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Fanfiction ► Unnamed Story: Chapter One



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splatt

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Somewhere over the rainbow. (Kansas or rather...No
The mist swirled about the man’s feet as he passed through the path of the forest. The night was frigid yet the traveler took no notice. The moon hung overhead like a cold face staring down on the unkind world below it. Luckily, this happened to be an area of the world that did not yet feel the sharp pains of the Gathering, the stars still shown down from above without hindrances from any creature below. For that, the man was thankful.

One could hardly call him a man knowing he was barely older than sixteen, yet it would be impossible to suggest he was something else unless you knew him. Very few knew him and those that did certainly wished they did not. The very demeanor of the boy revealed a malicious mind inside the creature. There just wasn’t something completely right about him, completely whole. He looked over his shoulder for a moment and saw nothing, yet everything. There is much to explain.

The man was covered in a tightly bundled black overcoat. The coat had been drawn together with tight lengths of rope and padding so it wouldn’t betray him with sound. His coal boots had also been modified such. On the sole there were several layers of soft fabric that muffled his footsteps, despite his already extremely light feet. Over his head was draped the shadow-like hood of the coat he wore. All that could be seen of the owner of the figure was a long length of silvery hair that fell from inside the coat. On his back was a great hunch that gave the man a crippled look and every now and then, when he made an awkward motion, a black feather fell from the base of the overcoat.

It was hard to describe the area he walked in as a forest. It had certainly been one at a time, but now the remains of the once splendid land was being erased by a cruel vermin that felt little remorse of the elder pines. The sight of the newly erected dwellings sickened the man as he past them, leaving him pondering the thought of setting them ablaze for the owners’ treachery of all that nature had given them. He found a deep hate and loathing for these soft, pudgy creatures and their habits. He had once embraced their kind until they had revealed themselves to be such traitors. As the man passed one of the gentle trees that still stood, he stopped, momentarily and examined the wounds that had been inflicted upon it despite it had been overlooked by harsh blades.

Pulling a bare hand from his sleeve, the man revealed a pale set of digits that he approached the bark of the tree with. Gently, he pressed the warm palm to the trunk of the injured giant and breathed in deeply. Something lit up in the man’s eyes and their brilliant blue shown out, almost glowing themselves. He breathed outward, an ancient language spilling from his tongue as the wind blew past him, lifting the lock of white hair into the air in front of him. His palm began to glow gently and soon the whole tree joined in the show of light. A groan spilled from the traveler that was echoed by the tree.

Clutching his hand as though it had been burned, the man bent over as the glow on his hand turned fire red and the glow of the tree slowly faded. The man sighed deeply and looked up at the tree, his eyes still glowing. Remarkably, the tree’s wounds had sealed themselves, leaving on the sap that had leaked from it to show that they had ever been there. Even the limb that had broken from some child’s frolicking had been restored. A smile flickered into sight under the hood, reflecting the red light from the man’s hand and giving his teeth a vampirism aura. The traveler appeared to have four canines too many, but he hardly noticed nor cared. The deed had been done and slowly, the glow and pain of his hand faded.

The traveler slowly let himself stand upright again, removing his hood to wipe a sweaty brow. Long strands of the silvery hair flowed along his body, flowing over the hunch in his back and coming to rest halfway down. His pale face almost gave off sheen of its own in the night, reflecting his strange heritage. From his face alone, the man looked like a human, yet there was something about the configuration that made him different.

The most striking of features about the stranger were his almost inhuman eyes. They looked as though the moon had fallen into the ocean, leaving the brilliant display of color splashed upon the only way to capture the scene the being had. The brilliant blue of his eyes also held a powerful paleness to them that was amplified even more by the full moon in the air. Another thing about the man were his cheekbones, placed oddly high. This did not make him look strange, in fact it made him appear handsome, yet left him with a demeanor that would either coax people into giving him a second glance, or simply scurrying away at the sight of him. His nose was a small and rather pointed protrusion of the skin place perfectly between his fascinating eyes and thin mouth.

At the moment, a true smile was on the travelers face and his eyes had a sympathetic joy about them. He felt the pulse of the tree return to full life, as its injuries no longer brought about the cold that had ailed it. The man approached the tree again and patted it fondly before turning away, not bothering to don his hood again. The hate in his heart had been momentarily quenched by the task of something meaningful. All around him he still felt the suffering of nature, yet it brought him no mean satisfaction that he had helped to relieve at least one creature, knowing that he was far too weak to aid the others.

