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What did ur parents do or how did they react when you came out to them? And how do you express yourself?



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Form Oblivion

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@OKP its this i was talking about.
Hmm....I'm still not sure where exactly this is. I'll find it one day.
@OKP this sounds what u said and "sin" i dont care about since im not a christian but im not gonna do bad stuff like kill people and steal.
That's totally your decision. But please don't get me wrong; I'm not going to hate you.
 

Ernest-Panda

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That place. The place with the thing.
thank you. i feel bad that some people dont wanna be with someone... its like they dont believe in love
I mean, romantic love isn’t the only type of love.

I may not have a special someone right now, but I still have plenty of love in my life, from family and friends.

That's totally your decision. But please don't get me wrong; I'm not going to hate you.

I’d really like to believe that. But until you understand that who I love isn’t a sin, I can only take what you say with a grain of salt.
 

Oracle Spockanort

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thank you. i feel bad that some people dont wanna be with someone... its like they dont believe in love

I believe in love. I’m a total romantic at heart, but not for myself. Sometimes I think I want it, but I have never lived my life where I had my own space. I value my independence greatly, and I can’t imagine giving that up to be co-dependent with somebody. I need to be able to leave and go to my own space at the end of the day.

It isn’t so much that I don’t want to be with somebody, I just don’t think I have it in me to give up enough of myself to them.

Conversely, I wouldn’t mind living with a friend. I could totally do that because at the end of the day we would still be independent.
 

AegisXIII

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I believe in love. I’m a total romantic at heart, but not for myself. Sometimes I think I want it, but I have never lived my life where I had my own space. I value my independence greatly, and I can’t imagine giving that up to be co-dependent with somebody. I need to be able to leave and go to my own space at the end of the day.

It isn’t so much that I don’t want to be with somebody, I just don’t think I have it in me to give up enough of myself to them.

Conversely, I wouldn’t mind living with a friend. I could totally do that because at the end of the day we would still be independent.
That's why the best scenario is to fall in love with your roomate. XD
 

Oracle Spockanort

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That's why the best scenario is to fall in love with your roomate. XD

I’m aromantic so romance gives me the willies xD I’ve genuinely tried to think about people in a romantic lens but I get that feeling of dysphoria.

Doesn’t mean my friends aren’t beautiful and I don’t love them to death, but I can’t be romantically attached to them at all.
 

bambii

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That's why the best scenario is to fall in love with your roomate. XD

Speaking from experience, terrible idea LOL

Anyway, I hope y’all can find some support in navigating the oppressive family dynamics you’ve described. I can only imagine how hard it is, when it’s not yet fully within your capability to seek out the independence and space you need to fully feel and expand into who YOU are. You both sound like strong individuals but just be wary of internalizing your parents’ pathological prejudices.

I will also just note that the kind of religious dogmatic fervor that is serving as a vehicle for your families’ personal traumas has literally nothing (exactly 0%) to do with spirituality. The latter is a deeply personal thing that only you can discover the meaning of. Finding that deep inner meaning (which I call spirituality) always involves following your own “heart” and listening to your inner self; I’d wager to say your parents never discovered that for themselves.
 

AegisXIII

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Speaking from experience, terrible idea LOL

Anyway, I hope y’all can find some support in navigating the oppressive family dynamics you’ve described. I can only imagine how hard it is, when it’s not yet fully within your capability to seek out the independence and space you need to fully feel and expand into who YOU are. You both sound like strong individuals but just be wary of internalizing your parents’ pathological prejudices.

I will also just note that the kind of religious dogmatic fervor that is serving as a vehicle for your families’ personal traumas has literally nothing (exactly 0%) to do with spirituality. The latter is a deeply personal thing that only you can discover the meaning of. Finding that deep inner meaning (which I call spirituality) always means following your own “heart” and listening to your inner self; I’d wager to say your parents never discovered that for themselves.
I agree with your description of spirituality. Religions are made to search for the unknown. Once you stop searching and start forcing truths, then you already got lost.
Then, some people tend to see religion as a set of values that define a society. That's not wrong. But it doesn't mean that non religious people do not have values.
 

bambii

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Then, some people tend to see religion as a set of values that define a society. That's not wrong. But it doesn't mean that non religious people do not have values.
It's not wrong in and of itself, but it is potentially very dangerous when invested with blind faith. If one cannot defend their values with both reason and genuine inner motivation, they're not values at all IMO, just the product of socialization.
 

