• Hello everybody! We have tons of new awards for the new year that can be requested through our Awards System thanks to Antifa Lockhart! Some are limited-time awards so go claim them before they are gone forever...

    CLICK HERE FOR AWARDS

Fanfiction ► transormation of my old one



REGISTER TO REMOVE ADS
Status
Not open for further replies.

NeoTwilight

New member
Joined
Apr 6, 2007
Messages
312
Location
...
tch... dying fic. please post new chappie or this will die!!
(hurry, but be descriptive.)
 

TheLastKnight

You Swear To Listen
Joined
Apr 15, 2007
Messages
2,181
Website
s9.invisionfree.com
so sorry........I haven't been able to write it out so I wrote it today! I've been busy.....with testing and everything, here it is
Chapter 2
Reploids

While Kharg and Rocket were flying in the gummi ship, Kharg asked, “You’re looking for your friends right?” “Yeah,” Rocket replied. “Well, I am looking for the king too, I saw him disappear,” Kharg said as he was flying the ship. “What happened?” asked Kharg. Rocket told him everything that happened on Destiny Islands.
“Maybe we should start looking?” Kharg asked Rocket as he was pointing to worlds.
“Perhaps we should start there,” Rocket pointed to a world that looked like it was run by robots. “Ok, we’ll go to that world,”
They land in the world. They see a man with long blonde hair, and a man in blue.
“Kya!” the man with long hair said as he slashed the robotic heartless. “Be careful here,”
“I’m Zero,” said the man with long hair. “I’m X said the blue man. “Rocket,” said Rocket as he walked closer to the tower. “I’m Kharg,” said Kharg as he followed. Rocket asked
“Have you seen a man with long hair, and he kind of has an Island like attitude? Or a girl like that?” “Or a king,” added Kharg. “Nope, sorry.” X said as he was brushing things off his shoulder. “Sorry we can’t help you out,” Zero said as he put his sword away.
“Hey, do you want to come with us,” asked X. “Sure,” said both Kharg and Rocket as they turn and face them. They walk in the tower. A guy named Shadow follows them.
Shadow introduces himself, and walks along with them. A huge pillar suddenly comes down. “Look out!” Kharg yelled. They split into two groups. Rocket had to go with Zero. Kharg went with Shadow and X. “We’ll meet up top, ok?” Zero said as he ran up the stairs with Rocket. They come across a computer that they need a password for. “Try heartless!” Rocket said. The password worked. They climb to the top floor. Shadow, X, and Kharg walked up to the top floor. “You all right?” asked X. “We are fine,” said Zero and Rocket.
Suddenly, a large hippo comes crashing through the walls. “This must be the enemy!”
Zero said, pulling his sword out. X first shoots the beast with his buster. The key shaped blade appears again. Zero, Rocket, Kharg, and Shadow all came up and slashed the beast.
Rocket comes up, and scores the finishing blow! The beast is defeated. A large beam shoots out of the beast, creating a key hole just as it did in the tree. A beam shoots out of the key shaped object, shooting the key hole. Both disappear. “Well, I guess they are not here.” Said Rocket as the blade disappears.
“Well….we should get going,” Rocket turned to Kharg. “Yeah,” Rocket replied. They walked all the way down. They boarded the gummi ship and left.


I know it's not as good as chapter 1............but, I tried

(if anyone doesn't know what game this is from, Its from "Megaman X Command Mission"
 

giuocob

New member
Joined
Nov 3, 2006
Messages
307
Age
31
Location
Cincinnati, OH
Pretty good, but you're paragraphing is horrific. Allow me to fix that for you:


Chapter 2
Reploids

While Kharg and Rocket were flying in the gummi ship, Kharg asked, “You’re looking for your friends right?”

“Yeah,” Rocket replied.

“Well, I am looking for the king too, I saw him disappear,” Kharg said as he was flying the ship. “What happened?” asked Kharg. Rocket told him everything that happened on Destiny Islands.

“Maybe we should start looking?” Kharg asked Rocket as he was pointing to worlds.

“Perhaps we should start there,” Rocket pointed to a world that looked like it was run by robots. “Ok, we’ll go to that world,”

They land in the world. They see a man with long blonde hair, and a man in blue.

“Kya!” the man with long hair said as he slashed the robotic heartless. “Be careful here,”

“I’m Zero,” said the man with long hair.

“I’m X said the blue man.

“Rocket,” said Rocket as he walked closer to the tower.

“I’m Kharg,” said Kharg as he followed.

