With her hand in Sora's, Kairi never wanted a thing to change.
Tears welled up in her eyes as she heard what came next. They built and fell, cascading down her cheeks and framing her lips which curled up into a delicate smile. She stared into his eyes and watched him slowly dim and fade away. And then there was nothing. Just a spot where he used to be. She crumpled and curled inward.
The clouds devoured the light.
And everything gave way to shadow.
All around him the bustling sounds of the town filtered in and out. The kids running about their afterschool games. The tram making its route through the commons. Off in the distance, he could even make out the commotion of the open-air theatre. Twilight Town was just another pit stop on his long journey from then to there, but it was without question a pleasant one.
He set the teacup down on its saucer with the most elegant of clinks. Next to his tea on the table lay the most curious book which held the many adventures of Winnie-the-Pooh and the 100 Acre Wood. It came into his possession without warning a time ago long forgotten by him, but he knew instantly of its charms. An entire world existed beneath its pages and only the most pure of heart could enter.
That was how Sora had come to shape the world so closely that even now he graced its cover… Wait, what’s this?
Merlin leaned close and examined the book. On the front, Pooh Bear and Sora sat on a log together gazing out at a bright cornflower blue sky. But that had begun to change. The cover appeared to ripple and shudder. Ink and colour dripped and vanished from the sky. And then, like the steam from his tea twisting and dispersing into the air, into nothing, Sora dimmed and faded away.
Pooh sat alone on the log. The sky above him, once sunny and bright, had turned to night. The silly old bear stared up longingly at the stars that dotted the shadowed sky. And Merlin knew: something terrible must have happened.
She sat up in her bed and peered out her bedroom window. Past the curtains, the glass opened on an overcast sky, a dull sheet of grey blanketing the islands.
“Another dream about him…,” she mumbled to herself as she watched the clouds churning above.
She’d been having dreams about Sora ever since he disappeared. They were always the same: that day, playing on and on like a loop, like a melody someone forgot to finish. A missing cue lost along the way. At first everything was how she remembered it, except his voice never reached her. He’d open his mouth to say something, lips mouthing every word, but they never registered. And then, every time, she’d have to watch him disappear all over again.
It hurt to experience, and yet she couldn’t bring herself not to try. She’d been sleeping a lot ever since that day, now weeks past, just to see him again. But every time the dream became a little hazier, the details a little blurrier. One day there’d be nothing left, and she’d know a loneliness she couldn’t even fathom.
It was a lot like the year he had gone away. Something happened to her that made her forget about him, the way he looked, the way he sounded. Whenever she thought about him though, about that boy she knew, she could feel the echo of his heart in hers. But now, she didn’t know. And it wasn’t just him this time, either.
Riku, too, was gone.
When Kairi had turned around to look at her friends along the shore that fateful day, eyes blurry with tears, he had vanished. His footsteps still impressed upon the sand, like the wind had simply swept him away. And then she was alone, again. It was always only her.
Each dream they faded more and more from her memory, became less and less themselves as Sora tried to tell her something. She didn’t want to risk losing them, not even having their memory left, but what choice did she really have? It was the only time she could endure it.
They were gone and she was left here on the islands once again, not knowing where they were or if they were safe or in harm’s way. And she knew, deep down, it was her fault. For being too weak, for being captured once again, for being Xehanort’s pawn, even after all the training she had done, after all the promises things would be different. It never was different. Her story was always the same like she, too, was trapped in that repeating melody.
The others tried to comfort her, tell her it would be okay, that they’d find them, that it wasn’t her fault. But they were just words falling upon a dulled heart. She was worthless. Useless. She put people in danger by being involved. Whatever strength she thought she had disappeared with them, too.
She wanted to help look for them, help do something, but everything told her she’d only get in the way, again. She was a black hole dragging everyone around her down. The best she could do was stay out of it. To wait.
It was all she was good for.
Kairi hugged her knees to her chest and rested her cheek atop them. The grey skies provided a small comfort to her. The worst were the days where she woke to the sunlight streaming through the curtains, warm against her skin—the light a cruel joke. She didn’t understand how the sun kept rising, day after day, since Sora was gone. It wasn’t how it felt to her. But this, this she could bear, at least for a little while.
