Help/Support ► Unrequited love..

[Counter Shock]

So I recently moved cross country to live with this girl, some people might remember the topic I made.. Anyways we agreed to live as friends and see where that went, so far? It's been a fucking roller coaster. Some days it's amazing and we get along so well.. but one day her daughter had her phone out and I saw she's been texting about 4 diff guys at least.. kinda flirty, some almost sexting.. Needless to say it nearly devastated me.. I confront her about it, she says shes not ready for a relationship after what shes been through over her previous ex and that it wouldnt be fair to me or her...

She says once she's ready to date she wants to give me the chance... I'm really having a hard time believing her considering I keep finding out lies that she's told me via her phone and, oh yeah, her own goddamn family tells me. I feel if I left and went back to my home I could try and recoop and move on.. I leave for the marines in august anyways. but sense I leave in august I figure why not wait things out and stay her till I leave and see if anything changes? I honestly dont know what to do anymore.... I am in love with her, cant get her out of my head.. so by going home part of me would feel like im giving up.. But I'm starting to doubt that she will ever give me the chance she says she will.. any advice?

I feel beyond pathetic right now but just don't know what else to do....

 

[Solar]

I really think this is infatuation as opposed to love.

To me, love is when even when you're miserable from not being with someone you can still retain happiness from the very fact they exist, they are who they are, and that they are happy. Does she honestly make you smile without trying? Does she make your days worth it? Does she make you feel alive and well?

She seems very wishy-washy, what makes you think she hasn't said anything exactly like what she's said to any of those other guys? Even if she was in a relationship with you, do you think she would be faithful?

 

[Nyangoro]

To be perfectly honest, she seems like she needs quite a heavy dose of reality. I mean, she does realize that she asked you to travel across the country for this and then basically says "hmm, idk", right?

As for advice on what you should do, it doesn't seem like you have that many options. You could either stick with the current arrangement and hope for the best, or you could decide she isn't going to come around and go back home. You shouldn't really feel like the latter is "giving up", since she's kind of forcing your hand. You could confront her about it more, but if what you say about her is accurate, then she seems the type to go into a little protective cocoon whenever she hears something she doesn't want to.

 

[Taochan]

I feel like if you stay, she's just going to keep dicking you around and you're going to keep getting hurt.

 

[scubasteve]

spit in her oatmeal every morning

 

[Byakuya]

If you stick around and things don't go the way you want, you're going to regret it and reflect on it for a really long time. And personally, if someone has to lie to you all the time they either don't think you're mature enough to handle the truth or just plain don't respect you.

 

[Ophan]

i'm gonna agree with Steve on this one. Not to be an ass or anything, but if by chance you do end up leaving her, at least you have something bad ass to say beforehand

 

[Counter Shock]

I really think this is infatuation as opposed to love.

To me, love is when even when you're miserable from not being with someone you can still retain happiness from the very fact they exist, they are who they are, and that they are happy. Does she honestly make you smile without trying? Does she make your days worth it? Does she make you feel alive and well?

She seems very wishy-washy, what makes you think she hasn't said anything exactly like what she's said to any of those other guys? Even if she was in a relationship with you, do you think she would be faithful?​

It's love.. The way she is around me, I love everything about her. I gave up my family and friends to be out here in the middle of nowhere for her.


But after I got here, I found out another side to her.. She has insane debt, was trying to get me to open a bestbuy card sense her credit is shot, she's fucking obsessed with these two dudes she knows online, and doesnt think I know about that. she ditches me leaving me to watch her kid every other day while she goes to hang out with friends. and one night? she told me she had work but went on a freakin date instead...

And when I tell her im leaving? she tears up and is like, "so your just gonna leave me? you dont want to wait and see where things go because i'm having more and more feelings for you everyday" then she goes for the guilt card is is like "if you leave im fucked because i wont have anyone to watch my daughter while im at work at nights" which is true because her entire family hates her.

If you stick around and things don't go the way you want, you're going to regret it and reflect on it for a really long time. And personally, if someone has to lie to you all the time they either don't think you're mature enough to handle the truth or just plain don't respect you

exactly how i've been feeling.. i'm missing my sisters college graduation, my other sisters wedding, and my friend wanted me to be the best man in his wedding back home.. can't happen sense i'm here.. she doesnt know what i've given up, and I doubt she'll care tbh. she does know i left my life behind for her and that should mean something.. i've been here over a month and she still cant deside what she wants?

I guess I'm just scared of what will happen if I leave and I get back home.. If I can live with myself never knowing if I gave her enough time..
​

 

[Taochan]

It's love.. The way she is around me, I love everything about her. I gave up my family and friends to be out here in the middle of nowhere for her.


But after I got here, I found out another side to her.. She has insane debt, was trying to get me to open a bestbuy card sense her credit is shot, she's fucking obsessed with these two dudes she knows online, and doesnt think I know about that. she ditches me leaving me to watch her kid every other day while she goes to hang out with friends. and one night? she told me she had work but went on a freakin date instead...

