I'm going to give some constructive criticism for this.
First of all, I acknowledge that this is your first fanfic. And with that it mind, it's not bad at all. It certainly is a lot better than many of the other fictions on this site...but it could use some work. While Riku-Keyblade didn't have to criticize you in that tone, he did make a valid point.
Lately, your chapters have been a reasonable length, but in the past some have been incredibly short. You shouldn't publish a chapter if it doesn't at least fill up the whole screen.
Now, there are some things that really bug me about it. First of all, your grammar and spelling are truly atrocities. You need to type this out on Word first and paste it into the forums, instead of just typing it up here. If you can't take the time to make your story look good, you shouldn't be writing it at all.
Next, your abuse of the exclamation point makes me cringe. I couldn't find a single non-interrogative quote that did not use it. You need to use it a lot more sparingly.
Third, and most important, your characters have no character. It's true for all of them, but let's focus on Sora in the last chapter. Why the HELL would he give Kairi no thought when she was literally being dragged away, screaming at the top of her lungs? And, while we're talking about Kairi, why does she 'smile' all the time, even in the saddest situations? You've got to make some personality for the characters, or adopt the personalities advocated in the games, and stick to them.
However, the plot is pretty good, so make those changes. Spend about twice the amount of time you have been writing this, and it could be very good.
Sorry about my last post.........Ive learnt to handle my anger but I still do have my momants lol! Well Ill do a chapter in a bit....Well when someone posts cuz I dont want to double post!