It wasn’t much, going through the motions really, but she knew it would ease her adoptive parents’ hearts if she was out and about. So she dragged herself out of the tangle of sheets and gradually got ready. Not that a walk on the shore would fix much at all.
Kairi had lived on the islands almost her entire life. She knew it as her home, but there was one thing she had strangely never gotten used to—the way the air shifted before a storm. That warm stillness, like the world held a breath. Ever since she was a kid it gave her goosebumps, unease settling heavy in her heart. The moment right before the world seized and the skies cracked open and everything changed.
The world was like that now as her footsteps sunk into the sand. Off in the distance stood the island where they used to play as kids. She had tried not to look at it during her walk from her home to the beach, but it lingered at the corner of her eyes throughout it all, haunting her. And now here she was, at the end of the line, the only thing left on the horizon to greet her.
She hadn’t been back there since that day. And she vowed not to return until they did. That’s how she handled it every time she was left behind. She didn’t even need to think about it anymore: no longer a conscious decision, but muscle memory in her heart. How sad it was, for tragedy to become ritual.
No matter how often she stood there and stared off at the island it always remained the same. It sat there on the horizon, muted in its colours under the overcast sheet above. It blended against the grey skies behind it like a smudge on canvas. Almost unremarkable, and yet…
She ran her hand along the goosebumps on her arm. Any moment now the world would exhale.
Behind her footsteps shifted awkwardly in the sand. She didn’t need to turn around to know who it was. No matter how many times he showed up to check on her, he never got used to walking on the beach.
“You haven’t forgotten one of life’s little rules, have you, Kairi?” came the voice behind her.
Axel.
It was this very spot they had first met. She stood exactly where she was now and stared out at that same island and questioned everything. He appeared out of nowhere, sight unseen, and egged her on, pushed her to act.
You and I both miss someone we care about.
Hey, I feel like we’re friends already.
Hey, I feel like we’re friends already.
And now here he was again, melody repeating.
“Do I gotta remind you?” She could practically hear him tap his finger against his temple. “If you have a dream, d—“
“You here to kidnap me again?” Kairi shot back. She looked back over her shoulder at him, eyes narrowed. He crumbled, scratching the back of his head as he avoided her gaze.
She knew what he was trying to do, but it wouldn’t work. She had already done this all before—stopped waiting, went out there and tried to find Sora—and in the end all it did was tear them apart again. Because of her. Maybe the real lesson she should have gotten memorized was that she never should have tried in the first place.
Was that the only reason he was there, to try and entice her to join their little search committee? The others didn’t need her to get in the way. She was the cause of all of this, what good would it do for her to get involved now? She’d only find some way to mess up yet again.
Besides, it’s not like they actually needed her. They just pitied her. At least that she understood.
“Uh, no, I just…”
“I’m fine,” she lied. “So, if you’re just here to check on me ag—“
“It’s not that,” Axel said. “Well, not just that.”
She spun around and faced him, her back to the island. “If this is about him, the others can handle it,” she said. “I’d just get in the way.”
Axel shook his head. “It’s not about Sora,” he said. “Merlin is asking for you.”
She couldn’t imagine what Merlin could possibly need her for. He was the amazing wizard who created the Secret Forest, made a whole world for her and Axel to train where time didn’t matter, where they could take as much time as they needed to complete their training. All of those advantages and she still couldn’t hold her own when it actually mattered.
“No one needs me,” she said. “I’m sure you can handle it.”
“Kairi…” Axel put his hands on his hips. He took a deep breath, head tilted back to the skies. “Look, it has to be you. No one else can do this.”
He stretched out his hand to her, beckoning.
Kairi wanted to brush it all away, but something gave her pause. She repeated his words over in her mind again and again. They echoed deep inside her heart.
It has to be you.
And before she knew it, she was stepping forward.
“Okay.”
Axel opened the door to Merlin’s House and led Kairi inside. She had been there briefly before, at the start of her training, so she wasn’t particularly surprised to see the mess of books strewn about, the teacups balancing in stacks on their saucers, the potions bubbling on the table in the corner. No, the strange part was how empty it was. Leon and the others were nowhere to be seen. Not even Cid was plucking away at the computer screen.