Rocket asked “Have you seen a man with long hair, and he kind of has an Island like attitude? Or a girl like that?”

“Or a king,” added Kharg. “Nope, sorry.” X said as he was brushing things off his shoulder.

“Sorry we can’t help you out,” Zero said as he put his sword away.


“Hey, do you want to come with us,” asked X.

“Sure,” said both Kharg and Rocket as they turn and face them. They walk in the tower. A guy named Shadow follows them.

Shadow introduces himself, and walks along with them. A huge pillar suddenly comes down. “Look out!” Kharg yelled. They split into two groups. Rocket had to go with Zero. Kharg went with Shadow and X.

“We’ll meet up top, ok?” Zero said as he ran up the stairs with Rocket. They come across a computer that they need a password for.

“Try heartless!” Rocket said. The password worked. They climb to the top floor.

Shadow, X, and Kharg walked up to the top floor. “You all right?” asked X.

“We are fine,” said Zero and Rocket.

Suddenly, a large hippo comes crashing through the walls. “This must be the enemy!”
Zero said, pulling his sword out. X first shoots the beast with his buster. The key shaped blade appears again. Zero, Rocket, Kharg, and Shadow all came up and slashed the beast.
Rocket comes up, and scores the finishing blow! The beast is defeated. A large beam shoots out of the beast, creating a key hole just as it did in the tree. A beam shoots out of the key shaped object, shooting the key hole. Both disappear.

“Well, I guess they are not here.” Said Rocket as the blade disappears.

“Well….we should get going,” Rocket turned to Kharg. “Yeah,” Rocket replied. They walked all the way down. They boarded the gummi ship and left.
 

NeoTwilight

New member
Joined
Apr 6, 2007
Messages
312
Location
...
hehe... he said horrific... hehe...
Keep it comin' SK47. Fics die here like a person with cancer...

*500th posts! w00t! halfway there!*
 

TheLastKnight

You Swear To Listen
Joined
Apr 15, 2007
Messages
2,181
Website
s9.invisionfree.com
ok...........I just read it over....and in the reply box my paragraphs were fine.......but not what goes on the forums,trust me,my para's were fine when I wrote it!I'm gonna still write chap 3,but this time I will make sure the para's are fine before I let anyone read it.(half of it is written)


oh yeah, I appreciate you fixing it,but can I ask you not to do that again
srry to sound rude,I'm not meaning it like that.it looked fine,but I was trying to get it away from script style as much as I can,which means no single lines,and more book like.I don't know what happened with mine though....I swear....It was perfect in the Replybox....maybe I should just not indent next time,That might have screwed it.

Apparently, KhI doesn't like indentations
 
Last edited:

giuocob

New member
Joined
Nov 3, 2006
Messages
307
Age
31
Location
Cincinnati, OH
ok...........I just read it over....and in the reply box my paragraphs were fine.......but not what goes on the forums,trust me,my para's were fine when I wrote it!I'm gonna still write chap 3,but this time I will make sure the para's are fine before I let anyone read it.(half of it is written)


oh yeah, I appreciate you fixing it,but can I ask you not to do that again
srry to sound rude,I'm not meaning it like that.it looked fine,but I was trying to get it away from script style as much as I can,which means no single lines,and more book like.I don't know what happened with mine though....I swear....It was perfect in the Replybox....maybe I should just not indent next time,That might have screwed it.

Apparently, KhI doesn't like indentations

Yeah, that's it. Pretty much all forums cut all spaces down at the beginning of a line to nothing. Which is why it's by now commonly accepted practice for fanfics to not indent and put and space between each paragraph. Trust me, it doesn't look scrippy at all, and it's much easier to read.
 

TheLastKnight

You Swear To Listen
Joined
Apr 15, 2007
Messages
2,181
Website
s9.invisionfree.com
You learn something new everyday.I'll try not to do intentations from now on.thx

This will prob be my last FF thread,but I will make a new one with Chap1 and 2 in it.
(I will post chap 2,not the one you made,but the one I made) WITHOUT! indentations.
I still wanna know why it did that? unless I can change the title of this one!

come on!post things,other than the really screwy para's,how'd ya like it

(keep in mind,I did not mean for the para's to be that way)
 
Last edited:

SoraRoxasXIII

New member
Joined
Mar 22, 2007
Messages
69
Location
In the hearts of all my friends
Hey Shadow, sorry it took so long to for me to post in your fic.
Anyways I am enjoying it so far, just be sure to check up on your spelling and to paragraph it more neatly.
Well I cant wait to read the next chapter man.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Top