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Marly

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I don't really know what this is about. Maybe you can take away something from it.

There's this guy named Brent who I work with at Applebee's. This guy is just a few months older than me, and he's kind of a gangster I guess, and he smokes a lot of weed. And I can't really tell you why, but ever since he started there I've respected him immensely. He just has this gentility to him. He's really warm-hearted. And the way he composes himself. I dunno. I know it sounds like I have this huge ass crush on him. But I really don't. I mean, mind you, he's like crazy good looking but even still. He's become much more like a brother figure to me (I know that's probably wrong I just said that after I said he was crazy good looking). But just the way that he respects my opinion, and he confides in me and stuff.

Maybe it's because I've never really felt comfortable or anything having a male heterosexual friend, cause I feel like they'd hate me, so I've always had female friends. But ever since we've become friends, I dunno, he's done wonders for my confidence and I don't even think he knows.

And then just today my best friend for life--Alyssa--who also works at Applebee's told me that Brent came up to her and started talking about yesterday when I smoked with him and some coworkers, and he talked about how hilarious I was and she said he looked at her and said "I know about Mark by the way, and I don't care" and he just gave her this looks.

And Alyssa is the first person I came out to, and only a few other people know, and I've always kind of wanted to tell Brent because I respect him and I felt like he wouldn't care, but I was too afraid because if he did care it would devastate me, ya know? To finally have that connection to a heterosexual male friend and then it end like that. Just the fact that he doesn't care though, just makes me incredibly happy. Am I overreacting or what?

It's so amazing how people can come into your life like that and just change it so incredibly. Lol I'll never convince you guys that I don't have a crush on this guy. But I don't. I don't know, maybe if you know how much I've grown since high school where I was such a recluse and had no confidence, I dunno, it's weird, because what the fuck it does get better! Surprisingly. I guess.
 

OmniChaos

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Just the fact that he doesn't care though, just makes me incredibly happy. Am I overreacting or what?

I don't think so. Having plenty of hetero and homo friends myself (the former of which are incredibly accepting and unbothered by the latter), this has never really been a concern for myself. However, when I came out to my cousin (who I am very close to; practically brothers, really), to hear and see him unbothered by it (though mayhap a little surprised), I felt exactly as you seem to feel right now.

Can't really explain it myself. I suppose it's just the fact that they openly accept you as just another person and not as some kind of freak after you expect the worst reaction to occur. Idk, maybe it's just me.
 

inasuma

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General rule of life: if you try really hard to convince people one of thing, you probably mean the other, especially where emotion is involved.

I'm glad you are so happy though. I'm sure you really don't like him and respect him greatly. Never had that situation before.
 

Cosmic+Amarna

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he's kind of a gangster I guess, and he smokes a lot of weed.

That's cool, I'm a G as well, my bother too, and since we do it every day, I guess you could say that we be bangin. Lol, but that is nice though, glad to hear. Girls can have guy friends that are hereto.
 

Marly

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Okay, so I kind of have to update on this, because right now I'm really annoyed. So tonight, Alyssa and I were trying to get some bud from Brent, and he asked if we wanted to smoke with him and his girlfriend Kelly, who also worked at Applebee's and we were real cool. Well we did end up taking him up on that offer, so we smoked together and chilled for a few hours. And the thing is, Alyssa and I usually hang out with the same type of people, and Brent and Kelly are like left field from that normative personality for us.

Still, I mean, I had a blast and I'm pretty sure that Alyssa did too. But now all I can think about is whether or not they had a good time. I'm sure this is normal for people like me coming out of their shell so drastically but still, is there something I can do to reassure myself that they had to have a good time? I really don't want to ask because, I dunno, it sounds clingy? And overly analytically me is naturally now thinking about whether I was clingy during the thing. I mean one of the things with me when I smoke is I compliment people /a lot/. I dunno if that's normal or not. But I hope I didn't come across desperate ;~;.

Ugh I dunno, for some reason I really value this guy's opinion. So I'm freaking out about it, it doesn't help that I'm like really new to this either.
 

Taylor

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best advice: stop worrying.

the more you preoccupy yourself with thoughts about either sounding too desperate or too apathetic, the more likely it is to happen. just be yourself. this guy clearly finds you to be pretty cool, so don't sweat it. just enjoy yourself.
 

Ehres

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That's cool, I'm a G as well, my bother too, and since we do it every day, I guess you could say that we be bangin. Lol, but that is nice though, glad to hear. Girls can have guy friends that are hereto.

You're a G? You're gay? You're both gay and you do it every day? You both be bangin'?

Also, no, I do not think you are overreacting. I think it's sort of like hearing something you've always wished would happen -- or something you've speculated but weren't quite sure was true or even existed -- then giving a big sigh of relief of "thank bonk". But, yes, he sounds charismatic. You meet those people. Just be very wary, though, Mark. Some charismatic people can be the worst kind of assholes, so just keep in mind this guy might have a bad side to watch out for. Other than that, just be yourself. If you compliment people a lot, then that's just how you are. It's not a bad thing. Not as if you're putting everyone down. Just relax, man. If he says, "Yo, why do you say nice things so much?" just be like, "Bro, just how I am, I like the positivity." And he'll be cool with that. Already you sound like you're close to one another and that's THE signal that he's cool with how you are. If he weren't, he would stay way away from you.
 
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