Merlin stood off to the side of his chalkboard, his back to them as they entered. Kairi exchanged a confused look with Axel before inching closer.
“Merlin? You asked to see me?”
Merlin jumped a little at the sound of her voice. He glanced at her over his shoulder. “Oh, gracious, did I? Oh, oh yes! You see we have a little problem…”
“What is it?”
“Well, you see…”
Merlin stepped aside. Behind him, no bigger than a small child, was a yellow bear stuffed with fluff and stuff. He sat on the floor and dug his paws into a giant ceramic pot in his lap. When he pulled his paw back out, it held nothing but dust and cobwebs.
“Oh, bother.”
“Pooh Bear?” Kairi said.
What was he doing here, and outside of the storybook? She didn’t even think that was possible, and yet, here he was.
“Oh, hello Somebody-I-Don’t-Know.”
Oh, of course he wouldn’t know her. They hadn’t actually met before. But Kairi remembered him. When she was inside Sora’s heart, she saw and felt everything that he did. All the people he met, the connections he made. To Pooh she was a complete stranger, but to her it was like seeing a comforting friend again after a long absence.
Almost like being around Sora again.
“My name’s Kairi,” she said with a smile. She knelt down and held out her hand. “It’s nice to meet you.”
Pooh Bear wiped the dust off his paw with the side of his shirt and shook her hand. “Oh, hello, Kairi. Good afternoon. Or I suppose it could be.” He poked his head into the empty jar. “If there were any hunny…”
“Can you tell me what happened, Pooh Bear? Why you’re here?”
“Well, you see, I was sittin’ down ready to enjoy a small smackeral of hunny when I felt something right here.” Pooh put his paw over his chest. “I knew Sora had gone away again. Sora promised no more going away… So I thought something awful must have happened. We all went on an Expotition to search for him in the Forest, but we couldn’t find him anywhere, not even past the thistle bushes. And that got me even more worried, you see. Sometimes when I get hungry it’s hard for me to think of anything but hunny, so I was worried I’d forget him away.”
“And that’s why you left the book? Why not just wait for him to come back?”
“You can’t stay in your corner of the Forest waiting for others to come to you,” he said simply. “You have to go to them sometimes.”
She stepped back, fist held close to her chest and gaze darting away. His words seemed to echo in the small house and buzzed in her ears. A strange sensation simmered inside her but she snuffed it out.
“Um, Kairi?”
She brought herself to regard him again and spoke in soft tones, his eyes almost pleading. “Yeah, Pooh Bear?”
“Where’s Sora?”
And it stung, hearing him ask, more than she would have thought. It was the same question she asked herself every day. But it felt different coming from Pooh Bear. It felt different knowing she was the reason he was gone.
“Pooh Bear, I…”
She looked at this cute cuddly old teddy bear and was at a loss for words. How could she tell him the truth? Against all odds he had found his way outside the book, all in search of Sora. Was she really going to tell him it was pointless? That he was gone away?
“I’m sorry, Pooh Bear… But… I don’t know.”
Kairi stared up at the Radiant Garden castle. The last time she had properly seen her childhood home was when she had lost her heart. Maleficent had gathered her and the other Princesses in order to open Kingdom Hearts. She awoke only to watch Sora disappear in front of her eyes. Another loop in her melody.
Now here she was again, looking up at that daunting castle once more, nothing but bad memories left in her heart. She knew it was her home. Or, well, her birthplace, really. So many probably thought she’d want to be back there once she remembered it was where she came from. But as she walked through the streets with Pooh Bear, stopping here and there to admire the flowers or stick their hands under the running water of the fountains, every corner seemed to hide within it a bad memory. The few she still had of this place were filled with pain. Losing her grandmother, her family. Being kidnapped. Losing Sora. How was she supposed to make a home when all she saw around her were ruins of an old life?
