So I'll just start. I became 20 two weeks ago. I came out to my parents a three weeks ago. It was the 15th of April, two weeks before my birthday. I did it because I got more and more tired of having to hide my real self and pretend I will ever have a girlfriend or marry a woman, which is something that is very important to my parents because of our culture (we are Turkish and Muslims). So I gathered my parents, my sister and her fiancee, and my older brother and his wife one evening to have some support. Everyone outside of my parents already knew and were supportive when I came out to them individually, so I am really happy that one part of my family supports me. I also wanted to get it out because my parents have been really awful to me because of my bad grades, which were a result of a depressive phase, and they kept bugging me about telling them my "problems".
Anyway, I was anxious the whole day and couldn't get it out. It felt like chains were all around my throat, I couldn't get the words out. Then I just gathered up my courage and said it. Their reaction was extremely mild at first. My mom said that being gay is not a huge deal, because after all "it happens to all boys" and "every boy thinks he is gay at one point". She said once I met a girl I like and I fell in love with her it would simply go away. She basically said that it was just a phase. My dad is the one I was really scared of the whole time, because he is extremely unstable, emotionally and he tends to be very extreme. I honestly don't remember his exact reaction. I think he was the one who reacted the least, my mom said many more things.
Anyway, they basically acted like it didn't happen that evening and said it would go away.
Next morning, my dad woke me up by banging on my door like a lunatic. He wanted to me "spend time with him" and we went grocery shopping. He didn't talk about my coming out the whole time until we made our way home. Then it started. I am just going to quote some things he said. It is awful and atrocious. I figured I should put a trigger warning here. This post deals with homophobia/queerphobia, toxic family, abusive parents, and probably more topics that I can't think of right now. So why am I even posting this story? Honestly, I don't know. I just want to inform others of problems that can come with coming out, especially when it's a toxic religious household.
And much more which I probably don't remember. Anyway, as it got darker outside it kept getting worse. He tried to take my phone away because he said something I saw on the internet must have traumatised me and made me gay. Then he said someone made me gay when I was a child and he would try to find that man. He told me many times that he didn't want a gay boy living in his house. And he kept saying these bad things. He then said he would break my door so I could never close the door to my room again.
So as the evening came, we would have gotten guests and I was just sick of it. I packed some things and I was going to co to another county in Austria, to my ex-boyfriend. He was the only person that came to my mind and I asked my brother to drive me to the station so I could hop on a train and stay there for a few days. He wouldn't let me, he said that he would pick me up and I was going to stay at his place. So I snuck out the door because I didn't want my dad to know. I love my mom, so I told her i'm leaving. I said bye to my sister and her fiancee too, right before I way going to close the door my dad came. He asked me if I was finally leaving, and I said "dad, just go to the living room", because I didn't want to talk to him. He responded "don't call me dad anymore"
When I got there, one of the first things his wife asked me was "how long will this take and what are you going to do after you leave here?" which in my mind was basically like her saying "stay, but you need to leave", which just made me feel really uncomfortable and unwanted there. I was also severly allergic to their home (I am extremely sensitive and allergic to house dust mites), so my entire stay there just wasn't good at all and I didn't want to be there. The next day, my dad kept texting me long homophobic messages in the vain of the sentences above. My mom sent me a picture of my room and said "every time I pass your room and see how empty it looks without you, I have to cry. I can't do this anymore", which made me really fucking sad. I felt like it was my fault that she got sad and had to hurt. My sister told me that my dad didn't sleep all night and that he cried, a lot. She said it wasn't even crying anymore, but more like howling and that she never saw him like this. He then called my brother, and I have no clue what they talked about, because nobody told me.
Then in the afternoon, my brother wanted to go to Vienna (his wife and he also live in a different county, I live in Vienna) to eat something with our other brother. Once we ate, they drove me home. They wanted me to go home and talk to my parents. My brother said that my dad cried when they were calling and that he wanted me to come back. My mom then texted me as well and told me that my dad will never say anything about me being gay again. I didn't want to go back. But my brothers wouldn't let me go and I was basically forced to go home. Once there, they literally acted like nothing happened. Nobody said ANYTHING about the entire topic and I felt like throwing up. I felt like I was going insane. I then said if they really want me to come back, then they need to apologize for what they said and promise me that they accept me the way I am, which they agreed to. So I was back, like nothing happened. It felt weird.
Anyways, a few days pass without any mention of me being gay. But not it started again. It has been going on for a few days, but my dad KEEPS saying homophobic things. He says he will set me straight, he will find whoever made me gay and make him pay for it, he says that I need to stop calling myself gay and I need to stop with all this "gay stuff". And it happens every single day. Today it got worse again, I was sitting next to him and we had guests over. He said I just need a girlfriend, and I will never be gay again, he said I should stop with the gay shit, basically everything he always says. So I snapped, I just couldn't control myself. I hate being dictated and robbed of my freedom and especially in front of others. So I grabbed his arm very tightly, I basically pinched his arm, and said "I am so sick of you, stop saying these fucking things, we are not alone". And he just said "so what?", but stopped talking about it.
I feel trapped. I feel like shit. I feel awful. I feel like I will never be able to be myself. My parents are STILL talking about girls, girlfriends, marriage, and me making a baby. I am so tired of everything. At the same time, they won't let me move out and I don't have the money (or a job) anyhow.