AegisXIII

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It's not wrong in and of itself, but it is potentially very dangerous when invested with blind faith. If one cannot defend their values with both reason and genuine inner motivation, they're not values at all IMO, just the product of socialization.
Indeed, even ethics. I am pretty sure all religions have the basic rules in common.
Do not kill, do not steal, do not be a huge ass basically.
 

Somnus cealum

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I mean, romantic love isn’t the only type of love.

I may not have a special someone right now, but I still have plenty of love in my life, from family and friends.



I’d really like to believe that. But until you understand that who I love isn’t a sin, I can only take what you say with a grain of salt.
oh i know there is other love, but idk y but some people like to think that lust is a type of love and idk. i do get/give love of friends but right now the only family i love is my older sister and 3 cousins.
 

Willow A113

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į'ʍ ɾìցհէ ҍҽհìղժ վօմ... Ͳմɾղ ąɾօմղժ...
They have to grow older to decide on their own. Sure, they grow up in that thought but they truly decide when they get into the world.
I get what you mean, but I don’t think that how it works. If your told something your whole life, you believe it your whole life. Some people still believe Issac Newton had an Apple fall on his head.
I think religion is something that people should be introduced to later in life when they’re less easily influenced.
 

Willow A113

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į'ʍ ɾìցհէ ҍҽհìղժ վօմ... Ͳմɾղ ąɾօմղժ...
i also am forced to go to church. and go to church activities and im forced to pray with my family. i need to survive from my family. and im happy my dads dad is dead, because he is a major christian and major homophobic.
and if he was still alive, i would be dead. or worse.
@Willow A113 i hope that no one in ur family could do something like this if they were alive. i am now scared of my grandpa. and is glad he is dead.
Omg I’m so sorry I didn’t realize it was that bad! My parents are bad, but not bad. They would never kill someone!
 

Form Oblivion

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I get what you mean, but I don’t think that how it works. If your told something your whole life, you believe it your whole life.
Mmm....not really. Like once the kid matures, they start questioning things, if what they're taught is true or not. Then other people question them, which really gets their mind working.
I guess it depends on the person.
 

Willow A113

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Mmm....not really. Like once the kid matures, they start questioning things, if what they're taught is true or not. Then other people question them, which really gets their mind working.
I guess it depends on the person.
You can think that if you want. I’m tired of arguing with you,
 

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My coming out was easy too, I remember my Mom just nod when I told her I'm bi. Then she said, she knew it already a long time ago. LMAO. I never act soft in front of them before, so I don't know where she got that idea. I feel sorry for you OP though, it seems like you are still underage, I hope when you get to legal age, you'll get total control of your life.
 

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I have so many thoughts reading this thread, but since I can't find a way to get everything into the right words or say all that I think is relevant without writing a three-page essay, I'll just say that my coming out was easy in a sense, too. "Easy" perhaps isn't the right word though; it's not like I felt or feel accepted by my family or anything. I really just mean that it didn't come with the horror stories that a lot of coming outs come with (being kicked out, violence, having everything in your life restricted, sent to conversion therapy or forced to Church it out of you, etc.). I didn't come out until I was in college and it was sort of one of those things that I'm sure everyone just kind of knew by then. I grew up in love with The Little Mermaid and Sailor Moon, wanted to play with Barbies, etc. You get the picture. My mother even found gay porn in my room when I was in middle school. <-- That was not my coming out, ironically enough. That wasn't until I was in my first or second year in college. I was out with my friends first. I live in the South and, no, I did not want to be out while in high school with all the monsters around me.

I consider myself Christian as well. It's a complex thing to talk about, and I'm not sure how to do it in the right way that doesn't either misrepresent God in some way or harm somebody else somehow. I am not a "teacher" and don't want to lead someone else astray unintentionally. I just say I understand this distance between being gay and perception of religion. Maybe in time you can find a way to assess religion without having family members or other people who are hateful in mind the way I did. If you've ever seen The Shack, it's true that sometimes you have to unpack or unlearn things you thought about God from your upbringing to see Him in the proper way. And that's only if you want to--as already said, being a Christian is not something that can be forced onto a person and God does not want people to force it on others either. You drop seeds and let them seek for themselves if they personally choose to. That's all you can do besides try (emphasis on the "try," since I often fail in that regard) to lead by example as a light in a dark world.

And see, now, I've already wrote more than I was going to. This subject is multi-faceted and hard to pin down.
 
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