She liked the Restoration Committee. Aerith and Yuffie were kind to her. If she spent more time with them, she was sure she’d come to think of them as something like older sisters. But no matter how long she stayed in Radiant Garden, it never quite… fit. It may have been where she was born. There may even have been good years buried beneath the turmoil. But she knew she didn’t truly belong there anymore.
She already had a home.
Kairi sat on the edging of the fountain in the Central Square while she watched Pooh digging around in the flower beds. He bent down, riffled through the flora, and then shuffled down the side a little more before bending down once more. A small smile pressed upon her lips from a faint familiarity preserved somewhere deep between the pages of her heart. The smell of yellow trumpet lilies and daffodils wafted through the air, just as they had back then. Across from her, past Pooh Bear on the upper level of the plaza, stood the gate leading up to the castle, rough steel glinting in the sun…
Heart trembling in her chest.
Vision blurred, stinging, confused.
The piercing glow of yellow eyes in the dark follow her, chase her. Every alley, every corner.
Knees and arms bloody and bruised, dress dirty and torn.
The tiny frantic clack of her shoes on stone rings in her ears.
Cries out as the creatures surround her. Here and there. There and here.
The gate. She has to get through the gate.
She grips the rough bars and yanks them again and again; the metal scrapes into her palms as she desperately fails to escape.
Behind her, the stranger approaches. The click. click. click. of his boots echoing, cornering.
Trapped.
She cowers against the gate, frozen and alone, and peers up at him.
His back against the light, features in shadow.
He reaches out for her heart—
“Kairi?”
She snapped back in place, hand clutched over her chest. Standing in front of her was Pooh Bear, his eyes stitched with worry. “Sorry, I was just…” Kairi glanced behind him at the castle gates, still shut, and tried to quiet the ache in her heart.
“Are you alright? You look like you’d gone away.”
“I didn’t mean to worry you,” she said to him with a comforting smile. “I’m here. I was just… lost in thought for a little bit.” She looked down at her soft-spoken companion and in one of his paws he held a flower stem adorned with dozens of small plink blossoms.
“Why that’s a lovely flower, Pooh Bear.”
“Oh, I thought so, too.” He held it out to her. “You see, I picked it for you.”
Kairi accepted it delicately between her fingers. Each of the many tubular blossoms along the stem were a bright blush shade, the petals united into a closed urn shape around maroon stamens in the center. The flowers grouped in bunches all along the stem. She recognized it as a kind of heather flower, a perennial, but—
“Pink Spangles…,” she said, the name appearing before her as if it had been tucked away, wrapped gently in a tea towel, long forgotten, in the far reaches of her mind.
“Thank you, Pooh Bear,” she said. She adorned the flower behind her ear, and even though its evergreen leaves were a tad bit uncomfortable, she didn’t mind at all.
She knew Merlin wanted her to convince Pooh to go back into the storybook. If he stayed too long outside his own world, it could have consequences, not just for him but for everyone back in the forest. She knew she had to, but… being with him was the first time she felt comforted in so long. Would it be so bad for him to stay with her, for a little while longer?
“What else do you have there, Pooh Bear?” she asked him, hands on her knees as she leaned forward to get a better look, happy to forget her troubles even if just for a moment.
Pooh showed her the bundle of sticks he had been collecting as he poked through the gardens. “I’ve been gathering these,” he said. “For Sora, of course.”
And yet her troubles always seemed to find her again regardless.
“For Sora?”
“Oh, yes. You see, my friend Owl is very clever. He’s so good at telling us what to do. And whenever something goes missing he says there is a very clear Thing to Do.”
“What thing to do?”
“Well, when something is missing the Thing to Do is to write a notice, a Missage, promising a very large Something for anyone who finds it again! So you see, I was thinking we could write out these Missages and put them on these and then stick them in all of the gardens and that way when someone is bending down to smell the pretty flowers they’ll see them.”
“I see…”
It was pointless. Sora wasn’t here. He wasn’t anywhere he could be found. Signs and search parties weren’t going to find him. But… Pooh Bear was trying; he was trying so hard in the ways that he could, and she couldn’t bear to break his heart.
“Did you want me to help you with the signs?”
