I hate that I'm coming on here, but hey, I need help! So time to ask for help!
Lemme know if I need to add more info or anything, but thank you guys so much for your help! Sorry that I rambled a little bit ;0;
Spoiler ShowA couple months back, I posted about being depressed. Well, good news! I'm not depressed anymore! (for the most part idk lol) However, I'm kinda back to square one with what's going on. For the past 6 months, I've been living in Florida and doing an internship for Disney, working on Main Street. It was literally the best 6 months I've ever had, even though it kept me away from my projects and pretty much from the internet. I made amazing friends, got to play in the parks, discovered a wonderful place called Universal (HARRY POTTER IS AMAZING GO RIDE THE GRINGOTTS RIDE IT'S LIFE-CHANGING ;___________ and it helped me figure out where I wanted to go in life after being stuck in a rut for the past 3 years. People at work said that I'm literally Joy from Inside Out as a person, but now that I'm back home I feel more like Sadness lol.
However, now I'm back home. Originally, I went on the College Program because my mom started treating me poorly because she started dating someone. We used to spent every day together, always hanging out by watching TV or doing something fun, but since she met this guy, she can't seem to make time for me because it'll get in the way of her time with him. They've been dating almost a year and the "honeymoon phase" of their relationship has lasted through then, something that I feel is unhealthy for my mom. I understand why she's been like this (my dad treated her like shit during their entire marriage), but that doesn't mean you should put your boyfriend before family; my friend noticed that my mom wouldn't stop talking about her boyfriend when she saw me again after 6 months, so yay for that lol. On top of that, she really won't let me see her boyfriend and the one time I got to meet him, it was literally the most awkward encounter I've ever had because he's so socially awkward.
At home, I literally have no friends, I can't drive because I get panic attacks when I drive (which is extremely frustrating), and I'm pretty much stuck in a house by myself for days at a time by my mom, which is the reason I got depressed. I felt like going back to Disney was the only way out, so I went back and it made me realize that I need to change something in my life or else I'm going to be stuck here and miserable for a very long time.
The problem is that I've never moved out for two reasons: the first is that I have anxiety and, although I'm coping with it and I'm doing a pretty good job dealing with it, it's made me not want to leave. (However, after doing the College Program twice and living on my own, I realize that I'm pretty self-sufficent lol) On top of that, not being able to drive makes moving out more of an ordeal, since I need to be able to drive to take care of myself, go to work, etc. The second problem is my mom. I love my mom very, very much and I always want to be there for her, but it's hard when she literally abandons me at every opportunity to go see her boyfriend. We're working on moving to another house, so she and her boyfriend can live together and I can live... somewhere in the house, I guess. But the reason why I haven't wanted to move is because she gets sick a lot and I worry about her almost constantly, but also because she kind of guilt tripped me the last time I went on the CP. She said that everyone leaves her, me included, so she's stuck in this house we have now, which is literally falling apart. It's not safe and we really need to move, but because of financial reasons, we haven't been able to. I've decided to stick with her not only because I worry about her but also because I feel bad. I don't want to leave until things are better.
However, I'm getting to the point where I just want to run. Hop on a plane, fly to one of my friends' apartments and crash on their couch until I can figure out what to do with my life, because it'll be better than here. I've only been here for two days and all I want to do is run. I have no friends here, I can't go to school here without commuting, and my mom, who said she would always be there for me, keeps leaving me. To make things worse, she seems like she cares more about her boyfriend than her family or even her own wellbeing. (When we were in Orlando, the first night we were there, she told me that she cried herself to sleep because she missed her boyfriend so much. She saw him the day before, but hey, it's okay to tell that to your daughter who has been gone for 6 months and considered leaving numerous times to come back home because she missed her mom that much. :\)
I realize that I miss my mom -- my best friend, the person who I always had fun with even though things were insanely tough. Despite that, we stuck together. Now, even though things are getting better, it seems like they're getting worse because all my mom cares about is her boyfriend. She says she cares about me, that she will always be there for me, but it seems like she'll only be there for me if I'm in a different state.
I want to knock some sense into my mom so bad, make her realize how she's treating me, but I also feel like I should just leave and forget about it. I'm actively looking for jobs in Florida, I'm looking into different schools ('cause I need to actually finish school before I go back to Disney lol), I'm working on roommate arrangements, and I just have to be able to drive to get down there. However, I'm afraid if I leave, it's going to be on bad terms and I don't want that to happen. I feel like I need to make my mom realize how she's acting. She can have both her boyfriend and me, but if she continues to put her boyfriend first, I'm not gonna be there for her anymore. Why should I if she's not going to be there for me?
Should I try to confront my mom about the way she's acting or should I not even bother and just start looking for a way out? If I should confront my mom, what should I even say to her? I know she's going to get upset with anything that I say, but I feel like I need to snap her into reality. But at some point, I'm going to have to move, but I don't want to make rash decisions because of any of this.
Lemme know if I need to add more info or anything, but thank you guys so much for your help! Sorry that I rambled a little bit ;0;