Touching the presence of nature as he moved, the traveler stopped suddenly. His blue eyes had widened into perfect circles, much like a bird’s. Something near him had startled him. A fowl word flew from his mouth in his own language and he looked around. Something wasn’t right. His fair head turned left and right, but something was blocking his sight. Then, everything went completely still, leaving only the rustle of leaves to be heard as the wind dragged them across stones and stumps.

Without waiting to see what it was, the stranger set off at a great speed, feeling the presence begin to move again. But the thing or things wasn’t near fast enough to compete with the blur that became the man’s legs. In a matter of seconds, the man had left the dwellings behind him, allowing him to stop for a moment. Unsure of what was happening, he looked around for a moment, surveying the vast countryside that had opened up before him. He looked at what lay beyond the edge of the Old Forest for only a second before something burst from the bushes beyond the path.

Two watchmen stood, their pikes out and flashing in front of him, blocking his path. They said in their rough language, “Halt! Who be-“ before the man cut himself off. Glancing from the man’s face and then to his partner, the weathered guard said, “Maud, isn’t he a Guntlam?”

Without giving them a chance to continue the conversation, the man drew a small dirk with a brilliant flash. The sapphire weapon was quickly stained the color of rubies as blood from the guard’s throats flowed over it. The action had been so swift and fluid that neither of the men had a chance to conclude they were dead. A sick gurgling was the only noise from the bodies. They hadn’t even moaned in pain. The stranger stood over their fallen bodies, a mixture of hate for the creatures, yet also pity at the loss of life. Knowing he had tarried too long, the boy sheathed the sapphire dirk and made to continue on the path before he heard a great cry, “Stop, Guntlam! You’ve done it, now! Killing a human would have you slain if your breed wasn’t so rare!”

Without turning to count the approaching men, the stranger that was called a Guntlam removed his hands from his sleeves. Pointing his palms outward, the Guntlam and the men alike watched as milky white blades cut through his palms, pushing themselves out. The blades slid out in a fluid motion, greased by the traveler’s own blood. As the traveler turned to face the soldiers, the other men felt a chill befall them, causing them to knock arrows into their bows despite their orders. The obvious leader lifted his bow giving consent to the others to do the same, and said in a shakier voice than before, “Don’t do that! We don’t want to hurt you, Guntlam…”

The traveler slowly lifted his face to the soldiers, giving them a cold stare that displayed his hate for their race. That would be all the soldiers needed to decide what to do with their bows. With a uniform twang eight arrows sang their way towards the stranger. With a flick of his wrist, though, the stranger parried the arrows with sickening cracks of the metal heads on the bone blades and finally the hard thud as each arrowhead found its way to the ground at the Guntlam’s feet.

Greatly perturbed by the stranger’s speed, the soldiers quickly reknocked their bows and lifted them again, pulling them the full length of their strings. As if with melded minds, the soldiers released the arrows in uniform without word from each other. Again, the stranger flicked his wrist as his swords that remained attached to his arms like a freakish extension passed through the air. Instead of falling to the ground, though, the arrowheads never fell, greatly confusing their masters. It took a moment for the soldiers to notice the arrowheads, pierced and shafted onto the sword like a great metal and bone shish kabob.

Before the soldiers had time to react, though, the stranger went into and elegant twirl, turning suddenly violent and pointing his arms outright at the perfect moment when he stopped. With a cruel and unnoticeable speed, the arrowheads flew from the end of the cold bone and perfectly into the chests of the unprotected soldiers. The once innocent-looking stranger shown in a new light for the men as the lights of their lives were extinguished in as much uniform as they had fired the arrows. They could merely clutch their chests in pain as they sunk to the ground, groans slowly dying away as they did. No blood spilled from their bodies as they fell limp to the ground, the wounds having been cauterized from the mere friction of the speeding arrowheads.

Without taking a moment to look behind him at the pain on the men’s faces, knowing they were dead, the stranger walked away coldly. He retracted the milky white bones into his palms that seemed to seal without consent of their master. The wind seemed suddenly gone as the stranger walked away, into the night. The only sound that remained was the soft pitter-patter of blood droplets that fell from the traveler’s fingertips.
 
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Monkey

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Wow splatt, havnt seen you for awhile.

Very very well written. o.o Your main character looks very mysterious and interesting and I wanna find out more!
 

Daniel Faraday

you fucking...FUCK
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Less telling, more showing. This is all happening, and yet Guntlam feels absolutly nothing about any of it...?