“That was what I wanted to ask you,” Pooh said. “Because my spelling is Wobbly. It’s good spelling but it Wobbles, and the letters get in the wrong places. Would you write the signs for Sora for me please?”
“Of course, Pooh Bear.”
And so, Kairi and Pooh Bear Got to Work. Kairi wrote the signs promising a Very Large Pot of Hunny (at Pooh’s suggestion) for anyone who could find Sora or information about where he could be, while Pooh Bear messily glued the signs to the sticks he had carefully chosen. Together they walked all over Radiant Garden to find the perfect places for them: the bed of red tulips that reminded Pooh of Sora’s old jumper, by the park bench for when someone stopped to tie their shoes, in the window of the bakery because everyone walking by had to pause to admire the loaves—there was no shortage of perfect spots to help find Sora, as far as Pooh Bear was concerned.
But eventually they ran out of signs and had to resign themselves to stop for the day. While Pooh Bear was content with all they had done, the guilt inside Kairi swirled inside her like a swarm of bees the longer it went on. Was it really fair of her to let Pooh believe he could find Sora? Was it fair of her to not tell him the truth? She didn’t know which was worse: to let him believe in false hope, or to crush that hope.
And there was still the fact she was to blame for all of this. How would Pooh Bear see her if he knew she was the reason Sora had gone away? The worry buzzed inside louder and louder as the day reached its end.
Those familiar orange hues washed through the sky. They were running out of time. She had tried to make it last, but this too would have to end. Everything in the book revolved around Pooh Bear, there was no telling how the world would withstand his absence.
“Pooh Bear, I…”
“You did very well today, Kairi,” Pooh Bear said blissfully unaware, as he often was. “Perhaps we should celebrate with a game of Pooh Sticks.”
“Pooh Sticks?”
“Oh, yes. You see, although I am a Bear of Very Little Brain, I’ve always known that the best part about Doing Something is the Doing Nothing that comes after. And what better Nothing to do than playing Pooh Sticks with your friends?”
Friends, huh? Kairi smiled softly.
A quick game, couldn’t hurt, could it?
“Can you teach me how?”
There weren’t creeks or rivers inside the city walls of Radiant Garden. Not natural ones, anyway; everything harnessed through science. Water pushed and pumped through mechanisms, propelled out of fountains or pushed down rigid calculated paths. It took Kairi a while to find a source of water Pooh Bear thought would do for Pooh Sticks, and even then they would have to tweak the rules of the game a little for it to work. But they eventually found themselves a suitable fit in one of the Water Ways hidden far past the central courtyard.
It was one of the few areas of Radiant Garden the Restoration Committee still needed to tend to. Bits of the channel had broken off and crumbled into the water here and there along the stream. The small crossing between the banks less a bridge than a glorified large metal board placed precariously above the running water. Still, it was the best they’d managed and Pooh Bear didn’t seem to mind.
The rules of the game were simple. They’d each take two sticks and drop them into the water in front of the crossing and then race to the end of the channel. Whoever’s stick reached the grate at the end first would be the winner. It was silly, but as they started setting up for the game, Kairi couldn’t help a ripple of childlike excitement bloom through her.
They dropped their sticks into the water, each bobbing up and down with a little splash. Kairi scooped Pooh Bear up in her arms before running down along the side of the channel toward the end. The wind brushed through her hair, laughter following along with it. For a brief moment it was as if she were a little kid again, racing with them along the beach of the islands. She ran as fast as she could for no reason other than it made it more fun. It was the first time she had laughed in weeks.
When they reached the finish line they stopped to sit down at the edge. Pooh Bear plopped down on his behind then scooched back in place. Kairi knelt down beside him and together they watched the gentle current ahead.
Two of the sticks emerged from under the crossing, the remaining two never following—trapped somewhere on the other side. The sticks swayed along the stream with the ebb and flow of the water. Kairi’s stick careened into a mess of rubble along the side of the channel and was unable to move on. Kairi watched as the water bent against the stick, stuck in place.
The current of the water pushed on the stick endlessly yet it didn’t budge. And the more she witnessed it the more she felt something stir in the pit of her heart.
“I used to live here…” she said, her voice hushed and weak. “…when I was really little.”
