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Fanfiction ► unheard whispers



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Gildragon

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Re: unheard whispers [chapter 5 out on the 24th!]

k so...

finished chapter 4

I'm made that glass breaking scene as a dream

it seemed way to awkward to fit as an actual event.


I'm not sure I like the Reveal of Sora being gay...at least that way you do it...not that it was poorly done, the writing was different. but while you were going for awkward I think many more awkward situations could have happened.

like still have them have dinner but it be in a crowded restaurant. or something


personally I've never been a supporter of this pairing (past a friends level anyways), or yaoi in general..., but I promise not to rain on your parade. and I think your chapter 5 will be good
 

Annoyance

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Re: unheard whispers [chapter 5 out on the 24th!]

k so...

finished chapter 4

I'm made that glass breaking scene as a dream

it seemed way to awkward to fit as an actual event.
You're correct. Yeah it's supposed to be over the top.

I'm not sure I like the Reveal of Sora being gay...at least that way you do it...not that it was poorly done, the writing was different. but while you were going for awkward I think many more awkward situations could have happened.

like still have them have dinner but it be in a crowded restaurant. or something

personally I've never been a supporter of this pairing (past a friends level anyways), or yaoi in general..., but I promise not to rain on your parade. and I think your chapter 5 will be good
... I'm surprised I never thought of the restaurant thing... aaaah that could have been so much more interesting.

and yeah, sorry. but chapter 5 may have a bit more... issues with you. but hopefully you won't mind.
 

Gildragon

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Re: unheard whispers [chapter 5 out on the 24th!]

^ as I said I told you I'd give a review so you have nothing to worry about


I mean

I was able to sit through the yaoi that was written about me so this shouldn't be a problem
 

Annoyance

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Re: unheard whispers [chapter 5 out on the 24th!]

^ as I said I told you I'd give a review so you have nothing to worry about


I mean

I was able to sit through the yaoi that was written about me so this shouldn't be a problem
Well, I'll say this:

There will be no sex scene.
 

Nyangoro

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Re: unheard whispers [chapter 5 out on the 24th!]

So yeah, finished all four chapters now. Aside from just general things that could be done to improve the writing (mostly regarding conciseness and dialog), it's not that bad.

Though, I must say that the 4th chapters seemed to take a downhill in terms of quality. Particularly with Kairi's father's accusation and Sora's coming out of the closet. It felt very forced and unnatural. This is likely more a problem of structure than the actual contents of the scene.
 

Annoyance

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Re: unheard whispers [chapter 5 out on the 24th!]

So yeah, finished all four chapters now. Aside from just general things that could be done to improve the writing (mostly regarding conciseness and dialog), it's not that bad.

Though, I must say that the 4th chapters seemed to take a downhill in terms of quality. Particularly with Kairi's father's accusation and Sora's coming out of the closet. It felt very forced and unnatural. This is likely more a problem of structure than the actual contents of the scene.

Well, thank you. I noticed that as well with the 4th chapter. To be honest I just want this thing to be done and the 4th chapter also hasn't had 3 some odd years of looking at it and rewriting it 20,000 times.
 

Annoyance

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Re: unheard whispers [chapter 5 out on the 24th!]

NOTE: THIS IS NOT 100% DONE. I WAS ON MY FRIEND'S MAC THAT STILL HAD THIS ON THERE AND I POSTED IT SINCE I PROMISED THIS IN LIKE, fcukIN' JULY. I'M REALLY SORRY FOR THE DELAY... REALLY REALLY REALLY SORRY. IF YOU SEE ANY MISTAKES LET ME KNOW.

Alright. There is absolutely no excuse for why this has taken this long else than I was extremely distracted and uninspired. I've started so many projects, done so much but all the while whenever I see the notebook I use to write this in... I just push it to the next day.

BUT NO MORE. I'm going to do this. I want this story done, Sora and Riku deserve to have their story told and I can't let my procrastination get in the way of that. HMPH.

I know some of you guys are really excited for this. Or hey, you probably forgot about me already. Regardless, I'm going to save what I've been doing for the end of this.

ALSO. I'm going to be looking through the past couple chapters to just make sure everything's perfect. When this is over, it will be over and I won't go back to it. So hopefully I don't miss anything. Thank you for sticking around this far.

Disclaimer: I don't own the characters or the game. They're property of their owners.

--------------


chapter 5
you.


Sora ran way over his limit that night. Paddling his way to the island didn't help much, either. Once he hit the shore of his childhood stomping ground, he felt relief but still a pit in his stomach that made him feel nauseous. He got to the beach and the pit rumbled and rose in his stomach. The teen dropped to his knees and threw up most of what he ate at the dinner that night onto the pure white sand. (1)

The boy wiped his mouth as he swiftly walked to the spring near the secret cave to wash his face and hands in attempt to get the sickening taste out of his mouth. His only thought was that he was thankful no one saw him in this state and dared to follow him.

The island looked just as it had when they were children and he regretted not really visiting it for the past two years. He lay down by the shore and put his hands behind his head and stared at the stars above him. A beatiful moon hung gracefully in the sky. The oceans tide shifted back and forth. Everything on the island seemed to be there just to try and help Sora calm his nerves.