It's well written, of course (especially the bit about a wound being cauterized by an arrow, nice :3), but the character himself is your biggest hinderance. He's just this thing that hates and kills, and feels compassion for trees. He's just really...empty.

I suggest taking this, and then fixing Mr. Guntlam up a bit.

~Dorian Gray
 

splatt

Bronze Member
Joined
Mar 28, 2005
Messages
1,127
Location
Somewhere over the rainbow. (Kansas or rather...No
lol. The reason I didn't expand on him as much is because he isn't the main character. I designed the first chapter to grab the reader's attention. Get them hooked, basically. I admit, I am working on sprucing it up because I think it's short, but I don't want to get too detailed on the Guntlam, yet. Still, the people should get what they want. I'll expand on him a little more. Thanks though. All comments and suggestions are greatly, greatly appreciated!
(I've never written a story before... ~^^~)


EDIT: Here's a little sampler of Chapter Two.

The branch bent as Canton swung under it, skipping up to the next one in the tall oak. The cool, rough feeling of the branch passed through his hand like water making his motions fluid. Such coordination and experience had taken Canton years and years of practice, but it was essential if one was to survive. His own hands had been toughened with the years of practice, leaving thick calluses on his fingertips and palms where the skin had been torn years back. His lifestyle had made him what he was today. He was strong and athletic, the very image of his age. His people, the humans, where fairly new to this land, having been forced to leave their elder one because of repressive tyrants.

Canton was a boy at the age of 15, but he was already responsible for many of the chores in his household. Having only his father and an elder brother, Canton was often looked upon for many things as his brother slowly removed himself from the family to become a man. For many a year he was left on his own as both his father and brother were forced to go with the other elder males of his village to work in the timber fields, removing ancient trees that had been occupying the land for many years. Many things about his life had become complicated as their new land formed of purely refugees developed the only form of government it knew, a tyranny.

Canton himself was rather average height while his build bordered muscular. He wore a faded green vest with pants that had been browned with many years of working the dirt. Despite his constant growing, Canton hardly ever received new clothes.

Life had not been good for Canton and his family. The great migration of refugees had purged his life of his mother and youngest sister. Both had fallen on the long trek when Canton had been only five. The boy knew little of his homeland except what he had seen in elegant paintings depicting beautiful mountains and long flowing fields. Not many of the paintings had survived the passage into this fresh, new land. Canton and his village saw this place as a grand area for opportunity. Still, life had been extremely hard. There were some things about the land that refused to yield to the newcomers. As a result, the humans had begun hunting down the resistance, becoming the very tyrants they had hoped to escape.

Canton knew little of this. All that was in his mind right now what the buck passing swiftly on the forest floor. The only way that he was able to keep up with the creature was through his swift motions in the trees. Even with these, Canton found it very difficult to match the animal’s pace. He knew it was foolish to think he could bring down the buck now that it had noticed him, but some instinct in him forced him to continue. He could not let food get away. Not this time.

With a swift flip, he propped himself against and trunk of a thick birch and quickly pulled out the yew bow he had strung only an hour beforehand. With a swift and powerful motion, he knocked an arrow and drew it back, bringing the string of the bow to his ear. The buck stopped, too stupid to realize that just because it wasn’t being pursued anymore didn’t mean it was out of danger. It looked back at him apprehensively, watching his every movement with scrutiny. Canton knew he couldn’t mess up now or it could cost him the needed meat. With great patience, he took aim. This arrow had never failed him before and he knew where to point it so it would dive into the beast’s breast. He could almost hear the deep thumping of the woodland creature’s heart as it watched him. Canton could take the deer down. Now… Now… NOW!

Canton was half a second away from releasing the string when there was a sudden lurch, causing him to be thrown backwards. The arrow flew into the sky, never to be seen again as its master quickly lost its balance. It was only then that Canton realized that he really did hear a heartbeat. Moments from falling, a huge, thick, club-like branch surged upwards from the birch, nailing him in the back and tossing him forwards, out of the tree.

His stomach took on that fluttery feeling as gravity called him back to the crust of the earth. Apparently, nature wasn’t finished with him, though. His chest plowed into an oncoming branch, causing him to flip backwards again only to meet yet another branch. He hung on the branch for a moment and then was suddenly lifted as the tree decided to mess with him a little more. He was nothing but a rag doll as he was tossed up and slammed back down into the ground. At the last moment, a thick, knotted root pushed itself up out of the ground becoming a painful weapon against Canton's head. With a terrible crack, Canton's sight faded away as the red film of blood slowly seeped down his forehead and covered his right eye.
 
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