Kairi hugged her knees to her chest. “A lot of bad things happened.” Her Grandma. The Stranger. Being torn away from the only place she knew, set adrift. “I felt so lost… Lost everything.”
“But you found Sora, didn’t you?” Pooh Bear asked.
“I guess… I guess I did.”
His was one of the first faces she remembered from back then; her first real memories in her new home. That grin he was always wearing. It was hard not to smile around him, to feel comforted by his mere presence. Even now it left its mark upon her heart.
“Kairi…?”
“Yes, Pooh Bear?”
“What happened to Sora?”
He looked up at her with his small innocent eyes and a sharp pain rose in her chest.
“It’s my fault,” she said, voice breaking. “I was weak. I couldn’t— I—“ Her breath shuddered and she dug her nails into the sides of her knees. “I’m sorry, Pooh Bear… He’s gone because of me. And now… I don’t know what to do.”
Pooh Bear stayed quiet. His stick reached the grate at the end of the channel and he picked it up without celebration.
“I’ve been dreaming about him a lot,” Kairi said, trying to fill the silence. “Every time I sleep I can see him again. Sometimes it feels like it’s all I can do.”
“I think we dream so we don’t have to be apart for so long,” Pooh Bear finally said. “If we’re in each other’s dreams, we can be together all the time.”
Could it be? Could the Sora in her dreams actually be him, trying to reach her, to tell her something? The dream was always the same, always ending before she heard his voice. What was she forgetting? What had he tried to tell her?
Her stick finally broke free of the rubble and the rocks and drifted down the stream. When it caught up to Pooh’s at the end she reached down and fished it out. She traced the grooves of the bark along the branch, wet beneath the pads of her fingertips. The tiny nicks and cuts caused by the rocks caught and snagged on the small callouses she earned through wielding.
Kairi breathed in deep and released it slowly. Above, the sky blushed rose and amber, and she knew. There was still so much unsolved inside her heart, so much discomfort still needing to be smoothed out and folded carefully and put away. But, they were out of time and it wasn’t right for her to keep holding on.
“Pooh Bear, do you think… you could show me your home?”
Nostalgia washed over Kairi in watercolour pastels as she walked through the 100 Acre Wood. Everything was just how she remembered it from her time inside Sora’s heart, preserved in the pages of a precious book plucked from a dusty shelf. It was a world only those pure of heart could enter, safeguarded from so much of the darkness that hid outside it.
The simplicity and peace of the woods blanketed her fondly in their journey toward the hilltop overlooking the forest. Pink and red heather painted the hill in careful brush-strokes here and there leading up to the log at its crest. Kairi ran her hand along the flowers, buds trailing gentle kisses in her palm. Stars sparkled brilliantly in the night sky above them just as they had on the book’s cover.
They sat down together on the log and for a moment a calm quiet joined them. It reminded her of those carefree nights the three of them spent on the beach under a star-filled sky, making up patterns out of the many worlds. So many constellations lived inside them now, lines drawn over the black of night. Connections.
Pooh peered up at the sky beside her. A star streaked across the dark and he traced its arc with his small yellow paw.
“I wonder how many wishes a star can give,” he said simply.
A faint scent of citrus wafted in with the breeze. Kairi massaged her arms lightly. She turned to Pooh and smiled. “It’s been quite a day, hasn’t it?”
Pooh nodded. “It’s just too bad it’s over. I would’ve liked it to go on a while longer.”
“I would have liked that, too,” she said.
And she would have. These moments with Pooh Bear were the first real peace her heart had known in weeks. Now that they were here in the book, alone, free from everything else, she felt a locked door deep inside her heart opening in a way she could barely remember. Maybe, even, for the first time.
“Pooh Bear…,” she began, thistles pricking her throat. “I don’t know what to do.” The words left her lips small and fragile, like they belonged to that little girl running scared all those years ago, bruised and bloodied. “All these regrets…” A slash stung across her back. “All these things that happened to me…” She gripped herself tight. “I want to do something, but I— What if— I’m just not… enough.” She inhaled sharp and jagged. “I’ll just make it worse. I’m not enough. I’m not…”
Kairi rubbed her cheek against her shoulder. She was scared. Terrified. She could feel Sora, but the light dimmed all the time, and soon it would be gone. He would be gone. Again. And then what would be left of her?