What a messed up day...

Sora figured this was probably the worst day of his life. Sora had never felt like this before, nor had he had this many things go wrong in one single day.

Is this what I felt this morning? Some surprise, huh.

The thoughts of everyone rejecting him, Riku never even looking at him again, always repulsed by his old friend. Kairi crying, never able to speak to a freak like him. The only gay kid in school, walking the halls alone after the truth and rumors spreads. His parents probably hate him now, too.

Everything still brought him back to Riku.

Sora thought of Riku for a long while. He couldn't help but smile, thinking of Riku's laugh, his smile. Sora even chuckled a little at the thought of their last argument over something so stupid he couldn't even remember what the topic even was. The boy longed to feel what he felt around Riku; he couldn't really define it with a direct word, though. He just felt right with him and that's all he knew.

He wished he was more honest with his best friend.

Frustrated, he thrust his shoulders upwards and sat there staring at the ocean. "Why am I doing this to myself," he asked aloud and put his hands over his face. His sights shifted to the moon and he shot up and screamed, "Why couldn't I be 'normal'?! Huh?!" he questioned his white glowing friend. He gritted his teeth and dropped his head as more tears fell.

The sound of feet walking through sand came to Sora's ears and he panicked. He was sure no one followed him!

Not looking and harshly wiping his eyes, he blurted out, "I'm sorry!" He quietly cursed at the sound of his voice, a dead give away that he was crying along with his shaking.

And then, he heard Riku's voice.

"Sorry? What'd you do now? You crying, Sora? You big baby, what's wrong now?"

His heart leaped and his eyes widened as he spun around to see Riku standing tall, barefoot with a smirk on his face. Although once Riku saw the saddened look on Sora's face, his smile lowered. He's rarely ever seen Sora without a smile.

The boy hoped this was another daydream this time; he didn't want to lose Riku that night, too.

"Sora. What's up? Say something."

Sora didn't realize he was blanking out and quickly snapped out of his daze. He quietly apologized with a forced smile and Riku walked to the spot next to Sora and sat down with a blank expression, looking out into the ocean.

"Well?" He didn't look up at Sora and continued staring.

"Well... what?" Sora asked while he sat down.

"What the hell's bothering you enough to cry and give me a fake smile about? Something happened at the dinner, I know you, too well. Go."

Sora frowned and looked away. He muttered, "I... don't know where to start."

"Stop stalling..."

Riku nudged Sora to make the boy look at him. Feeling too uncomfortable with Sora's expression, he quickly looked back at the ocean and simply said, "Try."

Sora couldn't think of anything else to say.

After minutes of awkward silence, he finally broke and said, "I've been lying to you."

"About what?"

"Everything."

Interest peaked, Riku finally looked at Sora again. "What, though?"

"Riku... I-... God, how do I even start!"

"Just spit it out. What do you have to lose?"

Sora's eyes widened at Riku's choice of words and unintentionally yelled, "You!"

"Sora..."

"I came out at the dinner... and ran," Sora drooped his shoulders and wrapped his arms around his knees. He hid his face inbetween them, not moving.

"Came out? You mean...?"


"You know what I mean... I... I like guys." His face was most likely bright red. Riku couldn't tell but figured it so.

Riku stared at his friend for a long time, not saying anything. He was amazed, almost angry that his friend was able to do something so brave. He figured Sora was lying to himself about Kairi but he felt annoyed that he didn't even figure out Sora was actually attracted to men.

And then his last thought actually stuck; Sora likes guys.

Sora continued, not noticing Riku's expression, "Everything with Kairi was a lie and I'm sorry, Riku! I should have told you. I'm sorry! I'm really, really sorry..."

"I thought something was weird about you two." Riku tried to hide his expression. The fact that Sora has been telling Kairi all of his deepest secrets but only giving Riku the scraps... He sighed in annoyance, trying not to cause a scene over something so small.

They sat there for a long while, the only noise was the ocean's waves crashing and sloshing along the beach. Riku thought of many snarky comments to break the silence but none of them seemed appropriate and he frowned.

"I just wanted to not be the town freak and... her parents just sort of... forced us to stay together after the first date. I should have told you... I thought you'd hate me."

"Hold on. Why the hell would I hate you?"

Sora's head popped up out of hiding, eyes wet and droopy. He finally smiled and loudly cried, "Really?" The boy couldn't help but lean in.

"Yes, dummy," Riku shoved Sora's face back, smiling. Sora couldn't help but grin at Riku.

"I'm so glad you said that."

"You're an idiot," Riku laughed.

"Hey!" Sora pouted and shoved his hand on Riku's shoulder. Riku just laughed harder, not moving an inch. He turned and pushed his younger friend down with an easy shove. Sora laid on the beach sand laughing, the smile hurting his cheeks. Riku looked at the boy laying there and couldn't stop himself from moving towards him on all fours.

Riku finally laid down next to his friend and stared at him for a long time. He finally reached his hand up to brush away the stray tears still clinging onto Sora's cheeks gently.

