Kairi: Who’s going to marry us?
Sora: Um…
Pirate: I will! I’ll do it! Meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
Sora: What do you think?
Kairi: Well…
Pirate: PLEASE!
Kairi: Well, let her practice a speech and we’ll see about it.
Sora: Okay. What’s the speech?!
Kairi: …I know exactly who can write it!
Sora: Who?
Kairi: Selphie’s mom! She knows almost everything there is to marriage, relationships, all that jazz! (puts shoes)
Sora: You leaving now?
Kairi: I’ll be right back!
Sora: What do I do?
Kairi: Write down some invitations or something.
Sora: …Okay.
Kairi: Bye! (kisses him and runs out)
Pirate: WAIT! (follows her)
Sora: sticks head out window) I’M GETTING HITCHED!!!
S-dad: opens door) ...Son?
Sora: Yeah?
S-dad: I have a tuxedo that might fit you. Come try it on.
Sora: Okay. (walks over) Are you okay?
S-dad: nods head)
Sora: You seem upset.
S-dad: No, I’m happy for you. (goes in bedroom and looks in closet)
Sora: Thanks. (goes in and sits on the bed)
At Selphie’s house…Selphie is sitting on her bed, looking at a picture of Tidus.
Selphie: …
Kairi: knocks on her door) Selphie!
Selphie: Yes?
Kairi: It’s me! I’ve got great news! I’m getting married!
Selphie: drops picture and runs to the door) What?! (opens it)
Kairi: Come on, your mom is helping! (runs down stairs)
Selphie: follows her)
After a night of planning Sora and Kairi get a well deserved rest and wake up late the next day. In the morning…Selphie is sitting on the deck when Tidus runs over. Taking Riku’s advice, Tidus is wearing a whole new attire. He has different shoes, he’s wearing black jeans, a plain white unbuttoned shirt and he smells nice too.
Tidus: Hiya, Selphie!
Selphie: … (crosses arms) Hi, Tidus.
Tidus: sits beside her) So, what’s up?
Selphie: What happened to your clothes?
Tidus: Well…Riku-
Sora runs outside and locks the door and shouts.
Sora: HI TIDUS!
Kairi: runs into the door and bangs on it) Get back here, Sora! I’m not through with you!
Sora: bangs on door) Make me, woman! (laughs)
Kairi: Sora…
Sora: … (opens door) Kairi-
Kairi: punches him) You’re it! (runs)
Sora: You cheated! (runs back in)
Tidus: …Well, I’m wearing this to make you “want me.” Riku said it would work, but Sora said I should apologize and I thought Riku made more sense.
Selphie: That’s so like you.
Tidus: I’m sorry, Selphie. I just got frustrated. We’ve been a couple since we were thirteen and I’ve waited so long.
Selphie: It doesn’t hurt to wait any longer.
Tidus: Yes, it does.
Selphie: No, it doesn’t Tidus. Don’t you think I think about it too?! I have to wait too.
Tidus: But you don’t want to.
Selphie: It’s not that I don’t want to. It’s just, I’m not ready to. And you need to respect that.
Tidus: But…
Selphie: But what?
Tidus: What’s the big deal? Do you think I’m going to get you pregnant or something?
Selphie: …You…make a lot of mistakes, Tidus.
Tidus: But not like that! Not with you, I promise I’ll be careful! I would never do that to you!
Selphie: Your beastly hormones don’t show it.
Tidus: Selphie, I love you.
Selphie: …
Tidus: Don’t you love me?
Selphie: I do.
Tidus: Then why don’t you trust me?
Selphie: Because whenever I put my trust in you, you break it.
Tidus: …Well, we all make mistakes-
Selphie: Exactly and you make too many of them! That’s why I want to wait until I’m ready for you to disappoint me again.
Tidus: But I won’t!
Selphie: Can you look me in the eye and promise me that?
Tidus: I promise!
Selphie: Okay.
Tidus: Okay?
Selphie: We’ll see about that.
Tidus: Right now?! We’re gonna-
Selphie: No, Tidus. I told you, you have to wait.
Tidus: All that talking for noth-
Selphie: frowns at him)
Tidus: …I mean, yeah! I’ll wait…
Selphie: That’s great! (stands up and leans on him) Get up!
Tidus: What now? Are we going to practice? (stands up)
Selphie: No, silly! We’ve got to get you in some nicer clothes! Why is your shirt unbuttoned? It looks sluggish. And those shoes, it’s too hot for those! Where are your sandals, Tidus? Did you take a bath? You smell nice, but you need to try some deodorant!
Tidus: Selphie-
Selphie: You should put on cologne! Do you have some? If not, I have some perfume that smells kind of masculine. (pulls him towards her house)
Tidus: snatches hand away) Selphie, they make fun of me!
Selphie: What? Who?
Tidus: The guys! They call me fruity! You’re making me feminine, Selphie!
Selphie: …No, I’m not!
Tidus: You put finger nail polish on me.
Selphie: But it’s clear! You can’t see-
Tidus: You make me wear “cute” clothes!
Selphie: But I like you like that.
Tidus: But they-
Selphie: Are you gay?
Tidus: What! NO!
Selphie: Then what’s the problem with looking a bit feminine?
Tidus: I’m a guy!
Selphie: So! Do you have a problem with it?
Tidus: No, but they say-
Selphie: See? (takes his hand and pulls him inside) Let’s get started! I have to comb your hair too, ya know.
Tidus: sighs)
Selphie: Let me get the stuff. (gets on bed and reaches down)
Tidus: stares at her butt) …
Selphie: Where did I put it? (reaches under bed)
Tidus: … (turns the light out)…
Selphie: Hey! Tidus, I can’t see! Turn the light back on!
Tidus: …Oh, man.
Poor Tidus and his raging hormones.