She wasn’t enough.
And she never would b—
“Kairi.”
Pooh took her hand in both of his. At first she couldn’t bear to face him, but he didn’t let go, and so she met his gaze. He looked at her lovingly, expression soft and calm.
“You’re braver than you believe.” He gave her hand a tiny squeeze. “Stronger than you seem.” He tapped his paw over her heart. “And smarter than you think.” He brushed her cheek.
Hearing it, tears welled up in her eyes. She leaned down and hugged Pooh close and tight. She trembled as she held him, teardrops lost amongst his fur.
“Thank you, Pooh…”
Kairi pulled away from him and wiped what tears remained from her eyes, his words still echoing inside her heart. She briefly stared up at the sky, lilac breaking over the horizon. The Sun was still in bed, to be sure, but there was a lightness over the 100 Acre Wood as if to show it was waking up and would soon be kicking off the covers.
“I wish I didn’t have to go,” she said, turning back to Pooh. How could she leave him now? He had done so much for her. “It hurts to say goodbye…”
“Yes, how lucky we are to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard.” Pooh glanced down, a small smile spreading as if remembering something fond tucked away. He stumbled his way up on the log, nearly falling over until Kairi steadied him. “But don’t worry, Kairi. I’ll always be with you — right here.” He put his hand on her heart. “Forever and ever.”
“Silly old bear,” Kairi said lovingly. She tapped his heart, too.
Together they faced the dawn peeking along the sky. Something had changed within her, galvanized her. But there was still one worry. How would she even go about finding him, when everyone else had failed?
“I don’t know what I should do now,” she admitted. “Where to even start…”
“Well, you see,” Pooh began with a smile, “I always get to where I’m going by walking away from where I’ve been.”
Kairi emerged from the book’s pages in a show of light. The book closed behind her, clasp clicking shut. She watched as the cover shone bright and gleaming. When it dimmed, the image had transformed once more. It was still nighttime in the 100 Acre Wood, the stars still twinkling in the sky, but on the horizon, dawn was breaking. Pooh Bear stared up with a hopeful smile from atop the log, and beside him resting against the bark lay a pink spangle flower.
“There, everything is as it should be,” Merlin said as he scrutinized the book, flipping it over in his hands.
Kairi clenched her fists, gaze downcast. “No…”
Axel placed his hand on her shoulder but she didn’t flinch. “We’ll find Sora and Riku,” he said. “Let’s get the others, we’ll figure something out.”
“No,” she said again, this time her voice firm and rooted. She held her hand over her heart and thought about what Pooh Bear had told her.
“I know the Thing to Do.”
The old dock of the Play Island creaked beneath her feet. She tied up her old rowboat, barely big enough to fit her now and turned to face the beach. There was an unease to being here, a loneliness replacing what once was comfort. She wanted to look at those sandy shores and think about the good times they used to have here—the races they ran, the naps they took under the warmth of the sun, the playfighting and sand castles and star gazing—but instead she found only reminders of what she lost, again. It was harder than she thought, standing there, waves lapping near her feet, like the longer she stayed the less of a home she’d have left. All the good washed away and carried out to sea.
Kairi entered the small seaside shack where Sora, Riku and her used to play when they were little. The shack had seen better days, the wood warping and dry rot starting to take over. She remembered the games they used to play, with the door shut tight, lost in the darkness together. The three of them would hold hands and take turns whispering secrets, fears, desires. She could hardly recall them. But now that she was there, in the dark, alone, she wondered what she would say if they were here with her.
So many of her greatest fears had already been realized. She wasn’t strong enough. She lost herself. She lost them. After everything, after all the training and all the fighting and all the refusals to stay out of the way… She couldn’t shake it, even now. She knew it in her heart to be her fault, no matter what any of the others tried to tell her. If only she had done more. If only she had fought more. Been more. If only, if only, if only.