The older boy chuckled at his correct guess from earlier about the boy's color; Sora was rose red and gleamed in the moon's light.

"You're such a freaking idiot, Sora," he repeated getting back up.

Sora retorted, "Hey! Who asked y--." He stopped as Riku pushed him back down and got on top of him. Riku pinned Sora's wrists to the ground before he could resist. He couldn't see his friend's eyes behind his curtain of hair but his lips were moving closer to Sora's.

"I'm an even bigger one, though," he murmured, smirking at the boy's expression.

"Riku... what are you doi--."

Riku's lips pressed against Sora's harshly and pressed Sora's head back into the sand. His lips were a softer than Sora imagined. At first, he didn't really comprehend what was happening but he felt a surge through his body that felt like an awakening. He pushed his lips into Riku's willingly and his lips parted after feeling something wet slide along them.

Their tongues danced along together for a long time and their breathing became heavy and the boys' hands traveled all over each other's bodies in desperation and relief. Riku's lips began to run along other places of interest and he grinded himself into Sora's body as he shoved his mouth back onto his friend's. As their hips met roughly underneath their clothing, their privates met causing them to moan into each other's mouths in ecstasy.

The older bit into Sora's neck tenderly making Sora choke out another small breath of pleasure. While his teeth were still on the nook of the boy's neck, Sora could feel Riku's lips curl into a smirk. Riku was satisfied with himself that he found a good spot on his first try.

"R-Riku..." Sora called out Riku's name softly. It took a bit for Riku to realize it wasn't out of pleasure, but to call to his attention.

"Hm?"

"Does this mean that you...?"

Riku grinned and laughed for the first time in a while, "God, you're an idiot. Yes, Sora."

Sora sweetly smiled at his best friend and the last tear slipped out of his eyes as their lips met again. He couldn't help but smile against Riku's lips.

All in all, it wasn't that bad of a day.

-------

Alright. I did it. unheard whispers is now finished(ish). Granted, I still have some parts of the previous chapters to fix but other than that, the general story is now finished. After what I believe to be 3 years, it's finished. I'm so glad all of you stuck around with me and were patient enough to read it and wait for me to get off my ass and actually work on it. I'm so sorry it took this long but I'm grateful. Thank you so much.

If you have any issues with ANYTHING that should be fixed, please let me know. I'm still working on this.

Now, there's honestly no excuse for why this took so long. A lot's happened sure, but the fact that I ignored it because of all this really is bad. Again, I'm sorry.

I'd like to thank Roa and Gildragon for proofreading this chapter for me and everyone else who's been kind enough to yell at me about whatever mistakes I make. Thank soooo freaking much.

And another apology for the romance scene. That was the first one I've ever written that I wasn't ashamed of. But I'm still really nervous about it. ._.

SIDE NOTES.
(1) YEAH. I KNOW IT'S GROSS. It happens when you run more than you should especially after eating a ton of food like Sora did and with how stressed out he was... yeah, I felt it was needed. In other news, I haven't thrown up in a while. Can you tell?

Thank you for reading. Please leave a comment. I'm not entirely sure if I'm going to continue this because it's been so freaking long since I've written ANYTHING... but yeah. Hope for it, I guess.
 
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Evello

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Re: unheard whispers [chapter 5 is OUT NOW!]

The last chapter was pretty good. I'm not a fan of yaoi, so I skipped most of the make-out scene, but I read the rest. Since you asked to point out any errors, I figured I should bring a couple up.

Sora figured this was probably the worst day of his life. Sora had never felt like this before, nor has he had this many things go wrong in one single day.
@ underlined: I believe it should be 'had'

"Hold on. Why the hell would I hate you?"

You forgot the / in the italics tag.

Sora sweetly smiled at his best friendand the last tear slipped out of his eyes as their lips met again. He couldn't help but smile against Riku's lips.
You were missing the red 'and'.

Otherwise, I thought it was pretty descriptive, and it flowed very smoothly.
 

Annoyance

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Re: unheard whispers [chapter 5 is OUT NOW!]

Thanks, Ragnell. I'm really worried about the 5th chapter so it helps. The love scene still needs more work I feel but I'm not sure, you know? ;~;
 

KingdomKey

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Re: unheard whispers [chapter 5 is OUT NOW!]

Actually I thought the love scene was good :) It's not to much or too little. But that's just me :)

But it is Fantastic! I love reading it and it was really funny in some parts :) So happy how the story turned out. Think I'm going to reread it again, it was just that good =)
 

Annoyance

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Re: unheard whispers [chapter 5 is OUT NOW!]

Actually I thought the love scene was good :) It's not to much or too little. But that's just me :)

But it is Fantastic! I love reading it and it was really funny in some parts :) So happy how the story turned out. Think I'm going to reread it again, it was just that good =)

Thank you so much~! <333

I'm glad you loved it. If you can point anything out that doesn't look right to you, though, be sure to tell me, alright? The 5th chapter needs a lot of work but I honestly just wanted to release it considering I kept people waiting for 3 months or so... hell, for some readers, YEARS. ._.


UPDATE: I MESSED AROUND WITH THE LOVE SCENE A BIT GUYS. :D
 
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