And when I tell her im leaving? she tears up and is like, "so your just gonna leave me? you dont want to wait and see where things go because i'm having more and more feelings for you everyday" then she goes for the guilt card is is like "if you leave im fucked because i wont have anyone to watch my daughter while im at work at nights" which is true because her entire family hates her.



exactly how i've been feeling.. i'm missing my sisters college graduation, my other sisters wedding, and my friend wanted me to be the best man in his wedding back home.. can't happen sense i'm here.. she doesnt know what i've given up, and I doubt she'll care tbh. she does know i left my life behind for her and that should mean something.. i've been here over a month and she still cant deside what she wants?

I guess I'm just scared of what will happen if I leave and I get back home.. If I can live with myself never knowing if I gave her enough time..
[/INDENT]

Whoa. Everything you just said... go home dude. You're missing too many important events in your family and I hate to sound mean but I think she's just using you...

 

[Silver_Soul]

Leave her
there must be a reason her family doesnt like her...

 

[Solar]

Wow, I am utterly convinced you need to go. Please, just clear your thoughts of everything except for cold, hard, rationale.

But after I got here, I found out another side to her.. She has insane debt, was trying to get me to open a bestbuy card sense her credit is shot, she's freaking obsessed with these two dudes she knows online, and doesnt think I know about that. she ditches me leaving me to watch her kid every other day while she goes to hang out with friends. and one night? she told me she had work but went on a freakin date instead...

And when I tell her im leaving? she tears up and is like, "so your just gonna leave me? you dont want to wait and see where things go because i'm having more and more feelings for you everyday" then she goes for the guilt card is is like "if you leave im freaked because i wont have anyone to watch my daughter while im at work at nights" which is true because her entire family hates her.

You love this? You do? Is it healthy? If this is love, this is the first time in my life opposed to it. But I pity her daughter, though, you would be helping her out. A manipulative crazy bitch mother like that, it would be noble of you to help however you don't need to. You don't need her, you don't need this and I am absolutely sure you can live a happy life without this episode.

 

[Counter Shock]

^Do I love that side of her? no... I dont know which face to love.. considering she has two of them. I've grown attached to the kid.. I really have. but I'll be leaving in august and who knows what kind of guys her mother will be bringing into her life while im at bootcamp/ other deployments. the kid wont know who to call dad..

If she came home tonight and wanted to be together I would never be able to trust her.. no matter how much I love her... I do believe people can change which is why I came here and gave her the chance...

I should just blow this whole love shit off, go home, go into the marines and focus on myself for awhile.. I obviously dont respect myself enough if im willing to go through all of this and get nothing in return...

Thanks for the advice guys...... I can see shit getting VERY freaking hard once I leave.. I made her my world which was a huge mistake.. but I'll pull through somehow...

 

[Zero]

Ask her if she is ready to go deeper into a relationship with you, if she says idk, tell her what you did for her, everything you gave up and if she still doesnt say anything then leave man. Shes not worth it at all if shes doing all that to you, if you waste your time trying to figure her out then your gonna miss all these important and great experiences in your life. Sorry but its the truth.

 

[Counter Shock]

^mhm I've asked her. She says she's not ready yet.. it's funny how she's always told me that. even before I got here yet she dated other people sense then. I doubt she'll ever be "ready" to be with me at least. But right now what she says is I mean to much to her then to just be a rebound bf :/

 

[Zero]

he shouldn't have to ask her anything, she's an abusive bitch. pimp slap that mothfcuker

If he needs more convincing then he should ask her, if shes not ready after everything hes done but she still dates other guys then its 100% not worth it. Trust me if you waste your time on her and miss out on your life then your gonna wake up one day regretting all of it.

 

[scubasteve]

dude you leave for the marines by august you might as well just make her life a living heck! man do stuff like this to piss her off:

-bring puppy home
-introduce her baby to metal
-blare the fuck out of some torsofuck throughout that casa
-jizz on roof
-keep changing her desktop wallpaper on her comp
-give her hickey when she sleepign
-jizz on her clothes
-spit on her at times
-kiss baby on lips
-poop in baby diaper and throw it in sink

etc

 

[Counter Shock]

dude you leave for the marines by august you might as well just make her life a living heck! man do stuff like this to piss her off:

-bring puppy home
-introduce her baby to metal
-blare the fuck out of some torsofuck throughout that casa
-jizz on roof
-keep changing her desktop wallpaper on her comp
-give her hickey when she sleepign
-jizz on her clothes
-spit on her at times
-kiss baby on lips
-poop in baby diaper and throw it in sink

etc

Just laughed for the first time in days.. Thank you xD

Trust me if you waste your time on her and miss out on your life then your gonna wake up one day regretting all of it.

Odds are I will feel like that either way. Not much of a choice anymore though..

 

[Alaude Drenxta]

Seriously, you sound like you're mentally and emotionally attached to someone who is just trying to pull you to pieces.

Wise up man, try to actually think with your head, not your penis.

 

[Wehrmacht]

If you're going to the marines in August, it might not matter as much, but somehow I don't see this ending well.

I say give it another 2 months, and if no progress has been made, go home if you can. Either way once you go the Marines you should probably try and forget about her because it seems like she's just using you.

 

[Solar]

you could also always play hard to get

jus' sayin'