„I'm home!“
His words had echoed in the halls, reverberating from the walls like a carefree bouncy ball. Only three seconds had passed before the kitchen door had flown open and a slender woman had jumped right into his arms, laughing delightedly.
„I missed you so much!“ she had exclaimed, almost screamed, making his stomach tingle and his lips curl into a small but happy smile.
„I missed you, too.“
“I've never been in a hospital before,†he heard her say. She sounded insecure, afraid, but also nervous. It was nothing too big, and she'd make it out in a few days maximum, but he very well understood the fact that it was weird for her to be alone in this place, especially at night.
“I promise I will be here everyday, as soon as I can. Everything will be alright.â€
She nodded.
She believed him.
“This is turning into a routine.†Her voice was getting softer, weaker everyday. She wouldn't look at him anymore, just stare at the ceiling and blink once in a while.
“I'm sorry you have to be here again. It'll end one day, okay? The doctors are positive.â€
It was a benign, small tumor, nothing to worry about, he was sure of it. Not long until his love would finally be able to come home again.
A few seconds passed.
She nodded slowly.
She tried to believe.
The closet was emptier than usually.
“Why are you packing so much?â€
She didn't look at him, instead focused on a picture of them on the nightstand. Her eyes were empty and she seemed to be a second from crying.
“I know this is the last time I'm going to the hospital.â€
He shook his head in desperation.
“This isn't the end. I promise!â€
She didn't react.
She had stopped believing.
“The doctors said...they're...giving me...â€
She coughed and had him jump in fear. He had almost dropped unconscious from the fatigue he was facing.
“Twenty-four hours.â€
He already knew this – they had told him, too. But it didn't stop him from continuously shaking his head, burying it in his hands, thinking about any way to save her.
“We both know...it's over, dear.â€
“No!â€
He jumped to his feet and started pacing up and down in the room. There had to be something he could do. What kind of partner would he be to just let her die like that?!
“I failed you. I should have been able to do something, to ease your pain, to-â€
“Darling.â€
Her voice was softer than ever, barely to be heard, but he immediately froze in his tracks. It needed no more than this one word to make him return to her side.
“There's one thing I...have never...told you.â€
She coughed and tried to catch her breath before a small smile built on her lips.
“I...always thought there...was still enough time...to say it...no. To experience it. I just...â€
He wanted to stop her, wanted her to save the energy she had left in her body, but she continued:
“I really wanted...to grow old with you...go on some crazy...adventures...sit in the living room together at the age of seventy. Watch our grandchildren grow up together.â€
A tear formed in the corner of her eye, contrasting with her smile growing wider.
“I'm so sorry we can't.â€
It was strange, almost unreal, how painfully fast a day seemed to pass when you didn't want it to. They had been spending the time chatting, even though it had become a monologue on his part while time flew.
Whenever he stopped, she would smile and nod, assuring him to go on. It was like a bedtime story, soothing the pain she surely was in.
Whenever he tried to encourage her to sleep, save her strength, she refused, said it wasn't time yet. He didn't understand. She was exhausting herself without any limit, seemed to look sicker every second.
He wanted it to stop, to freeze time or even better, go back to before all of this had happened, start over again. He wanted it to stop.
He wanted it to never stop.
Every word of hers had turned into coughs, her breath fitful, her hand, reaching for his, powerless. She collected all the strength left in her body to speak one more time.
“I love you.â€
He nodded, agreed, refused to believe what happened right in front of his eyes, took her hand in his, tried to understand why it had to be her.
“I love you, too.â€
She blinked. Once, twice. Smiled again. Tried to squeeze his hand for a last time before peacefully closing her eyes.
Only then did he realize what she had meant by saying it wasn't the time to sleep yet. Now that her chest had stopped moving, her body had stopped reacting to his hand reaching for her face was when he realized the truth.
It was all over.
It took him a long time to understand, to believe what had happened. Everyday he would sit at her grave, feeling empty, lost, alone.
He very well knew she wouldn't want this for him.
I wanted to go on some crazy adventures.
It echoed in his head as if she had said it yesterday. As if she was saying it right now.
I'm sorry we can't.
He got up, took a deep breath and turned around. Grieving hadn't changed anything in weeks and of course he knew it wouldn't. It was time to move forward for now.
Go on crazy adventures.
Grow old.
Watch his grandchildren grow up.
And then, when the journey eventually would come to an end, he'd return and tell her about all the things that had happened.
For all the cruel things life had to offer, there were wonderful ones. Be it the gifts of nature or the happiness people could give.
It had been a long journey.
He sat down in front of the neatly-maintained grave, gently stroking the letters inscribed into it, felt his body shake, felt the remaining strength he had leave him.
“I'm home.â€