And now, here she was, alone again, left behind. Back on this island, back feeling the coarse sand on her skin, waiting for some sign that they were okay, that they were out there, somewhere. That all she needed to do was wait until they came home.
How many times would this be her story before it would finally change? Losing home after home. Friend after friend. Was that all she was good for? Did her fate only exist to keep her apart from what she held precious? How much loneliness could one heart possibly hold? It felt it had no limit, the way the horizon stretched out, the way the ocean ran deep.
What was she supposed to do with all this hurt?
Kairi left the shack behind and began climbing the stairs outside. When she opened the door leading out to the bridge her breath seized in her throat. Across the way, on the tiny little islet off the shore, was the Paopu Tree. Off in the horizon the setting sun looked just as it had then and it broke her heart to see it. She had been avoiding it for so long...
She took in a deep breath, gathered her resolve, and began to make her way over. The bridge creaked and groaned beneath her feet. It, too, had seen better days, but she wasn’t worried for a moment of it falling apart. Some things always seemed to last.
When she reached the Paopu Tree she ran her hand over the bark at its base, felt the grooves and cuts in its wood. Back when they were little, the boys would always be hitting their toy swords against the trunk of the tree, chipping off little pieces of it, and here they still were, wounds, healed over. Her fingers trailed a particularly deep scar along the side and she wondered if her heart looked the same way now.
She rounded the base of the tree and rested her back on it for a moment. The sunset glittered in the waves. Crashing, crashing, crashing. It felt so much like before she half-expected to turn to her right and find him there. Half-expected to feel his hand in hers once more. She turned to look. Just her, again.
Above, shaking gently in the breeze, the paopu. The star-shaped fruit dangled delicate under the tree’s leaves. They had all grown up hearing the legends. If two people shared the paopu fruit together, their destinies would become intertwined. They’d be a part of each other’s lives—no matter what.
How many wishes could a star give?
Kairi sighed. She climbed onto the tree and sat back down. Just as she had back then. It felt like she was sitting with a ghost. She turned to look for him once more, and it was almost as if her heart was painting what she so desperately wanted to see. Him. His smile. She glanced down at her hand and she could almost believe it, almost feel his presence there with her.
And all she wanted was to believe it could last. But how long could the sky and the sea actually touch before the horizon got between them?
“Kairi, if…” Sora’s gaze fell, voice quiet and sad. “If there ever comes a day, when we can’t be together…”
“If?” As soon as it left her lips, she felt it. Her heart knew before she did. This was what goodbyes felt like.
Sora squeezed her hand. His eyes shined wet in the setting sun. He flashed her that same comforting smile she always knew, even back from when they first met. What she would always know as home.
“Keep me in your heart—I’ll stay there forever.”
She smiled, even as the tears fell, for it was the only comfort she could give him. All she could do was watch as he dimmed and faded away in front of her, the feeling of his hand in hers lingering like an afterimage. When he was gone, all that remained was a curious weight in her hand, seashells scratching at her palm. She curled inward, aching.
The clouds blanketed the sky.
The horizon divided the sea.
And she was alone again.
Kairi reached into her pocket and pulled out her star-shaped Lucky Charm. What once was a hazy forgotten moment blared vivid. The words he had been trying to tell her, remind her of, endlessly in her dreams finally came home to her. That endless melodic tune looping over and over again at long last played clearly in her heart—the final notes resonating deep within her.
She traced her thumb over the grooves of the thalassa shells leading up to the Sora face she had drawn inside. The shells were supposed to ensure a safe journey.
A promise to meet again.
And she knew at once what she had to do.
Summoning her bravery, her strength, her smarts, Kairi held out the Lucky Charm to the setting sun. All around her streams of light gathered and rooted in the palm of her hand, enveloping the charm in its warmth. When it faded, the Oathkeeper was in its place; the weight of it settling in her palm like it had always belonged there. She gripped it tight.
Sora… Riku…
Kairi pointed the Oathkeeper where the sky met the sea. A brilliant radiance erupted from her Keyblade, an unknown pathway opening up in front of her, bathing her in its glow. With a fierce determination, she stepped forward.
“I’ll save you, no matter what.”
May my heart be my guiding key.
May my heart be my guiding key.
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