So yeah, that was my coming out. I honestly don't know why I am posting this - I need to vent.
Thank you for reading.
Anyway, I was anxious the whole day and couldn't get it out. It felt like chains were all around my throat, I couldn't get the words out. Then I just gathered up my courage and said it. Their reaction was extremely mild at first. My mom said that being gay is not a huge deal, because after all "it happens to all boys" and "every boy thinks he is gay at one point". She said once I met a girl I like and I fell in love with her it would simply go away. She basically said that it was just a phase. My dad is the one I was really scared of the whole time, because he is extremely unstable, emotionally and he tends to be very extreme. I honestly don't remember his exact reaction. I think he was the one who reacted the least, my mom said many more things.
Anyway, they basically acted like it didn't happen that evening and said it would go away.
Next morning, my dad woke me up by banging on my door like a lunatic. He wanted to me "spend time with him" and we went grocery shopping. He didn't talk about my coming out the whole time until we made our way home. Then it started. I am just going to quote some things he said. It is awful and atrocious. I figured I should put a trigger warning here. This post deals with homophobia/queerphobia, toxic family, abusive parents, and probably more topics that I can't think of right now. So why am I even posting this story? Honestly, I don't know. I just want to inform others of problems that can come with coming out, especially when it's a toxic religious household.
Spoiler Show
"Gay people like you will never get a funeral."
"Even the word "gay" is worse than being called a piece of shit"
"If you're really gay you should be cut up like minced meat"
"I am never going to live in a house with a f*ggot"
"At this rate, either you are going to kill me or I am going to kill you"
"Gay men are the first ones who will go to hell"
"I will send you to a conversion therapy and pray that you won't be gay"
And much more which I probably don't remember. Anyway, as it got darker outside it kept getting worse. He tried to take my phone away because he said something I saw on the internet must have traumatised me and made me gay. Then he said someone made me gay when I was a child and he would try to find that man. He told me many times that he didn't want a gay boy living in his house. And he kept saying these bad things. He then said he would break my door so I could never close the door to my room again.
So as the evening came, we would have gotten guests and I was just sick of it. I packed some things and I was going to co to another county in Austria, to my ex-boyfriend. He was the only person that came to my mind and I asked my brother to drive me to the station so I could hop on a train and stay there for a few days. He wouldn't let me, he said that he would pick me up and I was going to stay at his place. So I snuck out the door because I didn't want my dad to know. I love my mom, so I told her i'm leaving. I said bye to my sister and her fiancee too, right before I way going to close the door my dad came. He asked me if I was finally leaving, and I said "dad, just go to the living room", because I didn't want to talk to him. He responded "don't call me dad anymore"
When I got there, one of the first things his wife asked me was "how long will this take and what are you going to do after you leave here?" which in my mind was basically like her saying "stay, but you need to leave", which just made me feel really uncomfortable and unwanted there. I was also severly allergic to their home (I am extremely sensitive and allergic to house dust mites), so my entire stay there just wasn't good at all and I didn't want to be there. The next day, my dad kept texting me long homophobic messages in the vain of the sentences above. My mom sent me a picture of my room and said "every time I pass your room and see how empty it looks without you, I have to cry. I can't do this anymore", which made me really fucking sad. I felt like it was my fault that she got sad and had to hurt. My sister told me that my dad didn't sleep all night and that he cried, a lot. She said it wasn't even crying anymore, but more like howling and that she never saw him like this. He then called my brother, and I have no clue what they talked about, because nobody told me.
Then in the afternoon, my brother wanted to go to Vienna (his wife and he also live in a different county, I live in Vienna) to eat something with our other brother. Once we ate, they drove me home. They wanted me to go home and talk to my parents. My brother said that my dad cried when they were calling and that he wanted me to come back. My mom then texted me as well and told me that my dad will never say anything about me being gay again. I didn't want to go back. But my brothers wouldn't let me go and I was basically forced to go home. Once there, they literally acted like nothing happened. Nobody said ANYTHING about the entire topic and I felt like throwing up. I felt like I was going insane. I then said if they really want me to come back, then they need to apologize for what they said and promise me that they accept me the way I am, which they agreed to. So I was back, like nothing happened. It felt weird.
Anyways, a few days pass without any mention of me being gay. But not it started again. It has been going on for a few days, but my dad KEEPS saying homophobic things. He says he will set me straight, he will find whoever made me gay and make him pay for it, he says that I need to stop calling myself gay and I need to stop with all this "gay stuff". And it happens every single day. Today it got worse again, I was sitting next to him and we had guests over. He said I just need a girlfriend, and I will never be gay again, he said I should stop with the gay shit, basically everything he always says. So I snapped, I just couldn't control myself. I hate being dictated and robbed of my freedom and especially in front of others. So I grabbed his arm very tightly, I basically pinched his arm, and said "I am so sick of you, stop saying these fucking things, we are not alone". And he just said "so what?", but stopped talking about it.
I feel trapped. I feel like shit. I feel awful. I feel like I will never be able to be myself. My parents are STILL talking about girls, girlfriends, marriage, and me making a baby. I am so tired of everything. At the same time, they won't let me move out and I don't have the money (or a job) anyhow.
So yeah, that was my coming out. I honestly don't know why I am posting this - I need to vent.
Thank you for reading.